Edmund Bertram's Diary

1806 AUGUST

Tuesday 12 August

I cannot believe it! My father is to leave us and go to Antigua for a year. I knew his affairs were not prospering as he had hoped, but I had no idea things had come to such a pass.

‘You will have to look after my affairs here at home whilst I am gone, and the family, too,’ he told me. ‘It is a heavy responsibility for a young man of two-and-twenty years, but I have confidence in you, Edmund. Take your tone of conduct from me. If you are in difficulties then ask yourself what I would do in the same circumstances and act accordingly.’

I said I would do my best.

‘I will be taking Tom with me,’ he said. ‘I had hoped he would grow more settled, but he appears to be getting worse instead of better. His friends are badly chosen and lead him astray, and Tom, alas, does not have the character to resist them. If I leave him behind, I fear he will squander what remains of our fortune whilst I am away.’

He told me what he expected of me, and then I was free to go.

‘He cannot do this to me,’ said Tom angrily, coming into my room as I dressed for dinner. ‘He cannot take me out of England at such a time — and to the Indies, for God’s sake! What the devil am I to do in Antigua?’

‘Learn about his business affairs?’ I asked.

‘Like some money-grubbing shopkeeper, or a mill owner? I am not an estate manager, I am a baronet’s son!’

‘The baronet does it,’ I pointed out.

‘More fool him. Why does he not leave it to his men of business?’

‘Because his affairs have not prospered in their hands.’

‘Then he should get rid of them, and hire new men.’

‘There is no one he can trust so well as himself.’

‘Antigua!’ said Tom with a groan, flinging himself down across a chair. ‘The heat... the people.

.. it will be abominable. I cannot stand it. I will not go.’

‘Then tell him so.’

He shuffled uncomfortably.

‘I have already tried. He told me plainly that if I refuse, he will not honor my gambling debts.’

‘What, none of them?’

‘None of them,’ he said morosely. He broke out passionately. ‘It was not my fault. I had an unbeatable hand! The only thing I had to fear was an ace. And then Watkins turned his card over, and there it was. The ace of hearts. It was damnable luck. Quite damnable. So of course I had to keep playing, to win back what I had lost. Except I had a run of bad luck that led me to such ruin I had to apply to Papa.’ He shook his head. ‘It was not my fault. The cards were against me, that is all.’

‘You might like the Indies,’ I said.

‘Hah!’ He swung his leg over the arm of the chair. ‘A likely tale. And whilst I am sweltering in all that heat, with no one to talk to and nothing to do, you will be here enjoying yourself.’

‘I will be here looking after the estate,’ I said, shrugging on my coat.

‘Which no doubt you will relish.’

‘At the moment, I am terrified. What if we have a poor harvest, or there is a French invasion, or Maria and Julia elope, or are preyed upon by fortune hunters? I tell you plainly, Tom, I am dreading it.’

He was cheered by thoughts of my responsibilities, and by the idea that I would not be enjoying myself at home.

We went down to dinner, and had a sorry evening. Mama was out of spirits, too, and lamenting the fact that Papa will soon be far away, whilst Aunt Norris was elated by the thought of everything she would have to do. I glanced at Tom, and he laughed to think of Aunt Norris organizing us all with no one to check her officiousness, for I am sure my father is the only one who has the slightest influence over her.

‘You may rely on me, Sir Thomas,’ she said. ‘Young ladies of eighteen and nineteen years of age need a great deal of care, but it will not be lacking, I assure you. I will see to it that they do you credit whilst you are away.’

My father thanked her, and told Maria, Julia and Fanny to mind their mother and their aunt whilst he is away.

My sisters seemed relieved at the news of his departure.

‘Papa is always so grave,’ said Maria, as she walked over to the pianoforte with Julia. ‘I feel quite cast down whilst he is by.’

Julia agreed, saying there was something stately in his manner that put her high spirits to flight. Fanny said nothing, and yet even she seemed to feel his coming absence as a relief. As for me, I will be glad when he is safely home again.