Bewilderment

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MONDAY MORNING, HE ROLLED OUT OF BED, got dressed, ate a bowl of hot cereal, and brushed his teeth, all as usual. But five minutes before his bus was due, he declared, No school today, Dad.

“What are you talking about? Of course there’s school. Scoot!”

No school for me, I mean. He waved toward the dining room table. I’d let him leave out all his art studio materials from the day before. Too much to do.

“Don’t be silly. You can work on it this afternoon and evening. You’re going to miss the bus.”

No bus today, Dad. Too much work.

Too quickly, I resorted to reason. “Robbie. Look. I’m in trouble at your school already. Dr. Lipman said I’ve had you out of class too many times already this year.”

What about the days she kicked me out?

“I went over that with her. She threatened me with bad things if we didn’t get our act together.”

Like what?

“Hey. Hop on it. No kidding. We’ll talk about it tonight.”

I’m not going, Dad.

The one time since Aly’s death that I’d threatened him with force, he bit my wrist and broke the skin. I checked my watch. The bus was no longer a viable target. I put my hand on his shoulder. He pushed it off.

“They have you on probation because of what happened with Jayden. We’re on their list. If there’s more trouble, Dr. Lipman… We can’t give them anything to fuss about right now.”

Dad. Listen to me. I’m begging you. Mom says everything’s dying. Do you believe her?

“Robin. Come on. Let’s go. I’ll drive you.” Even to myself, I sounded outmaneuvered.

Because if she’s right, there’s no point in school. Everything will be dead before I get to tenth grade.

I wondered whether this was a hill I wanted to die on.

Do you believe her or don’t you? That’s all I’m asking.

Did I believe her? Her facts were beyond doubt. Everything she claimed was common knowledge to scientists everywhere. But did I believe her? Had mass extinction ever once felt real?

“You’re going to school. There’s no choice.”

You said everything’s always a choice, Dad. For instance. You could homeschool me.

I rubbed my eyes until I saw stars. In my head, I was talking to a dead person again. And Aly was reminding me: Listen. Sympathize. But we don’t negotiate with terrorists!

“I believe in you, Robbie. In what you’re doing. But we can’t change school in the middle of the year. If you still feel strongly about this in the spring, we’ll find a solution.”

That’s why they’ll all go extinct. Because everyone wants to solve it later.

I sat down at the table, his test sketches spread in front of me. He wasn’t wrong. “Okay. Today, paint. All the creatures that are in trouble. As well as you can.”

He must have felt my deflation, because the little victory made him darken. He looked at me, ready to beg me to change my mind. Dad? What if it doesn’t help at all?