CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

KOLDO TUGGED HIMSELF from the darkness and into the light. Though he was paralyzed, his mind blank, he wasn’t unaware. He felt gentle hands stroking over him, easing the stings that plagued him. The moment the stroking stopped, a wave of anger stormed through him, giving him the strength he needed to jolt into mobility.

He opened his eyes, but his vision was hazed. Blink, blink. Bit by bit, things began to clear. Blink, blink. He saw the glint of a knife. Saw a female stretch that knife toward him, aiming for his neck.

His mother. His mother had escaped, was here, was determined to kill him while he was too vulnerable to fight back.

Growling from the depths of his being, he lashed out, hitting the knife and the arm that held it. A feminine moan of pain filled his ears.

A moan he recognized. Not his mother’s.

Nicola?

He tried to sit up, the gentle hands suddenly replaced by strong calloused ones, applying more pressure to push him down.

“He didn’t mean to hurt me,” the woman said.

Yes, Nicola. His Nicola.

Had she been speaking to him? Or was someone else in the room?

Of course someone else was in the room. The hands that restrained him belonged to a male. He recalled his father’s threats against Nicola....

Koldo fought against the one keeping him in place. He managed to get his fingers wrapped around hard steel bands—arms? He tossed with all of his strength. There was a crash, a cloud of plaster in the air.

“Easy now,” a male said.

Another voice he recognized. Not his father. But it wasn’t Nicola, so he didn’t care. Koldo wanted to get to her, and would do anything to succeed. He punched and punched and punched, until finally the male stopped trying to subdue him and started fighting back. But Koldo quickly got hold of something soft—feathers—and ripped.

A howl rent the air.

A soft weight landed on Koldo. He reached up to dislodge it, but caught Nicola’s sweet scent.

“Calm down,” she said, fingers brushing over his jawline. “You have to calm down now. All right?”

“Safe?”

“You’re safe. I’m safe. We’re at your home in Panama.”

Trusting her, he relaxed against the mattress, wound his arms around her and held her close, breathing her in, savoring the scent of cinnamon and vanilla.

“I have a bald patch now,” one of the males said. Axel. “Do you know how bad that sucks?”

“I have a broken spine,” the other growled. Malcolm.

“Like you’ve really got it worse. You might never walk again, but at least you look pretty.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

“I think you’re about to get a dagger in your gut.”

Footsteps. Two sets, receding from the room. Malcolm must not have lost the ability to walk, after all.

“Stay,” Koldo said to Nicola.

“I will,” she whispered. “Rest now.”

Unable to deny her anything, he sank back into the darkness.

* * *

SHARDS OF LIGHT penetrated his consciousness. Koldo was glad, even though the light was accompanied by pain. He was used to pain. But the moment he worked his way to full consciousness, where Nicola’s voice soothed and delighted, he was tugged back into the waiting darkness.

How much time passed, he wasn’t sure.

The light tried again, lifting him up, higher and higher.

“—you’re sure he’s not marrying her?” Nicola asked.

“Positive,” Axel replied.

“But he doesn’t lie.”

“He wasn’t lying.”

“Argh! How can that be?”

“Ask him.”

Darkness.

Light.

“—and all of these Sent Ones have been showing up to check on you. I’ve been cooking for them, and I’m getting better.” A soft chuckle caressed his ears. “There’s never a crumb left, and I...”

The volume was cranked down before she could finish, the darkness returning.

No! No, he wanted to hear her words...everything she had to say....

The next time the light made an appearance, he heard, “I’m learning the most interesting things about you. You used to have hair, but then, one day, fairly recently, in fact, you didn’t. You used to not talk very much at all. Magnus said the words had to be yanked out of you with pliers, but now you talk more than is wise. Their words, not mine. Elandra says you’re fond of shopping for bras and panties. I’m pretty sure she was joking.”

He gritted his teeth and, with an internal roar, tore the rope binding him to all that darkness.

His eyelids flipped open.

Unlike the first time, there was no haze. He saw Nicola sitting beside him, her features smooth rather than bathed in worry as she looked down, her hair caught up and gleaming, her clothes neat and tidy. And she utterly took his breath away.

He smacked his lips together, tasting mint. She must have brushed his teeth for him. Though his arm was weak, shaky, he managed to reach up and pinch the ends of her hair. She gasped in surprise and met his gaze. He lost his breath all over again. Those eyes...a summer storm, heat rising, steaming up the flower gardens.

