Erasure

Won

Mama look at me and Tardreece and she call us “human slough.” That how it all start up. “Human slough,” she say, “You lil’ muthafuckas ain’t nuffin but human slough.” I looks at her and I’m wonderin what “slough” means and I don’t like the look on her face and so I get up from the chair I been sittin in and I walk across the kitchen and grab a big knife from the counter. She say, “And what you gone do wif that, human slough?” And I stab Mama. I put the knife in her stomach and pull it out red and she look at me like to say why you stab me? And I stab Mama again. Blood be all on the floor and on the table, drip drip drippin down her legs and my baby sister starts screamin and I says, “Why you be screamin, Baby Girl?” And she look at me and she say it because I be stabbin on Mama. I look at my hands and they all covered wif blood and I realize I don’t know what goin on. So, I stab Mama again. I stab her cause I scared. I stab Mama cause I love her. I stab Mama cause I hate her. Cause I love her. Cause I hate her. Cause I ain’t got no daddy. Then I walk out the kitchen and stand outside, leavin Mama crawlin round on the linolum tryin to hold in her guts. I stands out on the sidewalk just drippin blood like a muthafucka. I look up at the sky and I try to see Jesus, but I cain’t. Then I wonder which one of my fo’ babies I’m gone go see.

I wake up and I’m just soaked in sweat, been sweatin like a fuckin pig. I throw them sheets off me and pull on some jeans. I tighten up my belt and then yank my pants down on my ass. The tee shirt I’m wearin be funky as shit, but I don’t give a fuck. The world be stinkin, so why not me? That’s what I says. So, why not me? That’s my motto. So, why not me? It be eleben-thirty in the moanin. I check the kitchen floor fo’ blood on my way through. That was a fucked up dream, real fucked up. I step on outside and look up at the sky and I wonder which one of my fo’ babies I’m gone go see.

Aspireene’s mama be keepin company with some nigger they call Mad Dog, so I don’t need to be sniffin round her crib. I ain’t gonna have some buck pop a cap in my ass. No suh. Tylenola’s mama be a crazy bitch and she done got herself a nine and I know she gone pop a cap in me if I shows my face cause I ain’t give her no money and she been askin fo’ three monfs. My oldest girl, Dexatrina, her mama still be in love wif me. I could go hit it once, but gettin out, man it like gettin coke outta milk. I decide I’m gone go see my boy Rexall. He got Down Sinder, but he okay. In dis fuckin world, he don’t need no brain no way. Better not to have one. He be three now and he was always knocking shit over. I smack him once and his mama say fo me not to, say he cain’t help it. I told her to go fuck herself, little big-head nigger got juice on my good pants. Yeah, I’m gone smack him. I’m gone go see Rexall, cause I’m his daddy. I takes care of my babies.

My name is Van Go Jenkins and I’m nineteen years old and I don’t give a fuck about nobody, not you, not my Mama, not the man. The world don’t give a fuck about nobody, so why should I? And what I’m gone do instead of going to work over at that Jew muthafacka’s warehouse over on Central is go over to the high school and wait for Rexall’s mama. Her name be Cleona. She’s a dreamer, always talkin bout graduatin and goin to the communy college and bein a nurse or some shit. Her dreamin don’t bother me none. I hope she do make herself some real money some day. But she be actin funny a lot, like she think I ain’t good enough fo’ her ass. Fuck her. All I know is I can go over her house when her mama gone and cut me out a piece. She ain’t too good then.

I’m standing outside the school lookin up at the second floor and I see that bastard who got me kicked out way back when. I was just sittin in the back of the class, mindin my own business when the fucka come back talkin shit.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Jenkins?” he ax.

I’m just kicked back, chillin, talkin to Yellow. I look at Yellow like what this fool think he is and what he be sayin, like what language he be talkin and we bust out laughin. Then that muthafucka laugh too, like he makin fun of me. I get real quiet and cut a stare at him.

“What you laughin at, cracker?” I say.

“You, my man,” he say. “I’m laughin at you. You want to be tough, fine, but don’t drag all these other kids down the toilet with you. Right now, you feel good, strong, full of it, but when you get out there in that world, a world that doesn’t know you from a speck of dirt, when you’re twenty-eight, say, and you can’t read a job application and somebody else gets the job, then you won’t be so full of it. You’ll be just another loser with a dick that’s too small.”

He throwin all them words out and then he gets to the part about my dick and I hear a couple of people laugh and I just lose it. Shit. My dick be twice as big as his. I jump up and knee the fucka in his balls. He slump over and I wanna make him suck me off in front of everybody, but I just hit him again, wif my fist this time, across his pasty white face. I cut my knuckle on his tooth and then I gets madder. The police come and pull my ass off him. The ambulance come and get him, sorry son of a bitch, fuck wif me like that, talk bout my dick. He the reason I didn’t graduate. I coulda been out there wif a good job, makin some good money in a office or sumpin, instead of liftin furniture for the man over at that warehouse.

I got another coupla minutes before that lunch bell ring and that Willy the Wonker nigger come walkin down the street my way. He be singin that song what ain’t no song that always be gettin on people’s nerves. He swayin like the junkie he is, all fucked up and about to fall down and I laugh thinkin that if you gets really fucked up then you fall down, up, down, up down. He singin and swayin and preachin to the air, to the sidewalk, to the bus passin by.

“Lawd Gawd,” he say, “let these niggers on these streets leave me alone today. Please, Jesus. Don’t let no drive-by gang punk-ass muthafucka put a hole in me. Don’t let no junkie kill me fo’ my junk. Don’t let no white man throw me in his dungeon. Don’t let yo son, who died fo my sorry ass, come back down here just yet, not until I gets my shit ironed out.” Then Willy see me. “Hey, I know you, young nigger.”

“Just keep yo junkie ass away from me,” I say.

“Junkie? Who you callin junkie? Sorry ass muthafucka. I’ll dust yo junkie ass off.”

