Cause for Alarm

1

Mandeville , Louisiana ,

New Year's Eve, 1998

Light blazed from every window of Kate and Richard Ryan's grand old home on Mandeville's Lakeshore Drive. The house had been built nearly a century before, at a time when gracious southern living meant something, a time before MTV and the breakdown of the American family, before it was okay for politicians to cheat on their wives and before the evening news calmly recounted grisly murders as if the daily occurrence of such events wasn't a horror in and of itself.

The house, with its double, wraparound galleries and floor-to-ceiling windows, spoke of wealth, of status, of solidity. Of family. The family Kate and Richard would never have.

Kate stepped out onto the house's upper gallery, shutting the French doors behind her, muffling the sounds of the New Year's Eve party in full swing inside. The January night, bitter cold and blustery for southern Louisiana, slapped her in the face. Crossing to the gallery's edge, she gazed out at the black, turbulent lake. She curled her fingers around the rail and leaned into the wind, unconcerned at the way it tore at her hair and cut through her thin, shirred velvet gown.

Across Lake Pontchartrain, connected by a twenty-sixmile causeway, lay New Orleans, a decaying jewel of a city, home to Mardi Gras and jazz and some of the best food in the world. Home, also, to the privilege of St. Charles Avenue, the poverty of the projects and the soaring crime rate that went with such explosive extremes.

Kate imagined the party happening on that shore, one celebrating not only the new year, but the last year in the century as well. A turning point, the end to an era, a door closing.

For her, too, she thought. And Richard.

Before the holidays, she and her husband had been forced to face the fact that they would never have children. The results of their last tests had been conclusive: Richard was sterile. Up to that point they had assumed their inability to conceive had been the result of her many, varied but correctable, problems. But when none of those corrections had done the trick, the doctor had insisted on testing Richard.

The results had devastated them both. Kate had been angry-at the world, at God, at all the people who had babies so effortlessly and with such little care. She had felt betrayed. Useless. Cast adrift.

And then she had felt better. For even though they hadn't gotten the answer they'd wanted, at least they had one. She could give up the exhausting and emotionally draining quest for pregnancy and get on with her life; they could get on with their lives.

Infertility treatments had taken their toll. On her personally. On her and Richard's marriage, on their professional lives. A part of her felt nothing but sweet relief at getting off that roller coaster, at being able to finally let it go.

If only she could let go of her longing for a child, her longing to be a mother. Some nights she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, the ache inside her so great she couldn't sleep.

Strong arms circled her from behind. Richard's arms. "What are you doing out here?" he whispered, bending his head close to her ear. "And without a coat? You'll catch your death."

She shook off her melancholy and smiled over her shoulder at her husband of ten years. "With you to keep me warm? I don't think so."

He grinned, and his eyes crinkled at the corners. At that moment he looked as boyishly handsome at thirty-five as he had at twenty when she met him. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "We could get naked and do the wild thing. Right here. Right now."

"Sounds kinky." She turned in his arms and looped hers around his neck. "I'm game."

He laughed and leaned his forehead against hers. "And what would our guests think?"

"Hopefully they're all too well-mannered to wander up here uninvited."

"And if they're not?"

"They'll see a side of us they never have before."

"What would I do without you?" He dropped a kiss on her mouth and drew slightly away from her. "It's about time for me to make my announcement."

"Nervous?"

"Who me?" He laughed and shook his head. "Never."

He meant it, Kate knew. Her husband's self-confidence never ceased to amaze her. Tonight, he was announcing his intention to run for St. Tammany Parish District Attorney, yet he wasn't nervous. He wasn't anxious or plagued by self-doubt and second thoughts.

Why should he be? He expected his announcement to be applauded by their family and friends, by his business associates and the leaders of the community. And he expected not only to win the race, but that the run would be nearly effortless.

Of course he did. Richard had always lived a kind of starred existence. Had always been the chosen one, the one voted most likely to succeed, the winner. He wore success as comfortably as others wore ten-year-old athletic shoes.

"You're certain Larry, Mike and Chas are one hundred percent behind this?" she asked, referring to his law partners at Nicholson, Bedico, Chaney & Ryan.

"Absolutely. What about you, Kate?" He searched her gaze. "Are you one hundred percent behind me? If I win, our lives will change. We'll be scrutinized, constantly under the magnifying glass."

"Trying to frighten me off?" she teased, leaning against him. "Well, it won't work. I'm one hundred percent behind you and your decision. And you might as well forget about ‘If you're going to win,' because you are. I'm certain of it."

