CHAPTER FIVE

We made it to Aguascalientes in just under five hours. Traffic on the main highway was thick and we had to stop to use the restroom and fill up on gas. Thankfully, Camden’s pills worked well on Violetta and she was out like a light for most of the drive, her head on Javier’s shoulder – though I was sure it wouldn’t remain that way when she woke up.

I only got to speak to Camden alone, briefly, when I went into the store to pay.

We were waiting in line at the cashier and he grabbed a bag of the ubiquitous pork rinds you find all over Mexico and tossed them to me. I caught them one-handed and found myself smiling shyly.

“What happened to your glasses?” I asked him.

He bit his lip, his eyes darting to the car. “They fell off somewhere. Probably when I fell. I can’t remember. That whole thing was … a blur.”

“Can you still see?”

He smiled all beautiful white teeth, full lips and dimples. “I’m nearsighted. Which means I’ll be a lousy shot until I get a new pair or some contacts. But at least I can see you clearly. The things up close. The things that matter.”

Boom. There went my heart.

In the middle of a Mexican convenience store.

I had a sudden urge to step closer to him, press myself into his chest, find out how clearly he could see me then. But then the clerk was calling us forward and Camden gave me a little nudge. His fingers felt hot and rough on my arm, awakening my skin.

I smiled at the clerk and awkwardly asked in Spanish to pay for a full tank on the pump we were at but the clerk figured some of it out on his own. While I was handing over the pesos I had, Camden whispered in my ear.

“I know Javier helped me back there,” he said deeply, shivers going down my neck, “but don’t you dare start thinking he’s on our side. He’s not. He’s not even on his sister’s side.”

“So who is on my side?” I whispered back while the clerk counted the money. Funny, back in the day I would have been busy trying to scam my way out of paying for the gas, but the idea wasn’t even an option anymore.

His lips brushed against my ear, his presence behind me so large and commanding, I was surprised hadn’t filled the whole store. “I’m on your side. I’ll be on your side. All the way, until we get home.”

Then he turned and walked out of the store and back to the car.

Until we got home.

Home seemed like such a strange concept now.

And what would happen to us then?

When the clerk was satisfied, I went out to the car, Camden already pumping away. I met his eyes, wondering if I was a blur to him at that distance or if he could fill in the details. Giving him a grateful smile, I got in the car.

Javier was sitting stiffly in the back, Violetta now sleeping against the far window. The hot and dusty breeze from the highway swept in through the shattered back window, messing her hair. Javier was watching me observe her, thinking, always thinking.

“You like her, don’t you?” Javier asked.

I raised a shoulder. “Why not? She seems like a good kid.”

He grunted in disgust and started examining his fingernails. “Good kid. Right. You think associating with the Zetas is good now?”

I gave him a sharp look. “You don’t know that those men had anything to do with her. They’re after us in the end, isn’t that what matters?”

“They’re after me, angel,” he corrected.

“Then why take Gus?”

“They think Gus is of importance to you. They think you are of importance to me. That’s how it goes.”

They thought I was of importance to him – but was I? I shook my head, not seeing why I should care, and looked at Violetta. “Anyway, she didn’t know you were coming, Javier. She didn’t do anything. You’re the one who is after Travis.”

We are.”

I’m–”

“After Gus, yes, you’ve said that,” he filled in sharply.

Camden opened his door and climbed in. He eyed me, the tension in my jaw and shoulders and then looked to Javier. “Everything all right in here?”

I had a feeling Camden wouldn’t need much of an excuse to beat the shit out of Javier again. What I would have given to see that.

“Yes,” Javier said. “Just getting our priorities straight.” He tapped the back of my seat. “You better get this damn car moving again. I called Dom and let him know we’d be there soon.”

“Is that safe?” I asked him as I started the car and pulled him back on to the highway heading north. “I mean, calling people and letting them know where we are?”

Javier laughed. “Once again, angel, I am not Jason Bourne and the government isn’t after me. No one is tapping my phones because no one has this phone number. Except for Dom now. And if I can’t trust Dom, I can’t trust anyone.”

I definitely didn’t trust Dom. And Camden would be happy to know, I didn’t trust Javier either.

As soon as we got to the city limits of Aguascalientes, a pleasant looking city at the base of ragged mountains, Javier instructed me to look out for the signs for the Aguascalientes Monumental Bullring.

“Are we seriously going to a bullring?” I asked. Violetta was awake now, not talking but obviously in pain. Camden had courteously spared her the last of his pain medication but apparently it wasn’t enough. She was trying to keep it together but little bursts of agony would occasionally squeak past her lips.

