Bastian's Storm

Chapter Seven

“I don’t have a fucking choice, Raine!” I bellowed. “It’s not like I’m itching to kill people off! If I wanted to do that, there are plenty of people in this fucking building I’d like to see dead!”

Well, shit. I knew I was going to fuck this up, but part of me thought she would guess as to the nature of my meeting with Landon. None of his words had really surprised me. They weren’t expected, but as soon as they were out of his mouth, I had accepted them.

“Don’t say things like that!” she yelled back at me.

“Well, it’s fucking true!” I had already lost the focus I had managed to collect on the beach. I was full of adrenaline at this point, and I was resigned to make it all worse with my stupid mouth.

I should have stuck with the profuse apologies.

“Some of them fucking deserve it!”

“For the love of God, Bastian!” she cried. “You aren’t like that anymore!”

“I might not act on it,” I growled, “but that doesn’t stop me from feeling it. I can only control so much!”

Every word out of my mouth was compounding the situation and speeding up the hurricane rotation inside my head. It was already bad, but if you want to make the worst of a bad situation, I’m the guy to invite.

“Apparently, you can’t.” She glared at me. “So did Landon get you drunk after telling you all this? Is that why you were trashed when I got home?”

“No, he didn’t,” I said. My anger faded slightly as sheepishness seeped in. It would have been nice, in retrospect, to have been able to blame it on Landon. I should have thought about that before I said anything. She probably would have believed it, too. “I did that on my own, after he left.”

“Jesus,” she muttered. She put her face in her hands and dropped back to the edge of the couch. “You can’t do this. Not again.”

“I have to.”

“No.”

“Goddammit, Raine!” I snapped. “If I don’t fight, they’re just going to walk in here and kill us both! What do you think is going to happen to my kid then, huh? If they decide to let him live, he’ll end up a fucking crime boss someday!”

“They can’t just walk in here,” Raine argued. “We’re in a secure building. There’s a guard downstairs!”

“Seriously?” I snarled. “Do you seriously think you can sit up here and be safe from people like that? Are you that fucking stupid?”

I regretted the word immediately, but I couldn’t take it back.

Open mouth, insert entire leg. Throw a hipbone and maybe an arm in there, too.

“Is that really what you think of me?”

“Fuck…no, of course not,” I grumbled as I tried to backpedal, “but when you say shit like that…well, it’s just not how it works. They can do whatever they want. That’s kind of the point. Besides, one of them has already been here.”

“What do you mean? Who’s been here?”

Ah shit. That wasn’t supposed to come out.

I tried to brush it off, but she wasn’t having any of that. I finally told her about the other day when I had the feeling someone had been there. Seeing the fear in her eyes centered me, calmed me, and I remembered how much focus I was going to have to maintain for any of this to come out well in the end.

If I lost focus, I was going to lose her.

“I don’t know who,” I told her, “but considering what Landon said, any doubts I had are gone. It could have been anyone from Franks’ group or even one of the other tournament players from the other mob organizations.”

“You really mean it,” Raine said. She wrapped her arms around herself and curled up into the corner of the couch as if that would somehow protect her from what was going on. “You’re really going to do this.”

I shoved myself off the couch and onto the floor. I knelt in front of her and placed my hands over her thighs. I hated seeing her so frightened, and though I needed her to understand there wasn’t a choice, I also needed her to know she was safe as long as she was with me and I followed every order they gave me.

“I have to do it,” I said for the hundredth time. “I don’t want to, baby—I have to. Nothing fucking matters more to me than you, and I’m not risking you.”

Her eyes grew wider as she stared at me.

“We could run away,” she suggested.

I didn’t have to respond. I could tell she didn’t believe it even as she said it. She was grasping—trying to find something to hold on to, something I might not have considered already, but there was nothing. I shook my head slowly.

“There’s nowhere to run.”

“There has to be another way.”

“There’s no other way, baby. I have to keep you safe, and if that means I have to fight, then I’m going to fight. I’ve done it plenty of times before. It’ll be simple.”

