Crowned: The Palace Nanny

CHAPTER ELEVEN

FOR the next three weeks she immersed herself in this new life and felt herself…unfurl. That was what it felt like, she thought. As if she was coming to life again.

For the last four years she’d been constantly worried, constantly battling for their survival. Here, Zoe’s welfare was more than taken care of. It was Stefanos who inspected the little girl’s grafts, who worried about her medically, who even told her to back off a little, she was fussing. Others cooked for her, cleaned…Elsa was an honoured guest, free to do as she wished.

And she was free. Zoe had made a friend her own age, Pip, daughter of Phillip the butcher, granddaughter of Helena, defender of the turtles. She was friends with every one of the castle staff now, she was happy and confident and more than content that Elsa do her own thing.

So Elsa was making her own friends. The turtle breeding grounds was a project which had her waking up every morning aching to get up and go.

The only problem was…in the moments when she’d sit opposite Stefanos at meals and watch his face as the palace secretary outlined what needed to be done that day, she felt…bleak.

He was doing the right thing, the honourable thing. But, for Zoe and for her, this new life promised excitement and freedom. For Stefanos…There was still a conflict that seemed to be tearing him apart.

She didn’t know what was happening with his practice in Manhattan. The plan was to leave straight after the coronation and do what needed to be done and return. She tried to talk to him about it, but it was as if after their appalling picnic he’d decided he’d overstepped the boundaries; his life was separate, only overlapping with her need to be with Zoe.

Oh, his bleakness wasn’t overt. Outwardly he was cheerful and confident and purposeful. It was only that she seemed to know this man; she seemed to sense how he was feeling.

His trouble was the one cloud on her horizon. Actually, no, sometimes it felt more than that, like a fog she could see rolling in to envelop him, but she had no idea what to do about it. The fact that sometimes she had an urgent desire to take him and hold him and love him…Well, that was just plain dumb.

And…she suspected it might not even help.

Meanwhile, the coronation was almost on them, and she’d made her promise. It was time to buy a dress.

Zoe’s coronation dress was exquisite, stitched by hand by a team of dressmakers who smiled all the time they worked, who said what a pleasure it was to be able to do this, what a joy. So, ‘Can’t I get my gown made here as well?’ she asked Stefanos, knowing how stressed he was and how little he could spare the time to be away.

But, ‘It’s my one bright day,’ he said. ‘I think I’ve worked hard enough to earn one free day.’

He surely had. What he’d achieved in these last weeks was little short of miraculous.

The island council had been reformed. Three councillors had been invited to stay on; five had been ‘retired’. Stefanos had done it with tact but with an underlying ruthlessness that left her awed.

The governance of the island was now under the control of the council, with ultimate responsibility resting with Stefanos. The royal coffers were being used with a speed that made her blink. Advertisements were already appearing on the mainland, for teachers, for engineers, builders, nurses…

Unemployment on the island had been running at over fifty per cent. No longer. There were schools and hospitals to build, roads to repair, water mains to install, electricity to supply to the inland area…

‘Giorgos and his predecessors have held on to our taxes for hundreds of years,’ Stefanos told her when she questioned how the island could possibly afford what he was starting. ‘Alexandros on Sappheiros has split the royal coffers into three so there’s more than enough to get things moving.’

He worked with a ruthless efficiency that left her awed. But still there seemed to be this aching need…

She heard him, late at night. Her balcony overlooked the sea and so did his. She’d walk outside to watch the sea and she’d hear him talking, discussing operations, questioning results, talking to colleagues about cases they needed his help with.

He was needed elsewhere. He was working frantically so he could leave, fitting in as much medicine as he could as well. He’d found a locum to work here while he was away, to leave him free.

And he’d come back. He’d promised that he’d come back. But he didn’t want to. She heard it in his voice-that coming back would tear him in two.

And she couldn’t help.

But first…her dress.

‘I’ve organised a seaplane to pick us up and take us to Athens for the day,’ he’d told her at dinner the day before.

Three weeks ago Zoe would have reacted to this proposal in fear. Now she simply looked up and said, ‘Am I coming too?’

