Catch the Brass Ring

CHAPTER SIX

SO WE HAD ourselves an inquest. King Kellum, a huge hulk of a man with a Mickey Mouse voice. Yes sir, I came running as soon as I heard. Say listen, you don’t think I’d wait? The man in the ambulance said he was dead. Such a horrible accident. No sir, I didn’t see any signs of a struggle. About 12:05. I remember the time because…

Bull-necked Janus Soolpovar, rooster-strutting to the fore. We run a good, honest bathhouse at Tolliver’s. People get their money’s worth, see? Yes, we passed inspection. No, it’s not unusual for all that steam to be available. After all, the room opened into others. If there is anything I can do to help, anything at all, any little thing… Yes, sir. My opinion? Well, I offer it humbly, you understand. I am an expert on bathhouses, not suicides. Suicide? Did I say suicide? Well, you want to know what I really think? Bert Archer — the deceased — was acting peculiar the last few days. What I mean, he seemed… sort of far away. Thinking of other things. Glum, you know. I sure can’t prove it was suicide. Well, you asked me. It’s the summertime, see? Don’t let them give you that crap about in springtime and what a young man’s fancy does…. I apologize to the ladies in the room… it’s the summertime, see? Sure you can feel it in a place like my bathhouse in the summer tune. The deceased maybe was spurned or something. He’s a war veteran, see?… oh, you know? Well, kind of edgy and all that and then a dame comes along and says they’re through. It wouldn’t be the first time. You’re welcome.

Karen Tanner, regal and aloof (but the sky-at-sunset eyes spit venom at Soolpovar). Yes, I suppose I knew Bert Archer better than anyone else at Tolliver’s. I wouldn’t say we were engaged. Bert thought there was some kind of an understanding between us. I’d rather not answer that question. Well, all right. No, I don’t think we would have been married. Yes, I already told you that. Bert wanted to marry me. Certainly he was upset, but he wasn’t the kind of man who… Now, just a minute. I heard what Mr. Soolpovar said, too. He’d say Eisenhower was responsible if he thought it meant a clean bill of health for his steam rooms. No, I didn’t see Bert that morning at all. The night before, at closing time. We got my car at the parking lot across the street and I drove Bert to the Coney Island Avenue trolley. No, not particularly nervous. We didn’t talk much, I don’t remember about what. We were not arguing.

Gideon Frey, boy detective. That’s right, I served with Bert in Korea. I was his assistant platoon leader, a sergeant first class. Hell, no, I’m not making a career of the Army. He did a lot of talking about Miss Tanner, but I don’t see… Sure, it would have made him unhappy if Miss Tanner rejected him, but he was no kid. That’s right, twenty-six. I’m glad you mentioned that. It was a funny thing with Bert. He got a kick out of Coney Island and Tolliver’s, but the one thing he just couldn’t see was steam baths. It was a big joke with him. So it’s hardly evidence. All I know is this — Bert wouldn’t have taken a steam bath at Tolliver’s or anyplace else. Yeah, people change their minds. But not Bert, not that stubborn mule. I believe it was murder. (After that lack of evidence, whoever tried to kill me must have felt like seven different varieties of a damned fool.)

The Medical Examiner, dropping his bombshell. There were about the body of the deceased definite signs of a struggle. A laceration above the right cheekbone, a discoloration of the right eye. Contusions in the lumbar region on the left side. It has definitely been established that the injuries were sustained shortly prior to the time of death. Certainly no more than three hours and probably less.

Verdict: homicide.