“Wait until you actually complete the task before you evaluate its simplicity,” Raine muttered.

“What?”

She shook her head.

“Something I heard from a professor.” She wouldn’t look at me, and strangely enough, I knew why.

Raine had never lied to me before, not about anything. Still, I knew she was covering something up. I rose up on my knees to look her straight in the face.

“Where did you really hear it?” I questioned.

Raine bit down on her lip and fiddled with her fingers before answering.

“A group meeting,” she admitted.

“What kind of group?”

With a tightened jaw, she finally looked into my eyes.

“It’s a support group for people living with alcoholics,” she said. “I don’t have a study group on Tuesday nights; I go to that group instead.”

She’d been telling me she was at a study group every week for the last couple of months and had apparently been lying to me about it the whole time. The revelation had taken me aback to the point where I didn’t know what to think, let alone respond.

What had she heard at this group? Was this organization trying to help people get away from people like me or how to live with us?

Pressure built up inside of me again.

“So, what?” I asked. “They tell you how to deal with people like me? Help you get away from me?”

“No,” she said. “I mean, yes, they sometimes talk about that, but that’s not why I went. I just thought they could help me understand you better.”

“Did it help?”

“Honestly, no,” she said. “I was hoping that it would, but it really hasn’t. It’s mostly people trying to one-up each other on who has had the roughest life. There were a few helpful things, and some really nice people, but no. Dealing with you is rather…unique.”

I let out a short laugh.

“I bet. You mean I’m a bigger asshole than the other alcoholics?”

“No,” she said, “you’ve got a better reason for it.”

I thought about that for a minute. Maybe I did have a good reason, and maybe I didn’t. Considering all the crazy shit in my past, she could probably top a big-ass cake with my stories, except she couldn’t tell anything to anyone.

She did realize that, didn’t she?

“You…you didn’t actually tell anyone…” I trailed off.

“No,” Raine confirmed, “of course not.”

Thank fucking God.

As I thought about it, I realized what a shit position I put her in. At least those other people had a place where they could vent—a place to explain what was happening with their lives, but Raine had nothing. She couldn’t tell people about me at all, which meant she had no one to confide in. Lindsay didn’t even know about all the shit in the past. Sure, she knew what had been revealed on television, but that iceberg could take out a fleet of Titanics.

I’m such a shit.

I stared at her as she went on.

“Knowing your reasons doesn’t mean I condone what you did,” Raine said. “I’m still mad about you getting drunk. I understand, though. I’m kind of wanting a drink myself right now.”

“I know,” I said with a nod. I was actually a little relieved to be back on the topic of drinking, considering everything else that still had to be said. “It’s not like I’m happy about it or anything—I feel like a total shithead. I don’t know what else to say about it. I fucked up. I won’t do it again. I can’t do it again.”

“Why not?”

My chest tightened.

“You’ll leave me,” I said. I felt pressure behind my eyes to go along with the tightness inside my chest. “I could tell when I saw you last night. If…if you did that, well, I’d still fight, but I’d probably lose. There wouldn’t be a fucking point to winning.”

“What about your son?”

I thought about my words for a second before responding, but all the revelations I had at the beach were still clear in my mind.

“It wouldn’t matter anymore,” I admitted. “I already knew he was out there. I already knew he was in that family. Without you, nothing else would matter to me anymore, not even him.”

“I don’t know how I feel about that,” she said quietly. “You should care about him.”

“I do,” I said. “Fuck, he’s the main reason I got drunk. I haven’t even seen a picture or anything, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. That and the whole tournament thing…I just couldn’t deal with it all.”

“And now you can?”

“No,” I admitted. I tried to compose myself again. “But when I saw your face last night…shit.”

I could feel myself putting up shields, trying to protect that inner core deep inside of me that knew I should let her go; she’d be better off. This whole situation was further proof being around me was dangerous and ultimately not in her best interest. I’d said it many times, and though she assured me over and over that I was worthy, it was still easy to forget.

