Dog Blood

THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THE Hate were vast and incalculable. While the impact was predominantly felt by the surviving population-those remaining on both sides of the Change-its effects reached much, much further.

The very nature of the division that had unequally split the human race in two had caused irreparable damage to every area of life where two people or more were expected to work together. Basic services had faltered and collapsed within a matter of days. There then followed a frantic, barely coordinated period of reprioritization as the remaining Unchanged resources were diverted to the maintenance of vital services and defense. Within weeks, however, even the most basic of public services had either fallen apart or been brought to its knees. A government of sorts (with a civilian mouthpiece but under military control) continued to try to coordinate what remained of the country’s infrastructure. City and district councils either were dissolved or collapsed. All schools were closed. The hospitals and the health service couldn’t cope. What was left of the police force and fire brigade were absorbed into the military.

The concentration of huge masses of refugees in hopelessly unprepared locations also presented a constant string of enormous, virtually insurmountable, logistical and practical problems.

The lack of food, shelter, and adequate medical care aside, water, gas, and electricity supplies failed with astonishing speed as power stations, pumps, and pipelines were abandoned, destroyed, or disabled. With every single person without exception being dragged into the war, those installations and facilities that remained operational longest were frequently those that could function unmanned.

The evacuation of the Unchanged masses to city center camps simply concentrated and exacerbated the problems faced by the authorities. Extremely limited utility supplies were maintained, with all available water, gas, and power being diverted to the military as priority. Fuck the civilians, there’s a war to be won.

Without adequate supplies of clean water and basic medical care, the refugee camps quickly became breeding grounds for disease. Previously easily curable ailments rapidly became killers, and small outbreaks and infestations quickly became epidemics. Most bodies were collected and burned, but scores of others inevitably remained undetected. The almost total lack of sanitation compounded the problem dramatically.

Within the cities, the closely confined masses of refugees continued to produce vast amounts of garbage, none of which was collected or treated. As well as quickly becoming a physical hazard, the huge quantities of waste that quickly gathered also contributed to the acceleration of disease. Rats and other vermin benefited from suddenly plentiful supplies of food, and those drains and sewers that had not been damaged by the fighting instead became blocked with debris.

From late May onward, an increase in temperature combined with frequent heavy downpours of rain to further accelerate the decline in conditions in the refugee camps.

Every available scrap of indoor space had been utilized to house the displaced, but inevitably the demand far outweighed what was available. As a result, huge numbers of people were left outside. Some were housed in tents, RVs, and trailers, but most made do with temporary shelters constructed from whatever materials they could find. More than 30 percent of the total population of the refugee camp was forced to live outdoors-hundreds of thousands of exhausted, vulnerable, malnourished people left to the mercy of the elements.

“Block it up!” Mark yelled as rainwater poured in through the broken top-floor hotel window. The room was dark, almost pitch black despite it normally being bright at this time in the morning. The stormy dawn sky over the city was swollen with rain. It had been falling with the force of bullets for more than fifteen minutes already and showed no signs of abating. The guttering and drainpipes serving the dilapidated old building couldn’t cope with the sheer amount of water flushing through them. A blocked section of gutter had overflowed, and the water had seeped behind a rotting fascia board, then flooded through the window frame. More water seeped through a broken pane of glass.

“Block it with what?” Kate shouted, using a bucket, a wastebasket, cups, and whatever else she could find to catch the water.

“I don’t know. Stay there. I’ll go and find something.”

“Don’t go outside,” she pleaded, struggling with her heavily pregnant bulk to turn around and stop him. “Please, Mark.”

“Just to the end of the hall, okay?”

He didn’t give her time to answer. He weaved around the bottom of the double bed, where Katie’s traumatized elderly parents lay terrified, cold, and wet, then ran past the permanently locked bathroom door. He unlocked the main door, took off the security chain, and put his head outside. Just a handful of people out on the landing-a rain-soaked woman from the room next door (who obviously had problems similar to his) and the Chinese guy with his three kids who slept in the broken elevator. Mark looked up and down, then spied a wooden hatch on the wall between two of the opposite rooms. The fire hose that used to be hidden behind the small square door was missing. He pulled at the hatch, then pushed down on it from above, feeling the hinges begin to weaken. A few seconds of violent shaking and pulling and he yanked it free with an almighty splintering crack. He ran back to room 33 with it, stopping only to pull the one remaining curtain down from the side of a large gallery window overlooking the street below. Jesus Christ, things looked bad down there. Crowds of people were pressed up against the sides of buildings, desperate for whatever shelter they could find, woken without warning by an early morning deluge of ice-cold rain. The main street itself, Arley Road, a wide, relatively straight, and gently sloping strip of pavement, looked more like a river. A fast-moving, debris-carrying torrent of rainwater surged down it toward the center of town.

Back in the hotel room, Mark threw the curtain to Kate, who started mopping up the water that was still cascading down the glass, then spilling down the windowsill and soaking the carpet.

“Who’s that?!” Kate’s elderly, confused father yelled in panic, lifting his head off the pillow for the first time in hours. “Is it one of them?”

Next to him, her mother lay on her side, sobbing, the dirty bedclothes pulled up tight under her chin.

“It’s just Mark, Dad,” Kate shouted.

“It’s me, Joe,” Mark said, leaning closer to the old man so he could see his face. He’d lost his glasses weeks ago. Mark didn’t know whether he recognized him or not.

Mark leaned the hatch door against the window over the broken glass and used a phone directory to wedge and hold it in place.

“Save the water,” he said to Kate.

“What?”

“The rainwater… save it!”

“Where?”

“In the bathtub.”

