Black Mask (Vol. 33, No. 4 — November 1949)

Moonlight ’n Murder by Graham Goulden

’Cause his cuddle-bunny developed a yen for a hero, Johnny rushed out to slay the dragon — in a gangster’s den.

“You’re beginning to bore me, Johnny. With you there’s no excitement, no adventure. You’re just a humdrum ole humbug.” That was my true love talking. My sparkling-eyed blonde with kissable lips and crushable form.

I settled my long, lean frame more deeply into the sofa.

“All you want me to do,” she said, pushing a stray curl from her forehead, “is to read to you and serve you coffee.”

I poshed myself upright. “My kissable pet,” I told her, reaching for my Junior Stetson. “If you crave an adventurous hero, you’re going to get one.”

Little did I know of the mad mayhem my casual resolution was cooking up for me. My pet just glanced at me with those big brown eyes and I stalked out into the cruel world. Or underworld.

My stalking ended at Benny’s Bar. Benny is a right guy who lets me cuddle one drink all evening when I’m broke. His bar is one of those joints with a five stool counter, side cubicles and a stale beer atmosphere you could cut. Benny must have read the trouble in my eyes as soon as I sat down.

“What,” he asked, “the matter is she with you?” In spite of his name, Benny is a French-Canadian and a true murderer of the English language.

“Detective-Sergeant Melvin Stinout,” I said.

“She’s after you?” Benny whispered, his black eyes shining in awe.

“He’s after Carol,” I replied, shuddering at Benny’s pronouns. “We meet him at the police brawl, see, and when his eyes travel up and down Carol he drools. Being a fancy-talking braggart, he now has her yearning for adventure.”

“La femme,” said Benny wisely. He glanced thoughtfully through his favorite glass and came to a decision. “Johnny. You must make the adventure.”

“Yeah, Benny. A very clever conclusion. Like solving a murder, eh?”

“The Benstein one, no?” said Benny.

I snapped my fingers. That case had our fancy dan detective running around in circles. “Ben,” I chorted, “have a drink on my bill. I can see the headlines: Clever Citizen Solves Murder. Detective Sergeant Demoted. It’ll be a cinch. I read detective magazines regularly. Dig out your old newspapers and we’ll look up the case.”

Fifteen papers and seven drinks later, I had the case sewn up tight. I was a little that way, too, and so was Benny. “My pal Benny,” I explained. “Benstein was undoubtedly murdered, there being six slugs in his back. A case of small time bookie muscling in on the Whitey Farr mob. The DA. knows Farr did it but has no proof. He wants the mob busted. All I gotta do is pin enough evidence on Farr to put him in the chair. Simple?”

“Yes, simple,” Benny agreed. “Roses you like or lilies?”

“Pour another and don’t be a pessimist. I’ll make a direct approach tonight.”

I had no trouble finding Whitey’s headquarters. The place was over a diner on the west side of town. I stood across the road in a doorway casing the joint before I went in. All private-eyes do that. There was a light shining through the front window so I lit out across the road and down the side alley. The door leading to the upstairs was locked.

I was juggling a match in one hand and poking at the lock with my comb when I suddenly realized I wasn’t alone.

“Trouble, Mac?” inquired a voice which sounded like ten rocks rolling around in a culvert.

I jumped around with my hand held menacingly in my coat pocket. There were two of them, each the size of a garage and with faces that had seen better days. “What’s it to ya?” I spat.

“Thought we might be able to help you,” said the rocky-voiced guy.

His approach surprised me and I relaxed. It was a tactical error. They both moved in and one held while the other felt.

“No rods?” asked Rocky. The other lug just shook his head.

“Well, well, wise guy,” said Rocky.

He glared at me. “Whaddya want?”

“To see Whitey!” I roared. “And you mugs’ll pay for this!”

Rocky laughed and Voiceless grunted again. They opened the door and hustled me up the stairs. Without waiting to knock, they kicked open a door and gently heaved me in.

It was a tastefully decorated den. A small rug, sporting a large hole, lay in front of an ornate claw leg desk. The desk was bare save for numerous scratches and glass stains. A broken down chair and two spittoons completed the furnishings. Whitey himself was bulked in an oversize mohair chair behind the desk. Looking him in the eyes, I realized where his nickname came from. One eye was brown, the other a pale blue, almost white. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck come to attention.

“What,” he rasped, stroking his blue jowels, “do you want?”

I took aim at a spittoon and spattered the baseboard. “I’m a private eye and I’m putting all my cards on the table,” I said. “Why did you kill Benstein?”

