Bleak Seasons

89

"Ouch!" I opened my eyes. Uncle Doj and Thai Dei crouched beside me, one to either side, looking concerned. I rolled my head, surprised to see them back so soon.

I was on the floor in my workroom. But I was dressed for bed. "What am I doing here?"

"You walked in your sleep," Doj told me. "Also talked, which alerted us."

"Talked?" I never talk in my sleep. But I do not walk in my sleep, either. "Gods damn it! I was having another spell!" And this time I remembered. Some. "I have to get this down. Right now. Before I lose it." I scrambled across the room. In moments I was scratching away.

And when I was done I realized I did not have a clue about anything. I threw my pen down.

Mother Gota appeared. She carried a pot of tea. She poured for me, then for Doj and Thai Dei. Sahra's death had hurt her deeply. For the moment her normal, contentious character was submerged. She was an automaton.

This had been going on for days.

"What is the trouble?" Uncle Doj asked.

"There's nothing there. I remembered perfectly but can't find a clue toward an explanation."

"Then you must relax. Stop fighting yourself. Thai Dei. Get the practice swords."

I wanted to scream that this was not the time. But this was his answer to all stress. Come to the swords. Pursue the exercise rituals. Parade the stances. To do it right required total concentration. And it always worked, no matter how much I disbelieved.

Even Gota joined us, though she was less adept than I.