Darkest Night

CHAPTER 22

Twigpaw felt Violetpaw’s breath on her cheek. They were going to be warriors. She waited for happiness to well in her chest, but nothing stirred.

Hawkwing’s rich purr throbbed in her ears. “I’m proud of you both,” he rumbled. “You’ll be great SkyClan warriors.”

Fringepaw, Reedpaw, and Dewpaw crowded around them. Twigpaw blinked numbly, wondering why she felt so far away.

“You’re going to get your warrior name!” Dewpaw thrust his muzzle against hers. “Congratulations.” His eyes widened. “I have to fetch Finpaw. He’ll want to watch the ceremony.”

Twigpaw didn’t move as the tom raced out of camp.

“Twigpaw!” Violetpaw’s mew jolted her from her daze.

“What?” She blinked at her sister.

“Aren’t you pleased?” Violetpaw was staring at her anxiously.

Twigpaw shook out her fur. “Of course I’m pleased.” She forced a purr. “I’ve wanted this for so long.” I’m going to be a warrior. She was aware of cats moving around her. A SkyClan warrior. The camp seemed suddenly crowded. ShadowClan fussed over the warriors’ den. SkyClan chattered eagerly. Twigpaw could barely breathe. “I have to get out of here.”

Violetpaw didn’t seem to hear. She was focused on Hawkwing. “I wonder what my warrior name will be. I hope it’s nice. Do you think Twigpaw will get a nice name? She’ll probably get a fierce one. She’s so practical.”

Twigpaw backed away.

Hawkwing caught her eye. “Where are you going?”

“I just need some air,” she mewed.

“Don’t be long.” Hawkwing’s eyes sparkled brightly. “Leafstar will want to get on with the ceremony.”

“I’ll be back.” Twigpaw turned and wove between SkyClan and ShadowClan, quickening her step as she neared the entrance before racing out of camp.

She swerved from the track, crashing through bracken, running as fast as she could, running anywhere she could be alone. She reached a slope, where fallen trees crisscrossed the ground, leaving open sky ahead. She pulled up, then stood panting. What’s wrong with me? Why was panic scorching beneath her pelt? This is everything I wanted.

“Twigpaw?” Finpaw’s mew took her by surprise. She turned and saw him at the head of the slope, looking down at her. “I thought I recognized your pelt. Where are you going? Dewpaw says you’re about to have your naming ceremony. He’s taking Whorlpaw and Flowerpaw back to camp to watch it.” He stared at her, puzzled. “Why are you out here?”

“I needed some air.” The run had left her fur ruffled. Heat pulsed from her pelt.

Finpaw padded toward her, his eyes round. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Twigpaw pretended to be happy. “Leafstar’s announcement took me by surprise, that’s all. And the camp is so crowded. I just needed some space.”

“I guess it’s a big thing,” he mewed. “Getting your warrior name.”

“Yeah.” She gazed at him. His yellow eyes sparkled. His thick pelt rippled. “Violetpaw’s so excited.” Finpaw looked more like a warrior than an apprentice. “You’ll probably get your name soon.”

“I still have lots to learn.” He was staring at her warily, as though he’d guessed she was making small talk to hide something more serious.

“I should be getting back to camp,” Twigpaw mewed. “The ceremony will start any moment. Violetpaw will never forgive me if I’m late.”

“It must mean a lot, sharing a naming ceremony with her after being apart for so long,” Finpaw guessed.

“Yes,” Twigpaw padded past him. “It’s what we’ve both always dreamed of.” Her heart twisted. But I always thought we’d be together in ThunderClan. She thought of Alderheart and Lilyheart. They wouldn’t be there to see her receive her warrior name. And Ivypool. She taught me most. And she always supported me. She wondered what they were doing. Were they rebuilding the camp? She hadn’t had the chance to tell Lilyheart how sorry she was about Snowbush. At the Gathering, she’d watched the cats she’d grown up among, bruised and battered by the rockslide, unable to speak to them because Sandynose was watching her, waiting for her to prove she was a traitor.

Finpaw fell in beside her. “You don’t seem very excited,” he mewed softly.

Twigpaw lifted her muzzle. “I am.” And I will be. She pushed thoughts of ThunderClan from her mind. This is what I chose. “It’s going to be the best day ever.” Hurrying, she followed the route she had come, pushing through the bracken and padding into camp.