He sat back and roared. His two chugs took the cue and joined in. Then he stopped abruptly and gave me his two-tone glare.

“Throw this punk out” he bellowed.

It was the first time I’d had the rush from an upstairs apartment and Whitey’s boys weren’t gentle. After I hit bottom, they heaved me out the door. It was raining a little and I sat in the dark alley gratefully drinking in the clean air and cursing myself for a two-bit fool. Maybe this direct approach business worked in novels but not for me. To hell with adventure, I thought, limping into the nearby diner. I’ll woo my bundle with kindness.

The phone rang a long time before she answered, but hearing her voice was worth the wait. It put new life into my backbone, bruised though it was.

“Hi, Sweet,” I said. “Look, we got time to catch the last show at the Ritz and afterwards we’ll drop into the Gilded Cage and...”

“But, Johnny, Melvin is here. He’s telling me about a murder case he solved and he’s promised to take me for a ride in the prowl car.”

“You’ve always wanted to go to the Gilded Cage. Now that you’ve got your chance, you turn it down for adventure.”

“Ah, adventure!” she sighed. “Johnny, if you...”

“Lissen,” I snarled. “That Melvin knows from nothing about adventure. While he sits cooing at other guys’ property, I’m out solving his cases. Know where I’ve been? In Whitey Farr’s hangout.”

She gasped and a mumbled conversation took place. She sounded breathless when she came back to the phone.

“Johnny, Melvin says you’re to stay away from me. You’ll probably be tailed and...”

“He’s afraid I might steal my own girl from him.”

She started to protest so I hung up. I hopped into my old jaloppy and poured the gas at her. She knew the way. The only light in Carol’s place when I arrived was our love-lamp beside the sofa. I crept in quietly, poked my head in the door and yelled boo. Melvin jumped three feet. He had been working himself into an advantageous position, with one arm over the back of the sofa behind Carol.

“Moore,” he bellowed. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hello, Johnny,” said my naive gal.

I flung down beside her, pulled her in and gave Melvin the once over. “Stinout,” I said. “Johnny has a claim staked out here. So why don’t you drop dead?”

His slick black hair almost curled. “You dope! You let Farr know we’re still on to him and make him think you know something. Then you come straight here.”

“So what? Should I go into isolation?”

“Look. If he thought you had something on him he’d shut you up by going after something of yours. What? Carol, you meat head.”

Nobody calls me meathead. I jumped up and grabbed him by the tie but Carol was between us before I could get into high gear.

“Boys! Relax. I’ll make you some coffee.”

His pretty face took on a purple hue but Carol shoved him in a chair and me on the sofa and went out. We heard a rattle of pots and settled down to glare. At the end of ten minutes we would have known each other in the dark. The guy was strictly a smoothie. He’d made me look silly while he was posing as Sir Galahad protecting Princess Carol from the knaves. And Carol, in her present frame of mind, was drinking it all in.

“Quiet in there.” he said.

“What’s she supposed to do? Beat a drum?”

“Don’t be smart! She hasn’t made a sound for fifteen minutes.”

My heart did a flip and I was right on his heels as he made lines for the kitchen. The kettle was bubbling impatiently on the stove but there was no Carol. The back door was open and the rain was drumming through the screen.

We dashed around to the front of the house but there wasn’t a soul in sight. Melvin dashed into the house and left me cursing to myself. It seemed only minutes before two police cars screamed into the street. Melvin met them at the steps.

“Boys!” he hollered. “A Miss Carol Lews has been kidnapped, probably by Farr. She’s five-four, blonde hair, brown eyes, pug nose, 115 pounds, wearing red and white polka dot dress, no stockings and red sandals. Check all hangouts. I’ll go in Car 230. Car 80 will take this man into protective custody.”

“Hey,” I yelled, but Melvin, ignoring me completely, trotted away to his cruiser. Two of the cops clamped onto my arms and half carried me towards the other car. What a warped mind that ham had — dispose of me so he could have a clear field to rescue Carol!

“Look, boys,” I protested. “He said protective custody. That doesn’t mean you have to be rough.”

“The way Sergeant Stinout said it,” replied the big guy on my right arm, “means you’re to be kept from under his feet.”

So that was that. With two king-size gorillas clamped onto me, I was beat. Unless... The boys had left their motor running and if I could break away and reach that cruiser I’d be away. But their hams of hands were like vises and I had only a few yards left in which to do something. I squirmed gently to test the situation and they immediately tightened up. So tight in fact, that I went down to my knees. When I looked the sidewalk in the face the idea struck. I spit quietly.

