Courting the Enemy

Chapter Thirteen

Grady had seen her tears, felt them, Karen realized as she lay in his arms. She felt the sudden stirring of tension, saw the distance in his eyes where only moments ago there had been such fiery passion.

When he eased away from her, then turned his back, she felt as if she had betrayed two men, not one.

Eventually she slid out of bed and went to her own room, where she showered as if that could wipe away not just the evidence of their lovemaking but her regrets as well.

How could she have been so wrong? she wondered. She’d been so sure she was ready, that her feelings for Grady ran deep enough for this next step in their relationship.

And they did, dammit. She had felt alive and treasured when he’d been making love to her. She had responded in a way she never had with Caleb, without any inhibitions at all.

“Oh, God, that’s it,” she murmured, burying her face in her pillow. It wasn’t just that awful sense of having betrayed someone that she’d been feeling, but guilt that she had felt more, given more, with Grady Blackhawk than she ever had with the man she’d married.

The passion she had shared with Caleb had been quieter, less intense, comfortable-what a terrible word, she thought-even at the beginning. They had been perfectly matched, no extreme lows or giddy highs, just steady, comfortable companions, partners in the running of the ranch.

There was nothing easy or comfortable about Grady. He was a man who tested the limits, who demanded responses that reached new heights. She’d just experienced one of those amazing, astonishing highs. Now, alone in her own bed, she was crashing to its opposite low.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered aloud.

Being with Grady put her at risk, rocked her emotionally in a way she wasn’t prepared to handle. She was afraid to trust this new passion, afraid the fire would burn itself out and she’d be left with nothing.

It had happened before. She had lost Caleb, the man she had expected to spend her entire life with. And if solid, dependable Caleb could leave her, then what guarantee did she have that a volatile man like Grady might not as well, in one way or another? She wasn’t sure she could survive another loss. Or the discovery that he had merely been manipulating her in order to get his hands on her land.

Too late, a voice in her head mocked her.

Karen sighed. It was true-for better or for worse, she was already involved with the man who slept across the hall. No matter the reason, whether she lost him now or years from now, it would hurt.

By the time the first pale slivers of dawn crept into the sky, she was no more certain of what she needed to do than she had been when she’d crawled into her own bed the night before. Nor was she prepared for a face-to-face encounter with Grady so soon.

She crept downstairs, drank a quick cup of coffee and nibbled at a piece of toast, then all but ran to the barn and saddled her horse.

It was only a little past daybreak when she rode out on Ginger. The air was crisp and smelled of approaching snow. Thick gray clouds rolled across the sky. Karen rode hard for an hour, exhausting herself, the wind whipping at her hair and stinging her cheeks.

The exercise cleared her head, but as she rode back into the paddock, all of the turmoil came back with a vengeance at the sight of Grady waiting, a fierce scowl on his face.

“Where have you been?” he demanded, even as he helped her out of the saddle.

She shrugged off his hands. “I should think that would be obvious,” she said, leading her horse into the heated barn to be unsaddled and rubbed down.

“Not to me, it isn’t,” he snapped. “I thought we had agreed you weren’t going anywhere alone until we know what the hell is happening around here.”

She flinched at the worry underscoring his words. She had completely forgotten about the danger in her haste to retreat from a different kind of threat.

“I’m sorry if you were worried,” she said, meeting his gaze for the first time.

He sighed and raked his hand through his hair as he surveyed her from head to toe. “You didn’t run into any problems?”

“None,” she assured him. “I didn’t see a single soul, nor was there any evidence of more fence down, sick cattle or anything else out of the ordinary.”

Some of the concern faded from his eyes then, only to be replaced by what looked surprisingly like sorrow. “Why did you run?”

She thought about that, debated how truthful to be, then settled for total honesty. “I was afraid to see you because I knew I had hurt you last night.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well, I’ll get over it.”

