Confessions of an Author

Chapter Six. LOTTE AND ELLY

After the repulsive experiences in Munich, I was glad to discover in Salzburg that the curiosity, delight and satisfaction which the opposite sex afforded me had not altogether left me. Absolutely contrary to my original intentions, I decided to settle in that nice town. I rented a small home outside the city limits, where it isn't even Salzburg any longer and, if it weren't for the greatest and also most painful experience of my life, I would have spent the rest of my days in Salzburg and most likely my history would not have ended as miserably as it did.

Out there, in Heilbronn, during one of my long walks, I met a girl. She was not young; deep in her twenties I guess, but she was peculiarly attractive and charming. Well built and slim, her face framed with an abundance of golden hair, she walked toward me. I stopped and stared. She noticed it and a slight blush spread across her cheeks. She instantly awakened that desire in me which a certain type of woman brings out.

It is something of a light hypnosis. I kept looking as she walked past me, then I slowly turned around and followed her hesitantly. I had the distinct feeling that she wanted me to start talking to her. I passed her twice and finally, the third time around, I gathered the courage to start a conversation. I felt terribly silly and was as gangling as a high school boy, because once I had brought up the courage to talk, I no longer could find the proper words to say anything. My eyes tried to penetrate her clothing and I became terribly excited. I felt as if I had to attack this woman from behind and simply rape her. I had never felt this way before around a fully dressed female. It is possible that her particular odor was driving me slowly out of my mind.

But fortunately, something of the civilized male in me prevented me from acting out my primeval urges and I forced myself not to do what I wanted to do, so as not to spoil any future chances. Since my excitement prevented me from taking one more step, I remained fixed at the same spot without letting her out of my sight for one single second. It seemed that my gaze was holding her firmly, because she slowed down her pace, too, and finally she also stood still. But that had evidently nothing to do with me. I noticed that another young woman had approached us from the opposite direction, her absolute mirror image, slightly younger and instead of golden hair, her beautiful face was framed in ebony curls. A few moments later the two were standing together, holding hands. I noticed that the dark one looked in my direction, making it obvious that they had talked about me. I cannot remember exactly how it happened, but the next moment I was standing with the two girls.

I excused myself for anything which might have brought on the displeasure of the blonde girl.

The three of us continued our walk.

They were sisters, the daughters of a retired high-ranking officer.

We talked about everything. Their ways of speech were so charming and soft, they were so cuddly, and the perfume they exuded was so intoxicating that I was walking as if in a dream. I gathered enough courage to tell them this and also to offer the blonde one my right arm. I felt counterpressure. She also whispered into my ear, “My sister and I are quite inseparable.” So I offered my left arm to the dark-haired one and she cuddled up to me on the other side. I saw her look at the blonde with a smile that looked like a silent question.

Meanwhile it had become dark and it was obvious that our kisses had become a pressing obligation. They invited me to their home because Papa was visiting the captain of the garrison anyway and would not be home till midnight. That was the moment to become quite honest, “It would be impossible for me to contain myself; I would be driven out of my mind, and I surely could not guarantee my best behavior.”

Each pressed their bosom against one of my sides and they whispered in unison, “Neither can we!” The blonde's hand trailed downward and I felt her touch just at the spot where my passion was hottest and her breathing was so deep that it sounded like a sigh.

“Of course, today it will have to be like it happened in that play of yours …” said the dark one.

“The novel, silly …” corrected the blonde. “Yes, yes … the lady takes the young man whom she met on the street into her home, the man was at his club, and …”

I embraced both girls.

“But children, before he left, leaning against the door through which her husband could enter at any time, he took her and …”

Kisses rained upon my face from both sides at once.

I must admit that I did a lot better than the young man in my novel.

We were sitting in the gorgeous dining room where an ardent collector had gathered the choices antiques. A forged iron chandelier lit every corner of the room. We had dinner and were served by two maids who saw to it that our goblets were never empty. The heady wines increased our passions. Then the dark one went into the adjoining salon and sat down in front of the grand piano, playing, while the blonde one leaned against my shoulder. Now and then her lips searched for mine. I unbuttoned her blouse and she exhibited a pair of the most beautiful soft white globes I had ever seen. I pressed my face against them.