“Step bad if you wanna, bitch,” I say and look in his red and yellow eyes.

“I know you,” he say. “I know you. You be Clareece Jenkins’ boy. I knew I knowed you. How old you now? Eighteen? Twenty?” He laughs and points at me. “I hit that shit back in the sebenties. Nigger, I might even be yo daddy.”

A chill run through me and I feel my lip shakin. “I’m gone kick you in the ass, you don’t shut up.”

“Fuck you,” he say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” he say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Yo mama still fat?” He smile big. “She was fat back then, not real fat, not too fat, but fat, you know, fat enough to make it fun.” And then he grab an invisible woman and fucked the air. “Clareece,” he croon out. “Clareeeece.”

I was about to punch him in his face, but the lunch bell ring. I step on away from him. “You better watch yo ass, old nigger.”

But the junkie won’t let me alone. “You do looks a lil’ like me, you know that?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“Round the eyes and mouf.”

“I’m gone slam you, I swear to fuckin Gawd.”

He back up then. “Okay. We cool. We cool.” And he give me a knowin look. “We cool.”

Finally, Cleona come out the door and she be talkin to some pretty nigger. I walk up to her and I says, “Hey, baby.”

She look at me and laugh, then turn to the pretty boy and say, “I’ll talk to you later, Tyrell.”

“Yeah, she talk to you later, Ty-rell,” I say.

The nigger just smile at me and then he walk on down the street where he climbs into a bright red Jeep. Rich-ass nigger muthafucka.

“Ain’t that a blip,” I say.

“What you mean callin me yo baby,” Cleona say. “I ain’t nothin to you, boy.”

“You my baby’s mama,” I say.

“So?”

“Chill out, baby. Let’s go over to yo house so I can see Rexall.”

“Fool, where I be right now?” she ax.

“School,” I say.

“And where my mama be right now?”

“Work,” I say.

“What you think, I’m gone leave a little retarded boy in a house by hisself?”

“Let’s just go to yo house then,” I say.

“Don’t even go there,” she say, gettin her head to movin.

“Come on. I wanna give you some money for the retard.”

“Don’t call him that,” she snap.

“Okay, okay. I wanna give you a coupla bucks and talk to you bout him a lil’ bit.”

She laugh, throwin her head back on her fat neck, then she look at me. “You talk like you think I’m the retarded one.”

“You the one had a retard for a baby.”

“Don’t start wif me, nigger,” she say. “Just give me the damn money right here.”

“Cain’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Just cain’t,” I tells her.

“I gotta be back to school in an hour,” she say.

“You be back. Don’t sweat it. I make sure you be back,” I say. “I’ll give you the money and you can tell me how Rexall doin and if you need sumpin and that be it.” I look up and down the street. I sees a girl checkin me out and I smiles at her.

“What you smilin at?” Cleona ax.

“You done said I ain’t nuffin to you,” I say.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

“Yo mama comin home?”

“You know she ain’t gone be home till late,” she say.

I love Cleona and I hate Cleona. There be two lil’ niggers in my head. Nigger A and Nigger B. Nigger A say, Be cool, bro, you know you ain’t gots no money, so just let this girl go on back to school and through maf class and English class and socle studies so she can get out and be sumpin. Just let her have a chance, one chance to be that nurse she always talkin bout bein. But Nigger B be laughin, say, Shit, take this bitch home to her house and hit it one times, two times. She got the nerve to be talkin to Jeep-nigger in front of you. Fuck that shit. If she gone dis you like that, nail her ass. Later you can go out and find that Jeep-muthafucka and fuck him up. Right now, take this pussy home and get a taste. You remember how good that shit was, the way she whimpered, like she be crying, like it hurt. Nigger be hurtin a pussy. Fuck school. She ain’t gone be no nurse. She ain’t gone be nuffin.

When we walk to her house I see some guys playin ball. I ain’t played no ball in a long long time, I thinks to myself. At one time I was real good. I could dunk from the top of the key and all like that. I had me a nice jumper too, but shit, how you gone get into college and get all that big money when you ain’t nuffin to begin wif and when the muthafuckas make it so you cain’t stay in school. And I wasn’t bout to suck no coach’s dick for a chance to play. I shoulda gone over there when I was good and tried out for the Lakers. I woulda fit right in. Showtime. Me and Magic. I didn’t even need no practice, that how good I was.

Cleona unlocks the door and we goes inside and she turn to me and say, “Now give me the money.”

“Slow down, baby,” I say in my smooth voice. “Why don’t you show me where the baby sleep.”

“You know where the baby sleep. The baby sleep in my room and we ain’t goin in there. Now, give me the money.”

“Well, could you get me some ice water?” I ax.

She sigh real heavy and stomp them big feet off in the direction of the kitchen.

I sits down on the sofa and I see that the thing be new. I run my hand along the cushion beside me and I’m thinkin, shit, where this mutha come from. Brand new.

Cleona come back into the room with the glass of water and hand it to me and then just stand there.

“You got a new couch,” I say.

“So?”

“Where you and yo mama get the money for this here?”

“That ain’t none o’ yo business,” she say.

“I think it is,” I say. “If my baby’s mama gone out sellin her ass fo money to buy furniture, that be my business. Maybe you don’t need no money.”

“You s’posed to give me money every monf for Rexall.”

“S’posed to ain’t the same as got to,” I say. I looks around the room. “Shit, y’all got a lot of nice shit.” I sips my water and it be warm. “I said ice, bitch.”

She just stare at me.

“I’m sorry, baby,” I say. “That just come out all wrong. C’mon here and sit down beside me.”

She still just lookin at me.

“Sit down,” I say again.

She plop her big ass down heavy next to me and I put my arm round her and she get all stiff.

“C’mon, Cleona, loosen up some. Ain’t nobody home.” I touch one of them big titties with my finger and say, “That’s where my baby be havin dinner.”

