Deathbed

1

Sister! Can you hear me? Can you hear me even though you are dead?

I am the one who killed you. But you must know that. By now, you must know all the answers.

It was a mistake. It was a mistake ever to have set myself on this course. But that is of little consolation to you. It is too late for consolation. And I must confess I am sorry. But what good does that do you? It is too late for sorrow.

You are dead and this unbearable pain in my head goes on.

It was all so useless.

With all my heart I wish I could change the course of these events. I wish I could change what has already happened. But of course no one can do that. No one can bring you back to life.

If I were to tell this story to someone—and I may very well be forced to do so—where would I start?

I suppose I would start where so many hospital stories begin. In the emergency room . . .

“There is no heartbeat.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I do not get any pulse.” Dr. Lee Kim pressed his fingers against the patient’s carotid artery.

“Uh-huh.” Kim need not have made the statement. Dr. Fred Scott could hear the long pauses between the monitor’s blips.

Nurses and other doctors were methodically cutting away the woman’s clothing. None of it had much value. As the last of her underclothes dropped to the floor, one of the EMS crew who had just delivered her to St. Vincent’s emergency department began external massage of her heart.

Scott aimed a small pocket flashlight into her unblinking eyes. “Pupils are dilated and fixed." Delicately, he flicked his index finger along her eyelash. No response. He knew it was hopeless.

Kim jammed a needle just below the clavicle to establish a subclavian line. He inserted a catheter and began the flow of chemicals intended to stimulate the heart. “Nothing,” he said, noting the absence of cardiac activity on the monitor. “No response.”

Still the uniformed man, one hand cupped over the other, continued to pump against her chest.

Kim removed the catheter and snapped off his rubber gloves. “Do you suppose the medical examiner will pass on this one?”

Scott smiled broadly. “Willie Moellmann is up to his ears with probable homicides. I can’t think he’ll want a little old lady with a likely cardiac arrest.” He removed his gloves.

The discarding of the gloves led the others in Trauma Room One to assume, correctly, that efforts to resuscitate the patient were ended. She would be registered “Dead on Arrival” and preserved in the hospital’s morgue until paperwork was completed and a mortician called for the body. Meanwhile, a nurse would inform the immediate family of her death.

“What’s goin’ on next door?” Scott stood tiptoe to see over the crowd in Trauma Two. Most of those in Trauma One, once their patient had been declared DOA, had moved to the adjoining room, partly to help and partly from curiosity. By now, slightly more than twenty staff members were crowded into the room.

Scott was tall enough to see most of the action. Which was fortunate, as there was no room for him inside the arena.

“What is it?” Scott asked of anyone willing to answer.

“Gunshot,” replied a nurse. “To the chest.”

Scott could see it. Just under the left breast: A small, neat hole; only a slight trickle of blood from the wound. They had cut away her clothing and were covering her with a hospital gown. She was conscious, able to communicate, and apparently young. That was the good news. But she was enormous. That was the bad news. If they had to go in after the bullet, those layers of fat would be of no help to the surgeon nor to her heart.

Scott became aware of someone standing beside him. It wasn’t one of the regular staff; the newcomer was too intent. He seemed to be scarcely breathing, as if viewing such a scene for the first time. Approximately Scott’s height, perhaps an inch or two taller, he wore a long white hospital-issue jacket, on the sleeve of which was a badge reading, “Pastoral Care Department.” Scott tilted his head to look through the bottom portion of his bifocals and make out the man’s identification tag.

“You’re Father Koesler, eh?” Scott offered his hand. He could not extend it. They were pressed too closely together.

“Yes,” Father Robert Koesler replied. “And you’re . . .” He tried to make out the other man’s ID, but the card had flipped over and only clear plastic was showing.

“Scott. Fred Scott.”

“You’re a doctor?”

Scott nodded and smiled. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I’m in charge of this loony bin.”

“The entire hospital?”

“No, no. Thank God. Just Emergency.”

