Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. Vol. 129, No. 1. Whole No. 785, January 2007

Carrie had a quirky vice.

She dearly loved to steal.

It helped her insecurity.

It made her feel more real.

It calmed her when she felt too fat,

or in-between or thin.

It soothed her when her hair hung long

or zits attacked her skin.

At first she took just petty things.

But soon she gathered more,

from cars to clothes to furniture,

and finally the store.

It got so bad that everyone

could recognize her face.

They barred her from the baseball game

for fear she’d steal third base.

When fame grows so gigantic,

it’s time to change one’s vice—

to burgle, forge or Enron,

or something not as nice.