Cat In An Aqua Storm

9

Perfect Recall

“Brother John, I’m scared.”

“So am I. You’ve got to leave.”

“Five more days. If I can just make it for five more days! I’m trying to be so quiet, so perfect, but sometimes that makes him worse.”

“You can’t win with him, whatever you do. Except by leaving.”

“Yeah, but I’ve held on this long. Thirty-five-years-old last April. You’d think I would have learned something by now.”

“You have. You’ve got an economic way out now. All you have to do is take it.”

“They hang on, though, just like the last one. They treat you like scum, call you a slut, but the minute you try to leave, you’re suddenly too good to let go of.”

“He’s sick. He needs you to be sick, too.”

“But I’m not gonna let him drag me down, not anymore. Damn man. He’s not nice like you. He doesn’t listen, just... slam, bang, pow.”

“I’m paid to listen.”

“That’s not why you do it, though, is it? That’s all right, don’t answer. We’re supposed to be talkin’ about me, not you. Me and my ‘problem.’ It’d be nice to meet you, though, someday when I’m outa here, Brother John. Maybe I’ll call you up and we can have lunch and talk about the bad old days.”

“I don’t think—”

“Probably rules against it. Maybe it’s better. I’ve told you things that make me ashamed.”

“You don’t have to feel ashamed for what someone else does.”

“No, and it’s him, isn’t it? Always him. Always mean, always running me down. They always seem like Prince Charming at first, and then, Godzilla. Maybe Godzilla’s too nice. He’s been real quiet lately. He hates what I’m doing Saturday. He wants to stop me. I can see it building up. He’s yelling about the country going to hell and no chance for white men and women are nothing but whores—why does he hate so much?”

“He’s afraid some of what he hates might be inside him.”

“Him? Afraid? Excuse me for laughing. But yeah, maybe laughing will help. He’s pathetic, really, big son of a gun with nothing better to do than beat up on some little woman. He’s scum. Guess you can’t comment on that. I’m not going to be afraid of him anymore. I won’t!”

“The best thing would be to leave now. Tonight.”

“Oh, not tonight. Not tomorrow night, or tomorrow night, or tomorrow night. But a couple nights after that, yeah. Whether I win or not. Yeah, I’m gone. Thanks. I feel less... nervous now. If I didn’t have you to call, and be silly and scared to, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I’m here to help.”

“You do, you do. You help me not be afraid all the time.”