Cleona don’t want to but she let out a giggle.

I touch her titties some more. “That’s a big ol’ tittie,” I say. “I wanna taste what my baby be drinkin. You want me to taste what my baby taste?”

Her eyelids be flutterin closed now and I think she say yes and I pull her shirt and look at that big-ass bra she be wearin. I try to undo the muthafucka in the back, but shit, I cain’t get it loose and I say, “Hep me out, damnit.”

Cleona reach her hands back, one from over her head and through her collar and the other up the back of her shirt and she open it up. Those giant jugs just flop there like big pillows, like bags of sand. I grabs on to them and sucks ‘em real hard till she moans and I whispers a lil’ sumpin, I don’t even know what the fuck I be sayin, but I squeeze and suck and squeeze and suck. The clock cross the room says one o’clock and I remember that I’m s’posed to meet Yellow and Tito over at the pool hall, so I gotta pop it quick. I push her back and undoes her pants, all the while I’m suckin on them titties and she’s moanin. It’s hard to get her pants over her big ass, but I do it and then I puts it in her, all of it. Wham! Just like that and she cry out and man I feel so powerful. I bang it, man, I bang it and she start cryin, openin her eyes and seein me and she be cryin, sayin for me to get off her. But I be hittin it now and I smile at her.

“I said, get off me,” she say. “Get off me, you nuffin nigger.”

That shit makes me mad and I pull out and shoot my juice all over that fuckin new couch. She don’t know what to do now. Her mouf just fall open like she stupid. Then she run cross the room and look back at me.

“Mama gone kill me,” she say.

“Shoulda thought of that shit before you started to fuckin on her new couch,” I say.

“I hate you!” she shout. “I hate you! Get the fuck out my house!”

I take my time pullin on my pants and doin up my belt. I look at her naked body. “You fat,” I say.

“Get out!”

“You cain’t tell me what to do, girl,” I say to her and get my shoes on.

“You rape me, nigger,” she say.

I laugh at her ass. “I ain’t raped shit. How I’m gone rape my baby’s mama? You gone always be my woman.”

“I ain’t yo woman!”

“You my baby’s mama,” I say.

“Rexall ain’t yo baby,” she say.

I just stare at her.

“You hurd me,” she say. “Rexall ain’t none of yo baby.”

“What the fuck you be talkin bout? If I ain’t the waterhead’s daddy, then who is?”

“That don’t matter,” she say.

“It matter when I be givin you money for that big-head retard.”

“You ain’t never give me no money!” she scream. “You talk about it and that be all.”

“I was gone to, but I ain’t givin you shit now,” I say.

“Get the fuck out!”

I laughs and walk over to the door real slow. “You a fat ho,” I say. “Rexall ain’t yo baby, but he sho look like you.”

“He mine awright,” I say. I was at the door now. “I hit and I don’t miss. If I hits it, you be pregnant. It be like that.”

“You rape me!” she scream.

I laughs and walk out.

Too

From Cleona’s I goes over to the pool hall where I’se s’posed to hook up wif Yellow and Tito. Yellow is called Yellow cause he light-skindid and got that kind of red hair. Girls always be making a fuss over that nigger’s hair. But Yellow awright. He my partner, him and Tito. We calls Tito Tito cause he always want to Sing but he cain’t say. He just like that Jackson brother with the big hair. I see Tito standing outside smokin a square.

“Hey, man,” I say.

“What up?” Tito say.

“Whatchew doin standin out here?” I ax.

“Fatman say I gotta smoke out here. He say no mo’ smokin inside.”

“What the fuck? What kinda pool room you got to smoke outside?”

“His pool room. Sides, Fatman cool.”

“Yeah, he cool,” I say.

Tito throw his Kool down and step on it. Then we walk on inside. The room be dim like always and Fatman be sittin on his stool behind the counter. He nod to me and and I nod back.

“Over here,” Yellow calls out from a far table. He be playin a game with a tall, slick-looking nigger in a hat. Another nigger be standin by watchin, filing his finger nails.

“What up?” I say to Yellow.

“Whippin this boy’s ass, that what,” Yellow say.

“Ain’t over yet, youngblood,” the smooth nigger say just as calm as anything.

“Look to be over to me,” Yellow laugh.

“Wanna bet?” Smooth say.

Yellow hesitates and I can tell he ain’t got no money.

Smooth be pullin out some bills. “How about twenty?”

“I don’t wanna bet, man.”

“You sure you gone win, right? Or was that just a pussyfart?” Smooth look over at the nail-filin muthafucka. And they laugh.

“Nigger call you a pussy,” Tito whisper to Yellow.

“I ain’t gots no money,” Yellow whisper back.

“You got his ass whooped for sho?” Tito ax.

Yellow kinda nods his head.

“I got ten,” Tito say and then he look at me.

“Shit,” I say. “Fuck, Yellow, and you better for sho kick his ass.” I hand him my ten dollars and look at the table.

“Okay,” Yellow say to Smooth.

“Well, awright.”

Yellow takes a shot and misses, but he say, “Don’t worry, he cain’t get to the six for shit.”

I looks at the table and I see that the nine ball is smack in between the cue and the six and I think he right.

“You ain’t gone make it, tight-ass nigger,” I say to Smooth.

“You talk a lota shit for a lil’ boy,” he say.

Tito say, “Ohhh, nigger called you a little boy.”

“He just mad cause I got a piece o’ his mama,” I say.

“I didn’t want none of yo mama. She so fuckin fat and ugly,” he say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

Then the smooth nigger just laugh and he make the cue ball jump over the nine and knock the six just as pretty as shit into the side pocket. Then he run the table and pick up the money. I look at Tito and I gets to thinkin bout my ten dollars and I get pissed.

“Youse a hustler,” I say.

“And youse a hustlee,” he laugh. The nail-filer laugh too.