She’d been tucking into her dinner as if she had hollow legs. The difference in her health since she had been here was astonishing.

‘I’ve asked Pip’s mama if you can stay with Pip for the day,’ Stefanos said. ‘Is that okay?’

‘Ooh, yes,’ Zoe said, pleased.

‘And Pip’s mama says it’s okay if Pip comes back here and sleeps for the night. Christina will look after both of you and you’ll have Buster to keep you company. I thought I might take Elsa shopping in Athens for something beautiful to wear to our coronation, and I thought I might take her to dinner afterwards.’

From the start he’d been able to wind his cousin round his little finger and this was no exception.

‘Elsa would like that,’ Zoe said seriously. ‘She says she doesn’t like dresses, but she does really. And boys are supposed to take girls out to dinner.’

‘Hey,’ Elsa said, startled. Half laughing, half horrified. ‘I’m here. It’s not like you’re talking behind my back.’ But she was ignored.

‘It’ll be a date,’ Zoe said in satisfaction. ‘You have to kiss her on the way home.’

‘Who says?’ Elsa demanded.

‘Pip’s big sister went out on a date last week. Pip says when the boy brought her home he kissed her goodnight.’

‘Pip’s sister is eighteen,’ Elsa retorted. ‘I’m too old for that nonsense.’

‘You’re not,’ Zoe said seriously. ‘You’re still quite pretty.’

‘Gee, thanks.’ She hesitated. ‘Stefanos, it really isn’t necessary.’

‘You promised,’ Stefanos pointed out. ‘A bargain’s a bargain. I’ve saved your turtles. Twice.’

He had, too. The second hatching, twenty-five days after the first, had been orchestrated so that, as far as they knew, every single hatchling had made it to the water. It was a fraught journey the turtles had before them, the sea was full of dangers, but Stefanos had done everything humanly possible to see they had every chance.

And the price? A snip. An agreement to buy a dress.

‘Athens or nothing,’ he said. ‘It has to be special.’

‘All right,’ she said grudgingly.

‘You’re very gracious,’ Stefanos said and he was laughing at her. Laughing!

At least the bleakness had lifted for the moment.

That conversation had taken place last night. And now…

Stefanos was waiting in the hall. A car was waiting to take them down to the harbour, to the seaplane.

In minutes she’d be climbing aboard an aeroplane with a prince…

‘Are you coming or do I have to come up and carry you down?’ he called from below in the entrance hall.

She went.

There was something about this day that made her feel…dizzy. Sitting in the seaplane across from Stefanos, she stared straight ahead.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked gently, fifteen minutes into the flight, and she nodded but couldn’t even find the courage to answer.

This was one day out. A shopping expedition for a dress, followed by a meal.

Why did it feel so overwhelmingly scary?

Stefanos smiled at her and retired to a medical journal. Medicine, she thought. He missed it so much. Or…he missed his own niche of medicine.

He was already busy helping the elderly doctor on the island with his workload. It wasn’t the medicine he was trained for, but that was the medicine he was reading up on.

Finally they were there. Athens! It was all she could do not to sit with her nose squashed against the car window.

Athens. The world.

‘Not a seasoned traveller?’ Stefanos teased, and she flushed.

‘Sure I am. I just like looking.’ And then, as they swung off the road into a huge car park, she frowned. ‘Where are we?’

‘It’s a hospital,’ he said. ‘I’ve arranged an appointment for your hip.’

‘Stefanos…’ She was almost rigid with shock. ‘You’ve interfered enough.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘Not enough. I know I handled this badly. I know I should have gained your permission before I accessed your records, but what’s done is done. I’m sorry but if I’d told you about this appointment I was afraid you’d refuse to come.’

‘You’d be right.’

‘Then I’m justified.’ He hesitated, but his look was stern. ‘Elsa, this is only a doctor’s appointment. I’m not chaining you to a bed and operating regardless.’ He gave a rueful smile. ‘Actually, that might be beyond even my level of intrusion. But I am one of only two doctors on Khryseis and before I go back to New York I need to know you’re not doing permanent damage. This man’s an orthopaedic surgeon. The best in Athens. You need to see him.’