The flow of water into the room temporarily plugged, Kate carried the half-full bucket across the room, her bare feet squelching on the damp carpet. She knocked on the bathroom door.

“Let me in.”

There was a brief pause; then the latch clicked and the door opened. Another adult refugee appeared, her face drawn and haggard-looking.

“Everything okay?” she asked. Kate nodded.

“Mark said we should try to save the water in the tub.”

The woman nodded and took the bucket from her. Mark passed her several water-filled cups that he’d collected from by the window.

“Makes sense to try to hoard as much as we can,” he said, taking back the empty bucket. She nodded but didn’t answer.

The flood stemmed temporarily, Kate walked away and sat down exhausted on a rain-splashed chair next to her parents. Her mother continued to sob, but Kate couldn’t face trying to comfort her. Instead she closed her eyes and ran her hands over her swollen stomach.

Mark picked up the last pot of water and carried it to the bathroom. The rain seemed to finally be easing. The woman in the shadows took it from him and emptied it into the tub.

“Thanks, Lizzie,” he said.

21

I CAN’T STAND MUCH more of this. It must be hours since Mallon left me. Can’t smell the food anymore, but I know it’s still there, and I want it. My guts feel like they’re somersaulting one minute and being ripped open the next. The pain’s unbearable, almost like my body’s eating itself from the inside out. I try to put the hunger out of my mind, but frustration takes its place. The frustration turns into confusion; then the confusion turns into fear. The fear makes my aching shoulders, arms, and legs feel a thousand times worse. I try to lie still, but even the slightest movement is agony.

What the hell was that? Something’s moving over me. It feels like there are insects crawling over my itching leg. Maybe there are? I haven’t looked at my legs since I woke up strapped to this bed. Who’s to say that itch isn’t an open, untreated wound? Who’s to say I haven’t got some kind of infection, that there aren’t maggots and worms and Christ knows what else feeding on my flesh? I can feel them wriggling and squirming inside the cut, digging deep into me, boring through my skin.

Then it stops again.

Am I just imagining things? Or was it something bigger? A mouse or a rat?

The dripping is the only distraction. It’s constant now, almost like machine-gun fire, and it never fucking stops.

I could end this. All I have to do is talk, he said. Just give him that one small victory and I’ll have some light and food and water. Christ, I need to drink something so badly…

I open my mouth to shout for help, then stop myself. What the hell am I thinking? Have I forgotten what Joseph Mallon is and what his people did (and are still doing) to my kind? They’re the reason all of this happened. If it wasn’t for them we wouldn’t have had to kill and my family would still be together. We had to kill them for protection. This whole war has been fought in self-defense… that’s the only reason. They made us do it. And to think, I was about to beg one of them for mercy… Christ, what kind of a person would that make me? I’d be pissing on the memory of all those who’ve already died in the fighting.

But why not?

Why shouldn’t I talk?

No one’s going to know, and what are my options? Do I lie here and starve to death or swallow my pride and cooperate?

No… no way… they almost had me then. That’s exactly what they want me to think. They’re trying to get me to crack under pressure and submit. Why should I? I’m stronger than all of them. I’ll outsmart them and outlast them. I’ll break them, not the other way around. When all of this is done, they’ll be the ones lying broken on the ground, not me. I’ll be standing over them, their blood on my hands.

Except right now I can’t stand up. Right now I can’t move. Right now I can’t do anything without that fucker Mallon’s say-so. For Christ’s sake, I’m lying in a bed of my own filth, and I can hardly think straight. I don’t know what time of day it is, where I am, who’s holding me here… and none of that’s going to change unless someone gives way. They’ve got nothing to lose. Unless Mallon gets some twisted kick out of doing this, if I die it’s just one less of us for them to worry about. But what really happens if I keep refusing to cooperate and fade away to nothing in the endless darkness here? I’ll never see Ellis again. Chances are I won’t find her anyway, but the fact of the matter is I’ll definitely never see her as long as I’m locked up in here.

And I need to eat and drink. The hunger hurts.

Going to do it.

I clear my throat, then stop myself.

More indecision.

Bottom line-what use am I to Ellis like this?

Someone has to give way.

I try to shout, but my voice is hoarse and hardly any sound comes out, just a pathetic, strangled whine. For a second I’m relieved; then I tell myself I have to do it. But now I can’t even build up enough spit in my mouth to make a decent noise. Frustrated, I try again, this time a little louder. I manage something that’s half a word and half a cough and immediately wish I hadn’t. I feel like a traitor, colluding with the enemy. Maybe that’s it? Could this place be run by Chris Ankin’s people? Are they testing my loyalty?

I wait and listen hopefully. Over the dripping of water I can hear distant fighting, the occasional burst of gunfire and shelling, a jet scorching through the sky. But the rest of this building is silent, quieter than ever. Am I on my own here? For all I know this might be the last occupied room in a crumbling ruin. Joseph Mallon might be long gone…

One more shout, this time so loud it feels like it’s ripping the inside of my throat apart.

I lie back on the bed, freezing cold, smelling of piss and feeling pathetic. Am I really stupid, naive, and desperate enough to believe that Mallon’s going to come back and feed me?! I yell again, this time more in frustration than anything else, then stop. Did I just hear something? It’s so quiet and faint that I convince myself I’m imagining it. No, there it is again… the definite sound of approaching footsteps. I feel relief and fear in equal measure.

Joseph Mallon marches into the room, carrying a flashlight. He shines the light into my face.

“Did you say something?”

I’m immediately gagged by my emotions again, too angry and full of hate to respond. He waves the light toward the food on the chair. It’s cold now, but I still want it. The light makes the water look sparkling, clear, and pure. He walks up to the window behind me, looks outside for a second, then turns around and shines the flashlight back at me again.

