Catch As Cat Can

9

In order for a Virginia party to be a success certain things must occur. First, someone has to leave in tears. Second, someone has to pass out due to overindulgence. Third, there has to be a fistfight, and last, someone has to fall in love.

If pressed on these qualities most Virginians would decry the fistfight, the tears, and the drunkenness, but not Aunt Tally. Forthright about life being theater, or at least her parties being theater, she mixed her guests like water and sulfuric acid, then waited for the explosion.

Her advancing years only whetted her appetite for drama. Her beloved yet criticized niece, Big Mim, said it was because Aunt Tally had no sex life. She stirred up other people's hormones.

Upon hearing this, Tally snapped, “Of course I have no sex life. There are no men over ninety and those under ninety won't look at me. You find me a beau and I'll wear him out. I'm still hell in bed, Marilyn, and don't you forget it!”

“Dear God, spare me,” Big Mim murmured through her frosted-bronze lipstick.

This was said in front of Reverend Jones, Miranda, Susan and Ned Tucker, as well as Lottie Pearson, who arrived early so as to mix with the older crowd, ever trolling for major donors to the university. There was no way Big Mim could be spared.

“Well, what are you all staring at with your mouths hanging open? Catch flies that way.” Tally flicked out her silver hound's-head cane at the assembled. Before she could further berate the small gathering, the doors were flung open and everyone else seemed to arrive at once. The O'Bannons, extremely merry, roared in. Roger wore a sprig of mint in his sports coat for reasons known only to himself and Jim Beam. Sean kissed Aunt Tally repeatedly. She was loath to let him go.

Ned Tucker realized that Aunt Tally's servants, almost as old as the great lady herself, would never be able to pass the hors d'oeuvres and drinks fast enough. He hastily directed people to the bar, a temporary measure. He then called the band director of Crozet High School, an old friend, telling him to send a couple of kids over to pass food around. He'd make a contribution to Crozet High.

He no sooner hung up the phone when BoomBoom swirled in, the diaphanous skirt of her spring dress, a pastel lavender, catching light and the breeze. Next to BoomBoom, in line to meet Aunt Tally, stood Thomas Steinmetz, blond, middle-aged, impeccably dressed. This was a man who flew to London at a whim to be measured for shirts at Turnbull & Asser, suits from shops on Jermyn Street, and shoes from Lobb's or Maxwells. Standing behind Thomas was Diego, also impeccably turned out, a bright turquoise handkerchief in his silk-and-linen jacket breast pocket.

Tally's sharp eye missed nothing. “Harrow?” she asked Thomas.

“Yes.” He nodded slightly to the American, who recognized his old school tie from England. Most Americans hadn't a clue.

“Well, you're a wise man then—wise enough to escort one of the most beautiful women in Virginia.” She was taking his measure.

“Madam, I am speaking to one of the most beautiful women in Virginia.” Thomas bowed low and Tally pursed her lips, all ready to say something about being The Ancient of Days, but at the last minute she decided to enjoy the praise.

“You are very kind, Mr. Ambassador.” BoomBoom had given Tally his bio before, of course, but she bumped him up from being counsel to number one. He didn't mind. She turned her attentions now to Diego, being introduced by BoomBoom. When she took a moment to focus on him, his light brown eyes, his jet-black hair, she breathed in. Oh, if only she were young again!

She and Diego chatted and laughed as two cats and one dog tore through the house.

“Quick. Let's get past the receiving line!” Mrs. Murphy led her friends. “Aunt Tally will insist we do tricks.”

“I smell ham biscuits.” A dreamy look came over Pewter.

“Later. We've got to dodge the humans.” Tucker nudged Pewter with her nose, for the fat kitty had slowed down.

“They can just get out of my way,” she replied with a saucy toss of her gray head, but she did move.

Tally said, “Where's Harry?”

BoomBoom called over her shoulder for Tally was now greeting Tracy Raz, who'd stopped off to buy an orchid corsage for Miranda as well as one for Aunt Tally. “She's in the garden.”

“She can't go in the garden before she goes through the receiving line. You tell her to get her bucket back here or she'll hear from me.”

“I will but—” BoomBoom glanced around, then walked back, whispering something in the old lady's ear.

“Oh, well, all right, but tell her she has to come back here then.” She smiled a moment. “Harry. H-m-m.”

Diego strode into the garden, where Harry waited in a simple but very becoming dress. She leaned against a handsome bench built in the eighteenth century, worth a small fortune. Tally believed things should be used. Her only concession to the bench's value was to bring the outdoor furniture into the huge mudroom each night. Her George II silver, her Hepplewhite sofa, chairs, all the paraphernalia of old Virginia wealth pleased her, but she wasn't possessed by her possessions. Nor did she call attention to them. Only new people did that.

