Cold as Ice

Chapter 31

When Jeanie arrived the next morning Tracy looked like she was desperate for her to get there. Jackson hadn’t been washed or dressed.

‘He phoned again – did they trace it?’ she asked, hanging on to her emotions by a thread.

Jeanie shook her head.

‘Nearly, Tracy. You did a great job.’ She had listened to the recording that morning before coming to the house. Jackson was pleased to see Jeanie. She gave him a cuddle. When she could Tracy took Jeanie aside in the kitchen.

‘No I didn’t. I can’t do it.’

‘You can get through this, Tracy.’

Tracy shook her head slowly as she picked up a tea towel and began wrapping it around her hands. ‘He’s not ever going to let her live. He’s going to kill her slowly and make me listen to it.’ She stared wide-eyed at Jeanie. ‘I can’t do it. I can’t bear to hear Danielle in pain. I can’t pick up the phone again. He’s torturing her for my benefit. Maybe if I didn’t answer it he wouldn’t hurt her?’ She turned away from Jeanie and looked out of the back door. The ice had stayed on the patio for weeks now. ‘He’s punishing her for something that I’ve done. I’m killing my own daughter.’

Jeanie stepped forward and gently stopped Tracy twisting the tea towel.

‘Don’t think it, Tracy. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for what he’s doing. He wants to shift the blame on to others and you’re one of them, but it’s all down to him.’

‘He knows things about me. He knows I gave Danielle up for adoption. How does he know that? He says he’s been here, been watching me at work.’

‘He might have followed Danielle in the days or weeks before he abducted her. He may well have seen you both together. Danielle could be under pressure to tell him things, Tracy.’

‘Tortured, you mean?’ Tracy stared at the back yard. The ice gave it a look as if all life was suspended and they were in a dream. Stuck in a cloud.

‘Danielle needs all your strength now and so does Jackson. Even if she hadn’t found you he would have come for her anyway. Somehow you have become part of the process for him, Tracy. If he stops calling then I think we will lose her. We need to sit this out. We need to wait. I think we should insist on Steve coming home now. You have too much to cope with. Let him bear some of the burden.’

She shook her head. ‘I have to weather this storm on my own. It’s me and Jackson and Danielle against this man, whoever he is. You get a sense of perspective, don’t you?’ She turned to look at Jeanie.

‘This is a tough time for everyone, Tracy. How people react in a crisis like this doesn’t always bring out the best in them. I’ve seen couples really struggle to stay close when something this big hits.’

‘Not sure how close we were before it happened. I feel like I’ve got a bigger baby than Jackson to look after. At least with Jackson you get a cuddle now and again.’

Jeanie smiled. ‘Why didn’t you have any more kids, Tracy?’

‘I don’t know. We just never reached a time when we thought it was a good idea. We’ve become stuck in a rut now, me and Steve; sometimes I wonder what’s left for us. We don’t even own our own home; this place is rented.’

‘Steve must earn good money as a manager?’

‘Not bad but we have a lot of debts; we struggle to pay them.’

‘Debts? From what?’

‘Credit cards mainly – a few loans. Steve got in trouble with them. We owe sixty thousand pounds still. It cost us our house. I thought Steve was paying the mortgage but he wasn’t. I don’t even know what he was doing with all the money. He says he can’t remember, that the debts just mounted and he used one card to pay off another. I had a beauty salon until it all happened. I had the garage converted into a treatment room. It was so beautiful: candles, potted palms, lovely and relaxing. I had hoped to expand – get a proper premises. I lost my studio and my clients when it all blew up and we had to sell the house and move in here. So now I work in Simmons full-time.’

‘I’m sorry, Tracy. Life sucks sometimes.’

‘It’s not too bad. I’m grateful for the job and you never know what’s around the corner, do you?’ As she said the words Tracy realized how ridiculous they sounded. She turned away, turned on the tap and began washing the sink.

‘You’re right, and sometimes things just force you into decisions. Life could turn around for you. You could still have a baby. You’re young enough,’ said Jeanie.’

‘Maybe we’ll think about having a child in a few years if the money situation improves. I have big regrets. I wish I’d kept Danielle. I was just a kid and I thought the Fosters were lovely: I thought they were much better than me; they’d do a better job than I could. What did I know about babies? I was just fifteen. But it sounds like she had a horrible childhood. I could have given her better than that. I realize that now.’

‘Tracy, when Danielle talked to you about Gerald Foster, do you remember her making any actual allegations against him?’

‘She said she and him didn’t get on. She said he kicked her out when she got pregnant. She continued to see Marion Foster. I’m not sure if Gerald knew that or approved.’

‘Nothing improper though?’

She looked at Jeanie. ‘Improper? You think he assaulted her?’

‘We don’t know anything at the moment, Tracy. We have to look at this from as many angles as we can.’ Jeanie went across to the table in the lounge and picked up the bag containing the puppets. ‘I think that it’s best to keep Jackson here for now.’