“You ain’t taking that money, nigger,” I say.

“Let him have it,” Yellow say.

“Naw, man,” I say.

“Listen to yo friend,” Smooth say.

“I ain’t listenin to shit,” I say.

“Then listen to this,” Smooth say and he pull a.380 out his pocket and stick the muthafucka in my face. “You want some of this?”

I back away a step.

“Just take the money, man,” Tito say.

“There wasn’t never no doubt bout that, youngblood,” Smooth say and he and his partner just walk on out sweet as they want.

Fatman call over to us with his gravelly voice. “Ya’ll okay over there?”

“Yeah, we okay,” Yellow calls back.

Tito blows out a sigh. “Shit, man.” Then he hits Yellow in the shoulder. “You cost me ten dollars.”

I look at the door and then at Tito and Yellow. “I got to get me a gun.”

“And whatchew gone do with a piece?” Tito ax.

“First thing we gone do is rob that K’rean muthafucka over in the plaza.”

“Why you wanna fuck wit him?” Tito say.

“I don’t like the way the bitch be lookin at me when I be in there. Like he think I gone steal from his ass.”

“You is gone steal from his ass,” Yellow say.

Tito laugh.

“So?” I say. “That ain’t give him no right.”

Yellow say, “Nigger, you crazy.”

“Gots to be crazy to survive,” I says.

“You think you in some damn movie, nigger?” Tito say. He pull out a Snickers bar and start tearin the paper.

“Crack me off some,” Yellow say.

“See,” I say. “Y’all niggers act like you ten or eleben. Talkin bout candy and shit. We can get us some real money.”

“And get shot fo’ the trouble,” Yellow say.

“Pussy,” I calls him.

“Yeah, and yo mama got her own zip code and area code,” Yellow say.

“Well, your mama work as a roach terminator and don’t need no sprays or no shit, just her breath.”

“Yo mama look like J. Edgar Hoover,” Yellow say.

“What he look like?” I ax.

“Yo mama,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Yellow say.

“You ain’t shit,” I say.

“Well, you is shit,” Yellow say.

“Nigger called you shit,” Tito laugh.

“Pussy,” I say and I’m bout to hit him.

“Where you gone get a gun?” Tito ax. “Wanna gun to get money. Need money to get a gun. Nigger in big bad circle.”

I forget about Yellow and looks at Tito. “Oh, I’m gone get the money for my piece, awright,” I says. I walk over and pick up a pool stick and tap the table with it. What I’m doin be makin Yellow nervous. “What wrong chew, nigger?”

“Ain’t nuffin’ wrong wid me,” he say. “You the one.”

I walk over to him. “I thought you and me was homeboys,” I says. “Why you want be acting all pussy-like?”

“We homeboys,” he say.

I’m all up in his face now, lookin at him wif my head cocked and I can see him sweatin and lookin over at Tito like for help. “What you lookin at him fo?” I say.

“Come on, Go,” he say. “We cool, right?”

I smile and back away a step. “Yeah, we cool,” I say. “We cool and you gone do that job wif me.”

“What?”

“You,” I say. “You gone wif to hit that K’rean muthafucka. I’m gone get my gun. Smooth nigger comin up in here pullin his piece and shit.” I shakes my head, then I look at Yellow. “I thought you say you had the nigger beat.” Then I let out a smile that makes Yellow relax. “Don’t be worrin, Yellow. We cool.”

Later on, me and Tito be leanin against the wall outside in the back alley smokin a joint.

“Where you get this shit?” I ax him.

“My brother scored it,” Tito say. “Good shit.” He look at me and hand me the J. “Lemme ax you sumpin. Why you fuckin wit Yellow like that?”

“Fuck, I didn’t mean nuffin by it.”

“You shook him up,” Tito said.

“Then his ass ought to be shook up,” I says. “Sometimes he act just like a punk. You think he a punk?”

“Naw man, he ain’t no punk.”

I takes a long drag off the joint and hand it back. Coupla guys pass by the alley on the street and I watches them. “How much you think a gun gone cost me?” I ax.

“Hell, I don’t know. What chew want?”

“I wants me a nine, man,” I say.

“I dunno, a hundred, maybe. I dunno,” he say.

“Your brother get me a gun?” I ax.

Tito shrug his shoulders.

“Ax him.”

“I’ll ax him,” he say.

“I wanna know how much it cost.”

“I’ll ax him,” he say again.

When I be walkin home I stops and looks at this fine red Mustang convertible in the parkin lot of a Ralph’s grocery stow. It be sharp and then I see this real fine sister come out and bleep bleep undo the alarm on the muthafucka and I thinks, Damn that bitch be fine as shit. She fumblin wid her keys, tryin to get in and so steps around so I can see her face and all that make up she be wearing. Then she see me and snap up like some kinda snake and she be holdin a can of pepper spray and pointin it at me. I jumps back.

“Chill out, baby doll,” I say.

“I’m not your baby doll,” she say.

“You ain’t gots to be all uppity just cause a nigger wanna look you over,” I says.

“You’ve seen enough. Now, kindly move along,” she say.

I looks at this bitch. “Kindly move along?” I say. “Girl, where you from. College or some damn place? You ain’t no better n’ me.”

“Fine,” she say and got her car door open. “Now, just back off.”

I back away some more. “Okay,” I says.

I watch her drive off in her fine ride and think, “Fuck you, bitch.”

I’m so mad I could scream. The whole world screamin. So, why not me.

Free

Mama just be gettin home when I walks in. She and Baby Girl been out grocery shoppin. I’m lookin in the bag what be on the table and she tell me to get out of there.

“I’m hongry,” I say.

“Boy, I ain’t got no time to be foolin wif you right now. I got to make dinner for you two and then go over to my sister’s house.”

“Why you goin over there?” I ax.

“That no good man o’ hers been beatin on her again,” she say.

“She ought to shoot him in the ass,” I say.

