Baumgartner Generations: Janie

CHAPTER NINE

“Absolutely not.” TJ stood over Ronnie’s hospital bed, obdurate. “You are not still going.”

“Yes I am,” she replied calmly, peeling off another layer of orange Jell-O with her spoon. “The doctor says I can fly during the second trimester.” TJ swore, turning and yanking the curtain out of the way, storming out the door.

“He’ll be back,” Ronnie said, glancing over to where I sat, Josh beside me, holding tight to my hand.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea?” I asked. “I mean, Ronnie, you practically bled to death!”

“Oh don’t exaggerate. You sound like TJ.” She rolled her eyes, putting the Jell-O on her tray. “I lost a few cups of blood. Having placenta previa isn’t the end of the world-it just means I’ll have to have another c-section. It’s not that big of a deal.” I blinked at her and then looked at Josh. He shrugged.

“So this placenta premium thing… what is it again?” I asked with a sigh.

“It just means the placenta implanted over my cervix,” she replied.

The doctor had explained, after they’d done all their tests-what an amazing relief it had been to see the baby, tiny but moving, a little heartbeat flickering on the ultrasound machine—but I didn’t understand how someone could lose that much blood and still be fine.

“It happens sometimes,” she went on, eating Jell-O. “And it’s early yet-the placenta can move.”

“It can… move?” I looked at her, doubtful.

“Think of the uterus like a balloon,” she explained. “The placenta-that’s the part that feeds the baby, where the umbilical cord is connected, you know that, right?” I nodded.

“If the placenta is here, at the bottom of the balloon, it covers the opening, and there’s no way for the baby to get out.”

Josh interjected, “Without massive blood loss and fetal and maternal death, anyway.”

“Right.” Ronnie made a face at him and he smiled. “But, if a balloon is blown-up only part way, and there’s something here at the bottom of it, and then you blow it up as big as it can go.” She used her hands to demonstrate, making her ‘air balloon’ bigger.

“Whatever was down here may have moved up out of the way of the opening.” I was still doubtful, and like TJ, would have rather erred on the side of caution. “I still don’t know if flying to Georgia next month is a good idea.”

“I don’t see why not. I’ll still be in my second trimester. Honestly, aside from this bleeding thing, I’ve been feeling great.” She gave me a big, bright fake smile to prove it and I couldn’t help laughing.

“Well, the doctor did give you some restrictions,” Josh reminded her.

“I can be on partial bed rest here or there.” She waved that one away, using her spoon to get the last bit of orange stuff out of the container. “And the sex thing… well, that sucks… but it’s only for a few more months…”

She frowned, looking at the door, as if she expected TJ to walk back through it.

She was confident he was coming back, but I wasn’t so sure. I’d seen his face in the shower when he talked about her pregnancy with Beth, how frightened he’d been.

Josh stood and walked over to her bed side. “I think your husband is just really scared. He’s afraid of losing you.”

“I am, too.” I came to stand next to Josh, taking his hand.

“I’m not dying—I’m just pregnant!” she exclaimed, exasperated.

“But can you see it from his perspective?” Josh cocked his head at her, raising an eyebrow. “Imagine for a minute that you’d come in to find him on the kitchen floor covered in blood.”

She was quiet, looking at the door where TJ had disappeared. “I guess, when you put it that way…”

And just like that, TJ appeared in the doorway, still frowning. He grumbled, “The nurse is coming in with your discharge papers,” not moving from where he leaned against the door frame.

“TJ, come here.” Ronnie held her hand out to him. He scowled at her, grudgingly moving toward the bed. “Come here,” she insisted, grabbing his hand as he came closer, so he was right next to her.

She put her arms around his neck, making him bend down to hear her, but she said it loud enough for me to hear, too. “Baby, I’m so sorry you were scared.” TJ wrapped his arms around her, and as I watched, he sank down, putting his head in her lap, his shoulders shaking with sobs.

Josh’s eyes met mine and we slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind us. He held my hand as we walked a little ways down the hallway and then he stopped, pulling me into his arms, and just like TJ, I burst into tears.

