Dept. Of Speculation

33

“Haven’t you punished us enough?” the husband says a few days later. Us? the wife thinks. Did he say us? Holy shit.

She learns something new, something that sends a chill through her. The girl made him go for a walk with her the next day. Correction — he went on a walk with the girl the next day.

The husband doesn’t volunteer this. Like every detail it is eked out of him in the Little Theater of Hurt Feelings. “She was furious,” he explains. “She felt ambushed.”

Sorry, the wife thinks of saying. Sorry, sorry.

But that night, in the taxi, she does not concern herself with his voice, which is low and grievous, but only with the position of the moon in the sky. How she can make it disappear with one small movement of her thumb.

Hahahahahaha​you​stupid​cunt​hahahahahaha

“Am I winking?” the daughter asks them when they get home. One of her eyes is closed, the other twitching.

“Not quite,” he says.

“Now? Now?”

Two Jokes

1. A man is standing on the bank of a river when it suddenly begins to flood. His wife and his mistress are both being swept away. Who should he save?

His wife. (Because his mistress will always understand.)

2. A man is standing on the bank of a river when it suddenly begins to flood. His wife and his mistress are both being swept away. Who should he save?

His mistress. (Because his wife will never understand.)