‘You still should have asked me.’

‘I’m asking you now. This is my honour, Elsa, and it’s also sense,’ he said, stern again. ‘I know I upset you-obtaining your medical history without permission-but it doesn’t stop the need. I need you to do this-for you. It would be childish for you to refuse-no?’

‘No.’

‘Elsa…You will do this.’

She had no choice. He was right-she was being childish but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow her temper. She followed him into the hospital, fuming.

He was recognised. Doors opened for him. The receptionist of this best-in-Athens-orthopaedic-surgeon practically genuflected.

‘You can go right in, Your Highness. The doctor’s expecting you.’

But, to her surprise, Stefanos didn’t go in. He simply smiled at her, gave her a gentle push towards the door and settled his long frame into a waiting room chair as if he had all the time in the world.

She stared down at him, stunned.

‘What?’ he said, looking up. And then, ‘He won’t bite, Elsa. I thought, as he might want to examine you, I should stay out here. But if you’re scared…’

The door was opening behind her. She wheeled round and an elderly doctor was smiling a greeting.

‘Dr Murdoch. Come on in.’ And then he smiled across at Stefanos. ‘Steve. Welcome home. When are you coming home for good, my boy?’

‘By Christmas.’

‘But not to work in neurosurgery?’ the older man said, looking suddenly concerned. ‘I’ve heard you’ll let that go. I had this young man working with me for a while as he was training and I was in the States,’ he told Elsa. ‘It was an honour and a pleasure to work with one so talented.’ He turned back to Stefanos. ‘But now…to abandon your neurosurgery…There must be some way you can fit that into your new life.’

‘There’s not,’ Stefanos said. ‘The island’s far too small.’

‘Could you work in Athens? There’s a need here.’

‘No,’ Stefanos said abruptly. ‘Please…leave it. It’s Elsa we’re concerned about here. Not me.’

‘But what a waste,’ he said softly. And then he turned back to Elsa. ‘Well, then. What has to be has to be. Meanwhile, come with me, young lady, and let’s see what needs to be done about that hip.’

He was, as Stefanos had promised, very good.

He examined her with care and with skill. He already had the X-rays from Brisbane-a fact that made Elsa gasp again with indignation but that shouldn’t reflect on this kindly doctor. She let him take his time, carefully assess and then tell her what she wanted to hear.

‘You’re doing no real harm to the hip itself, but it does need to be repaired and it will give you pain until that happens.’

‘So I can wait,’ she said thankfully. ‘Can you tell that to Stefanos?’

‘You want me to call him in?’

‘Yes, please,’ she said, tugging on her shoes. ‘Tell him and let me get on with my life.’

So Stefanos came in. He listened while the doctor outlined exactly what he thought.

‘But you know this,’ the doctor told Stefanos. ‘You’ve seen the scans.’

‘I’m too close to treat Elsa myself.’

‘You are,’ the doctor said gently. ‘And you’d need first rate surgical facilities on that island of yours to be able to do it. You know, that’s what you really need. A state-of-the-art suite of operating theatres. Cutting-edge techniques. All the things I hear you’re doing in New York.’

‘And an island like Khryseis would support that how?’

‘I have no idea,’ the doctor said sadly, and he turned to Elsa and smiled. ‘This man tries to save the world and I wish I could help him. But of course he’s right. We can only do what we can do. So let’s do that, young lady. We need to get your surgery scheduled. When?’

‘But you just said…’

‘I said the operation’s not urgent. That means it doesn’t have to be done as soon as possible. The only way to keep you pain-free is to give you so much opiate as to risk addiction, and I suspect you made the decision some time ago to live with the pain. But, because it’s hurting, you’re not weight-bearing evenly. That will cause long-term back problems. There’s tenderness already in the lower spine and I’m concerned there’ll be too much pressure on the muscles around the lower vertebrae. So when can we schedule surgery?’

‘We can’t,’ Elsa gasped.

‘I can be back here in seven weeks,’ Stefanos said, ignoring her. ‘Can we schedule it just after Christmas?’