Diego bowed, then kissed Harry's right hand, brushing the back of her hand with his lips, the proper way. “In the future, I shall equate spring with you.”

“Diego, you know how to turn a girl's head.” She laughed.

“May I bring you a drink?”

“I think you'll have to because Aunt Tally's butler probably can't make it from the bar to the garden.” She noted his puzzled look, then she pointed out the butler, who happened to be slowly passing the opened French doors.

“Ah, a gentleman in the fullness of his years.”

“Before you fetch me a drink I must pay honors to Aunt Tally. I ran around the back of the house and didn't go through the receiving line because I wanted you to find me in the garden. I guess I spoiled the effect by telling. I was running late because my neighbor's cows crashed through the fence and I had to drive them back. My neighbor knows next to nothing about farming plus he's in Seattle on a photo shoot for Nordstrom's. I just made it!”

“A photographer?”

“A model. Little Mim was mad for him. You've met Marilyn?”

“Only just, on my way to you.”

Harry stood up, a little unsteady on her heels. “I don't know why I'm talking so much. I'm actually a fairly quiet person. Everyone will tell you that and lots else, I guess.” She smiled, her white teeth enhancing her clean, open features.

“I'll walk you back to the grand Aunt Tally. I take it she earned her name hunting?”

Harry positively beamed. “Oh, you know about foxhunting?”

“Tally champagne.” He called out as they passed the bar and Ned Tucker held up a bottle of violently expensive champagne.

They both laughed as Roger said a bit too loudly, “Come on, Ned. Stop telling me how great it is and pour, dammit.”

“An artist?” Diego noted Roger's attire . . . just off, despite his wearing a sports coat. The cowboy boots didn't help.

“Uh, a mechanic. He and his brother Sean own a salvage yard filled with architectural pieces, columns, that stuff. It's quite interesting.” They'd reached the line for Aunt Tally. Big Mim had rejoined her aunt on the receiving line.

No sooner had Harry and Diego taken their place than who should walk up behind them but Fair, at six foot five towering over everyone.

“Harry.” He leaned down and kissed his ex-wife. He knew thanks to BoomBoom that she was “helping out” with the South Americans as BoomBoom put it, but of course Boom had neglected to describe Diego. When Harry introduced them, Fair struggled to contain his surprise and dismay. He collected himself. “Welcome to Crozet.”

“Thank you.” Diego firmly shook his hand.

At that moment Harry reached Aunt Tally and Big Mim. Both ladies took in the situation. A sly smile crossed Aunt Tally's lips, Lancôme lipstick generously but not sloppily applied.

“Aunt Tally, I cheated.”

“I know you did but in a good cause.” She turned her cheek for Harry to kiss her. “I saw your animals rip through here so I knew you couldn't be far behind. That cat of yours, the gray one, will eat me out of house and home.”

“Be glad she doesn't drink.”

Tally laughed. “There is that. And Mr. Aybar, you may kiss me now, too, since you've met me.” She turned her other cheek and Diego kissed it, then kissed the back of her hand.

He bowed and also kissed Big Mim's hand. She brightened considerably.

As they moved away both Aunt Tally and Big Mim made a fuss over Fair, how good he was to forgo a date with Harry so the Uruguayan gentleman wouldn't be lonesome, how's foaling, how are you, etc.

As Fair moved away, quickly intercepted by Lottie Pearson wearing a flowered hat, Tally whispered to her niece, “I just lo-o-ove my parties. Uh-huh.”

“You're incorrigible.” Big Mim laughed, then reached out to greet Deputy Cynthia Cooper, herself in a spring dress. “I don't think I've ever seen you look so lovely.”

The tall woman replied with humor, “Mrs. Sanburne, I don't think you've ever seen me in a dress.”

“Well . . . yes.”

“You're a tall girl. You'd look good in anything, even chain mail,” Aunt Tally said. “Is your boss coming by?”

“The sheriff said he'd try to make it but he's a little behind today.”

“It was good of him to let you join us.” Tally let go of her hand and Cynthia headed for her friend Harry.

Big Mim whispered, “Security. You didn't tell me you hired security.”

“I didn't. I like Cynthia Cooper.” Tally beamed at Lynne Beegle, a prominent local rider, as she moved up in the receiving line.

