Cat In An Alien X-Ray

Tailpiece

Midnight Louie Discusses Alien Species

At last! At last I get to speak of alien species in general and specifically in a literary work with which I am associated. Before I begin to strut my stuff, I must take huge exception to one of the canine breed being pictured here in my Tailpiece.

Even if he is unusual and cute.

Nothing personal, Rens. It is just the usual territorial dispute.

Now, I am sure all are wondering if I believe in aliens, ancient or otherwise.

I must admit all the whoop-de-do about the subject during my most recent adventure pretty much deflates the hope of anything of a genuinely alien nature showing up unannounced in Las Vegas, other than the usual cast of tourists blowing off some crazy steam and their out-of-this-world array of eye-blinding Hawaiian shirts.

I do wonder why no one besides the eccentric Silas T. Farnum ever saw that Vegas was made for an all-out alien-themed attraction. That “invisible” stunt fell as flat as Santiago on its unseen nose, though. That was a one-trick pony, and that horse has definitely come in last.

However, I do believe that Earth has been, is now, and will be visited by aliens.

After studying the piles of book covers, posters, and other alien propaganda that popped up around the Area 54 site, I admit my opinion on the subject has undergone a radical turnaround. I am no longer an unbeliever. They are out there and, even more obvious, they are us!

I would have to make many trips to ancient ruins to document my theory (accompanied by a camera crew, of course), but it is completely clear that the ancient race that visited and reshaped earthlings through the millennia are we of the feline nation.

“Little gray men,” aka “Grays”? I beg to differ. Those were large gray cats.

Regard the huge, almond-shaped eyes, all dark pupils. Only cats can expand their pupils so completely.

That uniform gray color. Skin or … velvet-napped gray fur?

When ancient cats walked the earth, they no doubt would be a breed named Felinus erectus and strode upright on two rear legs. If not exactly the hairless breed known as a Sphinx today, their sleek gray fur made them adaptable to various climates.

Even the name “Sphinx” is a giveaway of the ancient alien lineage. For, of course, this superior breed of space travelers first descended on the ancient Egyptians when they were living in mud huts.

The sage Grays saw potential in these large, ungainly two-legs and proceeded to give them the secrets to farming and constructing weapons, chariots, and barges, working iron and gold, and the literal height of civilization then, and still a marvel today, the Pyramids.

Many were scribes who cleverly invented and clawed out the hieroglyphs.

No wonder we cats were worshipped and had our own great goddess in the mighty Egyptian pantheon, Bast.

As for the four-fingered “hands” portrayed on one of these film aliens, E.T., one digit is the opposable thumb. Alas, the instructors the ancient aliens left behind—through centuries of understandable but lamentable inbreeding with species near to themselves—lost the opposable thumb, which became the dewclaw. The three remaining “fingers” then gradually separated into four, producing the classic number of shivs I bear (and bare) proudly today.

And, as history forgot the coming of these wise creatures from far out in the galaxy, their descendents were assumed to be mute, mysterious creatures of a lower order, instead of the emperors of the universe they were and are. (Some perspicacious humans actually do treat us to this day with the proper respect and pampering.)

But I state with full confidence, if one of these so-called little gray men were found in an undecomposed state and examined, it would be proved beyond any doubt that there was a cat skeleton in that alien X-ray.

I rest my case.

Very Best Fishes,

Midnight Louie, Esq.

If you’d like information about getting Midnight Louie’s free Scratching Post-Intelligencer newsletter and/or buying his custom T-shirt, contact Carole Nelson Douglas at P.O. Box 331555, Fort Worth, TX 76163-1555 or the Web site at www.carolenelsondouglas.com. E-mail: cdouglas@catwriter.com.