They left the hospital grounds without speaking. Elsa should have been furious. She tried to dredge up fury all the way to the shops. But instead she simply felt bleak. The cab stopped, Stefanos paid, she got out and looked around her-and she decided there and then to cheer up.

She was here shopping. For a gorgeous dress. This was obviously where the wealthy women of Athens shopped.

Indignation-and bleakness on Stefanos’s behalf-would have to wait until later.

‘What are we waiting for?’ she said. ‘Do you have the royal credit card?’

‘I believe I do.’

‘Then let’s not let the little pet get cold,’ she said and dived happily into the first shop.

It was as if her visit to the doctor had unleashed something in her that had needed to be unleashed for a long time.

Her exultation-dizzy bordering on hysteria-lasted until she was standing in front of a mass of mirrors wearing a gown that fitted her like a second skin, crimson silk, shimmering and lustrous, flecked with strands of glittering silver. The gown had shoestring straps, the bodice clinging and curving around her lovely body, then falling in generous folds to sweep the floor. She gazed into the mirror in incredulity. She met Stefanos’s gaze in the mirror and stared at him as if he were part of the same fairy tale.

Then she seemed to come to earth with a crash. She dragged her gaze from his-and lifted the price tag.

And yelped.

‘We’ll take it,’ Stefanos said, and grinned as her mouth dropped open. He’d obviously put aside his bleakness as well. ‘One gown down, half a dozen to go-dear,’ he said.

‘D…dear?’ she spluttered.

‘Sorry…’ he said, and smiled.

The salesgirl was looking on with incredulous delight. ‘You want more?’

‘Maybe the others don’t need to be quite so formal,’ Stefanos decreed. ‘But we do want at least three more. And what about some sexy lingerie to go with them?’

‘Sexy lingerie!’

‘It’s in the royal nanny dress code,’ he said, straight-faced. ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t read it?’

‘But I don’t need…’

‘You do need.’

‘What about your Third World kids?’ she demanded. ‘Don’t you need all your money for them?’

‘They’re not watching,’ he said. ‘Quick, buy.’

‘Stefanos…’

‘Tell you what,’ he said with magnanimity. ‘For every dollar you spend on your wardrobe I’ll donate ten more to my Third World medical network. I can’t say fairer than that, now can I? So if you refuse to spend, you’re doing an orphan out of medical treatment.’

‘Stef…’

‘You want to start calling me Steve?’ he asked, and suddenly his tone was gentle.

‘No,’ she said and then, more strongly, ‘no. You’re Stefanos. Prince Stefanos. And I’m the nanny. But I’m a nanny who won’t say no to a dress or two.’ Then she blushed. ‘Or…or even lingerie. But, Stefanos…’

‘Yes?’

‘You know when you stayed outside while I saw the doctor?’

‘Yes.’

‘Step outside, Your Highness,’ she said, smiling sweetly. ‘In the interest of Third World aid, I need to discuss knickers.’

He’d booked them into a hotel. At first she was incredulous. The taxi dropped them outside the most lavish hotel she could imagine. She stared out at the ancient Grecian columns-how had they incorporated them into a modern hotel?-and then she gazed back at Stefanos.

For a moment she said nothing. And then…‘Ten times the cost to a Third World orphan?’

‘You have my word,’ he said solemnly. ‘My orders are for you to have fun tonight. That’s all I ask.’

‘I’ll wear my second best frock,’ she said. And then, more cautiously still, ‘I didn’t think we were staying the night. I don’t have a toothbrush.’

‘I believe these things are obtainable for a small fee,’ he said. ‘Multiplied by ten, of course. And you did buy enough lingerie to keep you respectable-or maybe not respectable-for a month.’

She blushed. ‘How did you know I bought…?’ He’d been out of the shop. ‘How…?’

‘You gave me the receipt,’ he told her. ‘So I could multiply by ten.’

‘Right,’ she said and blushed some more. Then, ‘Okay. So I’ll buy a toothbrush.’ Then she had another thought and her blush moved from pink to crimson. But somehow she made herself sound stern. ‘But it’s definitely separate rooms.’