Josh murmured into my ear, the words unimportant, stroking my hair and back as I cried in his arms. Nurses and doctors and even patients passed us, not even looking twice. There were few places left in the world where they were used to the gamut of human emotion, but this was one of them.

“I was so scared.” I clung to him, seeing I’d stained his shirt with tears.

“I know.” He kissed the top of my head. “So was I.”

“You sure didn’t show it.” I looked up, surprised.

He shrugged. “I’m good under pressure.”

“I can’t believe she still wants to go.” I wiped my eyes.

“I really don’t think it will hurt anything. It might actually do her some good, let her relax. And it’s a short flight.” He snapped his fingers, his eyes brightening. “I’ve got an idea.”

“What?”

He winked. “Let me make a few calls and then I’ll tell you.”

“My man of mystery.” I kissed him softly.

“Are you really okay?” His eyes searched mine. “I thought you might faint there for a minute when you were on the phone…”

“It felt like it.” I shivered. “She’s…” How could I possibly describe what Ronnie meant to me? Now wasn’t the time or place, I decided. “She’s like family to me.” He hugged me, long and hard. “Well, I guess it will be up to you and TJ now to make sure she rests easy.”

“I guess so.” I sighed. “Josh, I was thinking…”

“Uh oh.” He waggled his eyebrows. “That can only mean trouble.”

I slapped his arm playfully. “I was wondering if you might want to come with us to Georgia? I talked to my mother and she said there’s plenty of room.” He looked at me in surprise. “Whoa-taking me home to meet the parents?”

“Well, secondarily, I guess.” I smiled. “Mostly I just don’t want to be away from you for a week.”

He grinned, sliding his hands down to my lower back. “I know. I’m irresistible.”

“You are,” I agreed, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“When is it?”

“Second week in July.”

He nodded, kissing my cheek. “I’ll clear my schedule.”

“Really?” My eyes brightened and I kissed him

I didn’t even think about the fact that I hadn’t told anyone else, aside from my mother, until TJ came out of the hospital room, pushing Ronnie in a wheelchair. What were they going to think, I wondered, when I told them I’d invited Josh? And how was I going to tell Josh about my relationship with them?

“Can’t you walk?” I asked as they came closer and we started heading toward the elevator.

“Hospital policy.” Ronnie rolled her eyes. She glanced up at TJ. “Did you call a cab?”

“I’ll drive you.” Josh pushed the down arrow button for the elevator.

“Hey.” Ronnie grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He looked down at her, smiling quizzically, and she said, “Thanks. For everything.” He nodded, his eyes softening. “It was the least I could do.”

“Can you do one more little thing?” Ronnie asked as TJ pushed her into the elevator.

“Sure,” Josh replied, seeing we were all in before pressing the button to close the doors.

“Can you stop on the way at Emack and Bolio’s?” She grinned up at him. “I’m sooo craving some of that Purple Cow ice cream. “

I laughed. “You’re gonna get as big as a house.”

“So I’ll be fat and happy.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

Josh laughed, squeezing my hand. “It’s not a bad way to go.”

I came in from dropping Beth at day camp, kicking off my shoes in the kitchen, already thinking about sleep. I was so tired. I talked to Josh way too late every night, and now that Ronnie pretty much had to stay prone as much as possible, I had to get up with Beth to make her breakfast and get her off to camp.

Sometimes I wished they would just let her stay home, but Ronnie said she wanted to keep her stimulated. Between six weeks of day camp, two weeks of sleep-away music camp, and two more weeks of swimming lessons, I figured the kid was probably over-stimulated, but she didn’t complain.

I was spending my time entertaining Ronnie during the day now. Since we couldn’t go anywhere, we watched chick flicks and cried a lot. Not that Ronnie wouldn’t cry anyway-she was so emotional lately she burst into tears at commercials. We also played Yahtzee and lots of card games like Cribbage, Gin and Five-Hundred. But that meant I wasn’t getting any writing done, and when I wasn’t writing, I got cranky.

