Circle of Shadows

VI.8

Pegel had swept down upon Florian in a frenzy, and all but dragged him from his house. Florian had been confused at the idea that he must, at once, accompany Pegel to the home of his father near Mittelbach. Pegel’s explanation — that the Rosicrucians were after them and they needed to lie low for a few days — was dramatic, but also baffling, given how phlegmatic Jacob had been till now. It was only when Pegel appealed to him as a friend, his eyes open and apparently wet with tears that Florian had started to be convinced. He had tried to explain that he hardly knew his father, but Pegel was adamant. Astonished, Florian agreed.

The ride had shaken Pegel’s ankle till he thought the pain would drop him from his horse. He could see the anxious glances Florian was casting in his direction as they rode. At least the injury gave him an excuse not to speak. Pegel pulled out his watch and glanced at it. The Masonic symbols of order and brotherhood had begun to irritate him. He threw it into the hedgerow.

‘Jacob?’

‘Not now, Florian.’

The Duke’s men would be raiding the addresses provided by this time, discreetly walking professors, tradesmen and gentlemen out of their offices and homes, a polite but firm hand on the elbow. Pegel recalled the Duke’s pale face as he gave the orders, the various advisers bowing to him, gathering lists of names. With that thought in his mind Pegel sighed and looked up, and found they had arrived.

Florian’s home was splendid. A sprawling mansion had been created on the remains of the nunnery. It was a fairytale sort of place of towers and spires, red-tiled roofs and what looked like an extensive series of walled gardens. They rode in through the gates into the first courtyard and dismounted. Before Jacob had managed to clamber down from his horse, a servant in the livery of the Ulrichsberg Palace appeared from the stables.

‘Christian!’ Florian called out delightedly. The servant approached, and Jacob looked at him closely. He seemed much of their own age.

‘Master Florian! What a surprise — your father will be delighted to see you. Are you well?’

‘Very! My father is here? I thought he was up at Ulrichsberg toasting this wedding.’

‘He comes back here whenever he can.’

Florian turned to Pegel. ‘Jacob, this is Christian Wimpf. His mother was my nurse after I lost my own. We grew up here together! But you have a position at court too now, do you not? Why are you not there?’

‘I was accompanying another guest here.’

‘How is your family?’

‘Well, thank you, Master Florian. Count Frenzel has provided for the building of a new barn, and they have taken over the lease of the Ekert farm. But here is your father.’

He stepped back with a slight bow, and Pegel turned to see a handsome-looking man in his forties striding out towards them, arms open. Jacob felt a sudden spasm of jealousy. His father never looked pleased to see him.

‘Florian! What an absolute wonder you are here.’

Florian looked a little amazed. His father embraced him.

‘I hope we are not disturbing you, Father. I did not think you would be here. I hope — I hope you are well sir.’

The Count still had hold of him. ‘I am very well, my boy. And you are always welcome here, now more than ever. How perfect it is that you come today — how wonderfully Providence plans every detail.’

Florian looked bemused, but recovering slightly said, ‘This is my friend, Mr Jacob Pegel. A fellow student at Leuchtenstadt.’

Pegel bowed and found himself clapped on the shoulder with such enthusiasm he almost stumbled. ‘But you are so much more than that! Aren’t you, Mr Pegel? We were not introduced this morning, but I was there when you explained matters to the Duke. I am proud to have you here, my boy.’ Pegel opened and shut his mouth. There had been a number of people in the room … ‘And you are a friend of my son’s? Wonderful! Now I know why you are here. You are consideration itself. So much better for Florian to be out of Leuchtenstadt while the Faculty and student body are purged of these Minervals! They are so many that Florian must have acquaintance among them.’ He became serious. ‘Good of you to remove him at such a distressing time.’ Pegel became aware that Florian was looking at him, his mouth slightly open. ‘Yes, your friend is a hero of Maulberg, Florian. Now come, I shall take you up to your rooms myself. Is that all your luggage?’

He turned to lead the way into the building and skipped lightly up the main staircase then turned to the left. Pegel followed with his eyes down. He had known he would have to tell Florian some time, but he wanted to explain over a bottle of wine. Later. Not have it dropped on him like this. He could feel the anger and pain coming off his friend in waves.