“Hey!” I hollered. “Blood!”

They dropped me like an empty fuel tank and, being detectives at heart, bent down for a closer inspection. In best tough-dick style I jumped up and pushed their heads into contact with the pavement. Then I lit out for the cruiser.

A block away, I looked back and saw them climbing into my old can. I patted my pocket. The police were always drumming people not to leave the keys in their cars.

Where now? The siren was wailing and I couldn’t find the shut-off button. Soon I’d have an entire police force searching for me. The radio began to crackle.

“Hello all cars. Be on lookout for man in stolen cruiser 89. Five-ten, 155 pounds, dark hair. Wearing cream gabardine trousers and blue jacket.”

I love police calls but not that way. The guy was in error though. My pants had been cream but after that brief shower and the scuffle in the dirt they were gray with a ragged hole in the left knee. Without the jacket, I’d be hard to spot from that description.

My little motto came to mind — “In times of stress visit Benny.” A block from his place, I slid the car into an alleyway and, leaving my jacket behind, I headed for help. Benny was standing at the front door.

“Lissen,” he said. “The fire. Where is she?”

“I dunno but how about a drink?”

He came bustling in after me. “Hey. What’s she happen? Pants ripped, hair mussed. You been in the fight, no?”

I plopped onto a stool and looked around. I was really catching on to this private-eye racket. The only customers were two drunks draped over a table and a luscious redhead staring moodily into a glass of beer. She looked innocent too.

“Benny,” I said confidentially. “I’m cracking the Whitey Farr mob. Remember?”

“Yeah, somebody she is getting cracked, sure. Mebbe you, eh?”

“I just got into a little fight.”

“Yeah. Lissen! The siren still blows. Mebbe the riot, eh?”

“Carol’s been kidnapped, Benny. And there’s no riot. They’re after me.”

“The cops!” he screamed.

The next thing I knew, the little redhead was beside me. Her perfume caressed my nostrils and made my toes twitch.

“I thought I’d find you here,” she said huskily. This babe was no moonlight and roses kid after all.

“Who?” I croaked.

“I heard you with Whitey. You’ve got what it takes.”

This was interesting. Well, she was beautiful — close — and inviting.

“How so?” I asked.

“I was his girl and — hey, the sirens have stopped. They must have gone.”

“Gone. That means they’re here, sister. Benny, watch the door.”

He waddled away and I turned back to Cuddles. “Go on.”

“Whitey has crossed me and I’ll see him behind bars before I’m through.”

“Look, baby, if you’ll co-operate I can help you with that noble resolution.”

“Co-operate? Wait’ll you hear my news. I know where your gal is!”

I spilled a nickel’s worth of Scotch down my shirt.

“They’re here! Down the street! The cops!” Benny was incoherent.

I felt that way, too, because I’d just had a thought. While most cops wouldn’t recognize me by the description, my two burly friends certainly would and they’d likely be with the pack now.

I grabbed Cuddles’ arm and headed for sanctuary. Benny, in a touch of patriotism, had named his rest rooms Femmes and Hommes. We entered the Femmes.

“Hey,” Cuddles said, “this is cozy.”

I shushed her and, seconds later, there was the sound of heavy boots outside. Two thuds announced that our drunks had collapsed on their dash for the door.

“Leave ’em,” said a voice which sounded like the character who had had the squeeze on my right arm. “Listen, Frenchie, let’s keep your nose clean, eh? Now — has a guy in shirt sleeves and wearing cream pants been here?”

“Here?” Benny sounded hysterical. “I have the decent bar. No.”

“What’s Homs and Fems?”

“She’s men and lady laboratory,” Benny explained.

There was a tap on the door. Sweat started to ooze from my brow. Cuddles stirred in my arms and put a tasty finger to my lips. Then she put her head outside the door.

“Yes?” she inquired scathingly.

I could picture the cop’s red face.

“Sorry, lady. I... I was just—”

Loud guffaws cut him off. A moment later I heard the front door slam. Benny began a toneless whistle and I let out my breath. Being a cuddly form close by, I cuddled it more closely.

“Look, baby. We could go places together, but not now. Where’s Carol?”

“In Whitey’s lodge on Lake Wanapagi. Ten miles down the Shore Road there’s a turnoff which leads to it. You can use my car out front.” It was a speedy job and I really breezed it along the shore road.