“You shouldn’t have to. What I did was unfair. I went to bed with you willingly. No, it was more than that,” she corrected. “I went eagerly.”

“And then you regretted it,” he concluded.

“But not for the reason you think, not entirely anyway.”

“You’re going to have to explain that one to me.”

It was hard to tell him, but she knew she owed him the truth. “The reason I felt lousy was because I felt so much more with you than I ever had with Caleb.” When Grady would have spoken, she held up her hand. “I’m not comparing exactly. What Caleb and I had together was wonderful-our life, our marriage, all of it. I will never forget those feelings for as long as I live.”

“How reassuring,” Grady said with an unmistakable edge of bitterness.

Karen saw that she was going about this all wrong, but she was still sorting through her emotions herself. How could she be expected to explain them so Grady would understand? She knew, looking into his shadowed eyes, though, that she had to try, or they would be lost before they’d even begun. He had too much pride to stay with a woman whose heart would always belong to someone else.

“You like steak, right?” she asked.

He was clearly startled by the question. “You’re going to get into a discussion of beef with me?”

“Just hear me out,” she pleaded. “I’m trying to say this so you’ll understand. Do you like steak?”

“I’m a cattle rancher. What do you think?”

“Okay, then-are all cuts of beef the same?”

“Of course not.”

“So, they’re the same, but different?” she prodded.

“Yes,” he agreed, though he still looked puzzled by the analogy.

“A plain old strip steak is tasty, right? Enjoyable?”

He nodded.

“But a filet takes it to a different level, wouldn’t you agree?”

Understanding flared in his eyes, followed quickly by a hint of pure arrogance. “Are you saying I’m filet?”

She bit back a smile at the typically male response. “In a manner of speaking, but I wouldn’t gloat about it if I were you,” she warned. “I’m still not all that sure I’m ready for a steady diet of filet.”

He grinned for the first time all morning. “I’ll bet I can change your mind.”

She regarded him with a mixture of amusement and impatience. “Men,” she muttered. “Give them a compliment and it goes straight to their heads.”

“Or other parts of their anatomy,” Grady said, taking a step in her direction, then another, until he had her backed against a stall door.

When his mouth slanted across hers, her pulse leaped and her doubts fled. The kiss was persuasive, needy, maybe just a little desperate. But then, she was feeling a little desperate herself.

Feeling her senses swim, she was somehow reassured that last night’s reaction hadn’t been a fluke. Passion seethed just beneath the surface once again, ready to claim her and him.

Just not here and not now, she thought with a resigned sigh as Grady moved away, clearly satisfied by having made his point-that he could make her crave filet…crave him…any time he wanted.

That knowledge filled her with hope, and guilt, all over again. But the guilt wasn’t as sharp somehow, she realized with a sense of bemusement. And that was something she would have to wrestle with another time.

Grady needed to get away. He’d claimed a victory of sorts with Karen in the barn. He’d gotten an admission from her that she wanted him just as badly now as she had the night before, even if she had a few demons left to fight.

But the temptation to haul her back upstairs was a little too powerful. That wasn’t the answer for either of them. A little time and space were called for.

He sent her in to fix them both the breakfast they’d missed earlier, then went in search of Dooley to make sure he and Hank would be around to keep an eye on things. Assured that they wouldn’t let Karen out of their sight, he joined her in the kitchen.

Over bacon and eggs, he announced his intention of going back to his place to make sure his foreman had everything under control and to pick up the things he’d need for the next few days.

“Now who’s running scared?” she taunted.

“Maybe I am,” he agreed, then offered, “You could always come along.”

He watched her as she considered the challenge, then shook her head.

“No, I have things to do around here.”

He regarded her intently, then warned, “If you leave the house, make sure Dooley or Hank knows where you are. Preferably take one of them with you.”

She nodded.

Grady paused by her chair and pressed a kiss against her cheek. “We’re going to work this out, darlin’. All of it.”