“Boy, don’t be using no language up in here,” she tell me.

I laugh.

“I be serious, Van,” she say. “And I don’t want you hangin round wif that Tito none either. Boy be bad news.” She shake her head that way that make me mad right away.

“Tito cool,” I say.

“Tito stink,” Baby Girl say.

“Shut the fuck up,” I say.

Mama slam the cabinet where she be standin and stare at me with fire in her eyes. “What did you say?” she ax. “I know I didn’t hear you right. Don’t make me have to whip yo ass.”

“Yeah, well. You can shut the fuck up too,” I say and I stare right at her eyes. Cause I hate my mama and I love my mama. I’m starin right in her eyes and she can see I a man now. “You heard me, old lady,” I say. “You heard what the fuck I said. And don’t be thinkin you can tell me what to do.”

“Lawd, have mercy,” she say. She hot and I can tell she wanna grab a pan and knock me in the head. But she just shake her head there for a while. “I cain’t believe it,” she say.

“Believe it, bitch.” I loves my mama. I hates my mama.

“Van,” Baby Girl complain.

“I’m gone be in the other room,” I says. “Call when they some shit to eat.” And I walk on into the living room. From there I can hear Mama cryin and Baby Girl tryin to comfort her some.

I turns on the television and lean back into the sofa and I think that it be one uncomfortable muthafucka. I want me a couch like that one Cleona and her mama got. Fuck Cleona, no good ho. Think she something, fuckin round wif that ol’ rich nigger. Got her though, stuck her one and creamed on that couch. Fuck wif me.

I watches some cartoons and then I flip through the channels and I find the Power Rangers and watch that shit for a while. Then I finds the Snookie Cane Show, that fat bitch be talkin a mile a minute. Got all them losers on there and I think, shit, I could be on there too. They shoot the fucka over there in Burbank and they pay them bastards to be on. I know they be payin ‘em. And them people in the audience, always got sumpin to say, always giving advice.

Mama call me into the kitchen and I go on in there and sit down at the table. I look at my plate and I say, “What this shit?”

“Hamburger Helper,” Baby Girl say. “And I helped.”

“Well, you ought to help throw this shit in the toilet,” I say.

“That’s it, you little smart-ass, smellin-yo-own-piss, little nigger,” Mama say and she pick up a big ass knife.

Baby Girl run to her, screaming, “Please! Please, don’t cut on Van, Mama! Please, don’t be cuttin on him!”

“Let her cut me,” I say. “I got sumpin for her big ass.”

“Move out the way, Tardreece!” Mama say.

“No, Mama! No, Mama!” Baby Girl be screamin.

“I’m outta here,” I say, knockin over a chair. “Eat all this shit and get big as a house and see if I give a fuck.” I slams the door as I leave.

I be standin outside in the night. A police chopper go by and shine some lights in some backyards and I think, shine that light on me muthafucka. Shine me some fuckin light so I can see where the fuck I be at. Then I thinks about my mama. I hate her. I loves her. And what bout my daddy, wherever the fuck he be. He might be in jail or running a string o’ hoes. Shit, I dunno. But I hate him wherever the fuck he be. I walk on down the street and I start to pretend I’m that Forrest Gump muthafucka. I ain’t seen the movie, but I seen all them TV ads and I feel like I seen the movie, the way he be running for that touchdown straight through everybody and the way he be sitting on that bench talkin bout them chocolates. I thinks, hey, I’m a chocolate. I be a chocolate in a box o’ chocolates. “Here I be, America!” I scream up at the chopper whats leavin. “Open me up! Never know whatcha gone get!” I hates my daddy.

I’m crossin the street over by the playground and I see that Jeep-nigger sittin at the light. I walks over and stand right in front of his headlights. The nigger look at me like what the fuck be goin on, then he recognize me and he smile. I smile back at him and don’t move. He rev his engine a coupla times.

“What you want, muthafucka?” he ax.

“I want chew, nigger,” I say.

“What, you wanna suck my log, muthafucka?” He look over at the nigger sitting beside him and they both laugh.

“Yeah, whip it out so I can see it,” I say.

“Get out the way, bitch,” he say.

“Step out,” I say.

“I ain’t got time to be fuckin wid you,” he say and rev his engine again.

I don’t move. “I said I wanna bite me off a piece o’ yo ass.”

He try to drive around me and I stay in front of him. “Move, nigger!”

“Move me, muthafucka.”

Another car come up behind the Jeep and blow his horn. Then Jeep-nigger blow his horn. The car behind him whips out and speeds by. Then he gets and out and his friend do too.

“What the fuck yo problem, nigger?” Jeep ax.

I walks up to him and stand all up in his face. “You my fuckin problem.”

He look over at his friend who be walkin round the back of the Jeep. The fellas what been playin ball on the playground come over to the fence and watch. Then I hit him in the stomach, quick and make him double up. His friend come runnin now and I kick that muthafucka in the nuts and he fall down on his knees and I leave him there cause he ain’t nuffin’ to me. I goes back to Jeep and I punch his face so hard he fall on his knees too. Bam! Bam! I hit twice mo’ and his nose just blow up. Red be all over his face. I look at them pretty eyes now and bam bam, I bruise ‘em up. Niggers over on the court be shoutin out sumpin’ I cain’t hear. I walk round that nigger now. He stretch out on the ground, gettin the street all bloody.

“How you like it, muthafucka,” I say. “You won’t be sniffin’ round my shit no mo’ now, will you? You gone leave Cleona alone?”

He don’t say nuffin’.

So I kicks him in the side and he spit blood. “I ax you a question, nigger. You gone leave the bitch alone?”

He say something through all the blood in his mouth, but I don’t know what. Then I hear the police chopper blades and I run.