“I thought I heard you say something?”

Still can’t speak. The words are stuck in my throat, choking me. It’s like the strap across my forehead has slipped down across my windpipe, stopping me from speaking. I want to, but I can’t…

“My mistake,” Mallon sighs. “Sorry to have disturbed you.”

He steps back out through the door.

“Don’t…”

My voice stops him. He turns back around to face me. The weak yellow light from the flashlight makes him look old beyond his years and tired, but slowly his expression changes from a scowl to a smile, which becomes a broad grin.

“Good man! I knew you’d do it!”

He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t try to get me to talk like I thought he would. He doesn’t try more of his stupid mind games. Instead he just picks up the plastic bottle of water and squirts it into my mouth. It tastes so good… stale and warm but refreshing. I swallow and feel it running down the sides of my throat. Thank God…

The bottle empty, Mallon does the same with the cold soup, ladling several spoonfuls into my mouth. I almost gag on its cold and lumpy, gristly texture, but I force it down, knowing that every mouthful helps replace the nutrients and energy I’ve lost since being held here. As I finish eating he loosens the chains on my wrists slightly. They’re still attached to the bed, but at least now I have some limited freedom of movement. The relief I feel when I finally move my shoulders and arms is indescribable.

“Didn’t hurt, did it?” He grins before he leaves and locks the door.

22

I OPEN MY EYES again, and this time the narrow room is full of long shadows. Rain is hammering against the window, and the water in the corner is trickling constantly now, no longer just dripping. I tilt my head back as far as it will go and see that the board over the glass has been moved. Mallon must have done it when he was last here. It’s only been shifted slightly, but it’s enough to let dull shards of light slope across the opposite wall, stretching almost halfway from the window over to the lopsided crucifix. I must have been asleep.

Wish I’d never spoken. Feel like a traitor, like I’ve betrayed myself and my kind, like I’m somehow now less of a man because I spoke to Mallon. But if I hadn’t done it I’d probably still be in total darkness with my ankles and wrists bound tight and my stomach still empty. I tell myself that I didn’t give anything away (not that I have anything to tell) and I haven’t compromised anyone but myself. It’s survival of the fittest now, and if I stay stuck here like this I’ll be fucked when the next fight begins. And there will be another fight…

I can hear something happening outside, someone moving on the other side of the door. Suddenly it’s unlocked and thrown open and Mallon barges in, the loud noise startling me. I curse myself for not concentrating and realizing he was close. Can’t afford to let my guard down like that. Lying here I’m vulnerable and exposed. If he decides to turn on me I’m dead.

He puts a fresh bottle of water down on the chair, then locks the door.

“How are you this morning, Danny?”

I won’t answer. He leans over me and looks into my face. Instinctively I try to attack, forgetting the chains that still hold me down. My arms are yanked back down, my already aching shoulders feeling like they’ve been pulled out of their sockets. Mallon, standing a little farther back, is unfazed. Fucker. I want to see fear and hate on his face, but there’s nothing. More games. More fucking games.

“Let’s get some proper light in here so we can see each other,” he says, walking over to the window. He moves the board completely, and for the first time I can properly see every corner of the small rectangular room I’ve been held captive in. It’s grubby and well used, with dirty handprints all over the door like someone’s been hammering to get out. And the walls are pink, for Christ’s sake! Christ knows what this place really is. I know it’s not a prison (there are no bars on the window), but this room is definitely a cell.

Watching me with caution, Mallon crouches down at the side of the bed and reaches underneath it. He’s pulling on the chains, probably tightening them again. He gets up and moves away, and I find that I can now move my left hand with a little more freedom than before. He tosses me the water. I’m just barely able to catch it, open the lid with my teeth, hold it to my lips, and drain it dry. I crush the empty bottle and throw it back at him with a flick of my still-restricted wrist. Smug bastard just smiles.

Mallon moves the chair marginally closer, carefully positioning it as if there’s a specific mark on the floor at the point where he’s safe. He sits down and looks long and hard into my face. I hold his gaze, determined I won’t be the first one to break. He makes it easy for me when he’s the one who looks away.

“You’ve been here for almost two days now, Danny,” he says, “and you haven’t had any answers to those questions of yours, have you? I’m also betting that if you’re anything like the rest of your people I’ve gone through this with, you’re probably not ready to start asking yet. In fact, if I was to loosen your chains just a little bit more, I know you’d try to get off that bed and kill me.”

Damn right. There’s nothing I want to do more than wrap these chains around his windpipe and choke the life out of this vile, pathetic bastard. But I know it’s not going to happen. Not yet, anyway.

“Now what I want this morning,” he continues, his voice low and infuriatingly calm, “is just for you to lie still and listen to me. I want to tell you my story. It won’t be anything you haven’t heard a hundred times already. Well, maybe you won’t have heard a story like this, but I’m betting you’ve seen plenty of similar things. Hell, I’m sure you’ve done worse things yourself than what I’m going to tell you. You see, Danny, you and your kind ripped a hole in my life. I lost everything because of you. You tore my world apart.”

What the hell’s he expecting from me? Pity? An apology? It makes me feel good to know that we’ve made him suffer, and I want to hear more. I want every detail. I want to know exactly how we hurt him and what we did.

“Picture the scene, Danny,” he begins, his voice almost too calm. “It’s a Friday night, and I’ve just got home from work. I won’t bore you with the details about where I lived and what I used to do for a living before all this because, if I’m being honest, it was boring. Thing is, it was my life and my routine and I was happy with it. And you and your kind took it all away from me.”