“You’re awake.” She leaned over him to flatten her palm against his brow. “And your fever is gone.”

The position pressed her body against his, delighting him. Then she settled back into place, ending the contact, annoying him.

“How long have I been out?” he asked, a rough quality to his voice. He took stock. He was naked, a sheet draped over his middle.

“Three days.”

Once again, he’d lost three days to his father. He remembered...fighting the Nefas and the demons, winning when the Sent Ones arrived, but not being able to flash away. Had the ability returned? He wanted to try, but didn’t want to leave Nicola. More than that, he knew it would be better to wait until he was stronger. If he failed right now, just because he was weak and hadn’t fully fought off the poison, he would waste precious time and energy fretting.

“Oh, and before I forget, Axel told me to tell you he’s been taking care of your dirty little secret in the backyard.”

His mother, he realized, his tension increasing.

“I wanted to stay as close to your side as possible and haven’t yet investigated the yard—which I totally plan to do, I won’t lie about that. So you might as well fess up and tell me what your dirty little secret is,” she said.

He’d wanted her to know. Just...not right now. He’d tell her when he was stronger. “Nothing that concerns you,” he croaked.

“You don’t trust me?” A wealth of hurt in her tone.

“I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted another, but one has nothing to do with the other.” To distract her, he said, “What have you been doing all this time?”

A moment passed. She sighed and said, “I’ve been taking care of you, entertaining your friends. Staying calm, happy. And guess what? Deep down, I knew you would heal. Just like me! I’ve been getting stronger, too. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Wonderful,” he parroted. If she was better...

She set his hand back at his side, reached toward the nightstand and lifted a cup of water. “You talked in your sleep, you know.”

He tensed, saying, “About what?”

A gleam of sadness in her eyes as she quietly said, “About a mother who ripped out your wings and a father who tossed you into a pit of snakes. You’d told me they were awful to you, but I hadn’t imagined how bad.” She placed the straw at his lips. “Drink.”

He obeyed. He didn’t know what else to do. His stomach twisted, nearly rejecting the cool, sweet liquid trickling down his throat. Perhaps now was the time to tell her about his mother, after all.

“Why don’t I tell you something about my past?” she suggested. “That way, we’ll be even.”

Perhaps not. He nodded, intrigued, hungry for more information about her. Any information.

“Well...several years ago, my mother, father and little brother were killed by a drunk driver.”

He’d known that, but hearing the pain in her smoke-and-dreams voice affected him deeply.

“Robby wasn’t supposed to be with them that day. He was supposed to stay with me and Laila.” Guilt joined the pain. “But she wanted to go out with friends, and I wanted to tag along to make sure she didn’t get sick, so we convinced our parents to take him on their dinner date.”

“You couldn’t have known.” But she blamed herself, he thought, and it was a heavy burden to carry. One he wished he could lift from her shoulders. But he couldn’t. Only she could. And if she didn’t, if she failed, the weight would eventually crush her.

That, he knew firsthand.

“That’s just it. I did. Deep down, like with you, I had a feeling. I knew I should keep him with me. And I think Laila knew it, too. That’s why she’s like she is, so determined to live in the now and not look back. She doesn’t want to remember our part in Robby’s death.”

“And neither do you.”

“I know. For years we tried to pretend he never existed. It was easier, I think. But it was also a disservice to him, and he deserves better. I know that now.”

That might be why Koldo had found no record of Robby in the heavenly archives. What you denied down here, you lost up there.

“You must forgive yourself. Isn’t that what you told me?” Koldo reached up, the actions easier now, his strength returning bit by bit, and cupped the back of her neck. He applied pressure, tugging her toward him, but for the first time in their relationship, she resisted.

“I know you didn’t marry that girl,” she said. “Axel told me. But you told tattoo guy you’d have her, and you never lie.”

Was she jealous? He kind of hoped so. He actually liked the idea. “You’re right about my words. I said I would have her. He assumed the one I was talking about was Sirena—but I was talking about you.”

Her eyes widened. “You want to...marry me?”

Did he? No. No, he couldn’t. He was tainted, he reminded himself. “Having a woman isn’t the same as marrying one.”

