Body Double

TWENTY-THREE

MATTIE PURVIS SAT in the dark, wondering how long it took a person to starve to death. She was going through her food too fast. Only six Hershey bars, half a packet of saltines, and a few strips of beef jerky were left in the grocery sack. I have to ration it, she thought. I have to make it last long enough to…

To what? Die of thirst instead?

She bit off a precious chunk of chocolate, and was sorely tempted to take a second bite, but managed to hold on to her willpower. Carefully, she rewrapped the rest of the bar for later. If I get truly desperate, there’s always the paper to eat, she thought. Paper was edible, wasn’t it? It’s made of wood, and hungry deer eat the bark off trees, so there must be some nutritional value to it. Yes, save the paper. Keep it clean. Reluctantly, she returned the partially eaten chocolate bar to the sack. Closing her eyes, she thought of hamburgers and fried chicken and all the forbidden foods she had denied herself ever since Dwayne had said that pregnant women reminded him of cows. Meaning she reminded him of a cow. For two weeks afterwards, she’d eaten nothing but salads, until one day she’d felt dizzy and had sat right down on the floor in the middle of Macy’s. Dwayne had turned red-faced as worried ladies gathered around them, asking again and again if his wife was all right. He kept waving them away while he’d hissed at Mattie to get up. Image was everything, he always liked to say, and there was Mr. BMW with his cow of a wife in her maternity stretch pants, wallowing on the floor. Yes, I am a cow, Dwayne. A big, beautiful cow carrying your baby. Now come and save us, goddamn it. Save us, save us.

A footstep creaked overhead.

She looked up as her captor approached. She had come to recognize his tread, light and cautious as a stalking cat’s. Each time he’d visited, she’d pleaded with him to release her. Each time, he had just walked away, leaving her in this box. Now her food was running low, and the water, too.

“Lady.”

She didn’t answer. Let him wonder, she thought. He’ll worry whether I’m okay and he’ll have to open the box. He has to keep me alive or he won’t get his precious ransom.

“Talk to me, lady.”

She stayed silent. Nothing else has worked, she thought. Maybe this will scare him. Maybe now he’ll let me out.

A thump on the dirt. “Are you there?”

Where else would I be, you asshole?

A long pause. “Well. If you’re already dead, there’s no point digging you up. Is there?” The footsteps moved away.

“Wait! Wait!” She turned on the flashlight. Began pounding on the ceiling. “Come back, goddamn it! Come back!” She listened, heart thudding. Almost laughed with relief when she heard the creak of his approach. How pitiful was this? She was reduced to begging for his attention, like an ignored lover.

“You’re awake,” he said.

“Have you talked to my husband? When is he going to pay you?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Why don’t you ever answer my questions?”

“Answer mine first.”

“Oh, I’m feeling just dandy!”

“What about the baby?”

“I’m running out of food. I need more food.”

“You have enough.”

“Excuse me, but I’m the one down here, not you! I’m starving. How are you going to get your money if I’m dead?”

“Stay calm, lady. Rest. Everything’s going to be all right.”

“Everything is so not right!”

No answer.

“Hello? Hello?” she yelled.

The footsteps were moving away now.

“Wait!” She pounded on the ceiling. “Come back!” She beat on the wood with both fists. Rage suddenly consumed her, a rage like nothing she had ever known before. She screamed, “You can’t do this to me! I’m not an animal!” She collapsed against the wall, hands bruised and throbbing, body wracked with sobs. Sobs of fury, not defeat. “Fuck you,” she said. “Fuck you. And fuck Dwayne. And fuck all the other assholes in this world!”

Exhausted, she collapsed onto her back. Drew her arm across her eyes, wiping away tears. What does he want from us? By now, Dwayne must have paid him. So why am I still down here? What is he waiting for?

The baby gave a kick. She pressed her hand against her belly, a calming touch transmitted through the skin that separated them. She felt her womb tighten, the first quiver of a contraction. Poor thing. Poor…

Baby.

She went very still, thinking. Remembering all the conversations through the air grate. Never about Dwayne. Never about money. That made no sense. If the asshole wanted money, Dwayne is the person he has to go to. But he doesn’t ask about my husband. He doesn’t talk about Dwayne. What if he hasn’t even called him? What if he hasn’t asked for any ransom at all?

Then what does he want?

The flashlight dimmed. The second set of batteries was dying. Two more fresh sets to go, and then she’d be in permanent darkness. This time she did not panic as she reached into the grocery sack and tore open a new package. I’ve done this before; I can do it again. She unscrewed the back, calmly slid out the old batteries, and inserted the new. Bright light beamed out, a temporary reprieve from the long good-night she feared was coming.

Everybody dies. But I don’t want to die buried in this box, where no one will ever find my bones.

Save the light, save the light as long as you can. She flicked off the switch and lay in the darkness as fear closed in and wrapped its tentacles tighter. No one knows, she thought. No one knows I’m here.

Stop it, Mattie. Keep it together. You’re the only one who can save yourself.

She turned onto her side and hugged herself. Heard something roll across the floor. One of the spent batteries, useless now.

What if no one knows I’ve been kidnapped? What if no one knows I’m still alive?

She wrapped her arms around her belly and thought about every conversation she’d had with her captor. How are you feeling? That’s what he always asked, how was she feeling? As if he cared. As if anyone who stuck a pregnant woman in a box gave a damn how she was feeling. But he always asked the question, and she always pleaded with him to let her out.

He’s waiting for a different answer.

She drew her knees closer and her foot hit something that went rolling away. She sat up and turned on the flashlight. Began scrambling around for all the loose batteries. She had four old ones, plus two fresh ones still in the package. Plus the two in the flashlight. She flicked off the switch again. Save the light, save the light.

In darkness, she began to untie her shoe.