"With you at my side, how can I not?"

When she tried to laugh off his words, he cupped her face in his palms and gazed into her eyes. "I mean it. You have magic, Katherine Mary McDowell Ryan. You always have. Thank you for sharing it with me."

Tears stung her eyes. She chided herself for her earlier melancholy and silently counted her blessings. The girl who'd worn shoes with holes in the soles and hand-medown school uniforms to St. Catherine's, the girl who had never known the security of a comfortable home, the one who had attended Tulane University on a scholarship, squeaking by borrowing books and waiting tables at night, had come a long way. In no small part because Richard Ryan, favorite son of one of New Orleans' first families had unbelievably, miraculously, fallen in love with her.

"I love you, Richard."

"Thank God." He leaned his forehead against hers. "Now, can we please go inside?"

She agreed and within minutes they were swept back into the party, surrounded, then separated by their jubilant guests. Richard made his announcement and, as expected, his news was greeted by those not already in the know with cheers of approval.

From that moment on, the party became almost manic. As if all in attendance had been struck by a strange sort of energy, a sense that life as it had been was about to change. The year 1999. The fin de sie`cle. The stuff of the future, of science fiction, of uncertainty and the unknown-not of the now. Not of everyday lives.

Midnight came. Confetti and streamers flew and horns sounded. Hugs and kisses were exchanged, more champagne drunk. The caterer served a buffet brunch. It was eaten and enjoyed then finally, one by one, Kate and Richard's guests began to leave.

As Richard walked the last out, Kate began picking up even though they'd contracted a cleaning service to take care of the mess first thing in the morning.

"God, you're beautiful."

She looked up. Richard stood in the doorway between the dining room and front parlor, watching her. She smiled. "And you're flushed with success. Or alcohol."

"Both. But it's still true. You're gorgeous."

She wasn't, she knew. She was attractive, with an ageless, angular kind of face. Not gorgeous or sexy. Not a knockout. Classy, maybe. Solid, definitely. "I'm glad you think so."

"You never could take a compliment. Because of your old man."

"You have good bones, Katherine Mary McDowell," she said, imitating her father's slight brogue. "Never underestimate the importance of good bones and teeth." She laughed. "Like a work horse, for heaven's sake."

Richard grinned and as Kate had been earlier that evening, she was reminded of the fraternity boy who had swept her-and every other coed on the Tulane campus- off her feet. "Your father did have a way with words."

"That he did." She shook her head. "Come give me a hand."

Instead, he cocked his head studying her, a boyish, pleased expression on his face. "Kate McDowell," he said softly, "the one many wanted, including my good buddy Luke. But who I won."

As always happened at the mention of their mutual friend, Luke Dallas, the twin emotions of guilt and longing assailed her. Once upon a time, the three of them had been inseparable. They had been best friends at Tulane; Luke had been her confidant, the person she had turned to for comfort, advice, support. In many ways, she had been closer to him during those years than to Richard.

Then she'd destroyed their friendship with one thoughtless, reckless act of passion and grief.

Uncomfortable with the memory, she shifted her attention to collecting the soiled cups and plates. "You're drunk," she said lightly.

"So what? I'm not driving." He folded his arms across his chest. "Do you deny that Luke was in love with you?"

"We were friends, Richard."

"And nothing else, right?"

She met his gaze. "We were all friends. I wish that hadn't changed."

For a moment, her husband said nothing, just watched her. When he spoke, his mood had mellowed once more. "You're going to make the perfect politician's wife."

She arched an eyebrow. "Are you so sure of that, District Attorney Ryan? I don't have a pedigree, you know."

"Classy, beautiful, smart Kate. You don't need one, you're married to me."

She set the empties on a tray and began collecting more. He was right, she supposed. Marrying him had validated her in New Orleans society. She didn't need a good family, or to have come from money, she had been given his.

For the second time that evening, she thought of her blessings. She had many things to be grateful for, she knew. For her loving husband, their beautiful home. Her own business, a coffeehouse called The Uncommon Bean, which she loved; her stained glass work, plenty of money. All the things she had always told herself that she wanted. That she needed to be completely happy.

"I'm sorry if I upset you with that comment about Luke. I don't know what gets into me sometimes."

"It's been a long night, that's all."

Richard crossed to her and took the empty cups from her hands and set them back on the end table. "Leave the mess. That's what we're paying the service for."

"I know, but-"

"No." He took her hands. "Come with me. I have something for you."

She laughed. "I'm sure you do."

