Devil's Waltz

18

Can I go now?” she said. “I’d like to wash my face.”

Unable to think of a reason to keep her there, I said, “Sure.”

She righted her cap. “Listen, I don’t need any more grief, okay? The main thing is for Cassie to get better. Not that...” She colored and began walking to the door.

“Not that I can do any good in that department?” I said.

“I meant, not that it’s gonna be easy. If you’re the one ends up diagnosing her, hats off to you.”

“What do you think about the fact that the doctors can’t find anything?”

Her hand rested on the doorknob. “Doctors can’t find lots of things. If patients knew how much guessing goes on, they’d...” She stopped. “I keep on, I’m gonna get myself in trouble again.”

“Why are you so certain it’s organic?”

“Because what else could it be? These aren’t abusers. Cindy’s one of the best mothers I’ve ever seen, and Dr. Jones is a real gentleman. And despite who they are, you’d never know it, because they don’t lord it over anyone, okay? That’s real class, far as I’m concerned. Go out and see for yourself — they love that little girl. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Before what?”

“Before someone figures out what’s wrong. I’ve seen it lots of times. Doctors can’t figure things out so they call it psychosomatic. Then poof, all of a sudden someone finds something that hasn’t been looked for before and you’ve got yourself a new disease. They call that medical progress.”

“What do you call it?”

She stared at me. “I call it progress too.”

She walked away and I stayed behind, thinking. I’d gotten her to talk but had I learned anything?

My thoughts shifted to the cruel gift her son had given her. Pure spite? Or had he been telling her something?

Had she told me about it as part of a game? Told me just what she wanted me to know?

I stayed with it a while and came up with nothing. Cleared my head and walked to 505W.

Cassie sat propped up in bed, wearing red floral pajamas with white collar and cuffs. Her cheeks were raspberry-pink and her hair was gathered in a topknot tied with a white bow. The I.V. had been disconnected and it stood in the corner, like a metal scarecrow. Depleted glucose bags hung from the arms. The only evidence her veins had been punctured was a small round Band-Aid atop one hand and the yellow Betadine stain below it. Her eyes glistened as they followed me.

Cindy sat near her on the bed, spoon-feeding her cereal. She wore a SAVE THE OCEANS T-shirt over a denim skirt and sandals. Dolphins cavorted across her bustline. She and Cassie looked more similar than ever.

As I approached, Cassie opened a mouth full of cereal-mush. A stray speck dotted her upper lip.

Cindy picked it off. “Swallow, honey. Hi, Dr. Delaware. We didn’t expect to see you today.”

I put my briefcase down and sat on the foot of the bed. Cassie looked confused but not fearful.

“Why’s that?” I said.

“It’s the weekend.”

“You’re here, so I’m here.”

“That’s very nice of you. Look, sweetie, Dr. Delaware came all the way to see you on a Saturday.”

Cassie looked at Cindy, then back at me, still muddled.

Wondering about the mental effects of the seizure, I said, “How’s everything?”

“Oh, fine.”

I touched Cassie’s hand. She didn’t move for a second, then drew away, slowly. When I chucked her chin, she looked down at my hand.

“Hi, Cassie,” I said.

She continued to stare. Some milk dribbled out of her mouth. Cindy wiped it and closed her mouth gently. Cassie started to chew. Then she parted her lips and said, “Hah,” through the mush.

“Right!” said Cindy. “Hi! That’s great, Cass!”

“Hah.”

“We did very well with our food today, Dr. Delaware. Juice and fruit and crackers for breakfast. Then we had our breakfast Krispies for lunch.”

“Great.”

“Real great.” Her voice was tight.

Remembering the short-lived moment of tension last time I’d talked to her — the feeling that she was about to tell me something important — I said, “Is there anything you want to discuss with me?”

She touched Cassie’s hair. Cassie started to play with another drawing. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Dr. Eves tells me you’ll be going home soon.”

“That’s what she says.” She adjusted Cassie’s topknot. “I’m sure looking forward to it.”

“Bet you are,” I said. “No more doctors for a while.”

She looked at me. “The doctors have been great. I know they’re doing their best.”

“You’ve seen some of the best,” I agreed. “Bogner, Torgeson, Macauley, Dawn Herbert.”

No reaction.

“Got anything planned when you get back home?”

“Just getting back to normal.”

Wondering what that meant, I said, “I’d like to come out pretty soon.”

“Oh — of course. You can draw with Cassie at her play table. I’m sure we can find a chair to fit you — can’t we, Cass?”

“Fip.”

“Right! Fit.”

“Fip.”

“Excellent, Cass. Do you want Dr. Delaware to draw with you at your little bear table?” When Cassie didn’t answer she said, “Draw? Draw pictures?” and made scrawling motions with one hand.

“Daw.”

“Yes, draw. With Dr. Delaware.”

Cassie looked at her, then me. Then she nodded. Then she smiled.

I stayed awhile, providing entertainment and looking for signs of post-seizural damage. Cassie seemed okay but I knew brain effects could be subtle. For the thousandth time I wondered what was going on in her little body.

Cindy was friendly enough, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that her enthusiasm for my services had waned. She sat on the sleeper, brushing out her hair while scanning TV Guide. The hospital air was cool and dry and the hair crackled with each stroke. Northern light came in through the room’s single window, a straw-colored beam that burned through the smog and burst against the fairy-tale wallpaper. The lower edge of the beam touched upon the long dark strands, tracing a metallic streak through them.

It created an odd cosmetic effect and made her look beautiful. I’d never thought of her as desirable — too busy wondering if she was a monster. But seeing her gilded that way made me realize how little she exploited her looks.

Before I could mull that any longer, the door swung open and Chip came in, carrying coffee. He had on navy sweats and running shoes and his hair looked freshly washed. A diamond sparkled in his ear.

His greeting was tavern-buddy friendly but a ribbon of steel ran through the amiability — resistance not unlike Cindy’s. It made me wonder if the two of them had discussed me. When he sat down between Cassie and me I got up and said, “See you later.”

No one argued, though Cassie kept looking at me. I smiled at her. She stared a while longer before shifting her attention to a drawing. I collected my stuff and headed for the door.

“Bye, Dr. Delaware,” said Cindy.

“Bye,” said Chip. “Thanks for everything.”

I looked over his shoulder at Cassie. Waved at her. She raised a hand and curled her fingers. The topknot was in disarray again. I wanted to swoop her up and take her home with me.

“Bye, sweetie.”

“Bah.”