Focus.

“I know I can’t do that again,” I said. “Fuck, I thought you were going to leave. I was so fucking sure of it.”

The pressure that had been building throughout the conversation reached a threshold, and I lost it. I launched myself at her, no longer able to tolerate any distance between us. Raine gasped as I grabbed her and pulled her against me.

“I can’t lose you!”

“I’m right here,” she said. She moved her arms around me and returned my embrace.

“I’m sorry…I won’t ever do it again,” I promised. “I’ll get us through this. I’ll keep you safe—I swear!”

“Oh, Bastian,” she said.

Raine pressed her lips to my forehead, and I turned quickly to capture them with my own. It was just a brief kiss, and as soon as we parted, I looked into her eyes.

“I can’t be without you, Raine,” I said. “I love you so fucking much, the thought tears me up. It makes me want to destroy everything in here, because if you left, every fucking thing in here would remind me of you. None of it would matter anymore because you are my fucking world.”

“I’m not going,” she said. She brought her hand up to my face and stroked my cheek. “I’m still here. I’m not happy about what happened, but I’m not leaving you. I love you, Bastian. That hasn’t changed.”

“I didn’t fuck it up?” I asked, needy asshole that I was. I needed to hear her say it again.

“You did mess up,” she said, “but I understand why you did it. Everyone’s allowed to make a single mistake. To be totally honest, I was pretty surprised you made it this long.”

I wondered if that’s what her support group had said—that I was probably going to drink again and that it was just a matter of time. I wanted to be pissed about it, but the evidence was on their side.

“One time,” I said quietly. “Never again.”

“I can put up with this one mistake,” she confirmed. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to tolerate this happening repeatedly.”

“We’re okay?” Damn my need for reassurance, but I had to hear it. I had to hear it again and again because there was still the child deep inside of me that knew—just knew—he wasn’t wanted. Not by her, not by anyone else, and not under any circumstances. No matter how perfect the man-child tried to be, no one would ever want him.

“I love you,” she said again. “We’re fine.”

The tension inside of me snapped. I brought her face back to mine and fought with myself to be gentle. I wanted to hold her so tightly that she could never get away from me. I wanted to possess her completely and know that she was mine and mine alone.

Instantly, I needed her. I needed her if I was ever going to get through any of this fucked-up mess called my life. She was my salvation, and I had to feel the physical affirmation of her forgiveness.

I kissed her slowly at first, but as everything that was piled up in my head threatened to resurface, I expelled the energy into her. I traced her lips with my tongue, grabbed at her bottom lip with my teeth, and pressed her body against the couch. Her hands came up under my arms and gripped my lower back through my shirt as she groaned into my mouth.

“I fucking need you,” I growled. “Now.”

Raine gripped the bottom of my shirt with her fingers and pulled it up over my head in response. I grabbed at my belt and struggled to pull it open as she removed her tank top and unhooked her bra. As soon as I saw her tits, my belt was forgotten. I went for her nipples and sucked one of them into my mouth and circled the other with my hand. I brushed over her nipple with my thumb as Raine moaned softly.

With my shorts only partially undone, my cock pressed painfully against the zipper, trying to get free but failing. I was too busy wanting to touch every part of her, stroke her skin, and attack her mouth with mine to even care. I managed to kick my shoes off as I shifted her so she was lying lengthwise on the couch and went back to her nipples.

Raine moved her hands down my back, sliding them lower until she reached my ass. She grabbed it with both hands and pulled my hardened cock against her leg. She pressed her thigh up against me and groaned.

“I want you,” she said. She took my face in her hands and pressed her mouth to mine. “Please—take me to bed.”

No argument there.

I lifted her from the couch, my cock still only partially freed from my shorts, and carried her bridal-style into the bedroom. I tossed Raine on the end of the bed, grabbed at the yoga pants still covering her legs, and ripped them off of her. I grasped her ankles as I crawled onto the bed and then maneuvered them over my shoulders as I looked up at her.