“I know,” she said softly, but with more conviction than she’d ever expressed before.

Once Grady was on the road, he found that the solitude he’d wanted wasn’t nearly as comforting as he’d anticipated or hoped for. Increasingly impatient, he floored the accelerator and made it to his ranch in record time. Too restless to deal with the packing he’d intended to do, he went to the stables and saddled the fastest, most temperamental horse he owned. He needed a hard ride and a challenge. He didn’t miss the irony of knowing that Karen had crept out of the house that morning, feeling the exact same desire.

At the top of a rise, he dismounted and surveyed the rugged terrain spread before him. It was enough. In fact, it was more than enough for him, for a legacy.

Getting the rest had been about pride, not need. He’d accepted the mission because it had been important to people he loved, to ancestors he’d wanted to honor. But maybe it wasn’t his fight. Maybe it was time to let it go and seize what mattered most to him-Karen’s love and the future they could have together.

Before he could be certain of that, he needed to see his grandfather one more time.

As if the old man had read his mind, he was waiting for Grady when he walked into the house after his ride. Glad as he was to see him, Grady was suspicious about the timing.

“What do you want?” Grady asked, regarding him cautiously.

“Is that any way to greet your own grandfather?”

“It is when this is the second visit you’ve paid recently, after years of insisting that I come to you.”

“Well, my messages didn’t seem to be getting any response. I came to see why.”

“What messages?”

“The ones I’ve been leaving on that infernal machine of yours for days now.”

“I must have missed them. I just got in. Is there a problem of some sort?”

“Why don’t you tell me? I’ve been waiting for you since dawn. Either you went out very early or you never came home last night. I thought I heard your truck earlier, but you didn’t come inside. Have you been with the lovely widow Hanson?”

Grady scowled. “Why do you insist on calling her that?”

“To remind you of who she is.”

“Believe me, I grapple with that every minute of every day.”

His grandfather’s gaze narrowed. “But something’s changed, hasn’t it? You’ve finally realized that you’re falling in love with her.”

“Perhaps,” Grady agreed.

“And how does she feel about that?”

“She’s struggling a bit with it.”

“Yes, I imagine she would be. Her loyalty to her husband’s memory is to be admired.”

“It’s damned inconvenient,” Grady retorted, then sighed. “And admirable. Now let’s get back to my original question. Why are you here?”

“I’ve been worried about you. I was afraid you might not recognize what was in front of your face until it was too late.” He smiled, his expression satisfied. “I was wrong, so I’ll be going.”

“You want me to choose Karen over the land, don’t you?” Grady said with some surprise. “That’s what these unexpected little visits have been about.”

“Getting the land always meant more to you than it did to me. And, yes, I think love is always more important than anything else. Your father knew that, even if he was unwise.”

“You knew about him and Caleb’s mother?” Grady asked, surprised by that.

“Only after the fact.”

“How would you have counseled him-since you believe so strongly in love?”

For the first time in Grady’s memory, his grandfather appeared at a loss. “Weighing love against a father’s duty to a child is not a choice I would want to make. It turned out that everyone lost. That’s the real tragedy.”

He reached for Grady and gave him a fierce hug. “But you…you make me proud.”

Grady’s heart filled, his eyes stung. He had always hoped to hear those words, always believed that the way to earn them was by reclaiming the land that had been stolen so long ago. But Thomas Blackhawk had surprised many people in his lifetime. Now Grady was among them.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice husky with emotion.

“Just be happy.”

Grady nodded. “I’m beginning to believe in happiness, Grandfather.”

“And in love?”

“That, too.” He just prayed that Karen would find her way to the same conclusion.

“How could I do it?” Karen asked, feeling miserable.

Uncomfortable with her own thoughts, she had called the Calamity Janes to come to her rescue. Those of her friends who were available had been at the ranch within the hour. To Karen’s surprise, Lauren had arrived with Gina, claiming that she had a day off from shooting her latest movie and had wanted to check up on everyone back home. Only Cassie was missing, though she’d promised to drop by the second her shift ended at Stella’s.