“Oh,” she said, her shoulders drooping.

He pulled her the rest of the way against him. She settled atop his chest, her head finding the hollow of his neck, just the way she liked. “You’re disappointed?” Why? And why was he happy about her reaction? Did he want her to want more from him?

“Me? I’m glad things worked out.”

“Because I’m better than your other date?”

“Immensely.” She toyed with the end of his beard. “I wish I could ask you about a last date.”

“Why?”

“So I’d know how I rank.”

“I don’t need experience to tell you that. Simple observation proves you are the only one for me.”

“And just what have you observed?” At least her tone was lighter now.

“Over the centuries I’ve heard many a woman tell her friends that a man has to accept her just as she is or he doesn’t deserve her. But if she’s a lying, cheating gossipmonger, cruel to those around her, often angry, often hateful, of course he cannot accept her. He’s better off without her.”

A choking little laugh left her. “That’s a good point, but the same is true for men.”

“Yes.”

“So...how do you know I’m none of those things?”

Was she serious? “I’ve watched you interact with your sister, always placing her needs above your own. You’ve spent time with Axel, but haven’t killed him—a feat for anyone. And the way you are with me...kind, caring, sweet, thoughtful, helpful, considerate, compassionate, loving—”

She gave another laugh, saying, “Basically, all of those words mean the same thing.”

“Beautiful, exquisite, stunning, gorgeous, lovely, stunning, striking—”

“So you want me, huh?” she asked huskily.

“I do.” So badly.

“Good, because you’ve got me. All of me.” She lifted her head, met his gaze directly. “I quit my job, and you’re now my official keeper.”

He liked that, too.

A lot.

“Well, then, I had better start keeping you properly.” He cupped her cheeks and angled her head back, his hands heating up. A shiver rocked her as he pressed a soft kiss into her lips.

Immediately she opened, welcoming him.

He kept the pressure light, relearning her, reacquainting himself with her sweetness, going slowly, trying to fortify himself against the burning flood of desire rushing through him.

This was Nicola. Every moment had to be perfect.

But then she moaned, a heady, titillating sound, and her hands returned to his beard, and he lost the battle of gentleness versus need—not that he’d fought all that staunchly. He kicked the sheet away from him and rolled, half pinning her slight weight to the mattress. Her legs parted, allowing him to sink against her. Hardness to softness. Need to need.

He reached up, tore the elastic from her hair and watched as strawberry curls tumbled over the pillow, spilling around her. All he could do was stare at her. He’d wanted to see her like this for so long, and now, here she was, far more beautiful than he ever could have imagined.

“What?” she asked, shifting underneath him.

“You are...” There was only one word that fit. “Mine. You’re mine.” With the claim ringing in his ears, he fed her another kiss.

She met his intensity all the way. Her hands explored his chest, his shoulders, his back, her nails scraping. “Sorry. Sorry,” she gasped out. “You’re hurt, and I—”

“Don’t stop.”

She kissed the length of his neck. “’Kay.”

“Do you have a special attachment to your shirt?”

“No.”

He ripped the material down the middle, revealing a white lace bra and soft, flat belly of the most luscious cream. A smattering of freckles dotted her skin.

He’d always hated freckles. These? He thought he...loved. On Nicola, they were a road map he longed to follow, to lick his way from one to another.

“The bra?” he rasped.

“You have a thing for destroying clothing, don’t you?”

“The bra?” he insisted.

“Get rid of it.”

He did just that, baring her to his view. And oh, the newest flood of desire to wash through him nearly undid him. His muscles shook. His bones vibrated. His soul shouted, Yes. Yes, this is the woman I was created to enjoy. The one who would lift him up, never tear him down.

He could only drink her in, every one of his senses humming a lullaby he’d never heard. The intoxicating song surrounded him, caressed him, owned him. He was lured, not to a place of slumber but to a place of shattering change.

He would never be the same.

The cinnamon and vanilla that was so much a part of Nicola clung to him, embedding in his pores. She branded him with her very own essentia—he was hers. A half to a whole.

Those stormy eyes watched him, glassed with a hunger-charged yearning. Light trickled over her, complementing pleasure-flushed skin.

“You’re staring at me,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry.” Then, “No. I’m not sorry. I like doing it.”

“Well, then, I’m glad.”

