Blood Rose

seven

Early the next morning, Riedwaan picked up the picture on Clare’s hall table. The mom-dad-me-and-my-dog drawing, a gift to her from her little niece. He was overwhelmed with longing for his own child. Yasmin. His daughter. The undoing of his heart and his career. When she had been kidnapped, the husk of his desiccated marriage had blown apart, and he had signed the emigration papers that allowed Shazia to take Yasmin to Canada. Yasmin used to draw him pictures like the one before him now, but the drawings she sent from her new country were less exuberant. She had told him proudly that she could colour inside the lines now. Shazia would like that: getting Yasmin to stay within the lines. Riedwaan unlocked Clare’s front door. That’s what he liked about Clare, her disregard for limits.

It was cold on the street, and his breath misted and hung on the dawn air as he hefted Clare’s suitcase into his old Mazda. The boot was temperamental and had been since a drunk in a Porsche had rear-ended him. As he slammed the boot, he felt cold metal against his carotid artery, warm breath on the back of his neck. Fury whipped him around, his fingers gripping the wrist, twisting hard. It felt wrong. Plump. Soft.

‘Still fast, Captain.’ A giggle, not a grunt. ‘That Bo-Kaap skollie in you.’

‘Rita.’ Riedwaan dropped her wrist, angry, out of breath. ‘You’ll get shot doing that.’

She laughed again. ‘You trained me, Captain. But I’m younger and faster, so watch your back. Is Clare upstairs?’

‘She’s there. Go up, it’s open.’

Sergeant Rita Mkhize sauntered to the front gate. Riedwaan knew, without rancour, that she would out-captain him soon. That was how things worked now.

‘I’m here, Clare,’ Rita called through the intercom. ‘Sorry to be late.’

Clare met her halfway down the stairs. ‘Here are the keys. Fritz’s food is where it always is. The vet’s number is on the fridge. I made a bed for you in the spare room.’ She gave Rita the keys and a thick envelope. ‘Those are the things that Fritz likes. I thought it might be useful. Don’t tell Riedwaan about it.’

‘It’s our secret, but you’ll owe me big time,’ said Rita, keeping a straight face. She handed Clare a much thinner folder.

‘I’ve put together everything that Captain Damases sent for you.’

‘Brilliant, Rita,’ said Clare, flicking through the file. ‘Use my car if you want to.’

‘I’ll walk,’ said Rita, picking up the cat and following Clare to the gate. ‘The station’s three blocks. It’ll be a pleasure not being shot at coming to work. I’ve had enough of this taxi war.’

‘Thanks for taking care of Fritz for me,’ said Clare. ‘She’s not as fierce as she looks.’

‘Don’t believe her. Look at this.’ Riedwaan showed Rita a scabbed scratch on the back of his hand.

‘He teased her,’ said Clare.

‘I’m sure he did,’ said Rita, stroking the cat purring in her arms. ‘Don’t let him tease you.’

‘Get in,’ said Riedwaan. Aeroplanes always made him irritable. Clare let her hair swing forward to hide her smile as she slammed the door shut. ‘It’s international, so you need some time.’

Clare put her hand on Riedwaan’s knee, moving it up his thigh. ‘I’m going to miss you,’ she said, her breath warm in his ear.

‘Hey, let me drive,’ he said, smiling. ‘You’ll make me have an accident if you do that.’

Riedwaan drove along the elevated highway that cordoned off the city from the harbour. The lanes were already clogged, and overloaded taxis weaved between the cars as they raced into the city. Clare checked her face in the mottled mirror dangling from the sun visor.

‘Have you got a comb in here?’ she asked, opening the cubbyhole.

Riedwaan stretched across to close it. ‘Leave that,’ he said, swerving to avoid two schoolboys dashing across the highway.

A torch, a bar of mint chocolate, bills, letters, a map and a comb spilled onto the floor.