He remains composed, but I sense raw emotion bubbling just under the surface. Is he going to crack? I want to see this bastard’s pain, want to see him hurt. He stops speaking, closes his eyes, takes a breath, and then continues.

“It was pretty early on, I suppose. You remember what it was like in the early days when we thought there wasn’t really a problem and that the streets were full of copycat vigilantes fighting just because everyone else was? Before we knew that people like you were actually changing? Back in the days before we all got too scared to even look at each other? Remember?”

He automatically looks at me for a response, but he doesn’t get one.

“Anyway, like I said, it was a Friday night. We’d just finished eating, and I was watching the news on TV, hearing about how bad everything was starting to get. My wife was in the kitchen, arguing with Keisha, our seventeen-year-old, about going out. She was going through the whole protective mother routine, you know? Telling her how she didn’t like her going into town on weekends anyway, but especially not then with all the trouble going on… you get the picture. Now I’m sitting there with my feet up, trying to block out the noise and concentrate on the TV, but it’s getting louder and louder in there. Keisha’s shouting at Jess, Jess is shouting at Keisha, then Keisha’s shouting back again, and I’m just staring at the screen, wishing they’d both shut up…”

His voice trails off again, and in the sudden silence I remember all the TV and kid-oriented arguments that used to grind me down in my dead-end former life. I check myself quickly. Am I identifying with this fucker? Maybe that’s what he wants? This is probably just more calculated bullshit to try to get me on his side.

“The shouting gets louder and louder,” he says, “and I hear the back door swing open, then slam shut. I think that’s it, that Keisha’s stormed out, but then I realize I can still hear both their voices. Then I hear a crash and one of them starts screaming, then a thump and another crash. And then all the screaming stops.”

He looks straight at me. There are tears rolling down his cheeks. He wipes them away with his sleeve.

“I get up and start walking toward the kitchen, and there’s this guy just standing there in the middle of the room with his back to me, both my girls lying at his feet. I know they’re dead as soon as I see them. He’s got a baseball bat in his hand, and there’s blood dripping off the end of it. I can only see Keisha’s legs, but Jess is lying on her back, her head just a yard or so from where I’m standing, and her face… Christ, there’s nothing left of it, like her whole skull’s been caved in. Just a dark, bloody hole where that beautiful face used to be…

“Now our house was just a small, modest place-narrow, middle of the block, you know the type? I start backing away from the kitchen, praying the killer’s not gonna see me. I’m halfway across the living room when he starts to move. We had a closet under the stairs with one of those slatted louver doors. I drop down to my hands and knees, crawl behind the sofa to the closet, then shut myself inside. And the worst thing is, when I get in there I’ve still got a clear view of everything. I see the man step over my wife’s body and walk into the living room. Bastard was crying like a baby. I can’t even remember what he looked like now. I just remember him wailing and sobbing like it was him that had just found his family dead. I reckon the Change had just hit him, you know? It was like he was regretting what he’d done, like he was trying to work out what he was and come to terms with it. Tell me, Danny, was it like that for you?”

I think about the nervous panic and confusion I felt immediately after killing Harry, but I don’t tell him. Mallon wipes his eyes again and continues.

“Anyway, after a while he started to calm down. He sat down in my seat like he owned the place and watched my TV. Even helped himself to a couple cans of my beer from the fridge. He stayed there for hours, and I stayed shut in the closet, just like you’re stuck in here now. Except you don’t have to look at the battered bodies of the people you loved most in the world, do you?”

A trace of bitterness has crept into his voice, but I still don’t react. I’m just wondering how long this pathetic sob story’s going to go on.

“Eventually he just got up and left. Didn’t even look around the rest of the house. He just upped and went, and I didn’t have the balls to stop him or try and fight back. I wanted to stay there with my family, but I couldn’t, not when I saw what he’d done to them both.”

If they were Unchanged, they had to die. Simple as that. I’m on the verge of telling him as much when he starts speaking again.

“Like I said,” he continues, a little more composed now, “it’s nothing you haven’t heard before. But after it happened I decided your kind wasn’t going to get away with it, and I went out looking for revenge. Hard to believe when you look at me, but I went out onto the streets, looking for trouble. Wasn’t long before I realized it wasn’t working. Got myself mixed up in all kinds of nasty business. I never killed anyone, but I came close to dying a few times… You can imagine what it was like. I latched on to a group of vigilantes. A couple of times things got really bad, and you know why? Because people thought we were like you! They saw us trying to take a stand and fight back, and they thought we were the Haters! And then after a couple of weeks I stopped and took a step back from it all and I realized they were right. There was hardly any difference between us and people like you. And I thought about the man who killed my girls and how he cried, and I understood. He didn’t want to kill them, he thought he had to do it.”

Joseph gets up from his seat and crosses over to the window, making sure he stays well out of my limited reach. He stands on tiptoes and looks down.

“And that leads me to the main part of my sermon this morning.” He grins. “Pay attention, Danny, you need to listen carefully to this! You see, when I stopped trying to fight, life started to get better again. That might sound like bullshit to you, but it’s true. I was already resigned to the fact that things were never going to be easy again and that nothing I could do would bring Jess and Keisha back, but I realized that revenge wasn’t the answer. You can’t fight fire with fire, you know what I’m saying?”

He moves away from the window and paces the length of the short room.