She escaped my embrace, walked over to her sister and, kissing her, she exclaimed, “Lotte's bosom is much more beautiful! Look!”

The three of us started kissing each other and my fingers groped around in sheer beauty. I groaned, “Children, I cannot stand it any longer!”

Lotte forcibly freed herself, buttoned her blouse and started to play with all her might. The other one, Elly, pulled me into another room and together we fell on the floor. She embraced me fiercely, I felt her panting breath and … wow!

This moment of furtive delight was simply gorgeous, but it became even better when she pleaded with me, “Do Lotte, too!”

Sure! Lotte, too!

And afterward we gathered very chaste and properly in yet another room, sipping tea. We tried to set up plans how we could go about it in the future. We agreed that today's interlude had been mere chance and it might be a long time before we would be as lucky again. Our minds and bodies were heated, our kisses passionate and it was only the threat of their Papa's pending return as well as the presence of the maid servants we did not trust, that we did not give our imaginations and actions free reign. The girls thought it was only natural that I invite them to come over to my home. Since the previous tenant had been an artist, there was a studio and we decided that I was going to pass as a painter of their portraits. In that case the girls did not have to be embarrassed when they visited me.

After I had left their home, on my way to the closest cabstand, I was overcome by an insatiable desire to view a nude body. My imagination had shown me profusely what I could not see from my two girl friends. Naked flesh is what I wanted to see and feel and smell. Oh, what pity that I could not have taken the girls along to my home. I walked up and down all the familiar little streets and measured every female I met. One of them smiled at me. She was heavily made-up and her breasts were firmly corseted. I visualized how those breasts, the moment her jacket would be unbuttoned, would dangle down to her belly in disgusting slackness. The idea revolted me and I got into the first handsom that drove by.

But, at home, I still had the wild desire to view nakedness. I turned on all the lights and drew the curtains. Thereupon I undressed completely and stood in front of the mirror. I lifted my arms and tried to look at my back, but kept staring at my member which started to swell painfully. Then I started to turn around and waltzed across the rugs that covered my rooms, my dancing becoming wilder and wilder till finally I was drenched in perspiration. I went to bed exhausted and pulled the covers over me. My breath was panting, my eyes were hot and dry, my heart hammered … finally I fell asleep.

When I woke up it was bright daylight. At first I did not fully realize where I was. Then I noticed from the alarm clock on my night-stand that it was way past nine o'clock and I lumped out of bed to discover that I was completely naked. Slowly I started to remember the bacchanalia of the previous night and I thought of the two beautiful girls who had aroused me so greatly that the mere thought of them started to stir my passions anew. I wanted to see them, smell them, feel their naked flesh against mine. Oh, why didn't they show up? Were they unaware of my desire for them?

Crazy!

I hastily readied myself and did not make breakfast. I ran out of the house. Where to? Into town, because I had to see my girls and talk to them, see them, implore them to visit me and explain to them that I would whither and die if they did not allow me to possess them fully and completely. Both of them! I felt that I had to have one in each arm and squirm myself between their hot, passionate bodies. I suddenly remember the passion of Jean Jacques for two girls who were both in love with him … a dark one and a blonde. Didn't I have the same problem?

I went into town and loitered around the girls' home. They had to come out of it sometime! Finally I had waited long enough. I decided to leave because I had to admit to myself that I would only compromise the girls by standing guard in front of their home, and then talking to them if they ever decided to go out. I returned to my own little home. When I opened the iron gate which led into my front yard, I noticed the girls talking to my gardener.

It took all the powers of my imagination and concentration, which at that time were not yet fully developed, to greet my girl friends with the required ceremony. I expressed my regrets that my studio had not yet been completed and asked them to come into my living quarters.