“Just do as I say,” was Javier’s answer. I half-expected him to tell me to trust him.

I grumbled, my hands sweaty on the wheel, my back aching from the drive, but did as he asked. It was all for Gus, all for Gus, all for Gus.

My mother’s face came flashing into my head, the look of horror when she saw who I was, where I was.

Yes. This was all for her too, even though I knew she wouldn’t do the same for me.

I sighed and focused on my new surroundings. The city was actually quite clean and civilized looking, well-maintained with lots of greenery and wide thoroughfares. It wasn’t long until we came to a very high, very round building done up in pinks, oranges and blues.

“It’s like the coliseum on Gay Pride Day,” Camden commented.

“You would know,” Javier sniped.

I shot him a look. “Okay, we’re here. Now what?”

Javier motioned to the giant parking lot across the street that was emptying out of cars. “Pull in there.”

“Looks like the fight is over,” Camden mused, staring at the crowds spilling out of the bullring and into the surrounding plaza.

“We’re not here to see the fight,” Javier explained. Thank god. The idea of watching a bull fight made me feel sick to my stomach. I remembered being fifteen years old and actually donating money to some charity at school that was trying to make that event, and other animal sporting events, illegal. Obviously it did shit all. Bullfighting looked to be as popular in Mexico as it ever was.

I parked the car in an empty spot and Javier tapped the back of my seat to be let out. I sighed and got out. It was cooler here in Aguascalientes, the sky blue even as the sun began to set.

He started to walk away so I reached out and grabbed his hand.

“Where are you going?”

He paused and looked down at my fingers around his wrist, then looked back at me, brow raised.

I immediately dropped his hand like a hot potato and licked my lips nervously. I hated how I couldn’t even touch him without him making a big deal about it.

“I’m going to see Dom,” he said, trying to hide a smile.

I folded my arms. “I’m going too.”

“Ellie, he doesn’t know you.”

“He’ll get to know me. I’m not letting you walk in there, leaving me, Camden and your poor sister in the car like easy prey.”

He frowned and shoved his hands into his pant pockets. “You’re so mistrustful, after everything I’ve done.”

Because of everything you’ve done.”

“Such a short memory.”

“My memory is just fine. I have a hard time thinking that any of the good you’ve done lately, for us, is because you’ve found your soul.”

He chuckled. “Oh angel, you forget. You’re the only one who gave me a soul. If I don’t have one anymore, it’s not my fault.”

I automatically dug my nails into my arm in frustration. “I’m going with you,” I said again, making each word sharp.

He sighed and brushed his hair behind his ears. “Very well. You may come. You better make sure your ape doesn’t try anything with my sister.” He walked off.

I turned and looked at Camden who was leaning over my seat, hearing the whole thing. He gave me a grim nod, one I knew meant he’d stay and take care of Violetta, and then mouthed to me “be careful.” I smiled uneasily and went after Javier. I hoped we’d be quick.

I also hoped Dom wasn’t waiting for us with a loaded gun.

Javier didn’t say much to me as we went into the building and unlike the way he was in Mexico City, he was relaxed and confident. Considering the way his sister was, the way we all battled our way from death on those barrio rooftops, he was acting like none of that even happened. I don’t know why I was so surprised – I guess from the way that Javier would describe his sisters before, they sounded like they meant a great deal to him. After this, I wasn’t sure of that. I wasn’t sure of anything involving him.

He looked over his shoulder at me as we walked down a cool, linoleum tiled corridor. It felt like we were heading backstage at a concert or a hockey game.

“I can feel how nervous you are, angel,” he said. “It’s coming right off you, like sweat.”

“Can you feel this?” I stuck up my middle finger at him.

He only looked amused at that. Great.

We went around the corner to a room that said something in Spanish and Javier lightly knocked on it. A very distinctive knock. Code. Funny how cartels had the same knock as those No Girls Allowed clubs back when I was in middle school.

We waited for a few moments, Javier looking as cool and collected as he could ever be. Like he didn’t fear a single thing. Like we were on his turf again.

That could be both a good thing and a bad thing. My gun tingled in my boot.

Finally the door opened and I was somewhat shocked to see the face of a good-looking man staring back at us.

“Javi,” he said with an easy smile. “Entrar, por favor.

