Chicago

Chapter 31

How does winter turn into spring?

First the ice melts, and then life comes back to the dry branches and the flowers begin to come alive. That was how Carol’s life changed after she started working in commercials. She stopped her miserable search for a job and repaid, in installments, the money she had borrowed from her friend Emily. She bought new clothes for little Mark and got him a pass for the nearby bowling club. She gave Graham three elegant summer outfits and persisted until he started to buy his favorite Dutch pipe tobacco (about which he couldn’t hide his happiness). Then she bought a used Buick and painted the whole house, and she planted beautiful trees in the garden. One morning, she was having breakfast with Graham on the porch and wearing an elegant white cotton kimono (that she had bought from the popular Tigoro store). While he was smoking his pipe, drinking coffee, and reading the Chicago Tribune, she asked him, “What do you think, John? Our house has appreciated after renovation; if we put it up for sale now it can fetch a reasonable price. I can add to that from my savings and we can buy another house.”

Graham looked stunned. He kept playing with his beard for a few moments then said slowly, “That’s a good idea, but I’m attached to this house, Carol. I’ve lived here for twenty years. Everything in it reminds me of parts of my life.”

“We’ll move to a bigger and more beautiful house.”

“My feelings might be foolishly romantic, but I actually can’t imagine myself in another house.” She looked disappointed. He held her hand and whispered, “In any case, I promise you I’ll think about it.”

“Don’t do anything against your will.”

“I’ll do whatever makes you happy.”

She looked at him, overflowing with feeling toward him. She rushed to him, put her arms around him, and showered him with kisses. She loved him more than she ever had.

Carol had finally come to terms with her new job and was at peace with herself. The first time she took off her clothes in front of Fernando, when she felt his cold hand touching her bare body as he prepared her for the shoot, she was crushed by humiliation; she felt dizzy, as if she were going to faint. With time, however, her aversion diminished and she began to get used to it. She said to herself: Fernando is gay; he is not aroused by a woman’s body; actually he might be disgusted by it. Why do I feel awkward when I bare myself before him? Isn’t this my job and his job? Would I have felt ashamed if he were shooting my hands or feet? Isn’t this a paradox? Aren’t my breasts part of my body, like other parts? My feeling of shame is a result of remnants of ancient, inherited ideas that consider a woman’s body private property that can only be used after permission is granted by her father or her husband. These are just cock-and-bull stories. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am an actress, using my body to express myself before the camera, no more and no less. What’s so shameful about that? Besides, did I have any other choice? I couldn’t have turned down this job. I couldn’t stand causing more troubles for Graham, who loves me and loves my son and has endured endless hardship for us, and in return, I gave him nothing but misery. A person might endure poverty when young, but to have to bear it after sixty is really a tragedy. Moreover, what has little Mark done? His father refuses to support him. I have to provide him with a life of dignity. I won’t forget how happy he was with the new clothes and how overjoyed he was rolling that bowling ball, aiming it at the pins. If offered this job again I would accept it a hundred times for Mark and Graham, the two people I love the most in this world.

Thus she convinced herself and calmed her doubts. She hid the truth from Graham. She told him that she’d found a job in radio commercials, that they liked her voice and the way she delivered, so they gave her a high salary. When Graham asked her when the commercials were broadcast, she had prepared the answer. She sighed and said, “The commercials I record are bought by a small station in Boston that you can’t get in Chicago.” Then she feigned a smile and whispered in a dreamy tone, “If I am successful, maybe I’ll sign a contract with a major station in Chicago.”

Graham planted a quick kiss on her lips and said, “Well, we have to protect your larynx, since it is our national treasure.”

Amazingly she actually did become successful. Executives at Double X liked her and asked Fernando to shoot another commercial in which she did even better because she had gained experience expressing herself with her body before the camera. Two weeks later, Fernando called her and asked to meet. He welcomed her warmly and said as he lit a joint as usual, “Carol dear, we are going from success to success. They called me this morning and said they wanted you for a third commercial.”

“Great.”

“This time we will shoot your legs as you put on lingerie made by the company.”

“I am not going to bare myself completely before the camera, even if they paid a million dollars.”

Fernando laughed loudly and said mockingly, “If they offered you a million dollars you’d do anything.”

She looked at him in silence, feeling insulted. It seemed he realized it, so he bowed his head, placed it between his hands, and murmured in a tired voice, “What did I just say? It seems I’ve smoked too much pot. Sorry, Carol.” She nodded and affected a smile as he went on in a matter-of-fact voice: “In any case no one will ask you to bare yourself completely.”

They had several rehearsals until she understood her role and did it well. He would shoot the lower part of her body as she put on the Double X lingerie and, over the following thirty seconds, she had to relax totally before the camera, feel her underwear with her hands, extend her legs, wrapping one on top of the other slowly to give the impression of total comfort, then the caption “Double X underwear. for your comfort” would be superimposed.

The commercial was a great success and her fee was raised to $1,200 per hour of shooting. Soon afterward, Fernando offered her another commercial. “This time we will work on a more modest part of your body: your feet. The next commercial is about Double X socks.”

For a whole week Carol gave herself over to a pedicurist, who worked diligently for two hours every morning on her toenails and heels, and on scrubbing and softening her feet to make them look delicate and smooth. The result was so dazzling that Fernando shouted as he was doing the camera test, “What splendid feet worthy of a Roman emperor’s concubine!”