I had barely closed the front door and entered my large living room when both girls threw themselves upon me, embracing me passionately. Kisses are kisses, I know, but some kisses are more so and the passionate ones I had to endure made my blood course through my veins and swell my muscles. They were not at all coy, especially since we all knew why we had come together again.

I met no resistance at all when I started to undress them. Piece after piece fell to the floor till they finally stood in front of me with nothing on at all … nothing! I did not even let them wear their fine silk stockings. They stretched their bodies voluptuously and started to embrace each other, their large breasts firmly pressing against one another. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing two gorgeous nude women embrace. There is also nothing more exciting! They walked over to me and started to take off my clothes.

When they noticed that my member stretched itself full of desire, they virtually tore the remaining clothes off my body, kneeled down in front of me and covered my member with their kisses. I could not stand it any longer! I lifted the blonde in my arms and carried her towards the ottoman which was jutting from a corner into the center of my living room. But the other one did not let go of my member. Suddenly the three of us sprawled on the ottoman. At that moment I did not know who it was, whose body I penetrated. I felt a hot body under me, into which I kept poking my member wildly. But at the same time, my face was resting against a glorious behind which I could kiss and cover with love bites till I succeeded in burying my tongue deep into its love-nest. When I had spent I noticed that I was on top of the blonde and that Lotte had turned her behind toward me, bracing her sister in such a way that Elly could lick her sister's private parts.

How often I put my member and my tongue at the sisters' disposal I cannot honestly say. One thing is for sure … none of us was shortchanged. The greatest excitement I could give the girls was when I laid myself on top of one, bit the nipples of the other and went with my fingers up their beautiful behinds. And the girls taught me how I could excite the female parts with my tongue and I must admit that I thought it a quite charming pastime. I reached a sexual climax when, under the influence of my mouth, the girl's body started to quiver and quake. But I never allowed either one of the girls to take my member in her mouth. I did not mind them kissing it, especially not after it became difficult to get an erection.

That first afternoon in my home had brought the three of us so close together that we decided to become friends. Our sexual bouts had awakened our mutual spiritual love. To make it more comfortable for us I had decided to furnish the studio especially for our meetings. The wall-to-wall carpets were soft and thick, and the couches could easily be pulled together to make a large double bed. And, I also had large thick pillows. The girls had told me that delight could be increased by raising to a certain height. And that was how high the pillows were.

It is amazing that the girls did not lose one whit of their freshness and firmness — even their breasts remained full and firm — despite the regular small and large orgies we organized every Wednesday and Saturday afternoons. They took very good care of their bodies.

Of course, by that time I was very well aware of the fact that I had not been the only man in their lives with whom they had been cavorting simultaneously. And among my predecessors must have been a few who knew some very exciting tricks, because not one get-together would go by without the girls teaching me something new of which I had never dreamt before. And it was always for the three of us. My past did not bother me at all. I was in love and they loved me in turn.

Since Elly had remarked once that it ought to be incredibly exciting if we were to pee upon one another, I had decided to have the studio fully covered with a waterproof soft cloth. Why shouldn't we try and find out if there was any excitement to it?

The lukewarm fountains with which we sprayed one another excited us so greatly that we rolled around in the moisture as if possessed by the heady aroma of the female urine. When people are in love with each other, there is really nothing which is disgusting to them and hardly anything which they are not willing to do. Even though our bodies were wet with urine we kissed and licked each other incessantly and passionately. On another day, Elly wanted to try something very special for herself and me and she allowed me to plunge my member into her behind. At first we met with some difficulty but, after having used some oil it became easy. Once I had penetrated up to 'the hilt, I was in the grip of the strongest sensation I had ever had, and I needed all my power of concentration to remain calm. But Elly seemed to experience similar strong feelings, she moaned, groaned and twisted. Then I noticed that Lotte was giving her sister's little pussy a thorough workout with her tongue while I was enjoying Elly from the rear.

One thing was remarkable throughout the duration of my affair with the two sisters: neither of the two girls, nor I, ever experienced any sobering up after the act. Whenever we had reached a climax, we would start to kiss and neck all over again till either my member or my tongue, or both, would be ready for action again.