The man brought his dark eyes to me and I could have sworn they were twinkling. His hair was black and cropped short to his head, a layer of thin stubble on his angular face. He was probably in his late thirties and I could see a wedding ring glinting on his left hand. He looked like he’d be a family man, albeit one in Javier’s cartel. He was built like a runner, tall and lean, but like Javier he had fluidity and grace to his movements. He opened the door wider to let Javier in then extended his hand to me.

“And you must be his friend, Ellie,” he said, his voice light but heavily accented. I gave him my hand and he shook it heartily. There was something impish in his expression as he watched me and I had to figure that he knew I once was the infamous Eden, the heartbreaker.

“I’m not quite his friend,” I said, my words coming out harder than I meant them to.

He smiled. “Of course not. Javi doesn’t have friends.” He dropped my hand and welcomed me into the room.

I went inside and stood against the wall, looking around the room. It looked like an ordinary office, filing cabinets, a messy desk, a fax machine. On the walls were a few colorful paintings of bullfighters.

“Take a seat,” Dom said as he eased himself into his leather chair and gestured at the two chairs across from him.

Javier shook his head. “We have to make this fast. I need your help.”

Dom smiled and brought out a cigar from his desk, pulling it out of the silver canister. He had no interest in making this fast.

“Care for a cigar?” he asked Javier. When Javier refused he looked to me.

I shrugged. “Sure.”

Javier shot me a dirty look but I didn’t care. A cigar would take some of the edge off the day. Hell, it would take some of the edge off the right now.

“I like you,” Dom said. He lit his own with a thick match from an antique-looking matchbox. After a few satisfied puffs, he pulled out another cigar and offered it to me. I went over to him and took them from him. Both he and Javier watched me closely as I lit it and once I showed that I wasn’t an idiot and knew how to smoke a cigar, Dom murmured something in approval.

“Now that the formalities are over,” Javier said, glaring at me for no real reason. I glared right back, my eyes cutting through the cigar smoke trailing up from my lips. “We have something urgent to discuss.”

Dom nodded. “Si. You’ve said so already. What is it?”

“I need a doctor, for my sister. Someone who won’t talk.”

“Which sister?”

“Does it matter?”

Dom shrugged. “No, I guess not. What else do you need?”

“I need you to get us to Travis Raines.”

He frowned and looked at me. “Us? What does she have to do with Travis?”

“That’s not important,” Javier told him. “What’s important is that you’ll do it and do it fast. Dominique, I know you know where he is. This is part of your job.”

Dom smiled wryly. He had this calm, bemused air about him but underneath it all I could see there was that layer of fear. Whether it was for Travis or Javier, I didn’t know.

“My job, Javi, is taking care of my men.” He eyed the paintings on the wall.

“The matadors?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No. Well, yes. But only Americans call them that. We call them Toreros. You see, after Javier decided to restructure the cartel, I was sent back to Mexico. There’s money in bull fighting, yes? There’s not much money in Javi’s business. Not anymore.”

I could feel Javier’s posture snapping. It was like his mood could change the air pressure in a room, maybe even in a whole building.

Dom’s eyes flew to Javier’s face which was struggling to stay calm. “Sorry, Javi. You know it’s true. Travis took a great deal from us. Well, anyway, no hard feelings from me. I much prefer dealing with bulls here than dealing with the bullshit in America.”

Javier swallowed loudly. “You’re still on the payroll, Dom. You owe me this.”

Dom breathed out through his nose and put his cigar down on the silver ashtray. He folded his hands in front of him. “And I’ll be on the payroll till my death, isn’t that the case?”

“You have a lovely wife and two lovely little girls. What were their names again?”

Dom’s eyes darkened momentarily, like a shadow passed over them. He and Javier stared at each other for a few moments, the clock on the wall ticking loud. Then Dom said, slowly, “Estella and Abril.”

“Right. So lovely. They must be what, four years old now? Such a precious age. They live in Aguascalientes still? With your beautiful wife. Does she still work for the bank?”

Dom was starting to look nervous. I looked to Javier who was as cold as stone except for that cunning look in his eyes. He was threatening him.

“Javier,” I warned, hoping I wasn’t jumping to conclusions, that they were still just having a simple business discussion.

“Ellie, shut up,” he said, not even looking at me. “This is for you.”

“This is extortion!” I cried out.

He shook his head. “No, this is loyalty. This is Dom proving how loyal he is. He knows he’ll help us get to Travis. I don’t even have to take his children. He’ll do it because he’s loyal. I just like to remind him from time to time that what he has, what I gave him, can oh so easily be taken away.”