And if I’d thought having Gretchen around was going to help, I was wrong. She was gone most of the time, either working or hanging out with Catherine. But when I heard her voice coming from the living room, I perked up. Maybe I could actually go sleep for a few hours!

“I don’t know.” Ronnie was sitting up on her elbow on the sofa, talking to Gretchen, who sat in the plush chair next to the TV. “I honestly don’t think TJ isn’t going to survive four months without sex.”

“Sure he will.” Gretchen scoffed. “His hands work, don’t they?” I couldn’t help but laugh at that and Ronnie looked over at me, smiling. “Hey, there’s Janie. Well, at least he has you, right?”

I gave her a half-smile, sitting in the other plush chair, but my stomach lurched at her words. Of course, I loved her and I loved TJ, too. And I’d moved in with them, knowing I was going to be their lover. But this was different somehow.

“But what about you?” Gretchen asked Ronnie, grabbing a handful of the baby carrots Ronnie had been snacking on.

“I know lots of aphrodisiacs.” Ronnie sighed. “But what do you do to suppress your libido?”

“Become a nun?” Gretchen suggested, grinning. “Honestly, I’d help him out, but I think I’m officially seeing someone.”

“Who?” Ronnie asked, perking up. I looked between them, realizing Gretchen hadn’t told her about Catherine yet.

“I met her at 1 Oak when I went with Janie,” Gretchen said. “Well, actually, we originally met out in California a few months ago when she did a shoot with me, but since she lived in New York, and I lived there…”

“Catherine,” I breathed. Ronnie looked between both of us, frowning, and I knew she hadn’t quite made the connection.

“I called Carrie to see if they could squeeze someone else into the cabin,” Gretchen said, smiling. “She’s coming with us.”

Oh my god. I couldn’t breathe. What now? I’d already invited Josh.

“Oh, hey, I may be out of your hair soon, too.” Gretchen grinned. “She told me I could stay with her until I find a place.”

“Isn’t this kind of fast?” Ronnie looked at me and I shrugged.

“Well, we had a thing, back in California…” Gretchen said. “She spent a few weeks out there.”

I wondered if Gretchen knew that Catherine was still married-to the man I happened to be dating. And had already invited to come with us. There was only one way to find out. I had to take the plunge some time, right?

“I invited Josh.” I blurted it out and waited for a response.

“Yeah, I know,” Gretchen replied, crunching carrots. “Cat said he called her, something about chartering a plane?”

I gaped at her. So that was his big idea!

Ronnie smiled at me. “Looks like we’ll be one big happy family,” she said, and I think she really believed it.

“Janie.” TJ whispered my name in the dark. My bedroom door snicked shut quietly and I rolled over, barely awake, to see the shadow of him standing over my bed.

“What?” I whispered, sitting up. “Is Ronnie okay?”

“Shhhh.” He climbed into bed beside me wearing just his boxers. “She’s fine. I just… I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh.” I sighed. “So she doesn’t know you’re here.”

His hand slid across my bare belly-I had taken to sleeping nude lately, what with all the late night phone calls with Josh. I glanced over at the clock—it was four in the morning. I’d just hung up the phone with him an hour ago.

“Let’s make it our little secret.” His hand moved to cup my breast.

I remembered what Ronnie had said—at least he has you. But I didn’t want this, not like this.

“No, TJ,” I whispered, moving his hand away. “You should go back to bed.”

“I want you so much, Janie.” He leaned in to capture my nipple, his aim incredibly accurate. I gasped as he began to suck and lick it. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” I felt my body giving in when his hand moved down under the covers, caressing my mound, rocking there.

Still, I tried. “We have to get up early.”

“Let’s make it quick then.” He kissed me, his tongue playing with mine. “I just need you tonight. Please.” His breath was warm against my face, his fingers sliding into me, his palm working against my clit. “Let me.” His mouth trailed down my neck, making me squirm. “Let me have you.”

I moaned softly when he guided my hand between his legs, finding him hard and beyond ready. He made a little noise in his throat when I petted him through his boxers, feeling his heated length. When I slid my hand inside, gripping him, he moaned, his fingers making wet, squishy sounds as he fingered me under the covers.

