Dark Room

To whom it may concern:

I don't believe in God but I have stood with the Host in my hand every Sunday and professed belief on behalf of others. I wonder sometimes if it would have been different if I had believed, but I don't think so. If God exists, He had no power to change what He had ordained, that I must be brother to Meg. There is no greater torment than to love a woman you can't have.

People will say I am mad. Perhaps I am. Yet it's a strange madness that brings meaning to the actions men say are wicked and confusion to those they condone. They say I'm a good priest, yet I stumble in black night before the altar of God's flesh and blood, and only see clearly when Man's flesh and blood is warm between my hands. Then I understand that sacrifice is necessary if the dark rooms of the mind are to be cleansed, for purpose takes over and what I do becomes inevitable. I am alive. I see truth.

It starts again CONFUSION

Meg became a WHORE but I knew why and forgave her. She said, better a generous whore than a spiteful wife. She was open and honest and hid nothing from me. There was no love only physical gratification and excitement, until

SECRECY

terrible uncertainty - where is god - god sleeps - but not Russell. Russell laughs and his laugh breaks into my head, smashing my brains - smashing - smashing Meg loves

russell simon hates god

Remembering is painful. I understand why Jinx prefers to forget. I have always hated Jinx. She made Meg jealous. What were Leo and Russell to my sister till Jinx made them desirable? Nothing. Little men of little worth, unJinxed. She turned them into gods and sent them back to Meg. With Jinx there is always

secrecy & SPITE unJinxed Meg is an honest whore

confusion again. Awful, terrible danger danger danger forget, forget whores young whores old whores You're wicked where's my hairbrush naughty boy smack smack I hope that hurts don't you look at your sister like that again wicked

wicked wicked

Where are they? Not in Hammersmith. The birds have flown because Jinx made them it was a SECRET but simon made Jinx tell kill kill kill - no WEAPON

god loves Jinx - miracles for her not for simon

she is SAVED

she follows simon to leo's house and simon says god's will be done amen But why does god save Jinx? Three times simon tried to kill her and three times god saved her. He didn't save Meg or Leo. They tried to save themselves with

lies

you don 't want the cat to die, Simon you love the cat let me go to hammersmith and feed the cat let the cat live the cat's imprisoned she means leo leo's imprisoned in simon's boot dead already like jinx imprisoned in a box in chelsea, buried alive in her coffin, dead if Meg disobeys

no one sees no one hears she begs for life too late too late please SIMON pretty please simon

simon says NO

forget forget forget forget forget forget forget forget

forget

simon says sorry