‘Are you planning to live in your car while I’m away?’ Clare asked. She bent down to pick up the scattered papers. ‘When last did you do any admin? Rates. Water. Electricity. Telkom. Insurance.’ She smoothed out the papers on her lap. She bent down to retrieve the last one, swearing as she bumped her head on the dashboard. A scrap of lilac paper fell out from between the stapled sheets. The childish script caught her eye, and she read, almost without thinking:

Hey Dad this is Yasmin. Can’t wait 2CU2. Mom got me new shoos. It is cold here when it is hot where you live. They look nice on my feet and we put paint on our nails. Red color.

CU soon. I u daddy.

Ps the tooth faree fairy gave me six dollars.

Clare looked at Riedwaan. His profile had set. A muscle on the underside of his jaw jumped. She smoothed the piece of white paper that had held Yasmin’s handmade card and stared down at the unfamiliar handwriting. This time she read deliberately:

Riedwaan

It looks like we will both come. I’m not sure if this is the best thing for me (or for you), but I think we have to try to work out how to move on. We arrive on the 13th. Friday. I’m not sure if it will be lucky or unlucky. Your mother has all the details. I hope this works. I’m tired of waiting. I need a decision

Shazia

Clare folded the letter and put it back into the cubbyhole. The comb lay forgotten on her lap. She opened the window, the air cooling her hot face.

‘You weren’t meant to read those,’ said Riedwaan.

‘You didn’t tell me she was coming.’

‘I did tell you Yasmin might come.’ Riedwaan knew he was clutching at straws.

Clare turned to him, anger flaring from the spark of hurt. ‘I’m glad that you’ll see your daughter,’ she said, teeth clenched, voice low. ‘But you didn’t tell me they were both coming.’

‘I only knew for sure a few days ago.’

A truck hurtled past on the inside lane, hooting. Riedwaan swerved again.

‘A few days?’ said Clare. ‘And you didn’t think to tell me?’

‘I thought you’d be angry.’

‘I am angry.’

Riedwaan took the off-ramp to the airport. ‘Shazia and I have a child together. We’ve been married for twelve years. I have to talk to her to sort things out.’

‘I know.’ Clare looked out of the window, dashing the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘But you should’ve told me.’

‘You’d still have been upset,’ said Riedwaan.

‘I’d have been able to make a choice then.’

‘Let me explain.’

‘No! You had your chance. Just drop me and go.’

There was a steel edge to Clare’s voice. The armour she used to protect herself from feeling too much moved along familiar grooves to protect the vulnerability she had risked with Riedwaan. His separation was too recent and his ties to his family were too strong. It was her fault for letting him insinuate himself into her life, her heart. She was as angry with herself for letting it happen as she was with him for doing it.

Riedwaan ignored her and parked the Mazda. ‘Talk to me, Clare.’ He switched off the ignition and turned to face her.

‘About what?’

‘About all of this.’

‘Why didn’t you think of that before, genius?’ Clare opened the door.

Riedwaan got out too, waving away the porter. ‘I can explain.’

‘You’ve had weeks to explain,’ said Clare. ‘Yesterday, when Yasmin called. Perfect opportunity to explain. Not telling me is worse than lying to me.’

‘It’s complicated.’ Riedwaan put his hands on her arms.

‘It was complicated,’ said Clare, shrugging him off. ‘Now it’s simple.’

‘It’s hard to talk to you about this, Clare,’ said Riedwaan. ‘It’s hard for me to tell you anything. I don’t know what you think. What you feel. What you want.’

The blinds came down over the hurt in Clare’s eyes. ‘There’s a bag of your things at the front door,’ she said. ‘Fetch it from Rita.’

‘Clare, I’m so sorry.’

‘It’ll be simpler professionally.’

‘I’ll call you,’ said Riedwaan.

‘About the case. This subject is closed.’ Clare touched his cheek, back in control, fingers cool, more dismissive than a slammed door. She strode towards the international departures terminal and into the embrace of the automatic doors.

‘Fuck it,’ Riedwaan said and went back to his car.

He threaded through the cars offloading passengers at domestic departures and joined the sluggish flow of traffic making its way into town.

‘Fuck it,’ he said again as the traffic gridlocked on the Eastern Boulevard.