Before You Break

Chapter Two Quinn

I took a long pull of my beer and plopped down on my sheets. Why the hell had I called that hotline? And why the fuck had I given my real name? Sure, nobody called me by my first name anyway, but still, I could have lied. Yet there was something about hearing her say Daniel. It sounded solid falling from her lips. Like maybe she could actually help me or something.

Geez, enough already. If I’d wanted to kill myself I should’ve just driven off a goddamn bridge already. Maybe I wasn’t totally serious—maybe I was a chicken shit—but some days I sure felt like I needed to disappear. The guilt I carried was like a goddamn heavy coat—prickly hot, itchy, and smothering.

“Quinn, get your ass down here!” I heard Joel’s loud mouth through my door. If I didn’t make an appearance with my frat brothers, I’d get harassed. One time they jumped me and pulled my ass out of bed. I sat up and reached for my shoes under my bed. The sneakers I changed into after baseball practice were still caked with mud from the field, so I slipped into my blue Cons.

The boys played poker most nights and got trashed just the same. I couldn’t always bow out after an afternoon game or practice. But at least I had an excuse during baseball season not to hang out too much. We played three ball games a week, and spent a lot of time on the road. But it didn’t help that my teammate Jimmy lived at the house and upstaged me with his partying.

As I headed down the stairs I heard distinctly familiar female voices. Same girls, different night. The guys referred to them as frat brats behind their backs. They were here every weekend night and always willing to do any number of favors for the guys, especially sexual ones.

I’d made the mistake of getting it on with a frat brat once before realizing what a mistake it was to hook up with these girls—they were always in your business. But I’d been pretty hard up by that time. Normally, if I was desperate, I’d head away from the frat house and up to the local bar where the townies hung out. I always came away satiated. It helped get my head back in the game. Literally.

I was at TSU to study, play ball, and live the frat life that my best friend always wanted. Sebastian had promised his dad that he’d pledge to the same house from his alma mater. And if he couldn’t be here to do it himself—because of what I’d done—I’d honor him by doing it for him.

I was here for Sebastian, for his parents, and maybe a little for myself. As long as I kept going—living his life—the guilt was pushed to the side for awhile. Until it bubbled up and consumed me. Like it had tonight.

I nodded to the guys at the table, scraped the metal chair across the floor, and sat my ass down. “Deal me in.”

The girl sitting on Joel’s lap had also been there the previous night. His hands were hidden beneath the table doing God knows what to her. Joel’s gaze kept darting out the window, which meant his girlfriend, Ella, was on her way over.

Ella was pretty and had a smoking body, but was obviously too naïve to realize what a huge player her boyfriend was. I’d never seen Joel do more than cop a feel since he’d started hanging with Ella, but it wasn’t like I had been watching him twenty-four-seven. These frat brats kept their mouths shut, just like the baseball groupies did after ball games. I didn’t get the whole chicks-stabbing-chicks-in-the-back thing. I just knew I definitely wanted no part of it.

Hell, Sebastian had been doing the same thing to his girlfriend, Amber. But she hadn’t been all that innocent, either. Then again, I’m not one to talk. I’d been playing games, too. I just hadn’t realized it. Until it was too late.

I didn’t know Ella all that well, but lately she’d been on the quiet side. Too quiet. She used to joke around more, had one hell of a truck driver’s mouth, and could hold her own in a Call of Duty game with the guys.

Maybe her silence spoke volumes. I could feel the tension hanging in the air lately between her and Joel.

A lot of the guys accused Joel of keeping Ella around for free pussy. Joel always pretended to be into the chicks hard to get them to spread their legs. Sure, he’d kept Ella around longer than most. So maybe she was good in bed. I shook my thoughts away from Ella’s nice rack and how her dark hair might look fanned around my pillow. I didn’t need a boner tonight.

As soon as Joel spied Ella through the window, he pushed the girl off his lap and she plopped down on mine, pouty bottom lip jutted out. And there went my potential hard-on. But if she wiggled her hips a little more she’d be sure to bring it back.

She turned and whispered against my ear, “Want to head upstairs, Quinn?” I looked down at her sheer white T-shirt, her lacy bra peeking beneath, hiding her small but perky breasts.

The trouble with these frat brats was that they were always around. If you just wanted to chill with the boys, it could get awkward. And if you brought home a date, it could even get ugly. So I stayed far away. Not that I brought home any dates.

“Hey, baby.” Joel hadn’t even bothered to stand up and greet his girl when she walked through the door. I glanced at Ella. Flushed cheeks, a hint of irritation in her eyes. Maybe she was getting tired of his bullshit, too. She had on a fluffy skirt that went to her knees with a fitted blue T-shirt. Her long brown hair was draped over her shoulders. She looked like she’d just come from work, because she wasn’t in her usual attire.

“Hey, Ella,” both Jimmy and Todd said, waving over their beer bottles. She glanced at me and then my visitor, who was now rocking her hips in my lap. For some reason, Ella’s scrutiny made me want to push this chick off. I wouldn’t be taking her upstairs anyway. She knew that and so did all of the guys.

Did Ella?

I shook my head. Why in the hell did it matter?

Ella rolled her eyes right before they became blank. It was as if she’d literally flipped a switch and become numb. I knew that feeling all too well, but what did this girl know about feeling dead inside? I’d heard Joel talk about her large and boisterous Polish family and how her mom made the best dumplings from scratch. How could a girl with all that have any problems?