“Then I found the people here, people who’d all reached the same conclusion as me. And I realized that it doesn’t matter what made any of this happen, all that’s important now is putting a stop to it before it’s too late. So that’s what we’re doing. We’re trying to end the cycle. I think of us like a firebreak, you know what I mean? When they’re trying to stop a forest fire spreading, they sometimes burn a strip of land farther ahead. Then, when the fire finally reaches it, there’s nothing left to burn and it dies out. We’re like that. We’ve all done our share of fighting. Our battles have been fought. So when people like you reach us with your hate, there’s nothing left to burn. We’re putting the fire out. Stopping things from getting any worse.”

He sits down again and stares straight at me. What’s he thinking? Does he actually believe any of the crap he’s just been spouting? I look back into his dark brown eyes, and all I can think is that I want him dead like I’ve wanted all the rest of them dead. But there is a slight difference here. All the others I’ve killed looked back at me with hate in their eyes, but not Mallon. There is something different about him. Is there any truth in any of what he’s just said, or is it total bullshit? Is he just preying on me? Wearing me down and fucking with my mind before he goes in for the kill? He’s probably trying to catch me off guard. As soon as I lower my defenses, he’ll attack.

He starts speaking again.

“Doesn’t matter who you are or what side you’re on, everybody is conditioned to react to the hate in the same way. It’s all about self-preservation at the expense of everyone and everything else. Everybody fights. Everybody wants to survive. That’s why everything fell apart so quickly-at the first sign of trouble we all turned on each other to protect ourselves. And despite all the noise and bullshit that was thrown around at the start, do you know which side was worst of all?”

Instinctively I shake my head, still held down by the wide strap.

“We were,” he says, answering his own question. “And we still are. Did you see anything of the massacres we carried out? Gas chambers, for crying out loud! We spend years educating generation after generation about the Holocaust and how we can’t ever let it happen again. Then, when it suits us and we’re the ones facing the threat, we forget everything we’ve always believed in and resort to genocide. Thousands upon thousands of men, women and children slaughtered… I tell you, Danny, it makes me feel ashamed to be human.”

Christ, could there actually be some substance to what this guy’s saying? Don’t be stupid, I tell myself, he’s Unchanged. In the sudden silence I try to concentrate on the dripping water in the corner again, doing all I can not to let myself get suckered in by Mallon and his mind games.

“Question for you,” he suddenly announces. “What’s going to happen if we just let things run their course?”

He waits expectantly for an answer, knowing full well I won’t give him one. More to the point, I can’t. The future is something I’ve only dared to think about in my quietest, darkest moments. Until recently the virtually constant adrenaline rush of fight after fight after fight has been enough of a distraction. Surviving today has been more important than thinking about tomorrow.

“What happens if we don’t break the cycle? Where’s this all going to end? If I trusted you enough to take off your chains and let you walk outside, all you’d see would be rubble and ruin. We’re not safe here-no one is anymore-but we’re in a better position than most. The world’s falling apart, but the people here are getting stronger. We’ve been sifting through the debris looking for people like you, Danny, to rehabilitate. We’re going to form that firebreak and stop the pain and hate from spreading.”

He gets up quickly, as if he’s just remembered he’s supposed to be somewhere else. He moves closer to the bed as he pushes the chair back, and his sudden proximity makes me react. I quickly reach out for him with my left hand, but the chain snaps my wrist back when it reaches full stretch. Mallon doesn’t flinch, but I can see him watching me over his shoulder. He did that on purpose to see if I’d bite. I watch him intently as he moves toward the door and try to maintain my aggression. I’ve been forgetting myself.

“That’s enough for now. I might bring you some more food and water in a while. Until then, just try to relax. Build your strength up. You’ll need it later.”

What the hell did he mean by that? He quickly crosses the room again and replaces the board over the window. The impenetrable blackness returns. Can’t stand it like this. Don’t leave me in the dark again, please. He stands in the doorway, looking at me, waiting for a reaction. He starts to close the door.

“Wait-” I say, surprising myself with the sound of my own voice, but it’s too late. The door’s shut and Mallon’s gone and all I can hear is the dripping in the corner.

23

IT FEELS LIKE AN eternity has passed before he comes back again. He enters the room hurriedly and doesn’t look at me or speak. Unusually, he leaves the door open. I can see two other Unchanged men waiting outside, and my pulse starts to quicken. Is this my execution party? But that goes against everything he said earlier. I don’t know what to think. I’ve lost track of what’s bullshit and what’s fact.

Mallon removes the strap across my forehead, then lies on the floor and does something to the chains holding my arms and legs down. I try to lift my head and look, but I can’t see anything. He’s out of sight under the bed for a couple of minutes doing Christ knows what; then he scrambles back up and brushes himself down. He stands on the other side of the room and looks at me.

“There you go, you can-”

Before he’s even finished his sentence I’ve realized the shackles have been detached from the bed frame. I swing myself around in a sudden single, painful movement and use my weight to throw myself forward and stand up. My legs and arms are cold, numb, heavy, and unresponsive, but I know this is my chance to kill him. I raise my aching arms and stretch a length of chain between them, ready to wrap it around the fucker’s filthy neck and squeeze the life out of him. I lunge, but he sidesteps easily, then sticks out a foot and trips me. I fall quickly, too fast to put my hands out and stop myself. My left shoulder clips the edge of the chair, and then my head smacks against the wall. I roll over onto my back in agony, head spinning and vision blurred. Mallon stands over me. He looks down, shakes his head, and tuts.

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

He moves the chair out of the way and sighs with disappointment.

“Honestly, Danny, weren’t you listening to anything I said earlier? Haven’t you worked it out yet? The more you struggle and fight, the less you’re going to achieve.”

