CHAPTER 25
Susan and I had one of the larger fights we'd had. It started when she said, "I cannot of course continue as his therapist." And I said,
"Absolutely not."
"He has an appointment Monday, and I'll have to tell him we cannot continue under the current circumstances," she said.
"Sure," I said. "When's his appointment?"
Susan had her book open on the counter.
"Eleven," she said. "I'll be in the office," I said, "and Hawk will be in the waiting room." She said, "No."
"Yes."
"No. I cannot have a patient come in for what he thinks will be therapy to be confronted with two armed men."
"He's killed four women," I said.
"I cannot let you tell him you know he did it without being around to protect you."
"I'm afraid you'll have to," Susan said. "You and Hawk both may stay up here as you have. I won't have you in the office. He has a right to that sanctuary."
"And I have a right to keep you alive," I said.
Susan slammed her hand down flat on top of the counter.
"Don't you, God damn it, play God with me," she said.
We were silent, looking at each other. Hawk sat comfortably, watching without expression. As far as you could tell from his reaction, we could have been discussing my plans for a haircut.
"I won't let you be alone with him," I said. "We worked too hard. It cost too much, to be who we are, to risk it for professional ethics, or human compassion, or your sense of self or all of them and world peace thrown in."
"You won't let me?" she said.
"I won't let you."
"Who the hell are you to talk about letting me?" she said.
"Your Sweet Patootie," I said.
Hawk was shifting his gaze uninterestedly back and forth between us, like a man watching a tennis match that didn't matter.
Susan said to him, "Have you got anything to say?"
"I won't let you be alone with him either," Hawk said.
Susan patted the fingertips of both hands along the edge of the counter.
She looked down as she did so and studied her hands while they moved back and forth along the countertop.
"His rights stop this side of us," I said.
"And mine?" Susan said.
I shook my head. "I won't get metaphysical about this. I'm bigger, I can insist, and I do."
She studied her tapping fingers some more. I waited. I could see her breathing begin to slow. Hawk took a plum from the bowl. Hawk finished the plum and got up and dropped the pit into the wastebasket and sat down. Susan's breathing was quiet now. She looked up.
"You are my Sweet Patootie," she said. "You can be with me when I talk with Felton."
"Thank you," I said.
"You're welcome." Hawk smiled benignly, like a proud grandparent.
"Knew you two could work it out," he said.
"Oh, fuck you," Susan said.
"Good point," Hawk said.