Javier then leaned on the desk, coming closer to Dom’s face, beads of sweat running down his temples. He started speaking in Spanish to him, fast and cutting, too quick for me to pick up on it. Javier’s tone was so smooth that I couldn’t even tell if he was further threatening him or what.

Dom nodded a few times and averted his eyes. “Si. Comprende.”

This was ridiculous. I had to wonder what the hell Javier had said, if Dom was agreeing to something that was nothing short of a death wish. I mean, that’s all this could be, couldn’t it? Me, Camden and Javier heading off to find Travis Raines, now, when he knows we’re out there, was a suicide mission. It wasn’t until I saw how reluctant Dom was to get involved that it finally hit home for me, the futility of it all.

And just like that, my bravado was slowly slipping away, like the wisps of cigar smoke that were trailing up to the ceiling. The thought that I may never get to see Gus again. The fact that Camden and I were heading into something that we most likely would never return from.

Javier turned his head to look at me, as if sensing my hesitation.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Everything is good.”

More lies. I couldn’t smile. I licked my lips and put my cigar beside Dom’s in the ashtray.

“Thank you for that,” I told Dom earnestly. “I don’t think it can help me anymore.”

“He must really mean something to you,” Dom said. I looked to Javier in confusion and Dom went on, “Not Javi. This man that Travis has.”

I nodded. “He does. He came here for me. It’s the least I can do for him.”

“Very well,” Dom said, getting out of his chair. “I will help you, Ellie. I will do this for you, because I like you. I am not doing it for him.” He jerked his head at Javier.

Javier rolled his eyes. “You can think of any reasons you want to, Dom, as long as you get the job done.”

Dom sighed and rubbed his chin. “Si. Always getting things done. Okay, I will write down where to bring your sister. Then I want you to meet me here.” He started scribbling on a piece of paper he tore out of a notebook. “We can talk there tonight. It’s a bar. Busy but safe. There’s a small hotel attached to it, also a safe place to stay.”

Javier gently took the paper from his hands and narrowed his cat-like eyes ever so slightly. “If you are trying to fuck with me …”

Dom gave him a small smile. “I’m not an idiot, Javi.”

“That remains to be seen,” Javier replied. Then he straightened up and grabbed my arm, wrapping his fingers around my bicep. “Come on, let’s go.”

Dom opened the door and Javier escorted me outside, his fingers digging into my skin.

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” I hissed at him as he brought me down the hall. People were passing us, giving us dubious glances.

“Oh, give it a rest, angel,” he said, exasperated. “One minute I’m hurting you, the next minute you like it.”

“I haven’t liked it for a long time,” I seethed through my teeth.

“Is that so?” He cocked his head at me. “I could have sworn it was just a few days ago that I last made you scream.”

“Fuck you.”

He grinned. “That you did, my angel. That you did.”

I ripped myself out of his grasp before we exited the building. Outside the air was cooler, the sky layered with pink, blue and orange, like the sand art I used to see in the gift shops along the Mississippi coast. As we walked toward Jose, looking more battered than ever in the fading light, I asked him, “Are you sure we can trust Dom?”

He shook his head. “Can I be sure? No. But he knows if something goes wrong, he will pay for it in the end. Or, his family will pay and he will have to watch.”

“Does everything have to be a threat with you?” What I really wanted to do was call him a sick fuck but he’d heard it too many times already.

“If there are no threats, then people die. I don’t feel like dying anytime soon. Do you? Does Camden?”

I rubbed my lips together, wishing I had some lip balm on me. Actually, what I really wished for was a long hot shower, then a drink or two, then a few hours by myself to think.

No. Not by myself. With Camden. I needed him to think with me.

When we got to the car, he was turned around in his seat and speaking to Violetta. At a closer look, he was holding her hand as she lay in the back. My lungs pinched at the sight, as silly as it was. Poor thing was in agony and I was getting jealous.

“What are you doing?” Javier asked him as he got into the backseat, Violetta slowly sitting up.

“He’s holding my hand, what does it look like?” Violetta asked snidely. She looked like utter shit. Her face was ashen, her forehead thick with sweat, her lips dry and cracking. A shiver occasionally rocked through her despite my leather jacket that covered her shoulders that Camden must have gotten out of the trunk.

Camden looked to me and said, “She’s in a lot of pain.”

I nodded. “We’re taking her to the doctor now.”

“Took you long enough,” she said, then groaned. I noticed Camden squeezing her hand harder. I looked behind me at Javier who was watching them with a look of utter disdain.

“Javier,” I said carefully, slowly, until he looked at me. “Where are we taking her?”