All else was forgotten for the sake of the moment, the need for her, the lust. The raw desire to watch her come undone due to my actions overwhelmed all thoughts of the turmoil ahead of us.

Her mouth opened slightly, and her eyes darkened as I moved in. I pressed my open mouth to the inside of her right thigh as I slid my hand up the left one. I didn’t go too close—not yet. I loved to watch her squirm.

And squirm she did.

“Please…Bastian…”

“Please what?” I teased as I kissed up her thigh, getting closer and closer without ever hitting the mark. I kissed up over her pubic bone and then over to the other side. “You want something?”

“Ughhh…”

I snickered, kissed the very edge of where her leg met her core, and then hummed against her skin.

“You want a kiss, baby?” I purred. “You want to feel my tongue all over your clit? ‘Cause I’ll give it to you.”

“Yes…please!”

“You want it here?” I pressed my lips off to one side and then the other. “Or maybe here?”

I missed the mark every time, and she started trying to twist her hips to where she wanted my mouth, but I held her in place.

“No you don’t,” I scolded playfully. “I don’t think you’re ready yet.”

“I am…I am…”

“Not yet…”

Using the back of my fingernail, I scraped the skin of the inside of her thigh, right up to the very peak. I followed the motion with open-mouthed kisses as she continued to twist below me. I could smell how much she wanted it, and my cock throbbed where it lay trapped between me and the mattress, begging for attention, but I wasn’t going to give into that just yet.

Her first.

Always.

Finally, when she really didn’t seem able to stand any more, I slipped my tongue right against her hole and licked from bottom to top. She lurched, almost sat straight up, and then dropped back to the bed.

I couldn’t help but smile.

I circled her clit with my tongue as I brought my hand around into position. Tracing lightly, I explored her with my fingers as I used my tongue against her apex. She shuddered, and I felt her hands against my head, trying to pull me forward for more friction.

This time, I relented.

“You are going to come so hard, people on the beach are gonna hear you,” I promised.

I could see her chest rise and fall with her breaths, but she didn’t say anything in response. Her eyes said it all—dark, hooded, and full of desire.

I slid a finger inside of her, pulled back, and then inserted two. Moving them in and out of her slowly, I went to work with my tongue. I circled, licked, and hummed against her clit as I used my fingers to curl up and press inside her body.

Raine’s thighs pressed against the side of my head, and she dug her fingers into my scalp in the most fantastic way as I pressed harder with my tongue. My lips closed around her, and I sucked hard as she started screaming my name.

Beautiful fucking music.

Releasing her legs from my shoulders, I reached down and pushed my shorts and boxers the rest of the way off as I crawled up over her. Finally free of my clothes, I kissed up the center of her body and between her tits until I reached her neck. I sucked gently at her skin as I positioned myself and thrust forward.

My cock found its sanctuary, and the sensation rocketed through my entire body. I felt as if I had been hit with a sledgehammer. It wasn’t the physical feeling of joining with her that struck me, but the sudden, intense realization of where my true focus resided.

Inside of her.

Find the focal point and tie yourself to it.

I’d always thought of Landon’s words as meaning something inside of myself, and maybe at one point it had been, but that had shifted. Like everything else in my life, it all changed when Raine became a part of it. She made me a person who could be loved and forgiven. She made me the kind of man I might have been if I hadn’t been so fucked up early on in life. She took me for who I was—flaws and all—and made me better with nothing more than her acceptance of me.

She was life.

There was nothing –absolutely nothing—I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. I’d kill anyone, destroy any organization, and fight a fucking mountain if that’s what it would take to keep her with me, safe and happy. I’d never touch another drink again. I’d be nice to her friends, and I’d give her the fucking world if that’s what she wanted.

Her body encompassed my cock, and her very being encompassed my soul. I cried out, not in pain or even in orgasm, but from an epiphany. It was an ecstasy beyond any true comprehension, but it was more real to me than any feeling I had ever experienced.

