Bright Air

14

Nor was I. One of Luce’s heroes was an American climber, Lynn Hill, whom she had met once when Lynn visited Australia. Lynn was the first person to free climb, without artificial aids, the Nose route up El Capitan at Yosemite, an almost impossible thousand-metre ascent, in just twenty-three hours, much of it in darkness. Luce had shown me photographs of the epic climb, to me unimaginable. I remembered that as I was poking about in the boxes I’d left with Mary four years before, pulling out my old climbing shoes from one, my helmet and chalk bag from another. They looked worn and tired, someone else’s possessions, not mine. How had Luce ever come to love that other person, that other me I could hardly recognise now?

Even my nylon rope looked worn out. I put the stuff down with a flutter of anxiety. I was different in other ways now, out of shape and out of practice, hands soft from office work. I couldn’t see myself scaling the cliffs below Mount Gower any more. Not without Luce. But this was for Luce, Anna insisted; one last climb for Luce.

My phone rang. I returned abruptly to the present, recognising Damien’s voice.

‘Josh, hi. How’s it going?’

‘Good, thanks. You? Lauren okay?’

‘Fighting fit. You been to see my friend yet?’

The merchant banker. I’d forgotten about it. ‘Um, no, not yet, Damien. Been a bit tied up. Maybe when I get back.’

‘Back?’

‘Yes. Anna and I are going away for a short trip. To Lord Howe.’

‘What?’ I heard his breathing, heavy against the mouthpiece. ‘What exactly do you hope to achieve there?’

‘I don’t know. Talk to some of the locals. Listen, that last week on the island, the week of the accident, you mentioned that you were pretty much out of it in the days after the party, not feeling well.’

‘Yes?’

‘So you didn’t go climbing on the Friday, the day following the party?’

‘I … I can’t remember now. Is that what I said? Why are you interested?’

‘Just trying to place everybody at the scene.’

‘Jesus, Josh, listen to yourself. Who do you think you are, Ed McBain? Where are you going to stay?’

‘We booked on the internet. It’s one of the Kelsos’ cottages.’

‘Well … I really don’t see the point, but if it helps you get over this, good luck.’

‘Thanks.’

He rang off. I hadn’t mentioned our big discovery. The thought of him knowing-of anyone knowing-that Luce had been pregnant when she died just made me feel sick.

I didn’t tell Mary either, but I did have to discuss our trip with her. She thought it was a good idea, but I didn’t let her see the climbing gear I’d packed. That evening I roamed around the hotel, apprehensively checking the locks and light bulbs, as if I might not be coming back.