He looked at the piece of paper that Dom had given him. “Outside of town. I know where this is. Take your first left until you see signs for the highway. Take it west.”

I did as he suggested, hoping the cops wouldn’t pull us over for driving with one headlight. It was Mexico but Aguascalientes was a lot more civilized than Mexico City and Veracruz had been.

We drove for a few miles outside of the suburbs before we came to a ranch house that was surrounded by darkness, only a few lights on inside. It looked like a farm – not exactly the place I had been picturing in my head. You know, like a doctor’s office or a hospital.

“This better not be another vet,” Camden mumbled. “Though I could use a refill on the dog medication now that we’ve run out.”

“Not a vet,” Javier said with impatience. “Pull up beside the truck there. This is Alonso’s house. He’s part of my … family.”

His cartel. I wondered if he was still on the “payroll” as Dom seemed to be, if he too was banished back to Mexico when Travis up and switched sides. More and more I was finding out that Javier didn’t have the power I once thought he did.

We got out of the car, Camden easing Violetta to her feet and supporting her. Javier marched past them, apparently no longer caring that Camden was touching his sister – not like he was offering to help her himself – and went for the front door. The path lit up from motion sensor lights.

He rang the doorbell and we waited a few moments.

A short man with thick grey hair and mustache eyed us over a pair of square glasses. “Si?”

“Alonso,” Javier said. “Como est a?

“Javier?”

Si.”

Alonso rattled off something in Spanish and eyed the rest of us.

Javier waved in our direction, said something about his sister needing surgery and something else. Probably that we were two gringos and inconsequential.

Alonso sighed dejectedly and opened the door wider, quickly motioning for us to come inside.

Camden helped Violetta through, Alonso staring at his tattoos with a mix of curiosity and revulsion. He then looked to Violetta’s arm and nodded grimly.

“Okay,” Alonso said.

Javier took her from Camden, much to her annoyance and he gave us both a steady look. “He’s going to fix her. You stay here. If you move, if you run, I will kill you. That is all.”

Then he, Violetta and Alonso disappeared down a darkened hallway until they entered a brightly lit room at the end of the hall. I could see Violetta’s eyes glinting as she turned her head to look back at us. Then they disappeared behind a dark door, the latch echoing in the quiet house.

Camden watched the door for a few moments before he folded his arms and looked at me.

“What went on in there?”

“With Dom?”

“Yeah. Him. He a good guy or a bad guy?”

My lips twitched in a half-hearted smile. “I don’t think there are good guys and bad guys anymore. I don’t even know what I am.”

“Ellie,” he said, his voice becoming softer. “You had to kill those men.”

I gave him a sharp nod. “I know.”

“I had to do some things that I’m not proud of too.” There was a rawness in his tone, like he was close cracking open. “I don’t think you and I can ever go back to being the people we were before.”

His words hit me hard, splicing me open. It wasn’t that I couldn’t go back to being me – I was never very good to begin with – but that if we’d both changed, could we find each other again as we had before? Did Camden lose himself in order to save me, and if he did, did that mean I’d lost the Camden that loved me?

Violetta’s scream pierced through my thoughts, jolting me into the present. I was about to take off toward the room when Javier came out, strolling toward us casually, his face in shadow until the last minute.

“What happened?” I exclaimed.

“He set her arm,” he said. He walked over to the bar and pulled out a crystal bottle of dark amber liquid, pulling the top off with a pop.

“Without any pain medication?” Camden asked incredulously.

He calmly poured the liquid into a textured highball glass and swirled it around. “We don’t have a lot of time. She bit down on something, don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry?” Camden sneered, stepping up to him.

Javier sipped his drink and winced, peering at the glass. “I’m fairly sure Alonso made this in his bathtub.” He eyed Camden with amusement. “And yes. Don’t worry. She’s my sister. I know what’s best for her. She’ll be on some pain medication, the good kind, better than that monkey shit you were given.”

Camden’s fists clenched and Javier saw that too.

“Easy there, big boy,” he said, grinning. He finished the rest of the drink and slammed the glass down. He wiped the back of his hand across his snaking lips. “You’re so overprotective over the ladies. They’re a lot tougher than you give them credit for, you know.”

Javier winked at me and went back down the hall. Camden went to the bar, snatched the booze off the table and then stormed out the front door and into the emptiness of the night, perhaps hoping to drink the rage out of him.

I didn’t know what direction to go. Camden wanted to be alone and I didn’t want to be with Javier.

I sighed and sat down on Alonso’s couch.

And waited.

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