I go home and I get in bed wif my clothes on and my knuckles be sore as shit. I look up at the peeling paint on the ceilin and think about my babies. I hate my babies. I loves my babies. I hates my babies. I loves my babies. I hates …

I dreams when I’m sleepin and it be on an island somewhere in them islands down there. There be all these beautiful, fine-ass bitches walkin round wearin nuffin but strings over they nipples and shit. I think, damn, these some fine bitches here and I know they gone give me some and I start countin the babies I’m gone make and I start thinkin up names for them babies. Their names gone be Avaricia, Baniqua, Clitoria, Dashone, Equisha, Fantasy, Galinique, Hobitcha, I’youme, Jamika, Klauss, Latishanique, Mystery, Niggerina, Oprah, Pastischa, Quiquisha, R’nee’nee, Suckina, Titfunny, Uniqua, Vaselino, Wuzziness, Yolandinique and Zookie. I gone hit that many of them bitches, I think. I’m just sittin in one of them beach chairs watchin ‘em go by. Big butts on all of ‘em. But then in the dream I looks down and I see that my dick ain’t nuffin but a bump. I yell, “Shit, my dick ain’t nuffin but a bump.” What I’m gone do with a little bump fo a dick? Then them bitches see it and they starts pointing at my bump and I’m there tryin to cover myself. One of them bitches say, “That nigger got a real lil’ dick, look like a baby dick.” And she and all the rest of them bitches starts laughin at me, pointin and laughin, and I go runnin off into the water. My hands coverin up my bump, what used to be my dick. And in the cold water, this ho come swimmin over to me and she reach between my legs and move my hand and she say, “I don’t care if you ain’t got no dick.” I look at her face and it start to melt and she get real ugly and she become my mama, so I stab her. I stab her over and over and over and over until the ocean be fulla blood.

Then I wakes up in a sweat.

Next mornin at breakfast, Mama done forgot bout our fight and she singin some damn gospel song. Baby Girl be hummin along and then she say, “Mama, what that song you singin?”

“It’s What a Friend We Have in Jesus,” she say. Then she look at me. “I heard bout a job you might want.” She put some bacon on my plate. “Over in West Hollywood.”

“Doin what?” I ax.

“This and that. I dunno,” she say. “I think drivin a car for a man.”

I think about drivin a car and I kinda like the idea of drivin. “A driver for some white man.”

“It a job,” she say.

“Well, I gots a job,” I say.

“You never go to it,” she say.

I eat the bacon. “What’s the address?” I ax.

She walk over to the counter then and dig round on it. “I wrote it down. Here it is.” She come back and hand it to me.

I shoves the paper in my pocket.

“So, you gone go over there?” she ax.

“Dunno yet,” I say. “And don’t be ridin me.”

“I ain’t ridin you,” she say.

“You is too,” I say.

“I is not,” she say.

“Is too.”

“Is not, you good-for-nuffin,” she say.

“That be me,” I say and laugh. “Just like my daddy.”

“Hush up, boy.”

“Who is my daddy, Mama?” I ax.

She turn her back and wash some damn dish in the sink.

“What his name, Mama? You know his name? I know Baby Girl’s daddy’s name. I seen him. He in jail now, right?”

“Hush up, nigger,” Mama say.

“Is my daddy in jail?” I ax. “Did you ever know his name?”

“Van,” Baby Girl complain.

“I’m gone,” I say and walk on out.

Fo

I goes over to the warehouse and old Freddie be sittin out on the dock smokin and he just start shakin his head when he see me comin. He look back into the buildin and then at me.

“What?” I ax.

“Don’t even bother,” he say.

“Don’t even bother what?” I ax.

“Don’t bother takin you ass on in there,” he say. “Reynolds say about an hour ago, ‘Where that good fo’ nuffin Jenkins?’ Then he say, ‘If you see ‘em, tell ‘em he can slap his ol’ lazy feet down the road.’ That’s what he say.”

“What? I be fired?”

“You quicker than they gives you credit fo’,” he say.

“Cracka cain’t be firin me,” I say.

“Cracka done did it,” Freddie say.

“I’m gone talk to him,” I say and start into the buildin.

“Suit yo’self,” he say.

“Just cause I be late,” I say.

Freddie laugh loud. “Three fuckin days late, nigger.”

I go on into the buildin and that fuckin radio be playin that country-ass shit. Reynolds be standin over by a forklift talkin to that great big nigger who always be kissin his ass. Reynolds always be callin him. “Big Jim, come here. Big Jim, do that. Big Jim, suck my dick.” Reynolds look up and see me comin.

“Freddie say you done fired me,” I say.

“Freddie told you right,” he say.

“But why?”

“Because I ain’t seen you in three days, that’s fucking why,” he say.

“I been busy,” I say.

“Well, you ain’t busy no more,” he say. “Not around here anyway.”

I looks at him and I really want to hit him but that big nigger climb off that forklift and stands beside him. I look at Big Jim and say, “What you got to do with this, House Nigger?”

Big Jim make like he want to hit me, but Reynolds stop him. “Don’t hurt the boy now, Big Jim.” Then he say to me, “Now, you take your skinny ass away from here before I let Big Jim have his way with you.”

I looks at Big Jim’s giant hands all balled up into fists like that and I don’t say nuffin else. I just turns and walks away from the sorry muthafuckas.

So, I makes my way over to the address what Mama done give me, to that man’s house, the one who have the job. I figger I can work fo’ a coupla days, get some money so I can buy my gun, then score real big. Maybe go down to Mexico and get some of that senorita pussy.

The house be on a hill and got one of them circlin driveways. I mean, man, it be huge and there is a coupla fancy cars parked in front. One of them is this fine red BMW convertible with a white roof. It’s like it ain’t got a speck of dust on the fucker. The license plate say COOL. I walk on up to the front door but before I can find the bell to ring it, the door opens and there’s this brother in a pink shirt and khakis.

“May I help you,” he say.

“Yeah, I’m lookin fo’ Mr. Dalton,” I say.

“I’m Mr. Dalton,” he say.