‘Separate suites,’ he corrected her.

‘Oh, of course,’ she said and suddenly she giggled. ‘This is ridiculous.’

‘I have a feeling there hasn’t been enough ridiculous in your life.’

‘I don’t need it.’

‘You know, I’m very sure you do,’ he said gently. ‘And maybe the same goes for me. Maybe we both need a good dose of crazy.’

They ate by candlelight in the hotel restaurant, with a view over all of Athens. A view to die for. Food to die for.

A man to die for.

The set-up was so corny she half expected an orchestra to materialise at any minute and strike up with Love Me Tender or something equally soppy. And, just as she thought it, a pianist slipped behind a grand piano and started playing. Not Love Me Tender-but close. She was wearing her second best dress, which was a fantasy of Audrey Hepburn proportions. Pale lemon silk with tiny white polka dots. Tiny waist, huge skirt. Cleavage.

She’d twisted her hair into a casual knot, trying for Audrey’s look. She thought she looked a bit scruffy for the Audrey look, but Stefanos’s long, lingering gaze when he’d come to her room to accompany her downstairs said she didn’t look scruffy at all.

She was still nervous. Stupidly nervous.

‘Should we be talking politics?’ she asked as the waiter brought them plate after plate of food she’d never tasted before but would taste forever in her dreams.

‘No politics.’

‘About Zoe, then.’

‘No children.’

‘About your medicine? My turtles?’

‘Nothing,’ he said softly. ‘Just you.’

‘Well, there’s a boring night,’ she said, feeling breathless. ‘There’s nothing to talk about there.’

‘We could dance,’ he suggested as the pianist started a soft waltz in the background.

‘Right. And my hip?’

‘Let me dance for you,’ he said. He stood up and held her hands and tugged her to her feet.

‘I can’t.’

‘You can. Take your shoes off and put your feet on mine.’

‘That’s ridiculous.’

‘Not ridiculous at all. Trust me, Elsa. Dance with me.’

Then he took her into his arms-and waltzed.

He moved with the effortless grace of a panther, a dancer who knew every move and who knew how to take her with him.

She hadn’t danced since she’d injured her hip. She’d hardly danced before then, but it didn’t matter.

Her feet were on his. He was holding her weight so her hip didn’t hurt, so she could move with him, as one with him, in this slow and lovely dance, as if she weighed nothing.

How had she got herself here? She’d agreed to buy one dress and now…she was being seduced.

Seduced?

No. This was payola for what she’d agreed to do. He was giving her a very nice time.

And if it was seduction…She didn’t care, she thought suddenly. What did it matter if her employer seduced her? Employers did these things. Princes did these things.

Um…no. Elsa Murdoch didn’t do these things.

‘Did you dance with your husband?’ he murmured into her ear…and the fairy tale stopped, right then, right there.

‘Pardon?’ She froze in his arms. Her feet slipped off his, and she could have cried. She was on solid earth again and the lovely dance had ended.

‘I didn’t mean…’

‘To remind me of Matty? I’m very sure you did.’

But he was looking confused. As if he’d been in a kind of dream as well.

‘I did dance with Matty,’ she said, jutting her chin. ‘We danced very well.’

‘You loved Matty?’

‘With all my heart.’

‘And you grieve for him still?’

‘I…yes.’ What was a girl to say to that, after all? But something went out as she said it-a light, an intensity in Stefanos’s gaze.

And its going meant grief. How could she say she’d loved her husband but she was ready to move on?

How could she think it?

‘You’ll dance again when your hip’s healed,’ he was saying softly.

‘I won’t,’ she muttered, coming back to earth with a crash. ‘I shouldn’t.’

‘Elsa…’

‘I don’t want to think about Matty,’ she whispered. ‘Not here. Not with you.’

They were alone on the dance floor. There were maybe ten or so tables occupied, but the lights were low, the other two couples who’d danced with them to begin with had left, and there was now just the two of them. The pianist had shifted from waltz music to something soft and dreamlike and wonderful.

There was nothing between them. Only a whisper of breath. Only a whisper of fear.