The least we did was cuddle close together and kiss. Of course, I realize that one needs the strength of youth and I don't believe that an older man of let us say, forty, would be capable of spending an entire afternoon playing the most daring games of love. But we lived our life of love and games, permeated with pure sensual pleasures, and on Wednesday eves we longed for the Saturday afternoons; the Saturday eves we looked forward to the noontime of Wednesday. And sometimes the waiting was too difficult for me and the girls, causing us to sneak in a few stolen hours from the days between.

We met frequently in public places or at someone's social gathering, and we got a secret pleasure out of being introduced formally on such occasions, pretending that we had never met before. It never happened that one of the girls came to see me alone, not even when either one of them would have their periodic troubles coinciding with our regular meeting days. Once we talked very seriously about our future together, and the girls unanimously declared that they did not think about getting married. They had proof enough that it was possible for both of them to have one and the same friend with whom they could share their sensual pleasures. But to find a man who would marry one of them and divide his sensual pleasures and duties equally with both of them presented difficulties. “How long would he be capable of making love to both of us — and there is no man alive with enough courage to ask one, two or more good-looking friends to help him out when he has become too weakened to handle us all by himself?”

Frankly I was surprised by their reasoning, which was stated as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The girls threw their naked arms around my neck and pressed their voluptuous breasts against me. Kissing me, they admitted that once they did have two lovers at the same time; as a matter of fact, it had been their first lovers and the four of them making love together had never led to any trouble at all. I must admit that the girls had less prejudices than I, because their confession gave me a feeling that I had never had before: a sort of jealousy caused by hurt vanity, a questioning of my own virility. I had fully believed the girls' assurances that they had never, never loved anybody as much as they had loved me, that they had never given themselves so completely and without any reservation, and now I suddenly discovered that behind their love for me lurked an intense desire. I could not possibly be mistaken: lovemaking with four must have been more exciting for the girls and have given the man greater satisfaction.

They noticed that I had become pensive and tried their best to dispel the impression which their confessions had made upon me with flattery and kisses. But it was impossible for me to recover the “lost innocence” of our games. I pulled the girls close to me and asked them very seriously, “But don't you want to get married?” They pressed their hot cheeks against my shoulders, embraced me tightly, but remained silent. “I am serious, I love you two, you should know that by now!” They kneeled before me, passionately covered my body with hot kisses. Then they jumped up and laughed.

Elly squatted in the middle of the studio on the rug and the gorgeous sight of her in this inviting position was so breathtaking that I forgot everything else. I could not take my eyes off her beautiful nudity. I ran toward her, kneeled next to her and kissed the tears off her cheek. I felt her tremble all over.

Suddenly she looked at me and said, “No, my friend, it would be disastrous! You are so nice. But a marriage would drive us apart. Think of the thousand and one little considerations, the innumerable slights and the many, many hurt feelings the one who is not chosen to be your wife has to undergo.

“But one does not get married for sex only!”

“No, no … I cannot leave Lotte alone, and neither can she be without me!”

I was still sitting next to Elly on the rug.

“We love you dearly,” she said, “can't you feel that? And you should love us, as long as you can …”

She suddenly pulled me toward her and threw her legs around me.

When I penetrated her deeply and with hot passion, she called out while gasping for breath, “We're for making love, not for getting married …. Lotte!”

She cried out her sister's name, and Lotte lay down next to us. Suddenly, Lotte mounted my back, facing the other way, pressing her face between my thighs and her tongue started playing with my balls. When Lotte noticed that Elly was bucking in ultimate passion, she let herself slide off my back and sought my mouth with moist, hot kisses, tonguing me, and trying to drive my passions to the utmost limit of my endurance. She forced me, however, to remain on top of Elly who was now writhing and bucking, spasming wildly, while she held Elly's legs so that I was captured completely by the latter.