This time she had to raise her leg gracefully in front of the camera, point her toes like a ballet dancer, then coquettishly pause for a moment and put the socks on in a suggestive manner. After the commercial was broadcast, Fernando said to her, his face beaming with happiness, “Our success has become legendary! You’re quite an inspiration, Carol. You bring out the best in me.”

As usual he offered her something new. “The new commercial is different from all the previous ones.”

“What’s its idea?”

“Your fee will be raised to fifteen hundred dollars an hour.”

“Thanks. The idea?”

“It’s not conventional, but I won’t give it up. If you refuse to do it, I’ll have another model do it.”

“Talk, Fernando.”

“Okay. Double X has produced a brand-new bra model that’s totally see-through.”

He paused for a moment then continued gruffly, to hide his embarrassment, “The idea of the commercial is as follows: I will shoot your bare breasts, and you will be sexually aroused so I can shoot your nipples erect.”

“You’re such a bastard!” she shouted and got up angrily. She picked up her purse from the chair and hurried to the door. Fernando hurried after her and grabbed her by the arm, trying to calm her down.

“Carol, it’s much simpler than you imagine. Think about it for a bit. We’ve shot your bare breasts dozens of times. How would it hurt to shoot them erect?”

“I’ll never do that.”

He looked at her in vexation and said, “Listen, this is my last offer. I’ll pay you a special fee, two thousand dollars per hour. You’ll get this fee only for the commercials involving sexual arousal. In ordinary commercials, your fee will remain as it was.”

Carol looked at him in silence. It seemed that events were moving too fast for her to absorb. Fernando, sounding as if he wanted to end the meeting, said, “You have until the morning to think about it. The company is in a hurry to get the commercial and you have to give me a chance to get somebody else if you refuse.”

The following day Carol came, stood before him, and before he asked her, she mumbled without looking at his face, “Okay. When do we begin?”

Fernando laughed loudly and hugged her tightly, lifting her off the floor. “What a magnificent woman. If I were interested in women, I’d have done my best to seduce you. Come on, let’s get to work.”

She went with him to the studio and took off her clothes as usual. He spent a long time adjusting the lights and cameras. After several attempts he shot the part where she appeared bare chested. The harder part remained. He asked her to put on the bra, and he himself snapped it closed at the back, and then he stood her in the middle of the frame that he had prepared and said, “Carol, I’m going to help you get aroused. Don’t be embarrassed; I’ll touch you in a perfectly professional manner.”

He got close to her, put his hands through the bra, cupped her breasts with his hands, and began to knead them slowly. Then he took the nipples between his fingers and began to rub them gently. A whole minute passed without any response. He said, “It seems I’m not arousing you sufficiently. Should I go on?”

She didn’t answer. She stood where she was, looking at his hands stuck between the bra and her chest. He took out his hands and jumped behind the camera to make sure it was adjusted, and then went back and whispered to her, “I’ve prepared something to help you. Look at the screen.”

She noticed for the first time that he had placed a laptop on a nearby table. He pushed a button and she could see scenes from a pornographic movie: a white woman was sleeping with a black man and screaming with pleasure. Carol shouted, “Please turn it off.”

“What?”

“I can’t stand those movies.”

“Why?”

“Because they are phony and naive.”

“Do you have a problem with this?”

“I’m perfectly normal.”

He looked at her almost angrily and said, “Listen, I’ve got to do one or two shoots today. Don’t ruin my work.”

“Give me a chance. Let me be natural and I’ll do it.” He glanced at her uneasily. She whispered as she pushed him to stand behind the camera, “Go on, please.”

He dragged his feet like an unruly student kicked out by the teacher. Carol closed her eyes and began to recall her intimate moments with Graham, that burning pleasure that engulfed her when she was with him. Little by little she forgot her surroundings and got totally absorbed in the wonderful feeling that she was reliving. When she realized, somewhat vaguely and from a distance, that the lighting was getting more intense in front of her closed eyes, she ignored it and continued in her reverie until she came to as Fernando exclaimed while putting his hand on her bare shoulder, “Brava. A wonderful shot.”

Shooting took several sessions. Carol used the same method to arouse herself. The commercial was a great success. A few days later, Fernando invited her to dinner, and after two glasses of red wine added to the ever-present effect of marijuana, he started humming the old song “Oh, Carol,” then he said to her as his eyes gleamed with enthusiasm, “Where’ve you been all this time?”

“It’s all thanks to your talent.”

Fernando looked at her for a little while, as if reluctant to speak. Then he said with a childlike spontaneity that she liked, “The owner of the company would like to meet you.”

“Really?”

“Your guardian angel is working with extraordinary efficiency. This meeting might change your life. It’s Henry Davis, owner of Double X, one of the wealthiest people in America. Do you know that I’ve never met him? I’ve asked to meet him more than once, but they’ve always had all kinds of excuses.”

“In my case it’s different. You want to meet him but he refuses; he wants to meet me but I don’t know if I’ll say yes or no,” she said in jest, but he didn’t laugh.

He looked her in the eye and said in a serious tone, “I hope you appreciate my honesty. Someone else in my place would never have let you meet the company owner before signing an exclusive contract with you.”

“I appreciate all you’ve done for me.”

“You have to prove that. I’ll give you Henry Davis’s office number to schedule an appointment with him. In return, you will not sign a contract with him before getting back to me.”

“I’ll do that.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”