Broken Visions

Chapter 38

I wake up to an empty bed and have a cold feeling residing deep in my bones. I feel wired, like my peaceful dream has rejuvenated me. But as the reality that I can’t feel a single drop of sparks in my body sets in, I start to panic.

I get out of bed to go looking for Alex. The house is quiet and I assume everyone is asleep. As I step into the hallway, I notice right away that something isn’t right. Not only can I feel no presence of Alex, I can hear a heart beating from somewhere nearby. At first I think it’s my own, but as I press my fingers to my pulse, the rhythm doesn’t match.

I notice that there’s a light on downstairs, so I go down there, the heartbeat moving with me. There’s a lamp on in the living room, but the sofa is empty and the kitchen to the side of me is dark.

I start to turn away, but something catches my eye. There’s an envelope with my name on it sitting on the coffee table. My stomach drops as I pick it up, tear it open, and take out the paper inside it. I think part of me has an idea of what it is before I read it and this sickening feeling builds in my gut and the unknown heartbeat starts to give me a headache.

Gemma

I know you may not understand why I have to leave, but I need you to try. I don’t believe that your end comes when you think it does. I believe there’s another way, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to find it—find a way to save you. But I can’t do it while I’m around you. I can’t keep hiding what I feel, but if I let it all out and you end up feeling the same way, then I know it’ll be the end for both of us. And I can’t let that happen.

I will always save you, no matter what. And I need you to hang on until I do.

Yours forever,

Alex

The letter slips from my fingers and floats to the floor as I hunch over, gasping for air. My stomach aches, like a kick to the gut.

I will always save you.

How can he leave me? I can’t live without him. I realize that now. It hurts so badly that I think I’m going to throw up and I think I might just lie down and die. But then something dawns on me and I stumble up the stairs, still hugging my stomach, and barge into Laylen’s room.

He jumps out of bed, kicking the blankets off as I turn the lights on. “What are you doing?” he asks, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes.

“Please tell me you didn’t know.” I beg, walking toward his bed. “Please tell me that’s not why you guys left the house.”

He’s apologetic expression says it all. “I’m sorry.”

“But you’re supposed to tell me stuff like this,” I say, shaking my head trying not to cry. “That’s what we do—we help each other out.”

He sighs, throwing the blanket off himself. He’s shirtless and usually I ogle his lean body, but not this time. Things have changed—I have changed. I can feel it inside me, through the pain in my stomach, through the nagging prickle in the back of my neck, and the heart beat that won’t stop. “I couldn’t tell you this.” He pats the bed for me to sit and I do so, even though I’m still upset. “He needed to leave… it was too hard for him to keep turning off what he felt for you. And if he stuck around, he worried you’d kill each other and nobody wants that to happen. This is for your own good even if you can’t see that right now.”

“But he thinks he can find a way to save me and I think it’s a lost cause.”

Laylen draws me to him and kisses my forehead. “You never know. Maybe he will… And I sure as hell hope he does.”

I trace the fresh wound on the palm of my hand as my heart shatters into pieces. I see where Alex is coming from, but it doesn’t make the empty void inside my heart feel any better.

He left.

And I might not ever see him again.

“Do you know what he promised me?” I ask.

“He promised you everything would be alright and maybe it will.” He pauses. “He told me to keep an eye on you, while he was gone. And make sure nothing happened to you.”

“I don’t need to be watched,” I say, upset. “I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah, you can, but you’re also precious cargo,” he says, forcing a playful tone. “And precious cargo needs to be taken care of.”

“I’m not precious cargo. I’m destructive. Without me, there would be no star, and therefore, there would be no problems.”

He leans back so he can look me in the eye. “That’s why he told me to keep an eye on you. He didn’t want you to sink into this sad pit of despair because he was gone. He has this theory that even though you guys aren’t supposed to be close because of the star, he also thinks that separation is bad for you… that it makes you feel like something’s missing, drains your energy, and makes you depressed.”

“Because of the star?”

“I’m not sure.”

I shake my head as hot tears spill down my cheeks. I can’t hold it back anymore, so I lean my head on Laylen’s shoulder and cry until I’m too exhausted to keep my eyes open. Then Laylen carries me back to my room as I drift to sleep, dreaming of fires, stars, and the heart beat that won’t stop flowing from inside me.