Harry, Diego, and Cooper chatted away, soon joined by Miranda Hogendobber, Tracy Raz, Susan Tucker, and Ned. They celebrated Tracy's return, found out that Diego had a great sense of humor, and thoroughly enjoyed one another.

Over in a corner, Lottie Pearson fended off Roger O'Bannon. She had a smile on her face as she refused his advances. She'd never admit it but she liked the attention. Fair, not being her date, had gotten her a drink, then circulated. He was currently talking to Little Mim about zoning ordinances, not his favorite subject but one of hers.

Lottie pulled a cigarette from her small beaded clutch bag. “Damn.” She couldn't find a light.

Roger pulled a brightly colored matchbook from his sports coat, struck a match, lighting her cigarette. “Here, take the pack.” He paused. “I'll pick you up at eight,” he declared.

“No, you won't.” She tossed her head back.

“I'll take you to Mim's dance tonight, too. You don't have a date. And I'll escort you to the Wrecker's Ball.”

“Who told you that?” Lottie crossly said. “I have a date for tonight.”

“A little bird.”

She eyed BoomBoom across the room. “A big robin redbreast. Wait until I get my hands on her.”

“I'd rather you get your hands on me.”

Eavesdroppers stifled a giggle, making certain not to stare at the impending drama.

“Roger, dream on.”

“You know what's wrong with you, Lottie? You're a goddamned snob. And you know what else? I've never seen a snob who was really happy because there are so few people they can lower themselves to be with, you know? And you need friends in this world. You need friends. It's a cruel world sometimes. You need friends and you need a drink.”

“You've had enough to drink, which is why I'll forgive you calling me a snob. If you want me to go out with you, Roger, you're sure going about it in a bizarre manner.”

“I'm not drunk.” A whiff of belligerence filled his voice. “And I'm getting rich. You forget that. How many F.F.V.'s have money? Look at Harry. Great blood and not a penny.” He liked Harry but he didn't mind using her as an example of First Families of Virginia. “Business is booming. I'm not a poor man. Didn't your mother tell you it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one? Well, I'm rich.”

Lottie at the moment wasn't pleased with Harry because she thought Diego should have been her date. BoomBoom was heartless in assigning Diego to Harry. After all, Harry could have gone to the parties with her ex-husband. Everyone knew he was still in love with her and was dying to get her back.

“Lottie, maybe you've had too much to drink.” Roger touched her arm as she was lost in thought.

“Huh. No!”

“Well, let me get you one. The world looks a lot better after you've belted back some Jim Beam.”

The John D'earth band started playing out in the garden. Aunt Tally had set up her outdoor dance floor. People drifted outside.

Sean, wearing a sports jacket and tie, walked over. “Roger, lay off for a little bit or you'll be useless by tonight.”

“Big Brother is watching you,” Roger said with no malice as Sean moved away, Lottie in tow.

“Thank you, Sean,” Lottie said, her voice low.

“He's always had this crush on you, Lottie. I wish you could see past his exterior. Roger is a good man and he'd be a good provider, solid. He needs a woman to anchor him. He drinks because he's lonely.”

“This is said by a man still single.” Lottie thought Sean the better-looking of the brothers.

“The business has taken up so much of my time, a lot more than I thought. I'll tell you, I've sure learned to respect my father and grandfather. They started the business and they changed with the times although at the end Dad was set in his ways. Rog and I have to put everything we've got in the business. But you know, I like the challenge.” He exhaled a long deep breath. “But I do have to get out more. I'm not going to find a wife in the junkyard.”

“Oh, if BoomBoom, now the artiste, comes to your lot I imagine other women do, too.”

“You'd be surprised at the people who come out there.” He grinned in semi-agreement. “BoomBoom surprises me. She really is welding.” He held up his hand. “Honestly. She's making sculptures out of scraps and they aren't bad. Kind of whimsical. But I still don't think I'm going to meet the love of my life at the salvage yard.”

“BoomBoom with a welding torch.” Lottie's eyebrows rose.

Aunt Tally followed her guests into the garden as the marching-band members served drinks and hors d'oeuvres. “Where did all these children come from? Have people been reproducing behind my back?”

“Ned Tucker called for some extra help,” Big Mim told her.

“He should run for office. He's a smart man.”

“What kind of office?” Big Mim wanted no interference for her daughter's career. She was relieved that Marilyn finally had some direction in life.

“Congress.”

“Yes, he'd be good but let's see how Little Mim does.”

“She's vice-mayor and she's young. Give her time.”

“But Ned's young, too,” Big Mim said.