He couldn’t hold in his next words. “I want to be with you, Nicola.”

“I want that, too.”

He moved the back of his hand along the length of her neck, soft, light. “I’ll be careful.”

She shook her head, all that fiery hair dancing over the pillow. “I don’t want careful.”

“But that’s what you’ll get.” And he would make sure she liked it. Whatever he had to do.

He explored her, and every new point of contact sent him deeper and deeper into a pool of need, until he was drowning, desperate. But he knew, in the depths of his core, that his every action was a declaration of his feelings for her. She was someone of value. She was someone worth saving. She was the woman he wanted at his side. Everything he’d needed, nothing he’d known.

He stripped her of the rest of her clothes, marveling at every new revelation of this woman who had so captivated him, and spread his essentia all over her, leaving no inch untouched, causing all that flushed skin to glow so much more brightly.

“Koldo,” she breathed. “I feel so hot...burning.”

“That’s the essentia, sweet Nicola.”

She looked him over, saying, “Flawless,” before closing her eyes and moaning. “Essentia?”

“A powder my body produces just for you.” The tension inside him expanded...and he no longer wanted, he realized—he needed. Every muscle he possessed was clenching on bone. His blood was molten in his veins.

“Oh. That’s nice.”

Nice?

But then she was gasping, writhing atop the mattress, and he was gasping out word after word of approval and praise, a deluge he’d kept trapped inside far too long. They clutched at each other and they kneaded at each other and he could feel the fast beat of her heart as they kissed each other desperately. A beat that was faster and faster with every moment that passed, as if she neared the edge of a ledge.

“Koldo,” she said on a moan.

Such a heady entreaty. Nearly more than he could bear. “Yes?”

“I need...”

“I need, too.” But his concern for her well-being suddenly overshadowed everything else. He wouldn’t take her, no matter what she said and no matter what he felt. Not until she was ready for him.

No matter how desperate he was, her health was more important, and nothing would change that. Because he didn’t want to take from her, he realized. He wanted to share with her. And it would be difficult to stay this course, he knew. All his life, he’d been denied the things so many others took for granted. Acceptance, softness. Affection. He finally had them. And now he had to wait for them, when they were so freely offered?

“Nicola,” he said.

“Koldo,” she moaned.

“One day we’ll be together.”

“Yes. Today. Now. We already said so.”

Sweet mercy. “No. There’s been a change of plans.”

Her hands tightened on him, her nails digging into his back. “I can take it. I can!”

Maybe. Maybe not. But he couldn’t. The thought of hurting her, even in so small a way, destroyed him. If ever he gave her reason to look back and think of him with disappointment, regret or anger, he would willingly fall on his own sword.

“Can’t...continue like...this,” she said. “Please.”

Never beg, he wanted to say. But he liked it too much to stop her from doing it again.

“Pleeease.”

“I’ll help you with these feelings.” Somehow. Someway. Though he lacked experience, he touched her here, there, seemingly everywhere at once, but it was never enough, not for him, yet she began crying out, gasping so hard, straining against him, begging, begging, begging for more.

The pressure inside him increased. It reminded him of the times he’d gone to his cave and exploded, the rage too much for his body to contain. But this wasn’t rage. This was raw, animal hunger. She was just so exquisite to watch, her eyes closed, her lashes casting spiky shadows over her cheeks, her lips red and plump, her scent intensifying, the fragrance of her honey eclipsing all that cinnamon and vanilla, and his mouth watered, and his insides...his insides...shattered.

And then she was shouting his name. And he was roaring at an exquisite agony that consumed him, utterly stunned, gasping, sweating, perhaps even babbling.

Yes, babbling.

“What happened? That was... I can’t describe... I’ve never... What we just did... Did you feel that... How could...” The realization left a film of embarrassment and a desire to flee, but he remained in place.

Nicola was hugging him.

He collapsed on the mattress. He was shaking, and...smiling despite his emotions. “Did you experience what I experienced?” Finally. A coherent sentence.

“Yes, and I didn’t pass out,” she said with a smile of her own.

“Neither did I.” He hadn’t lost control, hadn’t taken what he shouldn’t. Had stayed the course and taken another step on the path to claiming her. He had given her pleasure, and had, apparently, taken his own.

Soon, he told himself. Very soon, he would take the next step—take her fully. And they would fall off the ledge together.

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