The turnoff was a narrow trail through the brush. I cut the lights and eased the car along. After about a mile I could see a glimmer of lights through the trees. I edged the car into the side.

There was a light breeze and, after the gentle rainfall, the air was warm and sweet. As it was hemmed in by trees, I had the wiggles twisting around in my stomach. I cut in about fifty yards from the end and followed a narrow path through the bush. The blackness didn’t bolster my courage any.

I had no warning that anyone was within a hundred miles. When the blow hit me, bringing a million stars into focus, I dropped to my knees and could only wait for the next one to fall. But it didn’t come.

“Well, well,” sneered a voice which could belong to only one. I rocked back on my heels and looked up through eyes slightly blurred by the trip hammers thudding in my head.

“How’d you get here, Stinout?” I said.

“Stop blabbing, dope, and get out of here,” he snarled. “I don’t want you lousing things up. Now scram or I won’t hesitate to wing you. No amateur gumshoe’s gonna gum things up!”

I sat rubbing my cheek and watched him sneak down the path. He’d evidently known about this place and had figured that Carol would be brought here. And true to type, he was going to pull off this rescue all by his lonesome.

I shook some of the cobwebs from my head and started after him. After a couple of wobbly steps I stopped dead. Stinout had just entered the clearing and behind him, coming out of the trees were two burly shapes.

The stinker that I am, I didn’t even holler. One of the men pinned Stinout’s arms to his side and the other wielded a short length of hose around his noggin. He went as limp as cooked spaghetti. Brother, was I glad he’d been around.

I cut into the undergrowth as silently as possible. Not that noise would have mattered — the ambushers were too absorbed in their catch. One was arguing and the other was grunting. Farr’s faithful — Rocky and Voiceless. I had a debt to pay those lugs but now wasn’t the time.

I made my way to the back of the lodge and the rooms were in darkness. Everything seemed too serene. The lake was lapping softly on the small beach and off in the distance a loon was screaming. In the house, Carol was either alone or... well, what did I have to lose but my life.

The steps and door didn’t creak like they’re supposed to. I found myself in a small kitchenette which smelled of stale whisky and tobacco smoke as though Farr didn’t air the place out after his parties. I tip-toed into another room and waited with thumping heart but nothing happened. I figured I was in the living room and the only light came from under a door to the right. Boy, this detective game was getting easier to master.

I rushed the door fast and hit the room with my fists at the ready. The only reaction was a muffled scream. Carol lay on the bed, trussed like a pot roast.

“Baby, did they hurt you?” I said, getting to work on the knots.

She sat up, brushed her hair back and rubbed her arms. “No, Johnny,” she replied. “But am I glad to see you.”

“We gotta move fast, kid. They’ll be back any minute. Can you walk?”

She couldn’t with a cramp in her legs so I picked her up. What a soft, sweet bundle. I brushed her lips. “Baby, if they’d—”

I was interrupted by a thumping on the front porch and I almost dropped her.

“Johnny,” she whispered.

“Don’t worry,” I said, hammers tripping against my heart. I put on a burst of speed and reached the back door just as the front door opened. There was a good hundred yards to the protective trees and with Carol I knew I couldn’t make it in my usual ten seconds. A thunderous bellow came from inside and we both trembled together. The moon was out now, casting a silver glow over the lake. A perfect night for romance — or murder.

We took the only possible course and squeezed under the back steps. In another few seconds they were standing above us.

“She musta come this way,” growled Rocky. “When I find ’er, I’m gonna crunch every bone in her body.”

Carol pressed closely to me and I put a finger to her lips.

“You search along the lake. I’ll beat the bush out back.”

They stomped off and we both took a deep breath. “Legs okay, honey?” “We’ll sneak through the house.”

The front clearing looked still and peaceful. As long as Rocky didn’t work his way around the front too fast we’d be all right. We left the porch at full steam and paused for breath only when we hit the shelter of the trees. Carol was half laughing and half crying.

“You nearly pulled my arm out,” she said. Then she noticed me peering around the clearing. “What are you looking for?”

“Just wondered if there was anybody around.” There wasn’t. I didn’t know where they put him. “C’mon, baby, let’s make that car.”

I backed the wagon all the way out with Carol hanging on for dear life. On the Shore Road I shot out the wings and let ’er fly.

“They can’t follow,” Carol said. “Farr took the car back.”

“Well, I hope they don’t phone him to meet us.”

“No phone,” she said, and I bent over to kiss her.

Benny’s front door was locked when we arrived but the lights were on. I rattled the knob and Benny came popping out of one of the cubicles.