Beyond love, beyond life.

I moved slowly in the beginning with a gentle rocking as her hands found my back and gripped my skin. She looked up at me, and inside her eyes, I found everything I would ever need. She ran her hand up to the back of my head and pulled me to her, capturing my mouth and kissing me deeply.

Sliding in and out of her, faster and faster, the bed shifted under the motion and the headboard slammed into the wall. The rhythmic thumping only caused me to thrust harder, reveling in the sound as it mixed with her cries.

“Oh…God…Bastian!” Raine brought her legs up around my ass, clenching me to her and pulling me further in. Her head was pressed back against the pillow, and she squeezed her eyes shut as incomprehensible sounds flowed from her mouth.

She was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, and the vision spurred me on.

The headboard slammed into the wall over and over again, drowning out Raine’s cries. I didn’t let up even as I felt her release, and she dropped against the mattress. I kept at it, and sweat started running between my shoulder blades.

My back arched as I shoved into her and held there, unloading inside of her and crying out at the ceiling. I felt her legs tighten around my hips as she held our bodies together for a final few second before I collapsed on top of her.

Best workout all week.

My body gave one last shudder as I lay on top of her, breathing heavily and trying to keep my heart from bursting through my chest. Raine was shaking, and for a moment I thought it was because of another orgasm, but then I realized she was crying.

“Raine?” I pushed up with my arms until I could look down at her. Tears ran down her face, and she brought up her hand to wipe them away before she reached up and pulled me against her, tucking her forehead against my body.

“I don’t know how to deal with this!” Raine sobbed against my chest. “What are we going to do?”

I wrapped my arms around her and rolled so I wasn’t crushing her. I got her up on top of me and stroked her hair away from her face.

“Shhh,” I said. “It’s all right, baby. I’m going to make it all right. I swear I will.”

“You don’t know that!” she cried. “You can’t know that! You could die…oh my God, Bastian, they could kill you!”

I closed my eyes and squeezed her tighter.

“Not gonna happen,” I said. “I don’t want to do it. You know I don’t, but I can, and I will. I’ll win this tournament. No one’s going to take me down.”

I hoped I sounded convincing.

“You don’t know that,” she said again. “Bastian, you can’t promise that!”

I untwisted my arms from around her and took her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.

“I can,” I told her as I stared into her deep, brown eyes. “I can fucking promise you that! I’m going to do this, and I’m going to fucking win. I never lose, Raine—never. I did it for the fucking money before. Do you really think I won’t win when it’s you and my kid on the line? No one will fucking touch me. No one. I’ll wipe them out in the first day, you hear me?”

Tears fell to her cheeks again, but she nodded.

“You understand me?” I asked.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Bastian…”

“Shhh.” I released her face and embraced her again. I kissed the top of her head as I held her, and she clung to my shoulders. Her audible cries stopped, but I could still feel her tears on my skin.

“If anything happens to you,” she said, “if you get hurt, or…or…”

“I’m going to be fine,” I repeated.

“Not if something happens to you,” she argued. “I’d die.”

“Nothing will happen to me,” I said. “Not you, either.”

She let out a long breath, and the air tickled my skin. I felt her relax against me, and I tilted my head to kiss her gently on the side of her face.

“I’ve got you,” I whispered against her cheek.

Eventually her breathing evened out, and I knew she had fallen asleep on me, emotionally exhausted. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out how I was going to make good on my promise to her. I had meant every word of it, but I also knew this would be like no other tournament I had fought before. It wasn’t money or my reputation on the line—it was Raine and my son. She was my world, and now, so was my son. I wanted him to be a part of it, too.

Alex.

I had to win. There was no question about it. I couldn’t even entertain the possibility of another outcome. To win, I was going to have to know exactly what I was up against. I had to know each and every one of my opponents, what they were capable of, their weaknesses, and exactly what I needed to do to defeat every last one of them.

I needed to do some research.

The decision was made. At least for now, I had to prepare myself to fight.