‘Elsa…’ he murmured, and her name was a question. His hands slipped from the lovely waltz hold so they were in the small of her back.

‘Elsa,’ he said for the third time, and he bent his head…and he kissed her.

It was a long, lingering kiss, deep and wonderful, hot and warm and strong, demanding, caressing, questioning.

It was a kiss like she’d never been kissed before.

She was standing in the middle of a dance floor, her arms around his neck and she was being kissed as she’d always dreamed she could be kissed.

She was being kissed as she’d wanted to be kissed all her life.

Matty…

Stefanos himself had pulled her husband into the equation. He was with her still-maybe he always would be. His kisses had been just as wonderful, but different-so different, another dream, another life. He wasn’t stopping her kissing right back.

This was the most wonderful dream. Her hip didn’t hurt, her worries about Zoe were ended, she wasn’t responsible for anything, for anything, for anything…

He was lifting her so he could deepen the kiss, cradling her, loving her and she thought her heart might well burst, as she realised she was so in love with him.

In love with him.

She, Elsa, was in love with a prince. Wasn’t Cinderella only in story books?

And, almost as soon as the thought was with her, the spell was broken. People were…clapping?

She twisted, confused, within the circle of Stefanos’s arms and found the tables of diners were all watching them, smiling, applauding.

‘It’s Prince Stefanos from Khryseis,’ someone called out in laughing good humour. ‘With the Princess’s nanny.’

Oh, right. She pulled back as if she’d been burned and Stefanos let her go to arm’s reach. But he was still smiling. Smiling and smiling.

‘Not the nanny,’ he murmured. ‘Elsa.’

‘In your dreams,’ she muttered and it was so close to what was real that she almost gasped. Not in his dreams. In her dreams.

‘Stefanos…’

‘I’m falling in love with you,’ he said, simply and strongly and she gasped again.

‘You can’t. I’m just…’

‘You’re just Elsa. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.’

‘You’re kidding me, right?’ she demanded. ‘I have freckles.’

‘Eighteen.’

‘Eighteen?’

‘Eighteen freckles. I love every one of them. Elsa, I’ve been trying to figure where we can take this.’

‘Where we…’

‘If we were to marry,’ he said and her world stilled again.

‘M…marry?’

‘I didn’t come prepared,’ he said ruefully. ‘I should be going down on one knee right now, with a diamond the size of a house in my pocket. But I’ve only just thought of it. Alexandros said I needed a wife, and he’s right.’

‘You’ve had too much champagne.’

‘No,’ he said and then, more strongly, ‘no! I know what I want, Elsa, and I want you.’

‘Because Alexandros said.’

‘I don’t think I did that very well,’ he said ruefully. ‘Believe it or not, it’s far less about Alexandros than about eighteen freckles.’

‘Eighteen freckles are hardly a basis for marriage.’

‘I believe you’re wrong,’ he said gravely. ‘But we could work on other attractions. Do you possibly think you could love me? I know you loved Matty. I know you still love Matty. I’ll always honour that, but…is it possible that I could…grow on you?’

‘Like a wart?’ she said cautiously.

‘Something like that,’ he agreed. He smiled and, chuckling, pulled her close.

But…But. This might be the magic she’d longed for but there were buts surfacing in all directions.

‘Stefanos, no.’ She tugged away again, trouble surfacing in all directions. They were being watched, she knew, but the piano was still playing softly in the background and maybe they were more private here than if they went back to their table.

‘Will you be my wife?’ he asked, solidly and strongly, and there it was, a proposal to take her breath away.

The but was still there. Forcing her hand.

‘No,’ she said.

‘No?’

‘I’m not changing direction again.’ She stood, mute and troubled. ‘Not…not while you don’t know where you’re going.’

‘I do know where I’m going.’

‘You don’t.’ She was frantically trying to think this through. To be sensible when she wanted to be swept away in fantasy. Only fantasy was for fairy tales and this was real. ‘Stefanos, the problem is…you’ve committed yourself to staying on the island and you’re making the best of it. But that’s not what I want. You making the best of it.’

