Blue Tango

Chapter Eleven

Shortly after our marriage, Edward and I travelled to take the waters in Baden-Baden. We had rooms in one of the large hotels near the casino. In the mornings we walked in the gardens. In the afternoon we took tea on the terrace. We listened to the birds. We listened to the muted voices of the guests. The liveried servants moved about with a quiet dignity. One had the feeling the servants, the guests, the birds, had been as they were since the beginning of time.

One evening in the dining room, we met Baron Albert von Broda and his wife, Helga. They were Prussian. They had come down from Hanover to take the baths. They seemed delighted to chat with us. Over the course of the next few days, the four of us became quite friendly. We walked together in the gardens. Helga and I would talk about flowers and clothes, while the two men walked behind us smoking their cigars. We never took the baths together, but in the evening we often dined together at the same table.

The Baron was very cordial. He seemed impressed with me and I was pleased. The four of us passed a great deal of time talking. Edward liked to tease Albert about the German adventures in Africa. Albert always remained benign. He had such red cheeks. His eyes sparkled with amusement as we sipped our wine. He said he and Helga had been taking the waters in Baden-Baden for years. He said they always returned to Hanover completely rejuvenated. “Healthy and strong,” he said. “It's pleasant to be healthy and strong.”

In our rooms, Edward told me how pleased he was that we had the company of the Baron and the Baroness. “Capital people, aren't they?”

I said I wasn't that fond of the Baron. “I don't find him appealing. I think he's too Prussian.”

“Oh yes, he's quite Prussian, isn't he? And the Baroness. They do make a pair, don't they? But you don't find them tedious?”

“Not at all. No, not that. Just a bit too Prussian.”

But as the days passed, I came to be as comfortable with Albert and Helga as Edward seemed to be. We spent so many hours together. We talked, we had dinners together, we played cards almost every evening until it was time for bed.

One morning as we walked in the gardens, Helga began talking to me about her life with Albert. She talked of her marriage, her difficulties with his family. The men were far behind us and could hear nothing. I was surprised as Helga's confidences became more and more intimate. She finally revealed that for years she'd had a series of lovers. She said she preferred men of the lower classes. “One has them and that's the end of it. The best are the grooms. I suppose it's the horses. I suppose they learn something. Or perhaps they go to the horses because of what they are.”

“What they are?”

“Larger in the parts.” She giggled when she saw me blush. She was a buxom woman and when she giggled her bosom trembled. “One wouldn't think it was true, but it is. Larger in the parts and better in the accomplishment. The best boys I've had have been the grooms. Sturdy boys. Don't you adore the study ones? Yes you do, I can tell. It's difficult to hide things from another woman, isn't it? I do have the best. One wants them healthy and well-furnished. Large in the stones and thick in the yard, isn't that it? Oh my yes. You do agree, don't you?”

I had no idea what to say. “Yes, I think so.”

I was grateful that after that we talked about flowers again. I did not want to think about grooms. I preferred to think about less disturbing things. I decided Helga had been teasing me. I couldn't imagine her with one of her sturdy boys. I couldn't imagine it and I thought all of it was a way to mock me. They were Prussians, after all. I was certain that in Hanover Helga thought about nothing but her gowns and her next ball.

Then in the evening, when we were finally alone, Edward told me that Albert was infatuated with me.

I was amused. “Infatuated?”

“That's precisely the expression he used. Quite infatuated.”

“Oh dear.”

“You sound dismayed.”

“I'm not dismayed. I think it's completely silly.”

“Do you find him silly?”

“I find him dull and pompous.”

“You might consider changing your view of him.”

“But, darling, I can't.”

“I think you ought to.”

Then he said he wanted me to encourage Albert. He said he found Helga intriguing, and that if I encouraged Albert it would be of great help to him with Helga.

“Edward, I don't understand.”

He smiled. “I want Helga, don't you see? I think it would be most suitable if Albert had you in exchange.”

I was shocked. “That's impossible.”

“It's not impossible at all. It's an amusement, darling. It's quite common here. Quite ordinary, I should say. You aren't so innocent that you think it isn't ordinary.”

I was confused. I had never visited such a place before. Illustrious people from all over Europe came to Baden-Baden to take the waters. Some of the women were extremely beautiful. The men all seemed fabulously rich. All the guests seemed completely self-assured and at ease. Was it possible that Edward was telling the truth? But I couldn't imagine myself in Albert's arms. I resisted the idea. I told Edward it wasn't possible. I could not bear the thought of it. I could not encourage Albert's advances.

