Buried Angels

VALÖ 1974

Inez felt as if someone was always watching her. That was the only way she could describe it. She’d had that feeling ever since the morning when her mother was found dead. Nobody knew why Laura had gone outside in the middle of that cold November night. The doctor who came to examine her body concluded that her heart had simply given out. He had warned her that something like that could happen.

But Inez had her doubts. Something changed in the house after Laura died, and she could feel it, no matter where she was. Rune had become even more aloof and stern, and Annelie and Claes started defying her more openly. It was as if Rune wasn’t paying attention, and that made them bolder.

At night Inez could hear crying in the boys’ dormitory. Not loud, barely audible in fact. Someone seemed to be doing his best to muffle his sobs.

She was scared. It had taken several months for her to identify the emotion she had long been trying to put into words. Something was terribly wrong. They were all circling around it, yet she knew that if she mentioned her concern to Rune, he would merely grunt dismissively. But she could tell that he too was aware that things were not as they should be.

Fatigue was also taking its toll on her. She was worn out from all the work she did in the school in addition to caring for Ebba, and it was proving to be such a strain to keep silent about something that was supposed to remain a secret.

‘Mammaaaaa,’ whined Ebba from her playpen. She was holding on to the railing, her eyes fixed on her mother.

Inez ignored her. She had no energy left. The child demanded so much that she simply couldn’t give her, and besides, she was a constant reminder of Rune. Ebba’s nose and mouth were just like Rune’s, and that made it hard for Inez to love the little girl. Inez tended to her needs, changing her nappies, feeding her, holding her and comforting her, but that was as much as she could do. Fear occupied too great a place in her heart.

Fortunately there was something else. Something that gave her the strength to hold out a little longer, that prevented her from running away, taking the boat to the mainland and leaving everything behind. In those dark hours when she toyed with the idea of fleeing, she never dared ask herself whether she would take Ebba along. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to know the answer.

‘Can I pick her up?’ Johan’s voice made Inez jump. She hadn’t heard him come into the laundry room where she was folding sheets.

‘Of course you can,’ she said. Johan was another reason why she stayed. He loved her, and he loved his little sister. And the feeling was mutual. Whenever Ebba caught sight of Johan, her whole face would light up. Right now she was holding out her arms to him as she stood in her playpen.

‘Come on, Ebba,’ said Johan. She put her arms around his neck and allowed him to lift her out. Then she pressed her face close to his.

Inez stopped folding the laundry to watch them. She was surprised to feel a pang of jealousy. Ebba never looked at her with the same sort of unconditional love. Instead, there was always a mixture of sorrow and yearning in her eyes.

‘Let’s go out and watch the birds,’ said Johan as he rubbed his nose against Ebba’s, making her laugh. ‘Can I take her outside?’

Inez nodded. She trusted Johan and knew that he would never let anything happen to Ebba.

‘Of course, you go ahead.’ She went back to folding the laundry. Ebba began laughing and babbling merrily as they left the room.

After a while Inez couldn’t hear them any more. The silence echoed between the walls, and she sat down on the floor, resting her head on her knees. The house held her in such a tight grip that she could hardly breathe. The feeling that she was a prisoner grew stronger with every day that passed. They were heading for a precipice, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing that she could do about it.