Cuddles slid into view and gave me a toothpaste-ad smile. “Well, you did it,” she crooned.

“Yeah... ah... Carol, this is...”

“Linda,” Cuddles said.

“Yeah. Linda. Look, get acquainted. I’ve got to phone.”

I was relieved to get away. You could almost see Carol’s mussed up curls begin to straighten in anger. I called Farr’s home number and, as luck would have it, he answered.

“Hello, Whitey,” I said. “Thought you’d like to know that a couple of your boys have pulled a double-cross.”

There was silence for a moment, then he hissed, “Who’s that?”

“The guy who’s gal you snatched and, for a small sum. I’ve got her back.”

The receiver slammed down. I grinned and pulled a battered fag out of my pocket. I glanced outside and saw Cuddles heading for the front door. Carol was staring at her with unconcealed loathing. When I saw them together I knew where my heart lay. There was only one Carol. But Cuddles was a pip and a little aroused jealousy wouldn’t hurt my cause.

I dialed police headquarters. “If you go down to Farr’s lodge,” I said “you’re likely to find something interesting.” I hung up quickly and was swaggering a little when I came out of the booth. The thing was now practically tied up and I could drop out. Farr would get tough with his boys and the cops would walk in. I’d rescued Carol and I had lost time to make up for.

“Well, honey,” I said. “Let’s have a drink. Where’s Cuddles?”

“Oh, you mean her? I don’t know and care less.”

“Lovely girl,” I said. “Wants me to set up a private detective agency with her.”

“Oh?” she said, gulping a little.

“Gone overboard for me. Here she comes now.”

Cuddles slipped into the seat beside me and placed her hand over mine. My toes did the curl act.

“If Melvin were here, now,” I said, “we could have a nice little party.”

The daggers were flying again. “Johnny,” said Carol. “Take me home please.”

I was interrupted by an insistent banging on the door. Benny turned green. He’d never had such an evening in his life. He opened the door a crack and I could see two men standing there.

“Is there a Johnny and a Carol here?” one of them asked. They were both tall and well-dressed. The spokesman had an ugly scar running down his left cheek.

“Yeah, that’s us. Why?”

They pushed past Benny and I crouched ready for action. “We’re from headquarters,” Scarface said. “We’re to take you to the station for a statement.”

I relaxed. Every muscle in my body began to sing. I’d thought the merry-go-round was going to start again.

“Who’s this?” Scarface asked, pointing to Cuddles.

“She helped us,” I said.

“You better come along, too,” he ordered.

We climbed into the back seat of their car. It was a classy wagon with power to burn. I wouldn’t mind being a plainclothes cop to drive around in a car like that all day.

“Nice wagon,” I remarked, feeling happy.

Scarface turned and winked at Cuddles. “Should be,” he said. “The boss paid plenty for it, eh Linda?”

Cuddles chuckled. “Hey.” I said, ugly suspicion beginning to form. “You know each other?”

The driver beat the wheel happily and broke into a loud laugh. Scarface was grinning too. The scar pulled one side of his mouth up and gave a squint to his eye. He looked very mean.

“Sure do, sucker,” he said.

I glanced at Cuddles and the love-light had gone from her eyes. “Sucker?” she said. “He don’t rate that high. He fell too easily.”

I made a grab for her but Scarface, for all his size, was plenty quick. He rapped me neatly on the ear with his gun and sat back to count stars.

“Nice,” murmured Cuddles through the fog. “What happened anyway? The others were supposed to be waiting for him.”

“Dunno,” Scarface replied. “The boss is plenty hot. When he got your call he sent us right away. Thinks this guy knows too much.”

So that was it! Rocky and Voiceless had been waiting for me! Instead they conked Stinout. I began to laugh.

“Shuddup!” said Scarface. “We ain’t bungling this time.”

Carol was stroking my ear which felt like an over-inflated tire. I took hold of her other hand and found she was trembling. Or maybe it was me.

“Oh, Johnny,” she said. “I got you into all this.”

“Don’t worry, baby,” I consoled her. “We’ll get out of it somehow.”

The trouble was — how? Scarface was hopefully pointing his gun and Cuddles was contemplating us with an amused grin. I prayed for a police siren but I was afraid the cops had tabbed my call a crank one.

We turned off onto the roadway to the lodge. The house was a blaze of lights this time. Scarface patted his gun tenderly. “C’mon,” he grinned. “Let’s go see Whitey.”