Edward insisted. He said he was certain I would find the Baron amusing. He said I ought to be flattered that a man as important as Albert had such an interest in me. He said Albert's family was one of the most distinguished in Germany. And he did want his chance with Helga. He said I ought to think of it as something that would afford him a great pleasure. He soon had me in tears. I finally agreed. I was completely wretched. Edward soothed me. He brought out a small box and asked me to open it. A necklace. A gift he'd purchased in one of the local jewelry shops. He kissed my cheek as he fastened the necklace around my throat.

The next day during a moment when we were alone together, Albert asked me if he might show me a small war museum in a nearby town. “I'm certain that you'll find it delightful. Please accept. No, I insist that you accept. Helga finds all museums completely boring and we might convince your husband to remain behind and entertain her.”

I agreed. It was all arranged by Edward, of course. The following morning the Baron and I waved goodbye to Helga and Edward at the hotel and climbed into a chauffeur-driven motor car.

The car was huge and quite luxurious. But still I felt uncomfortable beside Albert in the rear… I thought of my promise to Edward. I watched the countryside roll by as Albert talked to me about the wines that grew in the district. He seemed so remarkably certain of everything. He seemed totally secure in his understanding of everything around him. Then after a while he raised my hand and kissed it. He kissed my palm and then my wrist. “I find you totally enchanting. You've conquered me. I offer you my complete devotion.” He leaned against me and kissed my cheek. I resisted the impulse to push him away. I thought of my promise to Edward. Soon the Baron's mouth was upon my lips. He kissed me fervently. I was annoyed by the taste of tobacco. Edward never kissed me after he smoked. It was still morning, but the Baron had evidently smoked at least one cigar. I was more wretched than ever. I was a prisoner in a huge motor car with a man I found repulsive.

The kissing continued and soon Albert moved one of his hands to my breasts. He fondled me, murmuring as he kissed my lips. Then he dropped his hand and stroked my thighs. He pulled at my gown to lift it. No, I did not want it. I refused. Not in the car. I begged him not to force himself upon me in the motor car. The chauffeur seemed oblivious, but he had to be aware of what when on behind him. Albert was amused. He said I shouldn't imagine the chauffeur was anything but a servant.

“Pretend he doesn't exist.”

“That's impossible.”

But he pressed his kisses upon me again and I yielded to his mouth. Once more he pulled at my gown. He lifted it to expose my knees. He fondled my knees and then my thighs. He said the skin of my thighs was like the finest ivory. His kisses were so hot against my lips.

Then Albert's hand moved to the front of his trousers and I quivered as I watched him undo the buttons. I was mesmerized when his organ appeared. The knob of his tool was half-uncovered, a round knob with an almost cherry color. Albert whispered in my ear that I should suck it. I stared at it. I was helpless. I watched his fingers pull at his cowl to completely expose the tip. He was amused at my hesitation. He whispered at me again as he stroked his tool with his fingers. I finally relented. I did as he wished. I lowered my head into his lap, lowered my head to take his knob between my lips. Albert made a sound of pleasure. I sucked his tool while the motor car rolled on. Now I could see nothing but the tops of the trees as we passed. Albert's knob was like a warm fruit in my mouth. The actuality of it seemed impossible, but I had the proof between my lips. Albert stroked my face. His fingers traced the stretching of my mouth by his organ. “Like Aphrodite,” he said. “You remind me of Aphrodite.”

Finally we arrived at the museum. We adjusted our clothes. The chauffeur came around to open the door. The Baron climbed out first. He took my arm as I stepped out. He smiled at me and led me up the stone steps to the small building. The square seemed deserted, empty except for the large motor car and the chauffeur now standing beside it. I turned my back on the square as I walked with Albert to the door of the museum. I had the memory of his knob in my mouth, the taste of his throbbing flesh.

We passed an hour viewing the relics of German wars. Crossbows and cuirasses and ancient muskets. A long case filled with a variety of medals. Stuffed uniforms with all the brass buttons carefully polished. I was uneasy before an exhibit of pistols used in the war of 1870. Albert was so proud of his Prussian heritage. It seemed to amuse him that I was French. He said he doubted if any French person had ever set foot inside the place. “My father led a brigade at Sedan. He was a great favorite of von Moltke. Unfortunately, I myself have had no opportunity to demonstrate my patriotism. Are you disappointed, my darling? Would you rather I had the scars of battle to show you? I have nothing but a puny dueling scar.” He traced the line of a small scar below his left cheekbone. I had not noticed it before. A thin white line. I quivered as I imagined his face cut by a foil.