“Oh Janie.” He thrust against the tug of my hand. “That’s so good.” He pulled his fingers out of my pussy and I whimpered, but he smeared that wetness over my nipple, making it harden, and then licked it off. I wanted him now and he knew it. I couldn’t help myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t think of Josh-I did. But my body betrayed me, arching under TJ as he climbed on top of me, and I even helped him pull off his boxers and gripped his ass as he traced his cock up and down my slit.

“I have to fuck you.” He was rocking, already thrusting, though he wasn’t even in me yet. The head of his cock tickled deliciously against my clit. “Please, baby. Put it in.”

“TJ,” I murmured, but there was no going back now. I couldn’t refuse him.

Instead, I reached down to find him, aim him, guide him. He gave a low moan and shuddered when I shifted, telling him with my hips that I was ready. His cock slid into me easily, sending a sweet wave of pleasure through me. I clung to him.

“Oh baby, you feel so good,” he whispered against my mouth, kissing me, licking and nibbling at my lips. “Oh god, your sweet little cunt!”

“You’re so hard,” I cried as he thrust, deep and long at first, matching his breath, and then shallow and fast, making me bite my lip and wrap myself around him, arms and legs both.

“Come for me, Janie,” he begged, his full weight on me now, his hips grinding.

“Oh god, I can’t wait. Your pussy is so fucking hot!”

“It’s okay.” I squeezed him with the muscles of my cunt, making him groan and buck. He buried his face in my hair, his breath hot, panting in my ear, his cock driving me into the bed.

“Arrrrggggh!” He gave a strangled cry, trying to stay quiet, as he shuddered against me, his fingers digging into my shoulders. He came inside me, I felt it, his cock pulsing. Then his thrusts began to slow as he kissed my neck and the tops of my breasts while I cradled his head against my chest.

“You didn’t come,” he murmured.

I shrugged, “Don’t worry about it.”

Some crazy part of me was justifying this because I hadn’t-as if that made it somehow okay or better.

“Oh Janie,” he whispered, rubbing his cheek over the soft swell of my cleavage.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

I stiffened. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.” He sounded sad and I stroked his hair, short, baby fine and soft at the nape of his neck, so different from Josh’s curls. “You’re so obviously in love with him.”

“I can’t help it.” I told him the same thing I’d told Catherine.

“I know.” He sighed. “He’s a good guy.”

“He is,” I agreed, kissing the top of his head. “And so are you.”

“Are you going to tell him?” TJ asked. “Or are you just going to end things with us?”

I startled, blinking up at the ceiling. “I… don’t know.”

“He may understand.” TJ was beside me now, tracing circles around my navel.

“But he’s going to want you to himself. After Catherine, I don’t blame him.” I felt tears prick my eyes. “I don’t either.”

“We’ve been so lucky to have you.” He kissed my belly now, his breath warm.

“To love you. So very lucky.”

“I’m lucky, too.”

His cheek rested against my tummy, his hand moving, soft and easy, just stroking my skin lightly, over my thighs.

“You know, when we started this thing, I thought it would be great, something to add to our sex life-I knew Ronnie liked being with women and missed it. But then you came along, and just… you stole my heart, Janie.”

His words made me want to cry and I fought my tears, swallowing hard. “How can you give your heart to more than one person?”

He hugged my hips. “You can love a million people at once. I love Ronnie, but I love you, too. Just like I love Beth, and I’ll love this little baby that’s on the way just as much.”

“So I can love you and Josh, too?” I whispered, feeling tears slip, hot and wet, down my temples, falling onto my pillow.

“Of course you can.”

“Because I do,” I admitted, closing my eyes against it even as I said the words. “I love you, TJ.”

His lips were soft on my belly, a tender acknowledging kiss. “I know.”

“But…” I struggled with this next bit as tears slipped past my temples in rivers now. “But I don’t know if I can have you both…even if I love you both.” He squeezed me, hard. “I know.”