Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 128, Nos. 3 & 4. Whole Nos. 781 & 782, September/October 2006

So...

You say you’ll adore me the whole of my life.

C seven H fourteen O two!

You state we are fated to be man and wife.

C seven H fourteen O two!

You claim that no other could possibly be

Who’d worship my being to such a degree

And I should regard you reciprocally.

C seven H fourteen O two!

The authorities somehow have failed to connect

The many unfortunate lives you have wrecked.

Yes, As2 O3 I’d likely expect

Were I sharing quarters with you

(I’m referring, of course, to the arsenic powder

I’d no doubt encounter in my evening chowder).

Yet...

You tell me it’s kismet. You claim it is Fate.

C seven H fourteen O two!

And Destiny sent me as your future mate.

C seven H fourteen O two!

As you prattle on thusly I ponder each lie;

Now, “Balderdash!” seems much too harsh a reply;

I find it more soothing to say with a sigh:

C seven H fourteen O two!

(That’s “oil of banana” to you:

C7 H14 O2.)