Barefoot by the Sea

Chapter Sixteen

Somehow, Tessa made it from the kitchen into the spa. Instantly soothed by the waterfall, the new age music, and the soft lighting, she collapsed on the overstuffed lounge in the waiting room.

What just happened?

In less than five seconds, Jocelyn stepped out from the back, obviously expecting a spa client, and then frowning in concern at Tessa. “You okay?”

“Define okay.”

“Breathing regularly, seeing straight, and generally aware of what day it is.”

She shook her head. “Then I’m not okay. My head is spinning, my heart is hammering, and is it day?”

Jocelyn snapped her fingers into the doorway behind her. “Zoe, get out here. Tessa’s in love.”

Tessa managed to close her eyes and open her mouth, but nothing that sounded anything like a denial came out. “Zoe, come here,” Joss repeated.

“Chill for a sec. I’m calling Lacey,” she called out. “Bring Tessa into the massage room.”

Jocelyn gave a wary look as she rounded the reception desk and reached out her hand. “Come on.”

“Intervention?”

“Emergency Fearsome Foursome meeting. In the back, Jack.”

Tessa did as she was told, knowing she’d come over here for exactly this kind of support. She let Joss lead her down the hall to the vestibule outside of the massage room, where Zoe joined them, inspecting Tessa’s face like it held clues to the deep secret of life. Then Zoe pointed and gasped, obviously finding that secret.

“Holy Hickey, Batman!” Zoe cried. “He really did tattoo you.”

Tessa slammed her hand over the still-warm spot on her neck, a heated memory of John’s demanding, relentless mouth rushing over her. “Now I have to wear turtlenecks for a week.”

“Are you kidding?” Zoe gave Tessa a playful tap on the shoulder, nudging her into the massage room. “That sucker—and I do mean sucker—is a red badge of courage. Got it on the job, too.”

“Got what on the job?” Lacey burst in, a little out of breath.

“That.” Jocelyn pointed to Tessa’s neck.

Lacey shot a brow up. “I heard there was some kind of dustup in the kitchen.”

Zoe snorted. “Apparently Tessa has given new meaning to the term ‘lunch rush.’”

“Do you mind?” Tessa glared at her.

Zoe had the good grace to back off, but Lacey stepped forward, closing the circle around Tessa. “What’s going on?”

Tessa held Lacey’s gaze for a long moment, trying to gather her thoughts into something cohesive. “John.”

It was the best she could do, and Zoe cracked up. “She’s gonzo, girls.”

“What about him?” Lacey asked softly.

“I’m…” Tessa exhaled again.

“Scared?” Lacey offered.

“Nervous?” Joss added.

“Like melted butter from the waist down?” Zoe finished.

“All of the above.” Tessa laughed, shaking her head and covering her face with her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening. So fast, so right, so…so…so…”

“Real?” Jocelyn asked.

“Is it?” Tessa countered. “Because it’s too fast. I still can’t help feeling that he’s not telling me everything. And let’s not forget the idea of a baby sent him screaming into the night.”

“But holding Elijah turned him into something that resembled this morning’s jar of baby food,” Lacey interjected.

“So why does he do a caveman drag into the pantry and kiss the living hell out of me?”

Zoe puffed out a frustrated breath. “Why do you have to question good fortune?”

“I just gave you a list of compelling reasons.”

“And we’re ignoring them,” Lacey said as they closed in around her, grabbing at her hands and squeezing her into a hug.

“It’s so wonderful to see you this happy,” Jocelyn said.

Tessa inched back for some air, touching her face as if she could feel how happy she looked. “Is this happy? Because I don’t feel happy. Well, I do, but I…” She laughed again, then let out a little scream. “He’s freaking perfect and that’s what’s wrong.”

They all looked at each other like she’d lost her mind.

“Seriously,” she insisted. “Don’t you guys think this is kind of fast and a little confusing? He even said ‘We have to move fast’ but didn’t give me any reason why.”

“So ask him.”

“I did.”

“What did he say?”

She tapped the love bite on her neck. “He’s a man of few words.” She shook her head, replaying the short, intense conversation. “Too few.”

They shared a look, smug enough to piss her off.

“Look, just because you three got lucky and met great guys doesn’t mean I automatically have the same thing happen the first time an eligible man cruises by. There are issues. And there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about handling them. Things take time, we have to get to know each other, meet families, spend months and even years learning about each other. And I don’t have that kind of time.”