Now they were all seated around the kitchen table, cups of coffee in front of them, along with warm slices of a coffee cake Gina had whipped up within minutes of walking in the door. It was just like old times, though back then it had been brownies and chocolate chip cookies coming from the oven.

“How could you make love with a man as gorgeous as Grady?” Emma asked, forcing her to spell out what had her in such an emotional tizzy.

“How could I betray my husband is what I meant,” Karen responded, changing the spin but not the reality.

“Caleb is dead,” Gina reminded her gently. “And he wouldn’t want you to be alone.”

“Maybe not,” she agreed. “But he wouldn’t want me with Grady, not in a million years.”

“Sorry, sweetie, but the choice isn’t his to make,” Emma said. “It’s yours. Are you in love with him?”

Karen nodded. If she could tell the truth to anyone, it was these women who’d stood by her for years now. “I didn’t want to be. I shouldn’t be, but I am. There’s no point in denying it anymore.”

“Is he in love with you?” Gina asked.

“How can I know that? This all started over the land. How can I possibly trust him?”

“Sell me the land,” Lauren said, repeating the offer she had made weeks ago. She scowled impatiently at the others. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m serious. Being back here has reminded me of who I really am. Why do you think I keep turning up? I want to come home for good.”

Karen considered what her friend was offering. Despite Lauren’s insistence, Karen didn’t believe for a minute that Lauren really wanted to own a ranch…but Grady didn’t have to know that. She could tell him she planned to sell, see how he reacted. It would be the ultimate test of his feelings for her. She would finally know which mattered more to him-the land or their relationship.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Gina asked, regarding her worriedly.

“I was just thinking about Lauren’s offer.”

Lauren’s expression brightened. “Are you going to take me up on it?” she asked.

She sounded so eager that for a minute Karen almost believed that’s what her friend really wanted.

“You could finally travel the globe, do all those things you dreamed about doing back in high school. And you’d have a place here any time you wanted it,” Lauren added.

In her enthusiasm, Lauren didn’t seem to be aware of the shocked gazes of the others, Karen included.

“Okay, Lauren, what’s going on?” Emma demanded. “Why are you really pushing so hard for this? It doesn’t have anything to do with helping Karen out, does it?”

“Of course it does,” Lauren said indignantly.

“And?” Gina prodded. “What else? Why are you so anxious to flee Hollywood? What are you running away from? Is there another broken romance you haven’t told us about?”

“I’m not fleeing anything. And I haven’t been involved with anybody since my last divorce. I’m just thinking of embracing a different lifestyle.”

“Why?” Gina repeated.

“Why not?” Lauren said with a shrug. Because she was such a good actress, she even managed to carry off the air of nonchalance, but none of them were buying it now.

Emma, who knew her best, finally sighed. “I guess we’ll hear the real story when she wants us to know. We might as well stop badgering her.”

“Good idea,” Lauren said approvingly. She turned her attention back to Karen. “So? What have you decided? I’ve got my checkbook with me.”

“I’m not going to sell the ranch to anybody,” Karen said, feeling guilty at the disappointment that spread across Lauren’s face. “I’m just going to let Grady think I might.”

“You’re testing him?” Gina asked, looking uneasy. “Do you think that’s wise?”

“That could be the only way she ever finds out for sure what he really feels for her,” Emma said, her expression thoughtful. She hesitated, then said slowly, “I say go for it.”

“If he asks me, I’ll back you up,” Lauren agreed.

Karen turned to Gina. “Well?”

Gina sighed. “Do what you have to do,” she said with obvious reluctance. “But lying has a way of backfiring. If it were me, I’d take a different route, but then I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with liars lately.”

“Care to explain that?” Emma asked.

“Nope,” Gina said. “Let’s get one life straightened out at a time. Mine can wait.”