My mother served takeout from the local pricey restaurant and we ate it around an awkwardly silent table. And that was just on the two nights our maid, Louise, was off. On the other nights, I used to eat alone. I’d trade places with Ella in a heartbeat.

I’d bet she never lay awake at night wondering if her parents would ever forgive her. All because a huge-ass mistake almost ruined her father’s chances of running for political office.

Joel tugged Ella down on his lap, where the chick in mine had been sitting just moments before, and a couple of the guys exchanged smirks. Had it been Brian’s girlfriend, Tracey, in Ella’s place, none of that would have gone down. Brian was in love with Tracey, fiercely loyal to her, and I admired him for that. He got razzed about it all the time, but he didn’t put up with that frat-brat bullshit when she was around. Or even when she wasn’t. Joel needed to take lessons from him or just let Ella go.

Sebastian should have done the same with Amber. They should have been honest with each other. Damn, we all should have been. My stomach started sloshing and rolling. Guess that was the end of my thinking about stupid-ass Joel and his naïve girlfriend. Who the fuck cared about what the hell they did? I had bigger things to think about, like spring break and whether or not I’d be going home over it.

I realized the girl in my lap was still waiting on my answer. I was hoping she’d just forgotten she’d asked me to go upstairs. She tried nibbling on my ear and I pushed her away. “Not tonight, Beth.”

“Never any night with you,” she huffed and stood up.

“Yeah, big Q man, what’s up with that?” Todd asked.

Even Ella passed me a strange look before her eyes cleared.

What the hell was that for?

“What’s up with what?” I said. I knew exactly what they were getting at, but it wasn’t any of their fucking business.

“You and chicks, man. You bat for the other team or something?”

Here they go, giving me the business.

“I think Quinn’s girlfriend might be his beloved car,” Brain said, grinning. I wouldn’t dispute that. I’d put a lot of hours into restoring my classic beauty and got pissed whenever I caught anyone leaning against her. Hell, sometimes I even covered her at night.

Before I could come up with some lame-ass excuse, Joel put his damn foot in his mouth and saved me the trouble.

“Have you guys seen the chicks who hang around after ball games?” Joel said and Ella stiffened. “They are smoking hot. He could probably get his fill every night.”

The table went completely silent as everyone stared at the floor or wall and avoided eye contact with Ella, who looked like she wanted to crawl inside a hole. Her normally bright-blue eyes looked cloudy and worn. Talk about disrespectful. At least Sebastian had never done something as asinine as that in front of Amber. No, it was me who’d done something horribly wrong, while he had been only a few feet away.

I felt like punching Joel in the face and telling Ella to find a guy that respected her, but then the awkward moment passed, and Jimmy had to pipe in about the damn baseball groupies. “You hit some of that action, Quinn?”

I shrugged. Let them think whatever the hell they wanted to.

“What about you?” Todd asked Jimmy. The girl on his lap looked back at him, too.

“Of course,” he said, and then resumed gnawing on her neck.

After a few more rounds of poker, I was down twenty bucks and ready to call it quits. By that point, Joel was practically falling off his chair. Even Ella had stepped up her drinking. About an hour ago, she had wandered into the living room, picked up a controller, and started playing Skyrim. She had a tall glass of beer sitting next to her, and now the contents of her cup were drained. She was probably still pissed off and hurt by Joel’s lame-ass comment.

I paused behind the couch and watched her play for a few minutes before saying good night and heading up to my room. I plugged in my headphones and lay down on my bed, hoping to fall into a less fitful sleep than the previous night.

About twenty minutes later, a loud clunk against my wall woke me from my reverie. I pulled a bud away from my ear and heard Joel and Ella’s hushed voices. It sounded like she was struggling getting him to bed.

Typical fucking Joel. I threw my headphones aside and strode out my door to help her out. Joel probably weighed twice as much she did.

“Whoa, there.” I grabbed hold of Joel’s other arm. “I got this.”

“Thanks,” Ella said, her cheeks pink and puffy from the effort.

I plopped him down on his bed a little too roughly and headed toward the door. “All yours. Lucky you.”

When I got back to my room I changed the CD to something slow and soothing, hoping I could fall asleep for real this time.

But then I heard a gagging noise coming from the hallway. Regular Grand fucking Central around here. Coughing and then gagging again. I peeked out the door and saw Ella, hunched over and trying to make her way to the bathroom across the hall.

She was wearing an oversize white Sigma T-shirt. And nothing else. I didn’t know what propelled me out the door again except that maybe I wanted to help her. What the fuck for, I had no clue.

But if I was being honest, maybe I wanted to stare at Ella’s long-ass legs that were barely hidden beneath the bottom of her T-shirt.

“Hey. You okay?” I stood on the threshold of the bathroom door, wondering again what in the hell I was doing. “Need some help?”

Before I could get the words out, she dry heaved into the toilet.

That shit wasn’t sexy at all, except her white T-shirt had traveled up her ass and she was wearing barely there pink panties.

Ella wasn’t a tiny girl. She had a large rack and nice, shapely hips. Seeing her practically bare ass in full glory stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn’t move my limbs or my lips.

What the hell was wrong with me? It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen a girl’s ass before.

I adjusted myself in my shorts. Shit.