“Albert, the room is so close.”

The Baron chuckled as he led me away. “You're much too pretty for this place. You must forgive me.”

I was happy that inside the museum the Baron behaved correctly. I was thankful for it. I could pretend that nothing had happened in the motor car. I could pretend that I'd made no promises to Edward about the Baron. I was grateful that Albert did not take advantage of our previous intimacy. The rooms in the museum were completely deserted. We found ourselves alone in a hall with a dozen suits of armor. The Baron talked about the history of his family. I could understand little of it. I was too frightened by the empty armor. I sighed with relief as we finally walked out of the museum and into the sunlight again.

After the museum, we had lunch at a nearby inn. Three servant girls with white aprons hovered over us. We drank a sweet wine and smiled at each other over the plates of fish and fruit. Albert did his utmost to be charming. I drank more and more of the wine. I hoped to be at ease and I hoped the wine would allow it. The day was so pleasant. After lunch we had our coffee in a small garden. The sky overhead was the clearest blue. I refused to think about the intimacy in the motor car. I refused to think about my promise to Edward. I enjoyed the admiring stares of the people around us. I could see the wonder in their eyes. A Prussian baron and a young Parisian woman. It seemed impossible to them. The servants whispered to each other in the shadows.

Then finally the lunch was finished and Albert escorted me inside the inn again. He led me to a room on one of the upper floors. I went with him in silence. Now there was no way to forget. I was apprehensive. Albert pushed the shutters open and marveled at the view of the countryside. “One can see the Staufenberg. Come look, darling.” He pointed at the mountain in the distance. I trembled as his arm slipped around my waist. A flood of hatred suddenly welled in my chest. I repelled the memory of what had happened in the motor car. For a moment I closed my eyes. I wanted to blind myself to the room, to the presence of the Baron beside me.

Then I wondered what Edward was up to with Helga. He was with her, of course. I remembered the amusement in Edward's eyes as the Baron and I drove off from the steps of the hotel. I wondered how quickly Helga had fallen into his arms. Then I wondered what the Baron expected of me. He seemed so satisfied as he moved about the room. I remained at the window, gazing at the Staufenberg and feeling so completely miserable. I told myself I had already given myself to the Baron in the motor car. What did it matter what happened now? I had already yielded.

The Baron had more wine brought to the room. This time he insisted that we toast the occasion with crossed arms. I thought it so ludicrous. He was such a blustering fool. So stiff at times, and then at other times so silly. Then he kissed me. He kissed my lips.

He kissed my neck. I quivered in his arms as he whispered passionately in my ear. I did not resist when he began to undress me. I was helpless. The door was locked and bolted. We were alone. I had promised Edward. I thought of the servants downstairs. How fierce the whispering must be. The Baron and his French lady. Albert's fingers were not at all clumsy. He knew how to undress a woman. A pink flush came to his face at each revelation. He seemed crazed with excitement as my clothes fell away. My chemise, my drawers, my stockings. He soon had me completely naked. He kissed me again, enfolded me in his arms, pressed me against his waistcoat. He fondled my body. His fingers toyed with my nipples. He squeezed my bottom and tickled my nest.

“Perfect. Completely perfect. Such exquisite little breasts. Kiss me again, darling. I want to hold you in my arms.”

Once more I was crushed against his chest. He rained kisses upon my face and neck. He seemed taken with my slenderness. He seemed amazed by the girlish look of my breasts. I was certainly different than Helga. He chuckled as he spoke of his wife. He said Helga had such large breasts. An abundance of breast and buttock. He seemed amused as he contemplated the difference. He said my nipples were a marvel. Like two arrows. He covered a breast with each hand and squeezed my nipples between his fingers. Then he made me turn so that he might embrace me from behind. He held one of my breasts with one hand and fondled my bottom with the other hand. Once again he compared me to the Baroness. This time it was my bottom that occupied his attention. He squeezed my flesh. He kissed my neck as he tickled my sex from the rear. I was overcome. I trembled under his caresses. He urged me to the bed, gently pushing me forward, his hand continually stroking my body, my breasts, my bottom, the furrow between my buttocks. I was completely helpless. I was completely in his power. He coaxed me to bend. He made me kneel on the bed to show my bottom. He said I was too lovely not to be looked at. Once again he mentioned Aphrodite.

“Oh yes. Oh yes, indeed. How fine you are. Like an angel. Such white skin. And the breasts so small. Not like the Baroness, eh? You don't mind me talking of Helga? Say you don't mind.”

“I don't mind.”