I’m kinda shocked, you know. I been expectin this muthafucka to be white and here he is darker than me. I don’t know what to say.

“What can I do for you son?” he ax.

“I’m here about a job,” I says.

Then this kinda fat woman come up behind him. She black too, but she dressed like a maid in them movies. “You be Sadie Jenkins’ boy?” she ax.

“Yessum,” I say.

“Mr. Dalton,” she say, “this here is the son of my friend Sadie. I told you bout him. You said I could hire somebody to clean up the pool area and trim the grass when Felipe don’t come.”

“I remember, Lois,” he say. He look at me and reach out to shake my hand. He give it a squeeze and say, “Lois, will take care of you. I’ve got to go. I’ll be back late, Lois, so don’t wait dinner.”

“Yessir, Mr. Dalton,” Lois say.

Lois and I watch as Dalton drive off in his fine Mercedes. Then Lois turn to me, her face all changed into sumpin’ hard. “Sadie told me bout you,” she say. “Now, you got a chance here, boy. Mr. Dalton can help you. Yo mama is my friend. That’s why you got this chance. You understand?”

I still be stunned by the house and the fact that Dalton be black.

“You hear me, boy? Yo name Van, right?”

“They calls me Go,” I say.

“Come on in the house, Van.” She let me inside and close the door. “Fuck up once and you out the door, boy,” she say.

“Why we gots to start out like this?” I say.

She stop and nod her head. “Okay,” she say. “Yo mama my friend. You want this job?”

“I don’t know what it is,” I say.

“Sweepin, cuttin bushes and grass and washin cars,” she say. “Can you do that?”

I looks around the house at the fine-ass furniture and the paintins and the vases and I think about the gun I’m gone buy with the money I make. Then I can come back and steal this shit. “I can do it,” I say.

“Don’t you be sayin you gone work when you ain’t,” she say. “I ain’t gone take no mess. You mess up once and you gone. You study on that fo’ awhile.”

“Don’t sweat it, old girl,” I say, tryin to flirt with her.

“And don’t think I got this old by bein stupid,” she say. “You show me some respect or you can slap them dogs on down that hill.”

“Okay,” I say.

“Now you gots to bathe fo’ you come to work,” she say, turnin her head away from me.

“I’m just gone get sweaty and funky while I’m workin,” I tells her.

“But you shows up clean,” she say. “Got it?”

I nod. “Want me to go home and wash up?”

“Don’t get funny,” she say. “Now c’mon with me out back and I’ll show what you can do first.”

We walks through that fine house and I just cain’t believe it. We pass on through this party kinda room with a bar and I’m thinkin I’m gone be sneakin back in there. We go on out these glass doors to outside. The pool is giant, man. And the bottom is all painted up in a design and the water look so clean and blue. There be benches and chairs everywhere and it look like a fancy park.

Lois hand me a broom. “Sweep everythin that ain’t ground,” she say. “And pick it with that dustpan over there and put in a plastic bag. The bags be in that shed.”

“You want me to put dirt from outside in a bag?” I ax.

She just look at me.

“That’s stupid,” I say. “I can just sweep it over on the ground.”

“Do what I say, boy,” she say.

“Okay.”

I sweeps everthin. Then I rakes part of the big yard. Then the bitch got me moppin the floor of the pool house. Man, if I wasn’t funky befo’, I’m sho ‘nuff funky now. Lois look at what I done and nods, but she don’t smile. She just tell me she see me tomorrow and then walk on back in the house with her big fat ass.

I decide I’m gone go on down to the pool hall and check out Tito and Yellow, see what they be doin, get Tito to buy me a taco or sumpin’. When I gets there Yellow and Tito already be in the middle of a game.

“Where you been, nigger?” Tito ax.

“I been workin, man.”

“Naw, you ain’t been workin,” Tito say.

Yellow laugh.

Tito take a shot and stand up straight. “I know you ain’t been workin cause I went lookin fo’ yo ass over to the warehouse and they told me yo ass been fired.”

“Yeah, but I been workin anyway,” I say.

“Where?” Yellow ax.

“Over in West Holly,” I say. I pick up a stick from the rack and walk round the table. I takes a shot.

“Hey, we was in the middle of a game,” Yellow say.

“You was going to lose anyway,” I tell him.

“What you doin way the fuck over there?” Tito ax.

“Don’t even ax,” I say.

“Nigger shamed of what he do,” Yellow laughs.

“I workin at this rich dude’s house, okay,” I say.

“Doin what?” Tito ax.

“Sweepin,” I says under my breath.

“Say what?” Tito say.

“Sweepin,” I say and both of them bust out laughin. “Fuck botha y’all.”

“Sweepin what?” Yellow want to know.

“Round the pool area,” I say. “Happy now?”

“What, you some whitey’s houseboy now?” Tito ax. He puts a cigarette between his lips.

Fatman yell over, “No smokin in here!”

“Is the muthafucka lit?” Tito yell back.

“Make sho it stay that way,” Fatman say. Then more to himself, “I don’t give a shit what you do outside, but I be damned you gone smoke in my ‘tablishment.”

“Shut the fuck up, old man,” Tito say.

“I ain’t no houseboy,” I say. “And he ain’t no whitey.” I shake my head. “I gets fired, right? So, I go to check out this job my mama told me ‘bout. I just want to make a coupla dollars to buy me a piece. Anyway, I get there and the dude’s blacker than me. And this house, man oh man, this house is a son of a bitch. Paintins on the walls, a Benz, a Beamer. I couldn’t believe the shit.”

“What the nigger do?” Tito ax.

I looks at him.

“How he get rich?” he ax.

“I don’t know. But he a rich muthafucka. The swimmin pool bigger than yo fuckin house,” I say.

“Drug dealer,” Yellow say.

“I don’t think,” I say. “He didn’t look like no drug dealer.”

“I bet he be a lawyer then,” Yellow say.

