Dead Scared

‘SO HOW HAVE you been this week, Jessica?’

‘Fine.’

Evi smiled. There couldn’t be more than five years between the girl sitting in the chair opposite and the policewoman who’d just vacated it, but Evi couldn’t imagine two more different faces. The police officer had been close to classically beautiful, but with a face as silent as stone. She gave nothing away. This girl, on the other hand, with her large brown eyes and coffee-coloured skin, couldn’t hide a thing. Flickering eyelashes, the gleam of a tear, eyes unable to maintain contact and so fidgety she could have just rolled in itching powder. This girl might say she was fine; her body language said she was anything but.

‘I’m glad you came today,’ said Evi. ‘I was worried last week, when we didn’t hear from you.’

Jessica Calloway looked down at the hands in her lap, then up again, to the large window. She raised one hand and rubbed the side of her face. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I phoned, the next day. Maybe a couple of days later.’

‘Yes, you did, thank you,’ said Evi. ‘The message I got was that you’d been ill, is that right?’

Jessica nodded. She pushed a finger into her hair and started twisting a tight blonde curl around it.

‘Nothing serious, I hope,’ said Evi. She already knew Jessica hadn’t been to her GP. If she had, Evi’s clinic would have been notified.

‘Just a bug, I think,’ said Jessica. ‘To be honest, I can’t remember much about it. I just crashed. Slept through a day, a night and another day. Woke up feeling like shit. Sorry.’

‘No problem. I feel like that myself sometimes,’ said Evi. ‘How’s your appetite?’

Jessica sighed, like a teenager whose mother was on her case again. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘Pretty good.’

Evi let her eyes travel down Jessica’s body to the fur-lined boots that swamped her lower legs. Jessica’s jeans were loose on her and the shoulder seam of her top dropped halfway down her upper arms. She looked as though she’d lost even more weight in the two weeks since Evi had seen her.

‘Have you had any more trouble with practical jokes?’ Evi asked.

The glint in the girl’s eyes became brighter.

‘Anything you can tell me about?’ Evi pressed.

Jessica shook her head. ‘I don’t know what goes on in some people’s heads,’ she said. ‘What have I ever done to anyone?’

‘Nothing,’ said Evi firmly. ‘We both know that what’s happening is not your fault. Some people see gentleness and sensitivity and they don’t have the intelligence to understand what they’re looking at. So they register it as weakness and they prey upon it. Those people have a serious problem and I can’t help them with it. I can help you, though.’

‘Do you know what they did this time?’ A hint of anger there now, which was good. Anger was better than acceptance. Evi waited.

‘They came on to our corridor, where the airing cupboards are, and found my clothes. They took my underwear.’

‘They stole your underwear?’

‘Yeah, but that wasn’t the worst. They replaced it with enormous stuff. Granny pants and massive great support bras. Like they were saying, who are you kidding, this is what you really need to wear.’

Evi took a moment to hide her annoyance. Most people would dismiss such a prank as a laugh. Jessica, who’d suffered from eating disorders since she was twelve and who had been hospitalized twice as a teenager when her weight had dropped to under six stone, would find it anything but amusing.

‘Did you report the theft?’ Evi asked.

‘I did. One of the other girls told me I should and went with me to the police. They said they couldn’t get involved in a student prank.’

‘Anywhere else it would be burglary and intimidation,’ said Evi. ‘In a Cambridge college, it’s a prank.’

‘Do you remember that website I told you about? The one that had the photographs of me?’

‘Yes,’ said Evi. ‘I tried to find it. None of the search engines I used could locate it.’

Jessica bent down and pulled a laptop from her bag. ‘I’ll show you,’ she said. She opened the computer and switched it on. After a few seconds she tapped her fingers over the keys, waited a while longer, then turned the screen to face Evi.

Evi reached forward and picked it up, tilting the angle so that she could see it clearly. It was a Facebook spoof. Facefeeders, it was called. Who’s been eating the pies this week? ran the subheading, directly above several photographs of Jessica herself.

Except they weren’t Jessica. Jessica was an exceptionally lovely girl whose size ranged from model slim when she was well and happy to painfully thin when she wasn’t. In the photographs someone had digitally altered Jessica’s tiny frame to make it enormous. All the photographs were nude. All were Rubenesque in their proportions, with swollen bellies, rounded dimpled buttocks and great pendulous breasts. They’d even managed to make Jessica’s face look fatter.

Oddly, the photographs weren’t unattractive, but to Jessica it would be like seeing herself turned into a monster. And these were on a website, for the world to see.

‘Remind me how you found this site?’ Evi asked. ‘Did someone tell you about it?’

‘It popped up when I was working one night,’ said Jessica. ‘I clicked on it without thinking.’

Evi made a note on her pad to alert the detective to the website. ‘Do you have any idea who might be doing it?’ she asked.

Jessica shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Everyone I’ve told thinks they’re appalling.’

‘I agree,’ said Evi. ‘Not that the photographs are appalling in themselves, because even if you were as large as the girl in these pictures is supposed to be you would still be beautiful – I know you don’t believe that, but you would. They are appalling because they’ve been created to cause you distress.’

Tears were running down Jessica’s cheeks.

‘I feel like everybody’s seen them,’ she said. ‘If I go to a lecture or a tutorial, even a bar or the dining room, I feel like everybody’s whispering about how fat I am. I can even hear them in my sleep.’

‘You’re still not sleeping well?’

Jessica shook her head. ‘You remember I told you about that night my mobile kept ringing, every half hour until I turned it off?’

‘I remember,’ said Evi. ‘You never found out who it was?’

‘No,’ said Jessica. ‘And now, although I always switch it off when I go to bed, I can still hear it ringing.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I wake up several times every night, thinking I’ve heard my phone. But I haven’t because it’s switched off. I dream that it’s waking me up and so it does.’

‘How long has this been going on?’

The girl shook her head. ‘A couple of weeks,’ she said. ‘But if it’s not the phone, it’s the voices.’

‘Voices?’

‘In my dreams. Whispering about how fat I’m getting.’

‘Jessica, when did you last get a good night’s sleep?’

The girl couldn’t respond. She was trying too hard not to cry.

‘Jessica, you need to sleep. I can give you something that will help. Just for a couple of weeks, just to break this cycle, does that sound like a … What? What’s the matter?’

The girl looked terrified. ‘I can’t,’ she said. ‘I can’t take sleeping pills.’

‘It’s understandable to be wary,’ said Evi, ‘but we’re very careful to guard against addiction.’

‘It’s not that,’ said Jessica. ‘You don’t understand.’

‘No, I don’t. Please try and explain to me.’

‘The interruptions, the imaginary phone calls and the voices, I think they’re my brain’s way of protecting me, of stopping me falling into too deep a sleep.’

‘Why would your subconscious do that?’

‘Because of the real dreams, the ones I have when I’m so deeply asleep I can’t wake up.’

‘And what are those like?’

‘Unimaginable. Like I’m in hell.’