Crimson Veil

Chapter 20

Nerissa was waiting up for me, as were Trillian and Roz. We told them what had gone down, and now we all sat around the table, just staring at one another.

“A little shell-shocked, I’d say.” Hanna bustled over, in her nightgown again. She put a pot of tea on the table. Trillian brought the teacups for her, and Vanzir handed Delilah some milk. I declined the offered blood, but it felt so good to just lean back in a chair, around our table, where the sounds of everyday life were going on. Maggie had woken up and she was sitting on Smoky’s lap.

The rest of us were back to reeking—Tanne’s spell had worn off before we dropped him off at his house. Hanna sniffed, and a scowl crossed her face.

“Where in Hel’s great world have you been? You all smell like an outhouse. Except Master Smoky.” She grinned at him. She’d finally gotten over her fear of the dragon.

“We might as well have been in an outhouse,” I grumbled. “Hanna, we’re all tired and worn out and a little bit confused by this evening. Don’t mind us. We aren’t meaning to stink up the kitchen. And we don’t mean to be grumpy to you.”

She pshawed away my apology. “Girl, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I’ve lived with monsters before. You? You… you all have become my family.” Her eyes crinkled as she spoke, and that in itself was enough to reduce Camille and Delilah to tears.

“We love you, too, Hanna. We love you, too.” Roz slid his arm around her, and for the first time in front of the rest of us, he kissed her soundly on the lips. She rested her head on his shoulder—the staunch Northwoman had a tender side and we knew it. We also knew they’d never be any more than good friends with benefits, but sometimes that was the best you could hope for, and far better than the other options.

Finally, with nothing more to say, I pulled away and, after a tired good night to the others, headed downstairs with Nerissa. I stood under the shower for twenty minutes, scrubbing the stench off me. It was still early, around midnight, but it felt like it was reaching toward dawn.

As I came out of the shower, Nerissa was there, holding a towel for me. She dried me off, then tucked me into a velour robe and guided me to the bed. I propped myself up against the headboard and she curled up next to me, her head in my lap. I stroked her hair, smoothing the tangled tawny locks.

“I meant what I said, you know. I don’t mean to ignore you, but I obviously do and I want to change that.”

She glanced up at me, her eyes deep and rich in the glow of the lamplight. “I suppose we still have to find our rhythm. But I love you—and I know you love me. And while love isn’t enough, we’re talking, and that’s the most important thing. I had no idea you were so afraid that letting down your guard would open you up to your predator.”

I ducked my head. “Neither did I. I had no clue I was building walls between us.”

A beat. Then, “Do you love Roman? I know you can fully be yourself with him.” And there it was. I could hear the fear in her voice. The fear that Roman would win me away because I could take out my darker nature and instincts with him.

I placed one finger against my lips, then lowered it to hers. “No, love. I don’t love Roman. I enjoy him. I like him. And yes, I can play hard with him—far harder than I ever dare play with you. But… being with him allows me to love you. It gives me the freedom to open my heart to you. Oddly enough, he might just be what makes us possible. At least in the long run.”

“I hadn’t thought about it that way.” She stared up at me, the soft rise and fall of her breast a mesmerizing sight. The woman was the incarnation of sheer beauty, and I couldn’t look away. “I have to tell you something.”

Freeze frame. I hated those words. They never preceded anything remotely good. After a moment, I forced myself to ask, “What is it?”

“For a while I was thinking of… asking you to turn me.”

Her words shattered my heart. An unexpected wash of pain rolled over me and I leaned forward, searching her face. She stared at me steadily.

“Why? Why would you say such a thing? Think such a thing?”

“I thought that maybe then I could be in your world. I could be with you in the ways you can’t take me now. We would be a good match.” She smiled then, and shook her head. “And after I thought about it, I realized that I can’t do it. I will never ask that of you, because then I wouldn’t be who I am. And Nerissa… the werepuma? That’s who I am. I made up my mind that, if I’m not enough for you, then that’s the way it will have to be.”

Hanging my head, realizing how much my silences and aloofness had put her through, I began to cry. The blood ran down my cheeks, falling on the crimson sheets to blossom out, tone on tone stains.

“Nerissa… listen to me.” I made her sit up, took her by the shoulders, and stared into her eyes. “You are enough. You are perfect the way you are. You are the woman I want. If I wanted to be with another vampire, I would already have found someone before I met you. I love playing with Roman, but at the end of the day? He doesn’t make my heart skip a beat. And he can’t make me cry.”

And with that, I pulled her into my arms, and drew the sheets up over us. Life was harsh. War was an ever-present reality. And sometimes the battles landed squarely in our laps. But there were some battles that talking could resolve. And sometimes what we thought was a solid defense ended up being a wedge.

As I kissed her, the warmth of her body pressing against the coldness of my own, I knew that those walls had to come down. It was time to let someone fully into my heart. Because there were too many wars, too many battles, waiting ahead. And even when it meant taking a risk, we couldn’t deny our feelings. Because life was all too short to throw away the love offered up to us.