“Oh.”

“And you’re the new chaplain.”

“Well, temporary.”

“I know. You’re taking Father Thompson’s place while he goes on a well-deserved vacation.”

Koesler smiled. “News travels fast.”

“You bet. This is just a little Catholic hospital and everybody pretty well knows everybody else’s business.”

They were silent for a few moments, watching, as doctors, nurses, and technicians carried out their various responsibilities with a professional air.

“Your first time in Emergency?”

“Yes,” Koesler admitted. “Fascinating.”

“Did you see the bullet hole?”

“Yes.”

“Probably a small caliber. No telling yet where the slug went, where it is, or how much damage it’s done.”

With considerable effort, several doctors turned the woman on her side while one examined her back.

“They’re making sure that’s the only wound and that it’s the entry. When I was starting out in this business I had a gunshot victim with a wound just about where hers is. And with just as little blood. So I treated the wound. We were getting ready to take him to surgery when I noticed a considerable amount of blood had dripped from the cart to the floor. We turned him over and found four more wounds.

“You don’t want to make a mistake like that more than once—if that often.”

Suddenly, there was a rush of people out of Trauma Two. Koesler, taken by surprise, was carried back by the human tide.

“They’re going to take X-rays," Scott explained. “We have to do that. It’s tough to find out exactly where the slug is with one X-ray. See, X-rays are two-dimensional and the body is three-dimensional. We’ve got to find out whether the bullet is near a vital structure.”

“But there was only a trickle of blood. Doesn’t that mean the injury isn’t too serious?”

“Not necessarily. It may have done a lot of internal damage. She may be exsanguinating internally."

Exsanguinating, Koesler thought. Sanguis: Latin for blood. Ex sanguine: bleeding out. It probably means she may be bleeding internally. He hadn’t expected to call on his recollection of Latin to get him through his three-week hospital stint.

After the X-rays were taken, the crowd returned to the room, with Scott and Koesler still at the outer fringe.

“They’ve catheterized her.” Scott continued his commentary for Koesler’s benefit. “See the bag at the foot of the cart? Bright yellow. That’s good; no blood in the urine. And see the bag hanging up there with the IV? That’s decompressing the air in her stomach. You make an abdominal incision without doing that and her whole stomach could pop out at you.”

Koesler did not want to think about that. In fact, he had approached this whole venture with a good measure of trepidation. Father Ed Thompson, a classmate, had needed a substitute in order to take a vacation. He might have asked another chaplain to cover, but the Archdiocese of Detroit was getting a bit thin on chaplains—a bit thin on priests in general. So Thompson had let his need be known through the priests’ newsletter.

Koesler had wrestled with the request for several days. Thompson would be gone during the first few weeks of January. Normally, so closely following Christmas, this was a slow time in the parish. It would not be terribly difficult to find a religious-order priest to cover for Koesler’s daily Mass schedule at St. Anselm’s. And Koesler ascertained that he would be able to fit the hospital’s single Sunday Mass into St. Anselm’s weekend schedule.

He wanted to help his friend and classmate. Yet he hesitated. Koesler knew himself well enough to question his effectiveness in a hospital setting. It was one thing to visit patients occasionally, stay awhile, and then leave. Quite another thing to be ultimately responsible for their spiritual welfare throughout their hospital stay.

Furthermore, Koesler was unsure how he would react to this very situation—a hospital emergency. He had no history of being especially cool and calm in the face of blood and death. And that, by and large, was his image of a hospital: a place where people, especially on admission, bled a lot. And of course a healthy percentage of them died there. No one was about to kid him; he’d read about carts with bodies and DOA tags dangling from toes.

In the end a combination of charity and curiosity won the day. He wanted to help his friend and at the same time he thought this experience might add a dimension to his parochial ministry.