One more group look made her close her eyes. “Go ahead, pass judgment on me because I don’t believe things just happen, they have to grow. You plow, you plant, you water, you wait. Then you harvest. You don’t…dig a hole and get a tomato.”

Zoe leaned back. “Who is talking about tomatoes, Tessa?”

“It can happen fast,” Lacey said. “I met Clay and wham, it wasn’t three weeks and I was completely in love. Next thing I knew I was”—she laughed and gestured around—“in this room, having his baby.”

The last word fell on the floor with a thud, and everyone got quiet.

Tessa couldn’t resist a dry snort. “And there, my friend, is the heart of the problem.”

After a long beat, Lacey said, “I still think you need to soft-pedal that a little and he’ll come around.”

Irritation blasted through her. “Soft-pedal, Lace? Did you soft-pedal your desire to build a resort when you met Clay?” She turned to Jocelyn. “And did you soft-pedal the fact that Will was taking care of the man who broke you two up in the first place?” And Zoe—

“No,” Zoe said, holding up her hand. “I didn’t soft-pedal with Aunt Pasha’s cancer, either.”

At their moment of silent consent, Tessa allowed herself her own smug look. “Then I’m not going to soft-pedal the one thing I want most in the whole world. A baby. Either he’s all in or he’s out to get laid. I don’t care which it is, but I need to know. The next time I see him, I’m going to demand he tell me exactly what he wants, when he wants it, and how he expects to get it.”

“And what if that doesn’t include a baby?” Lacey asked. “Is he automatically out of the running?”

“I guess so, because I am still planning to have one with a surrogate and a—”

Tessa’s phone chirped. They all looked expectantly at her.

“That’s probably him,” Zoe said. “He’s in the walk-in cooler waiting for more.”

Tessa gave her a stink eye. “He better not be. Cold lowers sperm count.”

They all laughed as she slipped the phone out of her pocket and checked the ID.

Maryann Bartlett, North Naples Reproductive Center.

“Speaking of sperm count, it’s the clinic.” Her insides tightened a little. “I bet they had the site visit with the surrogate. That means I can meet her next. I have to take this, guys.” She turned, walking to the door as she answered the phone. “Hey, Maryann.”

“Tessa, I’m so glad I got you.”

Outside, Tessa closed the door and sat on a cushioned seat in the vestibule. “What’s up?”

“I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

She closed her eyes and tensed. “A problem with the site visit?”

“She’s found another couple, Tessa, and they’ve visited, met her, and she’s passed every test with flying colors.”

Disappointment rose like bile. “Another couple?” she asked in a strangled voice. “How can that happen? I put a deposit on her.”

Of course she wasn’t a house you can hold off the market.

“It happened because this couple is ready to pull the trigger tomorrow.” Maryann’s tone was gentle, but that did little to quell the hot cocktail of regret and frustration. “Tessa, you’ve delayed this several times. I understand you haven’t found the right donor, but other couples are as anxious as you are. And we have plenty more candidates.”

“What if I found a donor? Today?” Her voice rose with desperation.

“It’s too late, Tessa. But I have several files for you to review. All very high quality, and I’m certain…”

The rest of her words faded away as hope crumbled into a million pieces, a feeling so familiar Tessa was almost comforted by it. The cracking of her heart, the sinking of her joy, the final pool of bitter disillusionment. She’d felt the same thing every time her body confirmed it wasn’t pregnant, month after month, year after year after year.

“Do you want to set up an appointment, Tessa? I have candidates’ files ready for you to look at.”

She shook her head, the tight fist in her throat making it impossible to speak. “No, thanks,” she rasped.

“Still no luck with a donor?” she asked.

“I need a little more time.” Even though the man she had in mind wanted to rush “everything,” he didn’t seem to want to rush that. “I’m working on it.”

“Well, Tessa, you know we have a great selection of anonymous donors and I promise you I stand behind the quality of that sperm.”

The quality of that sperm. Could it sound any less romantic? Any more brutally clinical? Any riskier?

“Good to know, Maryann. Thanks.”

She hung up and stood to go back into the room, knowing she’d get all the comfort she needed when she told her friends, which she would do right now. But nothing was going to fill the void.

As she reached for the handle, her phone chirped with a text and she almost didn’t look at it because, right that minute, nothing mattered.

But she looked anyway.

John Brown: See you at the meeting this afternoon. I can’t wait.

She couldn’t wait either. Problem was, they were both impatient for different things.