In the confusion of my pathetic, fumbled attempt to attack, I managed to kick the door shut. It opens again, and Mallon gestures for the two men outside to come in. One of them, a huge, evil-looking bastard, grabs the chains hanging from my wrists and hauls me up onto my unsteady feet with worrying ease. If he’d been like us, I think to myself, he’d have been a Brute. He grips my arms tight, and it feels like I’m being squeezed in a vise. There’s nothing I can do about it. The other man walks toward me and puts something over my head. It’s a pillowcase, I think, thin enough for me to be able to breathe but thick enough to block out the light and stop me from seeing. The chains around my ankles are padlocked together. The floor is cold and wet under my bare feet.

“Stay calm and keep your temper in check and you’ll be okay,” Mallon says. “Fight back and you’ll regret it.”

Is that a threat or just a warning to play by his rules? Whatever, the slight glimmer of hope I’d been feeling since Mallon’s earlier visit has gone now and has been replaced by fear. What are they going to do to me? I’m completely at the mercy of these foul bastards, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel like a failure, ashamed that I’ve been beaten by the Unchanged. Even if I did manage to fight them off, I’m still bound and chained. I’d never get away.

“Move,” the huge man standing behind me grunts in my ear, his voice deep, loud, and emotionless. He shoves me square in the middle of my back, and I fly forward, barely managing to stay upright and not trip over the chains between my feet. I almost fall, but one of the men-it might even be Mallon-catches me and pulls me back up.

Head bowed, all I can see is my dirty, shackled feet. My legs feel leaden with pain and weak with nerves as I realize this could be my final walk. All that crap about not fighting fire with fire and trying to break the cycle… it was all lies-a cheap, pathetic ruse to keep me occupied and catch me off guard. And the worst thing of all is how easily I fell for it. I should have seen through the bullshit. They were just trying to keep me pacified to make it easier for them to kill me when they’re ready. What am I walking toward? A firing squad? A stoning? The room where I’ll be given my lethal injection? I try to stop-try to turn around and fight my way out of this-but the fuckers surrounding me are having none of it. They restrain me, but they don’t strike back, not even allowing me the satisfaction of going down fighting. When I stop struggling again, they relax their grip and let me walk on alone. The journey to my final destination feels endless. I think about Ellis, and then about Lizzie, Josh, and Edward, and the pain and frustration is too much to stand. I start crying like a fucking baby, sobbing and shaking and pathetic.

We turn right, and I trip through another doorway, stubbing my toe on a low step. This must be it. I’m led across a wide, open space by one of the men before being stood still-exposed, prone, and vulnerable. I feel him tugging on my chains, removing the shackles from my feet; then I hear the clink of metal on metal as another chain is wrapped tight around my waist, then attached to something behind me. I wait and listen as he walks away again, heading back in the direction from which we just came. I’m left here alone, swaying slightly, wrists still bound, my heavy legs still stiff and aching after endless hours of inactivity. I lean forward until the slack is taken up and the chains become tight enough to support my weight. I look down at my bare feet and the grubby, years-old carpet, crying pathetic tears of anger and desperation that bounce and splash off the floor. What will I see when they uncover my head? Will they even bother? Maybe they’ll just shoot me blind. I picture the two men standing at the other end of the room on either side of Mallon, both of them holding guns aimed in my direction. They could fire at any second. These might be my last few seconds of life. My legs feel like they’re about to give way, but I’m determined to stand proud and defiant and face this like a man. But this wasn’t how it was supposed to end…

The pillowcase is whipped off my head and dropped on the floor. I close my eyes for a split second, then open them wide again and look up. Mallon is backing away from me. He’s the only other person here. I’m standing alone in a large, open room, chained to the back wall by an industrial-strength bracket. The fear starts to lessen, and uneasy, tentative relief takes its place, but I know it’s not over. Just because he hasn’t killed me yet doesn’t mean he’s not still going to. The room is bright and cold. There are windows along one wall, but they’re too far away and too high to see through. I can see the very tops of distant trees and the squally, rain-filled sky, nothing else.

Mallon watches me intently, then turns and leaves. The temporary relief immediately disappears with him. What happens next? Is this another gas chamber? There’s no pipework or exhaust fans that I can see, but there are red and brown splashes and stains on the grubby wall behind me-blood, shit, and Christ knows what else. There are two filthy buckets over to my right, one of them full of water. Waterboarding? Torture? But I don’t have any secrets or restricted information, so what can they hope to get from me? Or is it worse than that? Is Mallon about to start playing masochistic games with me? Rape me, even? Whatever he decides, there’s nothing I can do about it. But when it happens I’ll fight the fucker until either he’s dead or I am.

He’s back, this time carrying more food and a pile of clothes. My last supper?

“Move back,” he says, watching me carefully. “Right up against the wall.”

I do as he says, shuffling backward but not risking turning around. Mallon edges forward to the spot where I was standing, watching me constantly. He puts down the clothes and the food, then moves back again. He sits down a safe distance away.

“Help yourself.”

Stunned, I can’t help speaking. “What?”

“I said help yourself. The food tastes like shit today, but it’s warm and it’s better than nothing. And the clothes are from a dead man, I’m afraid. But hey, they don’t stink of piss like yours do!”

I don’t move. He gestures for me to come closer, and I slowly start to edge forward, moving like a bear circling a bloody lump of fresh meat in the middle of a trap. Is the food I’m shoveling into my mouth poisoned? It wasn’t before. I sit down cross-legged and start eating, too hungry to care. I can’t tell what it is I’m eating, and he’s right, it does taste like shit, but that doesn’t matter-it’s food. It’s finished too soon, and I wash it down with another bottle of stale, lukewarm water.