So here he was, standing in the emergency unit of St. Vincent’s Hospital, awaiting the arrival of the family of an elderly woman who had just been pronounced dead in Trauma One. While waiting, he was witnessing the treatment of a frightened woman who had been shot. Well, at least there wasn’t a lot of blood. Thank God.

“See those X-rays mounted on the viewer over there?” Scott resumed his explication.

Koesler nodded.

“See the frontal view? See the slug on the right side? It looks like it’s resting right next to the spine. Now, see the side view? It’s actually nowhere near the spine. But they’re going to have to dig through a lot of layers to get it.”

Koesler gave thanks that he would not be doing the digging.

A doctor began explaining to the patient where the bullet was and what they proposed to do about it. He was interrupted by a nurse who related the patient’s blood pressure.

“Uh-oh,” said Scott. “The pressure fell. They’ll take her to surgery stat.”

He proved prophetic. Attendants unhooked bottles trailing tubes inserted in various orifices, the cart’s brakes were released, and the patient was whisked away.

Scott intercepted an exiting doctor. “Who did it? Anybody find out?”

“Complete stranger,” the doctor answered. “She was coming out of the bank. Some kid shot her and grabbed her purse.”

“Good Lord! They used to just knock people down. What’s this world coming to!”

A loud barking was heard.

“Now, dammit, who let a dog get in here?” Scott was angry.

At that moment, a laughing nurse entered the trauma area from the main emergency section. “It’s not a dog. It’s a man who thinks he’s a dog!”

“What!”

Koesler followed Scott, who moved at a brisk pace, determined to get to the bottom of this nonsense.

They entered a long, narrow space with a totally white decor, partitioned on one side into ten curtained stalls. At the far end of the room was a naked man, indeed barking in fine imitation of a dog. Several attendants were slowly closing in on him. When the man lifted one leg to urinate, Scott could take it no longer. He turned away, breaking up in laughter.

Koesler followed suit. When he looked up again, three very elderly nuns in most traditional habit came into view. All three were chattering like magpies. Catching sight of the naked man, as one they covered their eyes and turned away. But they continued talking without missing a beat. The middle nun, easily the eldest, appeared to be injured.

“You certainly have a lively pond here,” Koesler observed to Scott.

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. It’s still morning, and a Monday to boot. It usually gets more interesting as the day progresses.”

Koesler decided he could wait for the buildup. Waiting, in fact, was what he was doing. For the family of the deceased.

* * *

Forewarned, St. Vincent’s emergency unit was preparing for the imminent delivery of one male and one female, both Caucasian, who had been involved in an auto accident at Cass and Lafayette. The EMS crew had called in with their estimated time of arrival and condition of the injured.

St. Vincent’s emergency staff calmly began laying out the equipment their experience told them would be needed. There was no tension. Time enough for that when the victims arrived. If anything, the atmosphere was one of bantering.

“Who were those three nuns?”

“The three old ones?”

“Come on! Were there three young ones?”

“Carmelites.”

“Discalced Carmelites?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought they weren’t supposed to talk.”

“They aren’t.”

“What is this? They wouldn’t shut up.”

“In a situation like this, when there’s an accident, that’s an exception. Then they are allowed to talk.”

“What was the problem, anyway?”

“The oldest one fell down a flight of stairs.”

“You mean because she fell down the stairs, the other ones could talk?”

“I guess that’s it.”

There was a slight pause.

“Do you suppose the two younger ones pushed the older one?”

Koesler smiled. The relatives of the dead woman still had not arrived.

There was a flurry of action at the admitting doors. Two stretchers were removed from the EMS van and placed on gurneys, which were then hurried into Trauma Rooms One and Two respectively.

Doctors Scott and Kim in One began working on the man.

This seemed to be the sort of case Father Koesler had been anticipating. Not the DOA, who had resembled a limp mannequin. Not the woman with a small, neat bullet hole in her chest. This man was a mess. His face had been badly damaged and there was blood all over him. Nevertheless, Father Koesler was holding up quite well. He didn’t know if it ever got much worse than this. But, so far so good.

