Capitol Threat

34

“What in the name of—Trudy!”

Loving tried to push away, but since she—he—was straddling him, and Loving’s feet were still cuffed to the bed, there wasn’t far for him to go.

Trudy appeared distraught. “What’s the matter?”

Loving wiped the back of his hand against his mouth, as if desperately trying to remove all traces of the earlier saliva swap. “What’s the matter? You’re—you’re a guy!”

“Well, duh. I thought you knew.”

“Knew? If I knew, do you think I’d be—be—”

“Yes?”

“Aarghh!” Loving twisted back and forth, trying unsuccessfully to get out from under Trudy. “Get off of me!”

“Are you sure?” Trudy traced a line down the side of his face. “You didn’t seem to mind being near me a minute ago.”

Loving slapped the hand away. “A minute ago you were a girl!”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Well, I thought—I mean, I assumed—aarrghh!” He thrust forward again, this time hard enough to knock Trudy off him. “Have you even—have you had that…that surgery?”

“No, dear. I’m still intact.”

“That’s…disgustin’.”

“You didn’t think so a—”

Loving raised a finger. “Don’t start that again.”

“All right. All right.” Trudy picked the wig up off the floor and plopped it lopsidedly back on his head. “How ’bout I put this back on and you just pretend you still think I’m a girl?”

“I haven’t got that much imagination!”

“Oh, come on now. Do you really expect me to believe you had no idea what you were doing?”

“What’s that s’posed to mean?”

“I mean, I’m good,” Trudy said, batting both eyelashes, “but I’m not that good. Anyone who took a really close look—”

“I guess I didn’t!”

“—and I could tell you were giving me some very close looks.”

“What’re you gettin’ at? I had no idea, I’m tellin’ you. No idea!”

“Uh-huh. Methinks the boy doth protest too much.”

“Are you tryin’ to say—” Loving inflated his massive chest. His T-shirt still hung around him in tatters. “Listen, buster, I had no idea. Got it? No idea. I’m all guy—like one hundred percent all guy. And I like girls.”

“I can be your girl.”

Loving was wild-eyed. “No, you can’t!”

“Are you afraid I don’t have the right parts to pop your cork? Because I can assure you, I do.”

“Would you stop talkin’ like that? There ain’t gonna be any…cork-poppin’. Understand?”

“Maybe we’re moving too fast. You’re more of a traditionalist, aren’t you? We should go out on a date first. Get some dinner. Maybe take in a movie.”

“We are not goin’ out on a date!”

“Why not? No one would know. About me, I mean. You didn’t.”

“Someone might!” He pounded the table. “No wonder all those people laughed every time I said I was looking for you. They thought I—aaarghh!”

“So you’re saying, as long as no one knows about me, it would be okay?”

Loving fairly shouted. “No! I am not saying it would be okay! It would never be okay!”

Trudy sniffed. “Suit yourself. But you’re making a big mistake. You’re missing out on the best time you ever had.”

“Oh, right.”

“And you haven’t had any for a good long time.”

“How would you know?”

“I know. Believe me, I know.”

He pulled at his legs, trying to free himself. “I want you to let me loose, got it? Right now.”

“Your wish is my command.” Trudy produced a key and uncuffed his ankles.

“Thank you so very much. Mister.”

Trudy looked into a nearby mirror and reattached the wig. “But even if we can’t be together, we can still…work together, right?”

“No way in hell.”

“Why not?”

Loving jumped off the bed. “ ’Cause I don’t work with…with…”

“Yes?”

“ ’Cause I don’t do that kinda stuff.”

“What kinda stuff?”

“That…kinky stuff.”

“Good heavens, man, I’m asking to work with you to get in to see Renny, not to nibble your pickle.”

“You stop that kinda talk right now!”

“What kinda talk?”

“That—that—you know!”

“All right, all right. But you’re still going to need me, so I’m coming with.”

“Need you? At a redneck bar? Like I’m really gonna need a—”

“Yes?”

“A Trudy!”

Trudy made a few touch-ups with a mascara wand, then turned and smiled. Loving had to admit she—he, damn it—was gorgeous, even under the circumstances. “I think you’ll find a Trudy is a very useful thing to have in this particular redneck bar. You’re going to need some…distractions. I can provide that. Big-time. And face it, I know the territory. You don’t.”

Loving headed toward the door. His head was throbbing—for more reasons than he could count at the moment—but even if his head were missing, he was still getting out of this place. And he didn’t want any part of…Trudy.

“Why would you help me? What’s in it for you?”

“Maybe I just want to spend some more time with my new tall, dark, and handsome.” Trudy leaned forward to peck him on the cheek. Loving recoiled.

“Don’t even think about it!”

“All right, sweetie. Whatever you want.”

“And don’t call me sweetie!”

“Whatever you want, sugar.”

“Would you stop that!”

“Of course I will, honey-pie. Now, are you going to drive, or shall I?”