“Better?” Mallon asks, stretching out on the floor and appearing surprisingly relaxed. “I’ll get you some more later. There’s soap and water for you to wash with in one of those buckets over there. Scrub yourself down, Danny. Get rid of the stink and try to make yourself feel human again.”

I don’t argue. I get up and move over to the buckets. They’re just inside the reach of the chains. I take off my soiled shorts and rip off my shirt (the shackles on my wrists preventing me taking it off any other way), then start to wash. There’s an inch of disinfectant at the bottom of the other bucket, and its purpose is obvious. I drag it closer to the wall, turn my back on Mallon, and squat and shit. I wipe myself clean on the torn clothes I’ve just discarded.

I wash myself as best I can, then dry off with a blanket that Mallon throws over to me. I pull on a pair of trousers that just about fit, then wrap the blanket around my shoulders to keep warm. I walk toward Mallon until the chains are at full stretch. Bastard just sits there and looks up at me. He knows I can’t reach him.

But then-to my complete amazement and disbelief-he throws a bunch of keys and some other stuff out of reach and stands up. He waits, psyching himself up; then he walks closer, so close we’re almost touching.

“All we need-” he starts to say, but I shut the fucker up. I grab his collar, spin him around, and slam him down on the floor. He tries to fight me off, but I brush him aside. He’s had this coming for too long. I drag him nearer to the back wall, his stumpy, pudgy, pathetic limbs flailing, then take up the slack from the chain around my right wrist and wrap it around his neck. He splutters, showering me with foul Unchanged spittle, and his already bulging eyes grow wider still. I pull tighter, feeling his life slipping away, focusing on the image of him lying dead at my feet.

“Kill me,” he says, his breath a hissing, choked whisper, “and you’ve lost everything.”

I pull harder, feeling the chain digging into his neck, constricting his windpipe and cutting off his air supply.

Then I stop. What did he say? Is he right…?

He flops over onto his front, gasping for breath, and starts to crawl away. He’s barely gone a yard when I snap myself out of this stupid malaise. I reach out, grab his leg, and drag him back, feeling myself getting stronger by the second. I roll him over and form my hand into a chain-wrapped fist. I’m ready to smash it into his face when he speaks again.

“Break the cycle.”

I punch him, just catching his jaw as he turns his head away. I straddle his out-of-shape body, a knee on either side to stop him moving, ready to end his miserable life. My left leg is wet. He’s pissed himself with fear.

“Now who stinks of piss?”

I lift my fist again, and he raises his arms to cover his face.

“Please, Danny. Show some control. Kill me now and they’ll leave you chained up here to rot.”

I pull my fist back even farther. If I hit him this time I know I’ll finish him.

“Think about your family. Think about what you could do if you got out of here.”

Bullshit.

Is it?

He’s right about one thing-I’m still chained to the wall and I can’t escape this room. And I know he only mentioned my family for effect, but how can I do anything to help Ellis if I’m stuck here and left to starve? I can see the keys on the floor, well out of reach.

Against my better judgment-against everything I feel and believe-I stand up and step back. Mallon scrambles to safety, holding his mouth and spitting blood onto the floor. Is the fucker going to leave me here now? He staggers away, then stops. Still rubbing his jaw, he turns around and grins, blood covering his yellow-white teeth.

“You did it! I knew you could!”

“What?”

“You did it, Danny. More to the point, you didn’t do it.”

I don’t understand. He sits down, exhausted, breathing heavily. I walk as far as the chains will let me.

“I gave you a chance to kill me, and you didn’t take it. You almost did, but you stopped yourself. You held the Hate.”

“Only because-” I start to explain. He holds up his hand to stop me talking and washes out his mouth with water from my bottle. One of us must have kicked it across the room in the fight. He spits red-tinged water out onto the dirty carpet.

“Doesn’t matter why,” he says, “fact is you did it. Takes a person of intelligence to do that. Someone who can look beyond all this hatred and fighting and see what’s really important.”

Patronizing bastard.

“I made a mistake and you got lucky.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I do.”

“No,” he says, his voice suddenly more serious, “you’re wrong. This is what happened-I gave you an opportunity to kill me, which you instinctively tried to take. But, before you could do it, you stopped and weighed up the pros and cons. And you realized your choice was pretty stark: kill me and rot here, or let me go and survive.”

Bastard. He’s right.

“What’s important,” he continues, “is the fact that you overruled your instincts. Like I said, you held the Hate.”

I can’t argue. I want to, but I can’t. I sit down opposite him. I should have killed him, but I didn’t. What does that make me? I feel strangely dirty and defiled, as if I’ve just made the most embarrassing, basic mistake, like a teenaged boy caught jerking off by his mom. In the distance I can hear the muffled thump and bangs of explosions. Elsewhere the fighting continues. It should have continued in here, too. I should reach across, grab hold of him, and kill him now. But I don’t.

“So how did it happen to you?” he asks, mouth still bleeding. “I’ve told you my story, Danny, what your people did to my family. Now you tell me yours.”

I say nothing.

“Come on… what have you got to lose by talking to me? Face facts. I could have had you killed when you first arrived here, but I didn’t. I could have done it myself, but instead I’ve fed you, watered you, I haven’t tortured you… You don’t have any information I want, no top secret plans of attack… There’s no need for you not to speak now. You’ve already done the hard part; now finish the job. Break the cycle. Talk to me like the rational human being I know you really are. It’s up to you.”

I can see the frustration in his face. Truth is, I’m not trying to be defiant now. I’m thinking about what he said. Either he’s right and I’ve got nothing left to lose, or it’s too late and I’ve already lost it all. Or is my sudden pathetic weakness just a result of the physical and emotional stress of captivity? Have I just lost the ability to think straight?