“He's in his late forties. Marilyn's in her thirties. Let Ned pave the way.” Aunt Tally rapped the brick path with her cane, betraying her impatience as well as her intelligence. If Ned ran for Congress and won, then Tally and others like her could push him toward the Senate someday and Little Mim could inherit his seat. It would be less of a fight and that way they'd have two politicians in their pockets. A lot of ifs but most endeavors started that way and Tally paid little mind to ifs.

“May I have this dance?” Reverend Jones held out his hand to Aunt Tally.

“I thought you'd never get me away from her.” Tally laughed as they stepped onto the floor. “She hovers around me. What does she think? I'm going to keel over in her presence because I'm older than dirt?”

“She hovers over you because she loves you.”

“Oh, that,” Tally answered the Reverend.

Diego held Harry. She felt a chill run down her spine. Fair, dancing with Lottie, glared.

Thomas Steinmetz made the rounds of the ladies, always returning to BoomBoom, as was proper.

“You're making a lot of women happy.” BoomBoom smiled at him.

“So long as I make you happy.” He smiled at her as one who is accustomed to getting his way with women.

Roger wandered over, a bit more sober. “Are you really an ambassador?”

“Thomas Steinmetz, Roger O'Bannon, proprietor with his brother of O'Bannon Salvage,” BoomBoom said.

“Pleased to meet you.” Thomas held out his hand.

Roger blinked, then shook it. “Likewise. You guys have tin mines in Uruguay?”

“Bolivia has more of those than we do.” He noticed Aunt Tally being led back to a table. “If you will excuse me, it's my turn to dance with Aunt Tally.”

“Lucky dog,” Roger replied noncommittally.

Lottie passed by BoomBoom and hissed. “You're a real shit to fix up Harry with Diego. You want Fair back.”

BoomBoom turned on her heel. “Lottie, you are so small and so off course. I ought to smack you right in the mouth.”

“You've got a violent streak. You had it in high school. Go ahead. Just go ahead,” Lottie baited her.

Roger grabbed Lottie by the elbow. “Come on, Lots. Let's talk.”

“No.” She shook him off.

Roger stood there for a moment, indecisive, then walked away, a slight sway to his gait.

“Lottie, don't be an ass. I put Harry and Diego together because I knew he loved farming. How was I to know they'd hit it off? Because you're unhappy you don't want anyone else to be happy.”

“Bitch.” Lottie's voice rose a bit.

“Yes,” Susan answered as a joke for she could overhear part of the exchange. “I can go from zero to bitch in three point six seconds. Ask my husband.”

Lottie fixed her gaze on Susan standing with Cooper, then decided to allow Roger to lead her away. The two women joined BoomBoom.

“You certainly have an effect on women.” Cooper laughed at BoomBoom.

“Usually negative.” She smiled, though, as Thomas was returning to her.

“She'll wear us all out.” He indicated Aunt Tally.

“First woman to fly a plane in Albemarle County as well as other things,” Susan remarked.

Under the long table inside the house Pewter had fallen fast asleep. Stuffed with turkey, ham, smoked salmon, and other delicacies, she needed a snooze to aid her digestion. Tucker lay beside her, a little bubble escaping her lips.

Murphy sampled everything but she wasn't a big eater. She'd walked back into the kitchen.

The caterer's assistant fussed over the large silver samovar, filling it with coffee. He sniped at one of the kids. “Keep the coffee coming—for obvious reasons.”

“Crab.” Murphy curled her tail around her as she watched.

“Be sure and put out the raw sugar. I noticed most of it was gone.”

“Yes, sir,” Brooks Tucker, Susan and Ned's daughter, said. She walked through the pantry filled with china and silver to go back to the kitchen. She carried the near-empty silver sugar bowl, which she filled with raw sugar, hurrying back to the dining room to put it on the table. Another sugar bowl with cubed white sugar was on the table. That, too, was getting used up fast. Honey was also on the table. She wondered if Aunt Tally would mind if she filled up a few nonmatching bowls with sugar to meet the demand but forgot about it as Chef Ted, the caterer himself, called for her to come back in and take a tray of moist carrot cake out.

“Want to help me, Mrs. Murphy?” Brooks asked.

“Sure.” The cat trotted after Brooks, then remained in the dining room sitting on the fireplace mantel so she could see everything.

Back out on the dance floor, Diego inadvertently bumped Fair as the dark man danced yet another dance with Harry.

“Watch it, buddy, and while you're at it you could move away from my wife.”

“I am not your wife.” Harry was appalled.

Fair then tapped Diego on the shoulder. Diego quizzically looked to Harry, who indicated she'd dance with Fair. They didn't dance so much as they quietly moved back and forth. Neither one said a word.

