Castle Perilous

Keep — Middle Levels

“I thought you were an old hand around here,” Gene complained. They hadn’t been able to find the dining room, or anything else.

Jacoby was either nonchalant or was putting up a good front. “I’m experienced enough not to be concerned when this happens now and again. Don’t worry, my dear boy. They say if you just keep walking, eventually you’ll find the Guest’s living area. It occupies a central position in the keep, and all paths somehow lead to it.”

“Yeah, but we wandered for days before we gravitated back there,” Gene said.

Abruptly annoyed, Jacoby stopped and looked around. “I could swear I walked just a short way down the corridor from the dining hall. We must have made our mistake coming out of that sitting room. It must have been left instead of right.”

“Our mistake?”

“Sorry, mine.”

Linda said, “Gene, I don’t see how you can blame Mr. Jacoby for getting lost when we’ve —”

“Okay, okay,” Gene said curtly. “But we’re still in dangerous country — and he doesn’t have a weapon.”

“Don’t worry about me, young man. I can take care of myself.” Jacoby sniffed the air. “You can usually smell the dining room. I don’t. My only regret is that I’m getting hungrier by the minute.”

“That’s no problem,” Linda said. “Want me to conjure up something?”

“Conjure …?” He smiled. “Of course. Your materialization talents. Coming along nicely, are they?”

“Take a look.” Linda folded her arms and twitched her nose.

It was the buffet table again, this time complete with champagne fountain. “I thought it was Terri’s wedding reception,” she said.

Jacoby was impressed. “Remarkable. Large-scale materialization.” He moved to the table and spooned goose-liver paté onto a club cracker. He took a bite. “Splendid.”

Gene sat down on a carved stone bench and looked disgusted.

“Aren’t you eating?” Linda asked him.

“Lost my appetite.”

Jacoby helped himself to everything in sight and sat down heavily next to Gene. He held the overburdened paper plate in a way that made it appear to be resting flat atop his immense potbelly. Gene snorted and got up. Jacoby eyed him, toadlike, munching a leg of fried chicken.

Gene walked over to Snowclaw, who was scooping gobs of sticky green porridge from a cast-iron pot and shoveling the stuff into his mouth.

“Want a taste?” he asked Gene, offering a handful.

“Uh, no thanks. Looks good, though.”

“Come on, you wouldn’t touch this stuff with a harpoon. I was just kidding.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s the matter, chum? You look a little depressed.”

“I guess I am. Looks like we’ll never make it out of here.”

Snowclaw shrugged. “Those’re the breaks. Can’t say it isn’t interesting here, though. Lots of adventure.”

“No complaint on that score.”

“Too damn warm, though. Look at me. I’m shedding already.” He ran his clean hand up and down his arm and came away with loose fur. “See?”

“You got humans where you come from?”

Snowclaw reflected. “Now, I’ve heard stories of creatures more or less like you. But the way I hear it, they’re hairy and they live in trees. Kinda nasty too. Why?”

“Well, if you were unfortunate enough to share your world with the hairless variety, they’d probably hunt you for your fur. That’s high-price material you got there. Finer than sable.”

“Huh,” Snowclaw said. “You don’t say.”

Gene scowled. “Boy, I’m in a lousy mood.”

“Cheer up,” Linda told him through a mouthful of tuna salad.

“Yeah, Gene,” Snowclaw said. “We’ll get out of here somehow. You shouldn’t give up.”

“You’re right. I’m letting things get to me.” He turned and cocked an eye at Jacoby. “And people,” he added.

Happily stuffing himself with fettuccini Alfredo, Jacoby appeared not to have heard.

“Now, Gene, don’t be unkind. Mr. Jacoby —”

“Jesus,” Gene said.

Linda did a take. “Huh?” Then she turned to see what Gene and Snowclaw were staring at. When she found it, she dropped her paper plate.

They were all gawking in Jacoby’s direction. He stared back quizzically. “I say, is there something —”

He turned his head and saw the human hand growing out of the wall beside him. He lurched to his feet, the contents of the plate splatting on the hard stone floor. “What the devil?”

The hand grew an arm, then a shoulder. Then a head came popping through the wall. It was a dark-bearded man with dark eyes and a wary expression. He looked, edged back when he saw Snowclaw, then recognized Jacoby.

“Your pardon, sir. I did not mean to intrude.”

Jacoby exhaled windily. “You gave us a devil of a fright, but no matter.”

Kwip stepped out from the wall. “An eternity of pardon.”

“It’s nothing. I see you’ve found your talent.”

“Aye, I’m damned to ghost through walls like the dead. But damn me twice if spirits can get hungry.…” His gaze locked on the buffet table.

“Some angel food cake?” Gene offered.