“Your breasts are like apples. We need to squeeze the apples a bit, don't we? I'm not hurting you, am I? And the bottom. Exquisite. And a bit of touching here. Albert has a good touch, eh?”

“Albert, please…”

“You do like me?”

“Yes.”

“You're perfect. Perfect bottom. Full and yet not too full. One wants to have flesh in the bottom, no? Do you mind? Just a bit of stroking. Be patient with me, darling.”

“I don't mind.”

“I was charmed by you the first moment we met. I wanted to hold you like this. I wanted to look at you. Then I discovered you were French and that was the end of me. I adore French women. How unpatriotic of me. I ought to adore German women but I don't. It's the French I adore. What do you think of that? Do you find that amusing? Tell me the truth, darling. What do you think of me? How tiny you are here. The French call it the little rose, don't they? So tiny. But we'll manage it, won't we? God in Heaven, what a bottom. I must control myself. Albert, you must control yourself. Give me a moment, darling. Just a moment to undress. Stay just as you are, I beg you. The pose is perfect. What a joy it is to look at you.”

I remained as I was. I had no opportunity to look at him. I heard him muttering behind me as he undressed. Then he was at me again. His hands stroked my bottom. He kissed me there, first each globe and then between. I trembled as he licked me. He tongued the little rose. His fingers tickled the lips of my sex. His tongue licked and probed as I knelt before him on the bed. I shivered at the feel of it. I could feel the wet sucking of his mouth. He seemed obsessed with my bottom. He continually muttered, stroking my buttocks and thighs, his face pushing at me, sounds of excitement emanating from his throat. I was revolted. His mouth was ravenous. I was helpless beneath: the rain of sucking kisses. And the tickling of my sex. He made love to both places at once. His fingers played in one place and his tongue in the other. I heard sounds through the open window. A girl laughing in the distance. I wondered who it was that made her laugh. Were they gazing at the Staufenberg?

Finally the Baron removed his mouth. I could feel the wetness between my buttocks. Then I felt his tool pushing at my bottom-hole. I cried out. He soothed me. He pushed further. I prayed for deliverance. I begged him to stop. He continued pushing at me, coaxing me, stroking my bottom with his hands as he pushed forward. “My little darling… how lovely you are… from the first moment… so girlish… God in Heaven… and now the rose is breached…”

I felt his belly pushing against my bottom. He gripped my hips and began thrusting in my back passage. It was too much. He was too large. I was certain I would not survive it. Once again I begged him to stop, but it was useless. His thrusting continued. He made noises in his throat. His hands gripped my flesh. “So fine… exquisite, darling… you do like me, don't you?… now you're completely open to me… a marvel…”

I cried out again. I was certain the people at the inn could hear me. Were they snickering in the garden? I imagined their amusement as they sipped their wine and gazed up at the open window. How stupid of the Baron to leave the window open, the shutters pushed out. I was furious. I hated him. I hated Edward. It was Edward who had forced me to be at the mercy of the Baron.

“Albert, I beg you…”

“What, darling?”

“You must stop.”

“But that's impossible now.”

He persisted. He soothed me with words and caresses. He said surely I must feel the pleasure now. I wanted to die. I felt nothing but a great heat in my bowels. Then he was at the crisis, his thrusting more forceful. In a moment he spent, his hands gripping my bottom fiercely as he emptied himself.

“Darling Claire, what a wonder you are!”

I felt totally debased. I heard someone laughing again. I was certain they were laughing at me. Albert pulled away from me and I fell away on the bed. I heard him dressing. He said he would wait for me in the car. He said he would have a girl come to the room to assist me. I covered my face as I heard the door close.

Albert and I sat apart all during the return drive to the hotel in Baden-Baden. How strange it was. We were once again so formal with each other. The Prussian gentleman and the French wife of an Englishman. He made only passing comments about the countryside. I had the impression he was extremely careful not to touch me.

When we arrived at the hotel, Edward was waiting for us on the steps. He greeted us, he smiled at me, he took my arm. I learned Helga was not feeling well. Edward mumbled something about a headache, her apologies. Edward and Albert chatted about the news from the capitals. The Baron said he ought to have a look at Helga and he excused himself. He kissed my hand before he left. I avoided his eyes. I did not want to remember anything. When Edward asked if I'd like tea on the terrace, I quickly agreed.

Edward said nothing at all about my time with the Baron. He asked no more than a casual question about the war museum. We dined alone that evening. The next morning I learned that Albert and Helga had left Baden-Baden to return to Hanover. Edward and I continued taking the waters for another week and then we returned to London.