‘It’s not such a bad deal,’ he said, puzzled. ‘If it includes you.’

‘I’m not the consolation prize.’

‘I would never suggest…’

‘No, you wouldn’t,’ she whispered. ‘Of course not. You’re too noble and too wonderful and too…’ She hesitated. ‘Too just plain fabulous. The problem is, Stefanos, that even though I’m falling in love with you-and I am-I can’t see you tied even more to the island. Tell me…you’re thinking…or you have been thinking…that maybe you can take some slabs of time away. Maybe you can do some teaching. Not when you’re needed on the island, of course, but if we can get more doctors, if the politics are settled…You’re thinking that, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘But I don’t think that’ll make you happy,’ she said. ‘I think that’s going to tear you further apart. For you’ll lose your skills. You’ll see others go where you want to go.’ She hesitated. ‘Stefanos, when Matty died and I couldn’t do what we were doing with coral any more…I know it sounds simplistic and silly in the face of what you’re doing but it was important to me and I couldn’t just do a little bit. It would have eaten at me. I had to move on.’

‘I think,’ he said steadily, ‘that in marrying you I would be moving on.’

‘I won’t be the cause,’ she said. ‘In no way.’ She bit her lip. ‘Stefanos, do what you have to do and then decide you want to marry me. If you were to do that…’

‘I am already.’

‘You’re not.’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t make you see. I don’t even know whether I understand it myself, but in the bottom of my heart it does make sense-that I say no. That I say wait. That I say loving is…for when it’s right.’ She hesitated. ‘Matty and I…’

‘Matty?’

‘You asked me about Matty,’ she said. ‘Maybe I do need to tell you. Just as we finished university Matty inherited his father’s company. His mother sobbed and said he had to come home and run it. So he did-his entire extended family seemed to depend on him and it seemed the only right thing to do. He loved me so I went with him, but it almost destroyed us. For two years I worked on my research while Matty self-destructed. And in the end he handed the entire company over to his cousins. It left us broke. His family thought he was mad. But, you know what, Stefanos, the one thing I do know…When he was killed I thought of those wasted two years.’

‘You’re saying…’

‘I’m saying I don’t want the heartache of those two years again, Stefanos. Oh, I want you. I don’t deny I want you-my love for Matty hasn’t stopped me feeling more for you than I ever thought I could again. But I will follow my own drum and I won’t watch you self-destruct while you follow someone else’s.’

‘So what do you propose I do?’ he said bleakly.

‘Work it out,’ she said steadily. ‘For yourself and for me. Please, Stefanos.’

He didn’t understand. He was seeing her distress, but not seeing it either, she thought. Maybe he was only seeing what he wanted to see. The Cinderella bit. The fantasy.

Whereas what she wanted was more. Love at first sight? No. Love for ever.

All at once she felt tired. Weary of the pain in her hip, weary of worry, weary of the pain inside her heart.

It’d be so good to do just what she wanted, she thought. To have the world magically transformed so she could sink into her prince’s kisses and let herself have a happy ever after.

Stefanos.

He was fighting to change the world, she thought. He was fighting himself.

She didn’t have the courage to stand by his side as he did it.

It was too much. Too soon. Too scary. It was yet another direction, but this one was so big, so terrifying that if she got it wrong it could destroy them all. And if she didn’t get it right…if she wasn’t sure, if she jumped with her heart before her head said it could follow…where would that leave them all?

Oh, but she wanted to.

She mustn’t.

‘I need to go to bed,’ she whispered. ‘You’ve paid me the most extraordinary compliment…’

‘A compliment! It’s so much more…’

‘It is, isn’t it?’ she whispered bleakly, and she stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the lips. A feather touch. A kiss he didn’t understand. ‘I know you don’t follow what I’m saying-I hardly understand what I’m saying myself. I only know that…I don’t know if I can face your demons with you, Stefanos. Maybe I need more courage than I have. Goodnight and thank you. And I love you.’

And, before he could respond, she’d turned and fled from the dance floor. She didn’t stop until she reached her suite, until she was inside with the door locked behind her.