After making that ominous declaration, Gina excused herself and departed, leaving the rest of them staring silently after her.

“It has something to do with that mysterious man who’s been hanging around,” Lauren said. “I know it does.”

“Pestering her for answers won’t do a bit of good. When it comes to being tight-lipped, Gina’s even worse than Lauren,” Emma said, grinning across the table at the woman she’d just accused of keeping too many secrets.

“Spend a little time having your life splashed across the front pages of the tabloids and you’ll keep your own counsel, too,” Lauren retorted. “Come on, Emma, my ride just abandoned me. Take me back into town. I think we ought to be long gone before the sexy Mr. Blackhawk returns. He might come to the conclusion we’ve been out here conspiring against him, especially when he hears what Karen has to say about selling the ranch to me. I don’t want to be around when he concludes I’ve stabbed him in the back. He doesn’t seem like the kind of man to take defeat really well.”

Karen hugged her friends goodbye, straightened up the kitchen and put a roast in the oven for dinner. She might as well feed Grady well before she broke the bad-albeit false-news to him.

It seemed to Karen there was something different about Grady when he got back to the ranch shortly before supper time. He looked relaxed, more at peace in some way she couldn’t quite define. The kiss he brushed across her lips was lighthearted, as was his teasing “Hi, honey, I’m home.”

She regarded him intently. “You certainly seem to be in a good mood.”

“I am,” he said.

And she was about to ruin it, she thought despondently. Oh, well, it had to be done.

But maybe not until after dinner.

“Put your things away. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

“Smells delicious. What are we having?”

“Roast beef.”

He grinned. “Not filet?”

She chuckled at the taunt. “That remains to be seen.”

All during dinner she struggled with herself, trying to force the lie about an impending sale past her lips, but the mood was too special, too sensual, too emotionally charged, to deliberately ruin it. At least that’s what she told herself when she stayed silent right on through dessert and afterward, when she found herself once more in Grady’s arms.

“Make love with me,” he whispered as he held her.

Karen gazed into his eyes, saw the heat and longing there, and couldn’t resist.

His touches were magic, just as they had been before. Her body pulsed and throbbed and burned with each increasingly intimate caress.

And when he entered her, she felt that same astonishing sense of fulfillment even as her senses spun out of control.

In the peaceful aftermath, Grady held her. Tonight there were no tears to spoil the closeness, just the dread of a lie she was determined to tell.

Finally, when their breathing had eased and their bodies had cooled, she dared to broach the subject of the ranch.

“I had an offer on the ranch today.” That much at least was true, which made the words easier to get out. Yet guilt flowed through her when she felt his body go still.

“Oh?”

“Lauren’s interested.”

Grady didn’t seem nearly as shocked by that as she might have expected. Or maybe it was just that he was totally focused on what the news meant for him and his determination to restore the land of his ancestors to Blackhawk control.

“Have you accepted?” he asked, his voice neutral.

“I’m considering it.”

“I see. Mind telling me why you’ll consider her offer and not mine?”

Karen hesitated. This was tricky territory, even trickier than the blatant lie she had just told. He deserved honesty, though, at least about this.

“You know why,” she said.

“Because of Caleb. Even though you know that his animosity toward me wasn’t justified.”

She nodded.

Grady met her gaze, his expression sad but accepting. “I think what you and I have found these past few months is something special, but he’s always going to be between us, isn’t he?”

“No,” she said. “Not Caleb. The land. I’m afraid to trust what you and I have because of the land. I know how badly you want it, and if it were mine alone to give, it would be yours. But it’s mine only because my husband died trying to protect it. I have to consider his feelings.”

For a moment he seemed to be struggling with himself over something, but then his expression hardened.

“So sell it,” he said bitterly. “Get it out from between us. Then we’ll see where we go from there.”

She didn’t know how to interpret his expression or his words. She did know that when he left the bed and the house, her heart went with him.