Elly had become possessed and did not let go of me, even after I had come for the second time and my head was lolling on the carpet. But suddenly something happened which made me fully realize how close these two sisters actually were. Elly remarked that Lotte had not had her just share of the lovemaking. She called herself an egotist and implored her sister not to be mad at her. And when Lotte admitted that it was she who had forced me to remain inside Elly, the girl became so passionately grateful, covering her sister with kisses, that Lotte sank exhausted upon the floor.

Unfortunately my powers of recuperation were not so great that I was capable of performing again, despite Elly's ministrations to make me get another erection. When she noticed that she was singularly unsuccessful, she hollered at me, “You see, you see … you have already forgotten that you have two women; can't you imagine how it would be if you married one of us?”

She threw herself upon Lotte and embraced her passionately, caressing her body softly yet insistently, and plastering her with moist kisses; and when Lotte lifted her beautiful legs, exposing the lips of her private parts, Elly tried to stuff her breast into the love-nest, trying to rub the tickler with her erect swollen nipple. She kept staring at my member, groped at it occasionally, but my plight had been so exhausted that nothing happened at all.

Elly became frustrated. “We have to do something … can't we give her a substitute?” She pulled me down and made me lick her sister's tickler while she nuzzled her face under Lotte's behind, tickling and licking the other entrance with her tongue. Lotte groaned and cried out loud. I felt another erection coming up slowly. I pushed Elly forcefully aside. It felt as if I spent an eternity on top of Lotte and I would still have been there, unable to reach a climax, if Elly had not uninterruptedly spurred my flagging passions by licking my balls and my asshole.

Finally the three of us were so exhausted that we fell asleep and almost missed the usual hour at which the girls left the studio. But that particular day the girls were insatiable nymphs. They could not bring themselves to getting dressed. They danced naked around the room, carrying me along with them, while they were singing, “Isn't it getting hard yet, isn't it getting hard?”

Finally they left, because nothing happened. I did not think at that time that I would be able to attain erection for the rest of my life. I walked them, like I always did, toward the iron gate, kissing their hands respectfully.

When I wanted to enter my home again, the gardener walked up to me and handed me a telegram which had arrived earlier. I opened it, and its contents made me faint. I fell to the floor ere the gardener had a chance to catch me. I don't think that the message would have devastated me as much if I had not been so exhausted from the orgy. I had regained consciousness before the doctor who had been called, had arrived. By the evening of that day I was ready to travel on a long voyage which led me across France and two days later I kissed my mother's cold hands.

* * *

After the funeral, which had taken place in the free country where Mama had given up her passionate spirit, I had a nervous breakdown. I spent a long time in the care of an old, venerable doctor in the same hotel where Mama had expired.

My younger brother, who had arrived with a companion, did not move from my bedside. He became my friend during my long period of illness. He was a fine person who had inherited Mama's beauty and passion. His hands were so soft, his eyes so large and beautiful, his expression so pensive. I soon knew that in him the love of both sexes had mixed to become its own particular expression, a love which is not precisely the same as a woman's but yet its desire is for the strength only a man can offer.

He must have noticed that I had recognized it in the way I treated him. What could have happened to me, if a female had not taken possession of me at my tender age, had become second nature to him. He symbolized for me the resurrection of a Grecian youth who inflames the passions of his own sex, conquering the women who have become useless to their men. A creature of greatest perfection. We never talked about it, because I was afraid that words would not be tender enough, too harsh to express my true feelings. And he was grateful for my silence with a quiet intensity.

He made me want to get better. He consoled me with Mama's passing in a way which can neither be called motherly, nor only brotherly. During my convalescence he gave me a new lust for life as soon as he had noticed that a kiss from him made me shiver. Whenever I was moody, or when I did not want to take my medicine, he smiled and would say, “If you're not nice today, I won't kiss you.”

He has become a very happy man, an apostle of beauty.

It took months before I finally noticed the faint stirrings of a will to live within me, and it took as many weeks before I walked out into the world again. I was no longer young in mind and body, despite my relatively few years; I had become a mature man.