If the Count noticed the distress of the two young men, he gave no sign of it. ‘Here you are,’ he said, opening the door. ‘Your mother’s room for the time being, I think. Now, you boys rest and I shall have Wimpf bring you up something to eat and drink. I’ll just turn the key on you …’

‘Father?’ Florian said with an embarrassed laugh.

‘A few matters I must take care of, Florian. Then we can all be together.’ He squeezed his son’s shoulder. ‘I am so pleased you are here, my child. And your friend.’

He was out of the door in a moment and the key turned.

Pegel tried to talk to him, but Florian would not look at him. Wimpf brought food and wine, and Florian only stared at the floor while Jacob ate. His face was pink with rage.

‘It was you,’ he said at last.

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Because doing so will make me very rich.’

‘Is that the only way you have to make money? With a brain like yours?’

‘No, but it’s one I have come to enjoy.’

‘I thought you were my friend.’

Pegel threw down the remains of a chicken leg. ‘And so I have been! You are not locked up in one of the Duke’s cellars now, are you? I owe a favour to the most dangerous man in Europe now, because I decided to save your skin. And I lied to a Duke in getting your name off that list. I wonder if Daddy would have been so pleased to see you if he knew you were up to your neck in this Minervals crap.’

‘You expect me to be grateful!’

‘Well, I didn’t know your father was going to lock us up instead.’ Pegel got to his feet and began to pace the room. ‘Enough of this. I will not wait on your father, Florian! I cannot sit still behind a locked door. What sort of man is he?’

‘I hardly know,’ Frenzel replied miserably. ‘He has always been a man of strong passions. I have never seen him like this, though. He has never been affectionate with me before. Even when my step-mother was alive … I only met her once, at the wedding.’

There was a gentle scraping at the door. Not the sharp rap that Wimpf had used, but a cautious whispering call. Frenzel went to the door. ‘Who is it?’

‘Master Florian? It’s Gunter, sir.’

‘Gunter! How are you? Lord, I wish I could see your face. Can you open the door?’

‘That devil Wimpf has taken the key. I am only to give you this. You are to read it.’ A thick bundle of papers appeared under the door. Florian picked it up. ‘I wish you hadn’t have come, Master Florian. He’s taken a turn for the worse.’

‘Look out for yourself, Gunter. And the other servants.’

‘There’s only me and Cook left now. He sent the others away when that girl first came.’

‘What girl?’

‘I have to go. Be careful.’

Whatever doubts Pegel had had before, that overheard conversation dispelled them. He opened the narrow window of the bedchamber as wide as it would go. Florian was at his shoulder almost at once. ‘Jacob! What are you thinking of? The drop is too far.’

‘I won’t sit here like a chicken ready for the pot, Florian. Stay here and read your letters if you want.’ Pegel stripped the linens from the bed and began to tie them into a rope end to end. Still far too short for the drop, but it would at least take twenty feet off it. He tied one end to the bedpost and pulled it with all his strength to test the knot.

‘Do people really make ropes out of sheets?’ Florian said, slightly amazed. ‘I thought they only did that in novels.’

‘I have never done it before, but it seems as good an idea as any.’

‘You don’t often have to escape from your treachery out of high windows?’

Pegel spun round at him. ‘You are a bloody fool! And the worst sort. The sort who so believes in his own high purposes that he’s forgotten most of the world is blood and stink, and most people are blood and stink. You’d be as much use in an actual revolution as a nun in the Grenadiers. Your only purpose, your only use is to feed each other’s delusions about your ideas for the greater good. You’re a naive idiot and why I risked my neck to get you out of Leuchtenstadt, I have no idea.’

‘Neither do I! All my friends betrayed, everything destroyed. Our plans set back a dozen years. You have brought misery on a nation, Pegel!’

‘Oh fuck off, you self-important little fool. Some madman has hunted down the Minervals in Ulrichsberg. That secret circle of seven at the court are wiped out! And what did they do when they had power? Poison anyone who threatened it, and slander some poor woman so they could plant one of your little friends in the Duke’s bed.’

‘What are you saying? That’s not true. That can’t be true!’