Diego joined BoomBoom, Thomas, and Susan, who gave the men a two-sentence description of the marriage and its unraveling.

“They were high-school sweethearts. They got married and, well, it didn't work.”

“Ah, I see,” Diego said with some feeling. “He seems still to care.”

“He does,” Susan flatly stated. “He wants her back. She was the best thing that ever happened to him and he lost her. Those things happen.”

“To lose Harry would be quite a loss,” Diego murmured.

“Everyone grows at their own rate.” BoomBoom had no desire to remain on this topic.

Susan understood, of course. Their attention was diverted by Sean propelling his brother back into the house.

“She's not interested,” Sean said with the little group overhearing.

“She is, too. You don't get women, Sean,” Roger said.

The music ended and Diego walked out, taking Harry's hand. Fair stood there a moment.

“M-m-m, I can see steam coming out of those ears,” Aunt Tally noticed, but then she noticed everything, most especially that Miranda Hogendobber was happier than she'd seen her since girlhood and Tracy Raz looked twenty years younger. They were obviously in love.

Sean sat Roger down and got him a cup of coffee. Many people crowded around the table for coffee and tea. The desserts had been brought out.

Mrs. Murphy thought about waking up Pewter and Tucker but they were sound asleep. She noted from her high position how many of the men had bald spots.

Roger was loaded, but not as loaded as Sean made out. After all, he could still recognize people, he could still speak. He drank his cup of coffee in silence.

Sean bent over, whispering to Lottie now at the desserts. She glanced at Roger, then sighed.

“It would mean so much,” Sean said. “And he could use a second cup.”

Mrs. Murphy watched as Lottie picked up a piece of Black Forest cake, then moved over to the samovar, poured a cup of coffee. She reached for the cubed sugar in a silver bowl. She paused for a second, and Thomas just behind her handed her the china bowl with raw sugar. He had just dipped a spoon into it but being a gentleman he handed it to Lottie first. She dumped three heaping spoonfuls of sugar into the cup and turned to hand it back to Thomas just as he reached for it. She lost her grip and the bowl clattered to the floor, breaking and spilling sugar all over the random-width heart-pine flooring.

“I am sorry,” Lottie said.

“I'm the clumsy one. This gives me the opportunity to ask you for a dance when you're finished with dessert.” He smoothed over the incident.

“I won't be long.” Lottie smiled and hoped it would upset BoomBoom.

People noticed and approved as she walked over to Roger, handing him the coffee and the cake. “Roger, I'm sorry I was cross but sometimes you're a pest. Try to think of less blunt ways to approach women, all right?”

He liked the idea of being served and said in a low voice, “I'm like a bull in a china shop. But really, Lottie, we'd have a good time if you'd go with me to the ball. I promise not to drink. I'll buy you a corsage and, well—it took me a long time to work up my nerve.”

“It did?”

“Yes, you scare me half to death.” He sipped the coffee. “Just because I'm a pest doesn't mean I'm not scared.”

“Well—let me think about it while I dance with Thomas Steinmetz.”

“I'll sit right here. I won't move.” He smiled genuinely for the first time that afternoon.

“Some men really don't get it,” Mrs. Murphy thought to herself. “It's one thing to show a woman you like her. It's another thing to push her. Men need to be a little mysterious. They ought to study cats.”

The party rolled on and a few more men asked Lottie to dance. Aunt Tally danced every dance.

When Lottie returned to Roger he was fast asleep, his head resting on his chest.

“Roger. Roger.” She shook him. “Roger, you lazy sod, wake up,” she said lightheartedly. “Roger.” Lottie stepped back. “Oh, my God.”

Little Mim came over and without thinking said, “What'd you put in his coffee? He's out cold.”

“He's either passed out or—dead.” Lottie's face registered horror.

“Oh, Lottie, don't be a drama queen. He's been drinking since the parade.” Little Mim grabbed his arm to pull him up. “He's warm. Really.” With a touch of disgust and determination she gave him a yank and he pitched forward, falling flat on his face.

Little Mim looked at Roger and back at Lottie. “Roger!”

Mrs. Murphy jumped off the mantel, ran under the table, and woke up Pewter and Tucker. Tucker hurried over to Roger, sniffed, then backed away.

Cynthia Cooper was brought in from the dance floor. She walked into the room thinking he was out cold. She felt for a pulse in his neck. Nothing. She tried again. By now other guests were gathering around. She pressed her forefinger and middle finger on his neck again. Nothing. “He's dead.”