Her Clanmates had formed a circle beside the stream. ShadowClan had joined them. Her sister was standing beside Hawkwing at one end, while Leafstar paced in the middle.

“You’re here!” Violetpaw beckoned urgently with her tail. As Twigpaw crossed the ring, Finpaw padded around the outside of the circle and slid in beside Dewpaw. “Where have you been?” Violetpaw hissed.

“I told you,” Twigpaw whispered back. “I went to get some air.”

Hawkwing lapped the fur between her ears. Violetpaw fussed around her, smoothing her ruffled pelt with a paw. “You have to look neat.” Her eyes were wide. She looked nervous. “I’m so excited. I hope I say the right thing.”

“Just do what Leafstar tells you and answer when she asks you something,” Hawkwing advised.

“There are questions?” Violetpaw blinked nervously. “What if I don’t know the answers?”

“You will.” Hawkwing touched his muzzle to her cheek, then nudged her toward Leafstar.

“Violetpaw.” The SkyClan leader puffed out her chest as Violetpaw crossed the clearing to meet her. She touched her nose softly to Violetpaw’s head.

Twigpaw’s belly churned. I’m next.

“I, Leafstar of SkyClan, call upon our warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard, and learned the warrior code. I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn.” She held Violetpaw’s gaze as the apprentice looked eagerly into her eyes. “Violetpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?”

“I do.” Violetpaw’s mew was thick with emotion.

“Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name.” Leafstar’s eyes glistened with pride. “Violetpaw, from this moment you will be known as Violetshine, in memory of your mother and because of the brightness of your spirit. StarClan honors your bravery and your loyalty, and we welcome you as a full warrior of SkyClan.” She rested her muzzle on Violetpaw’s bowed head.

“Violetshine! Violetshine!” Yowls of celebration rang around the camp as the other SkyClan cats began cheering Violetshine’s warrior name. Stonewing joined in, then Grassheart. Juniperclaw, Snowbird, and Strikestone followed. Even Rowanstar moved his lips. Scorchfur glanced angrily at his Clanmates, but then began to cheer beside them.

“Violetshine!” Twigpaw heard her own voice ringing among the others. I can do this, she told herself. I only have to say I do.

Hawkwing’s mew choked. His eyes were clouded, his chest out. He’s so proud of her. Claws seemed to embed themselves in Twigpaw’s heart. I want him to be that proud of me.

She padded forward, crossing the grass to where Leafstar and Violetshine waited for her. Each paw step felt heavier than the last, slowing until she stopped. She blinked at Leafstar, feeling sick.

She couldn’t do this. She felt like she was suffocating, like she couldn’t get enough air. This isn’t right. I’m not SkyClan. . . .

The words tumbled from her mouth before she could think about them. “I am ThunderClan,” she rasped. “I’m so sorry. I need to go back to them.”

Leafstar’s eyes widened in shock.

The cheering of the Clans faltered into silence. Twigpaw did not dare meet Violetshine’s eyes. She tried not to imagine the expression on Hawkwing’s face.

She fixed her gaze on Leafstar. “I wish I felt like a SkyClan cat.” She wanted to run from the camp. She wanted to race through the forest and burst into ThunderClan’s camp and tell them she was coming home. She wanted to see their eyes light up and to hear them break into joyful purrs. But life was never that simple. What Clan would want a cat who couldn’t make up her mind? I can make up my mind! This time I know I’m doing the right thing. But would anyone believe her? “I belong with ThunderClan.”

Anger flashed in Leafstar’s gaze. “You should have said something earlier.” Her pelt ruffled. “This is not the right time to change your mind.”

Trembling, Twigpaw held her gaze. “It’s better than changing it after the ceremony.”

Sandynose padded forward. Twigpaw braced herself for his harsh words, but his expression was gentle. He stood beside her, his pelt touching hers. “Twigpaw has not made this decision lightly. I’ve seen her struggling to do the right thing. Her heart has been torn in two directions since she came.” He looked at Leafstar. “I’m proud she found the courage to decide.”

Leafstar grunted. “She’s wasted our time.”

