Blinded

TWENTY-TWO

DVD procured, the drive east was uneventful. I parked my car in the garage, got out, and took a moment to linger near my dark blue not-too-old Trek road bike. The bicycle was hanging securely on its pulley system from the rafters in the garage. I glanced outside even though I knew it was already too dark to make up for the ride that I hadn’t taken that afternoon.

Lauren kissed me, Grace squealed, and the dogs seemed happy to have me home. Lauren got the DVD going for Grace while I made a couple of adjustments to Emily’s paw umbrella. The thing was protecting the wound on her paw marvelously, but it required an abnormal amount of maintenance. I was no longer certain that a trip to the patent office and instant wealth were on the horizon for me.

Once we moved to the kitchen, Lauren sat down across from me while I sorted through a seriously uninspiring pile of mail. Neither of us had any fresh news to report from either Sam or Sherry. I filled her in on the morning adventures with the cable company, the post office, and the drivers’ license office. Unmoved by my tales of institutional indolence, she moved into the business part of the kitchen to attend to the meal she’d been preparing.

Once she had her back turned to the stove, she said, “That’s interesting. So who’s Teri Reginelli?”

My breath caught in my throat.

Instinctively, I knew that my wife was facing away from me so that I couldn’t see the I’m-sitting-in-the-catbird-seat grin that she had plastered across her cute mug. I said, “Oh God. I bet Diane called you right from the bank, didn’t she? She was going straight to the bank.”

“I heard the whole story while she was standing in the teller line. She said she left you befuddled on the Mall.”

“Figures.”

“Were you?”

“Was I what?”

“Befuddled on the Mall?”

“Most of the women in my life leave me feeling befuddled. I’m beginning to feel befuddled right now, for instance. Teri Reginelli was not an exception. Believe me, she was not an exception.”

“So who was this mystery girl I’ve never even heard about? High school, right? Should I be worried?”

Lauren’s tone was ninety-nine percent tease. “No,” I said. “But Diane should be.”

“Is this going to end up being like that Sawyer thing a few years ago? Is Teri Reginelli about to show up at our door with a suitcase and a few verses about how her life isn’t complete without you? God, I hope not. I didn’t like the Sawyer thing much at all.”

“The Sawyer thing” was the one percent in Lauren’s tone that wasn’t tease. She wasn’t kidding; she hadn’t liked the Sawyer thing at all.

“I swear that Teri Reginelli wouldn’t be able to tell you who I was if you held a gun to her head. Actually, get Diane to hold the gun to her head. Or ahachato hercabeza. She’d relish the opportunity.”

“What? What language are you speaking?”

“It’s not important.”

“Teri Reginelli is. At least to me. Go on. I want the details. Pretend you’re talking to your therapist.”

“Teri Reginelli was a high school crush I had. I never even went out with her. Not once.”

“Then why are we talking about her?”

“Ask Diane.”

“I did. She said you had the hots for her. For Teri, that is. She said after all these years Teri’s still changing your oil. She told me to mention Teri’s name, sit back, and watch you dance like your toes were on fire.”

“That’s Diane’s phrase, isn’t it? ‘Changing your oil’? Diane said that, right? Am I right? Diane thinks I’m a prude. Do you know that? Do you think I’m a prude? A serious prude?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Part of it’s true, I guess. In the high school era of my life Teri was the neighbor’s wife whom I coveted.”

Lauren looked puzzled.

“Figuratively speaking. Teri Reginelli was the head of the pack in high school. You know, the leader of the popular girls. The alpha chick? Senior year she dated a guy who slummed with me and my friends sometimes.”

“Was he a hottie?”

“Yeah, Sean was a hottie.”

“And?”

“This guy Sean treated her like shit. She would talk to me about it, ask me about things he did with other girls, what he said about her. You know how girls are when they’re seventeen. She wanted to know what made him tick. I was a good listener-”

“Even then?”

“Yes, even then.”

“And you fell in love with her, and she never even knew it. Right? It was unrequited love?”

I sighed. What had felt like a monumental event in my life was suddenly sounding like a carefully carved monument to banality. “Right, something like that.”

Lauren was really getting into it. Me? I was losing interest, fast.

“She signed your yearbook ‘Alan, you’re the best!’ or ‘What a great friend!’ or something like that, I bet. Yes? The ‘XXX’ was the closest you ever came to kissing her. Am I right?”

I sighed once more.

Lauren asked, “So what does all this have to do with Diane?”

“It has absolutely nothing to do with Diane. She’s teasing me about an old conjoint case we did together.”

I watched Lauren make connections, all the wrong ones.

“No, we didn’t treat Teri Reginelli and her significant other. I don’t even know where she’s living, and I don’t have a clue what guy is stuck with her. Teri Reginelli is just a metaphor for a point Diane was trying to make. Can we talk about something else? Please.”

“Of course,” she said.

Lauren leaned over to check something in the oven. I inhaled deeply but couldn’t figure out what she was cooking in there. I was thinking chicken. I thought I captured the aroma of balsamic vinegar, too.

Her willingness to change the subject concerned me. It didn’t take long for me to discover that I had good reason to be concerned.

She said, “There was an interesting thing at work today. Mitchell got called to oversee the execution of a search warrant on the home of a guy in town who’s apparently become a fresh suspect in an old murder in southern California. A couple of detectives flew in from Laguna Beach and requested our assistance. The Boulder detective thought it would be better if somebody from our office was involved as an observer to the search.”

I don’t know whether I said “shit”-if I did, it certainly qualified as a mumbled profanity-or whether I merely thoughtshit.

Lauren said, “The whole case-a husband suspected of murder in another state, a loving wife who knows a little something-it reminded me of that question you asked me earlier in the week. Do you remember? The one about exclusions to the spousal privilege statute? Felony exceptions? Even as they might apply in some other state? Like California?”

“Yes,” I said. “I remember.”

She left the oven, walked over, and kissed me full on the mouth, tracing the outline of my lower lip with the tip of her tongue.

“Sometimes I love to watch you squirm. Mitchell saw you over at the house where they served the warrant today. So I think I know what spouse might be trying to exclude what testimony, and I think I know who the reincarnation of Teri Reginelli is, too.”

She kissed me again. No tongue the second time.

There were days I had doubts that Boulder, Colorado, was still a small town.

Well, that day I had no doubts.