"That, too." He led her to the living room. There, before the still glowing fire, he'd placed two floor pillows. Beside them waited a chilling bottle of champagne and two crystal wine flutes.

They made themselves comfortable. Richard popped the cork on the champagne and poured. He handed her a glass, then held his out. "I thought we should celebrate privately."

She pinged her glass against his. "To your campaign."

"No," he corrected, "to us."

"I like that. To us." She smiled, then sipped.

For several minutes, they chatted about the events of the evening, sharing tidbits from conversations they'd had and chuckling over the antics of a couple of their less inhibited guests.

"You make me better than I am, Kate," Richard murmured, serious suddenly. "You always have."

"And you're drunker than I first thought."

"I'm not." He took the glass from her hand and set it aside. He laced their fingers. "I know how hard this last year was for you. Because of the…the infertility."

Her eyes flooded with tears. "It's okay, Richard. I have so much. It's wrong for me to want-"

"No, it's not. And if not for me, you could have it. You could have a baby."

"That's not true, Richard. I'm infertile, too, I have-"

"You have fertility problems, Kate. Hormones can be adjusted, endometriosis treated, ovulation stimulated. I'm sterile. Shooting blanks, as they say down at the firm." Bitterness crept into his tone. "How do you think that makes me feel? To not be able to give you what you want more than anything? To be less than a man."

It hurt to hear him express his true feelings, ones he hadn't before. She tightened her fingers on his. "That's bullshit, Richard," she said softly, fiercely. "The ability to sire children is not what makes a man. It's not what makes you a man."

"No? That's the way it feels."

"I know how it feels, because this is my problem, too. Bearing children is something all women are supposed to be able to do. It's a given, part of being a female. To not be able to without medical technology feels like a betrayal."

"I've let you down," he said quietly.

"No, Richard…that's not what I meant."

"I know. But that's the way I feel."

She turned fully to him, clasping his hands in hers. "Who's to say we're entitled to everything, anyway? Who's to say we're supposed to have all that our hearts desire? Look at us, at all we have. A beautiful home. Successful careers that we enjoy. Each other, Richard. Our love. An embarrassment of riches. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I can't believe it's Kate McDowell who's living this life. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm having a really good dream and that any minute it's going to turn into a terrifying nightmare."

"I won't let it, sweetheart. I promise."

She brought his hands to her mouth, a sense of urgency tugging at her. "People have lied, cheated and killed to get what we take for granted, we have to guard what we have by appreciating it. We can't ever forget how lucky we are. The minute we do, the minute we get greedy, we could lose it all. We can't forget that, Richard. We can't. It's important."

He laughed. "And you still believe in leprechauns and fairies and the power of a four-leaf clover, don't you?"

"It could all be gone tomorrow." She tightened her fingers on his. "I'm serious, Richard."

"So am I. We can have it all, Kate. I want that for you." When she opened her mouth to protest, he shushed her with a finger to her lips. "I have something for you. A late Christmas present." He slipped a business-size envelope from its hiding place under one of the pillows and handed it to her. "Happy New Year, Kate."

"What is it?"

"Open it and find out."

She did. It was a letter from Citywide Charities, informing them that they had been accepted into the Agency's Gifts of Love adoption program.

Kate's heart began to hammer, her hands to shake. Citywide's program was the best in the area. They accepted only a handful of couples every year; at the end of that year, or shortly thereafter, those couples would have a baby.

She had studied up on adoption and on the programs and options available in the area. She had looked wistfully at Citywide. But every time she had mentioned adoption to Richard, he had flatly refused to even discuss it.

She lifted her gaze to her husband's, overcome with emotion, eyes swimming with tears. "What happened?

You didn't think adoption-"

"But you did."

Tears choked her, and she cleared her throat. "But we…if you don't really want to adopt, we can't. It wouldn't be right."

"I want to make you happy, Kate. This will be a good thing for us, I know it will. And it's the right time for us to start a family."

She couldn't find her voice, but even if she had she wouldn't have been able to find the words to express her joy. So she kissed him instead. Deeply and with the love and gratitude that filled her to near bursting.

They had kissed this way many times before, but this time was different, special. This time her heart felt fuller than it ever had before.

By this time next year they would have a child. They would be parents. A real family.

"Thank you," she whispered again and again as she kissed him. She removed his clothes, he hers. The remnants of the fire warmed them, as did their exploring hands, their exploding passion.

"This is going to be our most perfect year ever," Richard whispered as he positioned himself above her. "Nothing will ever come between us, Kate. Nothing or no one."