Benny Muscles In

Chapter Sixteen

When he woke up he thought for a moment that he had just lain down. The sound of the shower came from the bathroom and he could see the steam creep out under the door, but now the low sun came from a different side. He jumped up fast, wondering about the night. There was an ash tray full of butts near the bed and some of them had burned out on the floor.

When the shower stopped he watched the door, but it was several minutes before it opened. Then Pat came in, dressed. She hadn’t left her clothes all over the floor this time.

He looked at her and he saw it wasn’t good.

“Saint Benny,” she said.

He shook his jacket off and took a deep breath. “Look, Pat. I was tired. Why do-”

Then she laughed. “I’m thrilled, Tapkow. That really thrills me. I’m truly stimulated by the thought of a man like you. He goes to bed with me because he’s tired and wants to sleep.” Abruptly she changed her voice. “You don’t kid me any more, lover. With you it’s either business or business.”

“Shut up!”

She stopped but the line between her eyes got deeper.

“I was tired. I was tired because I had to get away from that place.” He got up and paced from one wall to the next, then stopped in front of her. “You got a talent, kid: you’re getting under my skin. You must have had it for a long time, talent like that, you’re so good at it. But listen to me, Pat.” His voice was sharp now. “Stop pulling these switches. Stop tearing and biting, stop making yourself sick, do you hear?”

Her teeth showed and she tried to step back. “You know what you can-”

“Do you hear? Sick!” His hand held her close.

He saw her blink, the line gone between her eyes, and for a moment a helpless apprehension showed, the kind that doesn’t stay, but turns to fright. She bit her lip and when she put her hand down it might have been because they stood so close, but her face came to his chest and with a sudden thoughtless urge his arms came up, held her around the back. He felt her stiffen, or maybe not, and then she did the same as he, and, once again, there was no space at all between them.

The day is hot early in Louisiana. They moved again, feeling the close murk in the room. Except for moments that were hard to think of then, it hadn’t been all good.

When a man drowns and then finds the hold that saves him, that doesn’t make the drowning any pleasanter. They got up and didn’t talk. They did a little straightening to the room without talking. He held his pack out and she took a cigarette, waiting for the light He gave it to her.

“You need some clothes. You look all wrinkled,” he said.

He watched her fingers plucking the seam that ran down the front of the skirt, and there was a skittering to the movement, an unpleasant off beat in the rhythm of her hand. He looked away.

She got up and opened the window in the back, then slammed it down again.

“That heat,” she said.

“I’ll buy an air conditioner.”

She went to the door. “I want to get out of here,” she said. “I want to get out of here, Benny.”

The way she’d said it, she could have used “Tapkow” instead. Or even “Saint Benny.”

“We got to stay.” It sounded sullen.

“We got to stay,” she aped. “Why?” She turned to the bed where he sat. “Why?”

“Please, Pat-”

“You know why?”

“Pat, I’ve asked you-” But when he got up and stepped her way, she turned again to face the wall and hit it with her fist.

“Oh, God,” she groaned. “Oh, God.”

His hands were on her shoulders. They were small and not soft.

“Don’t.” She held still. “Don’t even try,” she said. “I hate this, you hate this, but it comes and don’t even try. I said don’t,” and she whirled around.

“Pat, I know that-”

“You know, you know! You know nothing. Let’s go.”

“We’ll go to town and I’ll buy you some clothes.”

“Away. Don’t you hear me? I want to go away from here. To Tober’s.” Her voice was intense now. “We can go back to Tober’s and fool everybody. It just occurred to me what a neat trick that would be, Benny. We go back to Tober’s and fool everybody because-”

“You don’t fool everybody. Why Tober’s?”

“Just Tober’s place. You know.”

“I know. Perhaps you think you’re fooling me? You got the shakes, Pat”

She laughed again. “Dr. Saint Benny! Get him!”

“Pat. That’s out. Pull yourself together. Pat, I’ll help you. We’ll go to town-”

“To hell with you,” she yelled. “Saint Benny the Bastard to the rescue.” Her voice got low and she looked at Benny with her head to one side. “You want to help me? Nice of you. You want to be of service? I’ll tell you how.” She walked around him and got his jacket. Her hand went into the inside pocket and came out closed. “Lifesaver,” she said, and showed him the little white envelope she was holding.

When he tried to explain, she smiled. When he said no, she spat at him from across the room and her language got filthy. Then he charged across the room while she stepped into the bathroom fast and locked the door. He heard the water running and thought of kicking the door down, but stopped himself from doing it. Saint Benny, he thought. How many more days, Saint Benny? How much longer till Alverato comes through and how much more of this?

And when he put his jacket on to wait for her it never occurred to him to destroy the little white envelopes that were still in the pocket.