“She’s found where her true loyalty lies. That is not a waste of anyone’s time,” Sandynose meowed. “If she’d stayed here, with half her heart in ThunderClan, what use would she have been?”

Twigpaw padded forward. “I’m sorry.” Shame crawled beneath her pelt. She glanced at Finpaw. He was staring at her, disappointment in his wide yellow gaze.

Leafstar turned away, flicking her tail. “The ceremony is over,” she meowed, dismissing the watching cats.

Hawkwing hurried to Twigpaw’s side. “Sandynose is right,” he meowed. “You’ve been brave.”

The claws in Twigpaw’s heart curled deeper as she saw sadness flashing through his eyes. “I wanted to be with you and Violetshine,” she mewed plaintively. “But ever since I came here, I’ve felt guilty for leaving ThunderClan.” She dropped her gaze. “And I’ve missed them.”

A growl sounded behind her. She turned.

Violetshine glared at her. “You’re abandoning me again!”

“No, I’m not,” Twigpaw stiffened with shock. “I’m still your sister. Nothing will change that.”

Violetshine wasn’t listening. “You left me when we were in ShadowClan. And you’re leaving me now. All for your precious ThunderClan! What’s so special about them? They’re just a bunch of meddling know-it-alls. Why do you want to be with them instead of me?”

Twigpaw could hear the pain in her sister’s anger. She wished she could fix it. She wished she could pretend that her heart lay with SkyClan and stay here with Violetshine and Hawkwing. “I’ll never be happy if I stay here.”

“I don’t care!” Violetshine hissed. “I don’t care if you’re not happy! What about me? Why am I never allowed to be happy?” Her eyes rounded as though she realized what she’d said. Her body shook. She dropped her gaze. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I just believed that everything was finally going to be the way I dreamed it would be.”

Twigpaw thrust her muzzle against Violetshine’s. “I will always love you. And Hawkwing. And the time I’ve spent with you will always be a special memory.”

Hawkwing pressed against them, soothing Violetshine with a gentle stroke of his tail. “Twigpaw is right,” he meowed softly. “We will always be kin. We’ll miss Twigpaw, but isn’t it better to know she’s found where she belongs than to live with her knowing she wishes she were somewhere else?”

Violetshine lifted her glistening gaze. “I just wish she wanted to be with us,” she mewed thickly.

Guilt throbbed in Twigpaw’s chest.

Leafstar cleared her throat behind them. “Twigpaw, if you’re not a SkyClan cat,” she mewed, her voice gentle but clear, “perhaps you should return to ThunderClan.” She turned her gaze toward the camp entrance.

Twigpaw stared at the SkyClan leader. Leafstar wouldn’t look back. I’ve disappointed her. “I’ll go,” she mewed. “Thank you for all you’ve done for me.”

Leafstar nodded without looking back and walked away.

Twigpaw touched her nose to Violetshine’s cheek, and then Hawkwing’s. “Take care of each other.”

Hawkwing blinked at her sadly. Violetshine turned away.

Her heart felt like it was breaking as she padded toward the fern entrance. She felt the eyes of her Clanmates on her and heard them murmuring in hushed mews.

“ThunderClan!”

“She was never really happy here.”

“Then why did she come in the first place?”

Would SkyClan ever forgive her?

At the entrance, paw steps sounded behind her. “Twigpaw!” Finpaw caught up to her.

She looked at him, bracing herself for more pain. Saying good-bye to Finpaw would hurt more than unsheathed claws. “I’m sorry,” she began.

“Why?”

“For leaving you,” she mewed. “I will miss you.”

“You don’t have to miss me.” He stared at her steadily.

Was he asking her to stay?

“I’m coming with you.” He lifted his muzzle stubbornly. “And no one can stop me.”

“But this is your Clan!” Twigpaw could hardly believe her ears.

“ThunderClan can be my Clan from now on.”

Did he really mean it? “What about Sandynose and Plumwillow, Reedpaw and Dewpaw?”

“They can manage without me.” Finpaw fluffed out his pelt. “I don’t care if I’m ThunderClan or SkyClan or even ShadowClan. Just as long as I’m with you.”

Twigpaw stared at him, unable to find words. She nodded to him and padded out of camp. Her heart struggled from beneath the weight of grief, and seemed to sing with the birds twittering in the branches overhead as, purring, he followed her.