Carol clutched my hand as we were shepherded inside. “Grit your teeth, kid,” I said.

I had heard that Farr goes insane when he loses his temper and, when we saw him, I could well believe it. His pudgy face was chalky white. His eyes were closed to mere slits and he was clutching his gun so tightly that his knuckles stood out white.

“Here y’are, Boss,” Scarface said.

Carol let out a terrified gasp and pointed to one corner. What had once been my friend Voiceless lay spread out peacefully on the floor. There was a neat hole drilled in his forehead. I could see Carol and me — suddenly I felt sick. Rocky sat huddled up beside the body and from the stark terror in his face I could tell that our entrance had just forestalled his coup-de-grace.

“Get over there,” Whitey snarled, waving his gun.

In spite of leaden legs I moved fast, pulling Carol after me. “Listen,” I said. “Knock me off for no good reason if you want to but let this girl...”

“Shuddup!” He began to walk towards us. The muzzle of his gun pointed directly at my stomach.

“We don’t know anything,” I began to say but the implication hit me. We did now. Our neighbor had a hole in his head.

He advanced very slowly, seeming to savor the moment. His big body waddled forward at each short step, with the gun jammed against his tremendous stomach. Cuddles was sprawled in an easy chair, her long legs crossed enticingly, while Scarface and the driver stood like two Indians.

Farr stopped halfway across the room and, for a moment, I thought we’d been granted a reprieve.

“Your face,” he said, “is hideous. I think the first shot would do a good job square on the nose.”

Cuddles laughed uproariously at that big joke but it was easy to see that Farr wasn’t fooling. Carol’s cry of fear snapped me out of the paralysis which gripped me. It was a foolhardy trick to try hut I had nothing to lose now. I slammed Carol with my shoulder and dived under the table.

Farr’s gun cracked out. I rose with the table over me and charged blindly. The place was a bedlam. A bullet hit the table and almost threw me back. It smashed through beside my ear and a splinter of wood lashed my face.

He shot again just as I hit him. The table was no lightweight and I was charging with every reserve of strength. It was like hitting a brick wall but Farr gave first. He went over like a weighted sack. His bullet smashed into the ceiling and a hunk of plaster hit my head.

There were two more shots and I waited for the angel to lead me away. Nothing seemed to happen. Maybe Scarface had missed. I began to raise myself off the floor and a pair of strong arms grabbed me. I lashed out desperately.

“Hey,” yelled a voice. “Is that any way to greet us?”

I looked up into a smiling face. A red, Irish-looking face. “Detective-Inspector Malloy,” he said.

There were two more cops at the door. Another was standing over the winded Farr. A plainclothes-man was busy snapping cuffs on a cursing Cuddles and Scarface was kneeling on the floor clutching his belly. His pal was flat on his face, lifeless fingers clutching a revolver. What a mess these cops can create in five minutes.

“Brother!” I said, hauling my voice back from the depths. “What kept you?”

Malloy laughed. “Missed this turning,” he boomed. “First time we’d visited here.”

I laughed weakly and slipped an arm around Carol who was beginning to weep softly.

“Chief,” hollered a voice from the door. “Look what we found.”

It was hero Stinout.

“Well, Sergeant,” greeted Malloy. “Pleased to meet you. Always pleased to meet a sergeant who goes off alone without letting us know what’s going on.”

He turned to me with a wink and clamped a huge hand on my shoulder. “Boy,” he said. “You’ve busted a gang we’ve been after for years.”

“Naw,” I said modestly, hoping Carol was as proud of me as I was.

“Hey,” the re-born Rocky broke in, grasping Malloy’s arm. “I can clear the Benstein murder for you, too. I can tell you lots of—”

Malloy fixed a fishy glare on him. “Campbell,” he barked. “Take this guy in a corner and write down what he has to say.”

He turned to me and coughed coyly to break up the delectable buss job Carol and I were engaged in. “We could use men like you on our side.”

I laughed. “Naw, Chief. I’ve got other plans. Going into the private-eye business.”

Carol snapped back to reality. “Oh, no!” she said, stamping a pretty foot.

“But, baby, look at all the adventure I could give you.”

“Johnny,” she said, pouring herself into my willing arms, “I’m a fool and I know it. I’ve had enough adventure to last two lifetimes. Take me home and I’ll make you some coffee.”

I grinned happily at Melvin Stinout as we passed. And my grin split my face when Carol stuck her nose up at him.

“Night, Sergeant,” I said.

I was going to drive that black limosine home — slowly this time.