“Back in your room yesterday,” he continues, “you flinched when I mentioned your family. Those things I found in your bag, the doll and the clothes… Do you want to start there? Are they trophies or reminders?”

I try hard to hide it, but my reaction when he mentions my family is disappointingly obvious. He immediately picks up on it.

“So what happened? Were you with them when you changed? Are you carrying around some kind of guilt because you killed the people you used to love?”

Can’t help myself. He’s hit a nerve. “My only guilt is that I didn’t kill them.” My voice sounds loud and overamplified, alien and strange.

“Tell me more…”

“I was confused, disoriented,” I tell him, my words sounding angry, strangled by emotion. “Should have killed them, but I didn’t. They caught me off guard.”

“Partner?”

I nod my head.

“Kids?”

“Three. One like me, two like you.”

He looks confused. “One like you?”

“Ellis, my daughter.”

“What happened to her?”

I’m about to tell him, but I stop myself, suddenly remembering that I’m talking to one of the Unchanged. Don’t want him to know she’s the reason I came back to the city.

“Her mother took her,” I answer, spitting out the words. He nods slowly, trying to make it look like he understands.

“Must be hard to deal with,” he says. “I mean, I thought I’d had it bad, but at least I know what happened to my family. I know they’re both dead and I’ve had closure, but you, you don’t have a clue where any of them are or even if they’re still alive.”

“I should have killed them,” I say again.

“I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through. The realization you were a killer must have been hard enough. How did they get away?”

“I was disoriented. I’d kill them in a heartbeat if they were here now.”

“You didn’t kill me.”

“No, but I-”

“You’re from around here, right?” he interrupts.

“Depends where here is.”

“What about the other two kids?”

“Two boys. One older, one younger than my girl.”

“Really tough,” he says quietly, shaking his head and rinsing his bloody mouth out again. “So how have you coped?”

Is he mocking me now?

“I’ve killed as many of you fuckers as I’ve been able to find,” I answer, feeling my body start to tense up again.

“Except me.”

“There’s still time…”

“Okay,” he says quickly, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling, “but has it actually helped? Has it got you any closer to getting your daughter back? I presume that’s what you were heading back to the city for?”

Christ, I have to give him his due, he’s good. That one came from out of nowhere.

“I’ll find her if it’s the last thing I do.”

“That’s good.”

“Is it?”

He nods his head vigorously. “Of course it is. It shows there’s more to you than just wanting to fight and kill all the time. You still give a damn about your daughter, and that means you’ve still got a chance. Honestly, Danny, most of the people like you who come through here are complete no-hopers, only interested in killing. You, you’re different. You’re thinking further ahead than the next battle.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t fight. Doesn’t mean I won’t still kill you.”

“Of course not, but from where I’m sitting, killing me would be the worst thing you could do. How would it help? Like I said earlier, you’d just be fighting fire with fire. Just stop for a second and work your way back, Danny. Think about everything that’s happened to you to bring you to this point. The Hate has taken everything you ever had. It’s stripped you of your soul and your identity. It’s stopped you functioning as a human being.”

“It hasn’t. I know exactly-”

“You’ve lost everything because of it… your family, your home, your daughter. If it wasn’t for the Hate you might still be with her now. Christ, man, it’s even cost you your dignity and your freedom. You’ve spent the last two days lying in a bed of your own piss, tied up and caged like an animal. And at this precise moment in time, you’re close to losing control of your future, too. If I wanted to I could walk out of here right now and not look back. I could leave you here alone to starve and die. You don’t know where you are, how many other people are here, what’s on the other side of the door to this room… Face it, Danny, right now all you have is me.”

He stops talking and waits for me to respond, but I can’t. All I can do is stare back at his barely human face. Is he right? He shuffles forward until he’s just within reach. Is he taunting me? Testing me?

“People tell me I’m wasting my time with your type. They tell me you’re no better than animals, that you’ve got dog blood running through your veins and you should be rounded up and shot.”

“I don’t care what they-”

“You know what I tell them? I tell them they’re wrong. But you’re the only one who can really decide who’s right. If the boot was on the other foot and I was your prisoner, Danny, what would you do now?”

“I’d-”

“Stupid question. We’d have never got to this stage. You’d already have killed me. You could do it now if you want to, but I think you’re better than that.”

He moves forward again. I move to scratch the stabbing itch by my right knee, which has just returned, and he flinches. He’s trembling. Is this just part of the act, or is his fear genuine?

“Cooperate with me and prove the rest of them wrong. Show me you can control your emotions and I’ll help you. I can get access to records. I could try to find out what happened to your daughter.”

That doesn’t ring true at all. It smacks of desperation, and he knows it.

“Bullshit.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “It might be, but what have I got to gain? More to the point, what have you got to lose?”

Head’s spinning. Can’t take all this in. Can’t think straight. My heart says kill, but something’s telling me to wait because he’s right, fighting has got me nowhere. And if there’s even the slightest chance he’ll be able to help me, should I take it? He leans back and picks up the keys. He takes one of the keys off the ring and throws it over to me.

“For the chains around your wrists,” he says. “Take them off and finish getting dressed.”

I do as he says, stretching my arms and flexing my muscles. The freedom feels good after endless hours of being wrapped in chains. I walk back across the room to the pile of clothes. All the time, Joseph stays seated on the floor. He’s within the reach of the chains around my waist. We both know I could kill him if I wanted to. He’s terrified, I can see it in his eyes, and that gives me strength to hold my nerve. I hold the Hate.

Maybe I’ll give him a chance. If he lets me down, I’ll kill him.