Dr. Scott worked on the patient’s head area while Dr. Kim checked for vital signs. Meanwhile, others were cutting clothing away and briskly performing their respective tasks.

“Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!" Scott fairly shouted. “Watch his neck. We could easily have a break there.”

“Blood pressure’s normal.”

“He’s unconscious.”

“I’m getting a rapid heart rate.”

“He’s sweaty and kind of clammy. “

“Respiration is twenty-six per minute.”

“That’s a little bit fast.”

“Can you see his pupils?” Dr. Kim asked.

“Uhh . . . no,” Scott answered. “Too much facial swelling. I can’t get his eyes open.”

“Look at that blood draining from his ear,” Kim said. “It may be severe brain injury. I think it is. What say we send him up for a CAT scan as quickly as we can?”

“Uhh . . . OK—wait a minute . . . I’m getting a faint odor of alcohol.” Scott’s nose was just above the victim’s mouth. “Let’s do a blood test.”

Blood was taken and the dipstick inserted. Scott quickly scanned it. “Uh-huh. It looks hypoglycemic. The paper isn’t registering anything. I don’t think he’s got any sugar left. Let’s have two amps of D-50 stat.”

Scott snatched the ampule from the nurse and immediately injected the contents directly through the IV line.

Modestly smug, Scott’s eyes darted from the sweep second hand of his watch to the inert patient. In seemingly no time, the patient stirred, stretched his extremities, then tried to open his eyes. He couldn’t, due to the swelling.

“Fifteen seconds,” Scott announced. “He’s conscious. Let’s go from here.”

As though fleeing a plague, all save the X-ray technician cleared the room. It was X-ray time.

Koesler again found himself pressed alongside Dr. Scott.

“That was close,” Scott said.

“What would have happened?” Koesler asked. “I mean, what would have happened if the man had been taken up for a . . . uh . . . CAT scan?”

“What would have happened?” Scott repeated the question, taking time to consider the likely outcome. “His blood sugar was way low. Without that shot of dextrose, and with the amount of time needed for the CAT scan . . . he probably would’ve had a seizure on the table—or even a cardiac arrest.”

“You mean—”

“He could have died. The brain needs sugar.”

“Holy mackerel! You saved that man’s life.”

Scott shrugged. “You win some, you lose some. But if we hadn’t done that blood sugar test, we should have had our rumps kicked all over downtown Detroit. It’s one of those simple tests you should do routinely in a case like this. Sometimes you forget.”

Koesler could not get over the almost miraculous recovery he had just witnessed. “That was fantastic. That man will probably never know how close he came to dying. One medical procedure saved him. But it’s just as possible another medical procedure could have killed him.”

“That’s the way it goes in the hospital, Father. Most all the people who come here are in trouble—some of them serious trouble. Oftentimes their physical condition hangs by the proverbial thread. It doesn’t take much—nature, their own attitude, or a mistake—for their condition to worsen or even become terminal. Yep, life here hangs by a thread.”

X-rays were completed. The medical team swarmed back into the room, leaving Father Koesler still awaiting a family that would be grieving.

For some time, a rather nondescript man had been standing behind Koesler. No one had paid him much attention. In part because he was nondescript, and in part because he was wearing an appropriate uniform—a long white hospital coat. An ID dangled from the lapel. The top line identified him as Bruce Whitaker. The second line identified him as a hospital volunteer. Thus identified, and given St. Vincent’s rather casual internal security, he was virtually free to roam the hospital at will.

Whitaker had been a volunteer at St. Vincent’s for several weeks. Besides performing helpful if menial services for various units and departments, he had been carefully observing hospital procedures, with emphasis on such volatile and high-risk areas as emergency, intensive care, intensive cardiac care, and the clinic.

He could not have agreed more with Dr. Scott: Life here hung by a thread. That thread was Whitaker’s principal concern. But he had observed enough. He was ready to act.