‘I’ve read the letters. Her name was Kastner.’

‘Kastner? That was my step-mother’s name before she married my father.’

Pegel hardly heard him. ‘Now get out of my way.’ Pegel clambered up onto the window-ledge and pulled a loop of the improvised rope around him. As his foot pressed against the ledge his ankle screamed at him, but he set his teeth.

‘What’s to stop me cutting the sheet and sending you to your death?’ Florian said, desperation in his eyes.

‘You haven’t got the guts,’ Pegel said simply and began to lower himself down the wall.

At the end of his rope, he hesitated. It was still perhaps ten feet left to fall, then a long sloping roof leading into one of the internal courtyards. He found himself wondering what would be better, to further injure his right leg, or to risk his left and aim to fall on that side. He closed his eyes and let fate decide. He landed on his side, then slid down the deep slope of the roof. Even as he fought for a grip on the tiles he felt a certain peace. It was as if he was watching the whole from above. I wonder what will happen now? some calm, mildly interested voice asked in the back of his head as he tumbled forward, his chin scraping and bouncing, the wounds on his hands opening up. He rolled off the guttering and something hard struck him at the base of his skull.

My child,

This is a love story. I know that when you have read these pages you will understand this. Love gave me life, love took it away. Love gave me the power I now have. With it, I serve love.

Your mother and I were married to join two houses, two estates, never two hearts. She was a good wife to me in the brief years of our union and I grieved for her sincerely, though I could not then understand the fierce passion of loss that you felt as a child. How can one imagine what one has never felt? I thought you weak and unreasonable and I fear you must have seen that, must have felt it. I hope others were more generous to you than I. Is it any comfort to you to know that I have experienced all the horrors of grief since then? And in feeling them have thought of you?

I remember your delight in my automata; the minutes we spent watching them together were the happiest we had as father and son, I believe. It was such a pity that you never would understand that these little wonders were far too precious for a child to touch. In time, had you been obedient, I would have let you turn the key, or start the mechanism. To steal the little walking figure I imported from Spain and all but destroy him in your attempt to see how he moved was not a crime I could forgive. But I regret that sending you away deepened the rift between us.

Do you know your step-mother pleaded for you? Not that she was your step-mother then, simply a widow of narrow means living on the charity of our neighbour, some cousin of hers. She heard of your crime, and of your punishment, borrowed a horse and rode alone up to my gate to try and convince me that your foolishness was a sign of a curiosity to be encouraged. She did not manage to do so. I see her now striding back and forth across the room, in a passion that a weakling child such as you be sent away from those he loved. I should have been shocked, disgusted even by such a display, but instead I longed for her to stay. You went to school the next day, and I went to her. For the first time in my life I tried to please a woman. We were walking in her cousin’s gardens the first time I made her laugh. It was not that first day, or even in that first week. I cannot remember how, only that it was against her will, angry as she was still for my treatment of you. Grieving as she was for the wrongs done to her. But I remember the surge of joy I felt at the sound, at my victory. That simple little wedding day we shared was the happiest day of my life. I think you liked her. You would have loved her.

It is a matter of regret to me that you never knew your step-mother. I hope you believe me when I tell you it was through no fault of hers. She often suggested you return from school or take some visit with us rather than with your mother’s relatives. In truth I was jealous. Any look, any smile of hers that fell not upon me I felt lost, stolen from my store. I did not want her to try and win your affection, I did not want to see her affection spent on you. Such a terrible happiness is love. Such an impossible gift to bear. At that time I was even glad rumour had driven her from court, because it led her to me. She knew she had been conspired against, though she did not know who had done so, and suspected it was because some of those close to the Duke had seen he favoured her. Fools. She would never have accepted Ludwig Christoph as her lover. She was too noble, too good. They slandered her, destroyed her reputation and separated her from her son for nothing.

Her pregnancy delighted her. She talked of giving you and her own boy a brother or sister to care for. I convinced myself it would change nothing if the child lived. The house was large enough, the household had servants enough and the village wet-nurses, but perhaps one corner of my mind hoped from the beginning it would not survive. I did not wish to see her love divided; how could I accept only a share of her heart, when the whole was not enough? Yet she flowered as she grew, took delight in the child’s quickening. She was seated at her sewing when she felt it first, that strange stirring beneath the skin. Life somehow appearing within her, trapped within her belly some flame, some spark. We reach towards these images of fire when we talk of life; how dead wood stirs into sound and movement, and she cupped it in her hands and gasped. Such a simple thing to women, but what sacrifice, what learning, what bargains with devils and angels it requires from a man.

And there was the matter of her first child. Oh, if I have sinned against you, my son, how much more did I sin against that poor boy. She was desperate to bring the child home. She was sure his constitution was weak, that he would not survive without the care of his mother. I told her I had written to the Duke to request the boy be allowed to live with us. I told her I had petitioned him in person. I told her he wanted the child to complete the year at the school. I told her I would petition again. I did none of this.

In truth nothing prevented me from collecting the child on the first day of asking, except that I did not want him here. I grieved to see her suffer, I suffered just as much to deny her, but it still seemed in the passion that held me, preferable. There was an outbreak of fever at the school. If then we had heard of the danger perhaps I would have finally relented. I do not know. The officials at court were informed, but no one there thought to get word to his poor disgraced mother, and the first we knew of any illness in the place was when one of the teachers made the journey to my home carrying the news of his death and his few possessions. Can I describe that day to you? She had not been allowed to write to him, by order of the Duke, though I discovered she had managed to bribe Christian to convey to him the occasional note. They were love letters. Love letters that showed a depth and strength of feeling never present in her affectionate manner towards myself. I think my dislike of him deepened to hatred then. I am ashamed of that. The letters told him of our marriage and promised, with what fervour it was promised, that his mama was coming for him very soon. How did I know these things? How did I come to read them? Because the child had stored the letters in the lining of his Bible. Each one had been folded and unfolded, reopened and reread so many times they were in danger of falling apart. The teacher had found them, and thought they should be returned. I cannot say if that was a kindness or a cruelty. It is strange how the simple fact that the fold in a piece of paper has worn through almost to nothing can tell so clear the story of a boy’s hope, his loneliness, his longing for his mother.

Her despair was complete. But she would not let the man leave until he had given up the last, briefest, most incomplete memories of her child. Such was her hunger to hear his name, even the story of his illness and death was longed for. He and the teacher had said their prayers together, and he said that if he did not recover he would join his father in heaven and wait for his mama there. She covered her face when she was told that, and I saw the man look at her with wondering eyes. He thought, of course, that she was a whore and would be spending eternity in hell for her sins. I wonder if he told the child that before he blew out the candle and left him? By morning her son was dead.

The pains came upon her the next day, far too soon. Four and twenty hours after they began the accoucheur came to me again, less sanguine, more severe. I did not let him speak, but went to her at once, past the tutting maids, the outraged nurse. She was whiter than the linen on which she lay, her hair loose about her and soaked in her sweat. The light in her eyes was too bright. She used all her strength to speak to me. She took my hand, she swore her love and she begged me to make her doctors save the monster that was killing her. My last words to her, and hers to me were of love. In the antechamber I told the doctor to destroy the child if there was any chance that doing so would save her.

It was probably dead already. The cord was wrapped around the neck, but it would not go alone. Cheated of its own life it took hers. The nurse lied to her, she said. Told her as she bled out her last that she had a healthy child and needed only to rest. The woman meant to comfort me with a vision of my darling going happily to her rest. A fiction. My wife was no fool. She knew she had brought forth death and it had fed on her. This is what they did. Those little schemers, those poisonous diplomats with their lies, their slanders. They killed her son, they killed her daughter, they killed her.

They tried to prevent me entering the room. A butcher’s den. Doctor and nurse bloody to their elbows, and the bed crimson, rags soaked in blood across the floor, basins full of red water. Her nightgown soaked in it. I threw them out and would not let them touch her till morning, but sat by her side, her head cradled in my arms begging her to open her eyes. I promised everything, I swore everything, I prayed that I would go mad, and for a while I feel I might have done so cradling my dead love, my dead self in that bloody chamber.

Florian put aside another page with shaking fingers. ‘Oh, God, Father! What is this?’