“Shut the fuck up, Yellow,” Tito snap. “I want you to make me a list,” he say to me. “I wanna know what he got in the house.”

“I ain’t makin no fuckin list,” I say.

“I thought you and me was tight,” he say.

“That ain’t got nuffin to do with shit,” I say. “I’m gone make my money and buy me a gun and then I’m outta here.”

“See, there you go, nigger,” Tito say. “You make yo money and buy yo gun and then you and me go back wif the list you gone make and we rob the muthafucka and split.”

I laughs at him. “How you gone run anyway with a big ass paintin under your arm?” I ax. “I’m robbin that K’rean mutha and a bank. I can run with money. I can spend money. I cain’t spend no paintin.”

“We sell the paintin, buckwheat,” Tito say. He frown at Yellow for lettin out a laugh. “We fence the shit.”

“Where you gone fence a paintin in a fuckin ghetto, nigger?” I ax.

“Nigger got a point,” Yellow say.

“Shut up, Yellow,” Tito say. “What it gone hurt, you makin me the list?” he ax me.

“Okay, shit,” I say. “I’ll think about the fuckin list.”

“See, I told you we was tight,” Tito say.

I takes another shot. “Since we so tight, you can buy me some food cross the street,” I say.

“Okay,” he say.

Tito buy me a burrito across the street at Sammy the vendor’s wagon. Sammy be blind, but he can tell the dif’rence between a one and a five. Nobody know how he do it, but he do it all the time. We be standin there eatin when this bitch come walkin by. She be wearin some little shorts and her butt meat be hangin out a little bit.

Yellow whisper to me, “Girl got some junk in the trunk.”

I don’t pay him no mind. I’m just lookin at the bitch and I see she lookin at me and so I walks over and catches up wif her at the corner.

“Hey, baby,” I say.

“Hey, baby, yo’self,” she say back.

“I ain’t seen you round here befo’,” I say.

“I ain’t been round here before,” she say.

“Dangerous neighborhood,” I says.

She look me up and down and say, “I see.”

“Oh, you gone be like that,” I says.

“I ain’t bein no way,” she say.

I realize how funky I am and I say, “I just got off work. I don’t always stink.”

She laugh and I laugh wif her.

“What yo name, girl?” I ax.

“My name be Kesrah,” she say.

I nod, thinkin bout her name. “I be Go,” I say. “Where you goin, Kesrah?”

“Home,” she say.

“How old you?” I ax.

“What you care?” she say.

“Yo mama home?”

She shake her head.

“Like I said, this be a bad neighborhood. I better walk you home. That be awright wif you?”

“Awright wif me.”

Tito call out to me. “Nigger, you be careful! That shit must be fourteen.”

Me and Kesrah halfway cross the street now. “You fourteen, girl?”

“I might be,” she say. “What you care?”

“I don’t care,” I say.

I lookin at Kesrah while we walkin to her house. She be little, but she got some big titties. She short and kinda fat, but I’m gone get behind her in her house ride her dog-style, gone make the bitch bark like a dog. That’s what I’m gone do. And I gone make baby number five.

“You got any babies?” I ax her.

“No,” she say.

“You ever been wif a man befo’?” I ax.

“Sho I have.”

“Then you ain’t been doin it right,” I says. “You wants a baby?”

“Yeah, I wants a baby. Everybody want a baby.”

“I’m gone give you a baby,” I tell her.

Fibe

So, I gets to the girl’s house and her big fat uncle be asleep on the couch, stinkin of Colt 45. She giggle as we sneak past him to the back of the house. I tells her to shut up. Man, her uncle is big so I sho don’t want his ugly ass waking up.

“Don’t worry none,” she say. “He ain’t gone do nuffin’ even if he do wake up.” And then we in her bedroom and she push her tongue down my throat. I gab her sweater and pull it off and she almost ain’t got no titties.

I laugh, “Shit, girl you be almost flat-chested.”

She get mad then. “I a woman, though.”

I kiss her. “Oh yeah, you a woman though.”

We gets our clothes off and I get on top her and ride her real good for a long time and she be crying and shit and saying it hurt, but she like it. I know she like it, the way she moanin like that. I fucks her good. Then I get up and pull on my pants.

“You gonna come back tomorrow?” she ax.

“Naw, baby, I can’t be comin round here seein you.”

“But,” she say.

I shake my head. “You too young, girl. I cain’t be runnin round havin people see us together.”

She don’t know what to say, then she walk to the window. “So, you doggin me,” she say.

I shrug.

“Nigger,” she say.

“You ain’t no woman neither,” I says. “You call that shit you was doin fuckin?”

She startin to cry. Then she commence to screamin for her big ass uncle. That muthafucka be drunk as shit, but he haul his big butt off that couch and start talkin trash.

“Who the fuck you?” he say.

“Yo daddy,” I say and try to get through the room to the front door.

That big sonofabitch steps in front of me and I see the nigger be wearin these funny-ass pajamas with clowns on ‘em. I says, “Nigger, look at yoself.”

“What you talkin bout?” he ax.

“That shit you be wearin. You looks like some kinda circus fool.”

Then that bitch come standin in the doorway lookin all pitiftul and cryin and shit with a blanket pulled up over her.

“What goin on?” that big nigger say.

“He rape me,” she say.

“What the fuck?” Then he try to jump at me, saying he gone kill my ass, but I jump over the couch and get to the door. Old fat ass fall down and knock over his forty what been on the floor. “I’m gone get you,” he say.

“You ain’t gone get nothin,” I say. Then I looks over at the girl and I say, “But a nephew, cause I don’t miss.”

“I hate you,” she scream.

“And I hate you too,” I says. “What that got to do wif anythin?”

I run on out the house and into the street and I be laughin. I run through a coupla backyards in case the uncle got a gun or some shit and I come out on the next street.

I be on my way to the pool hall where I’m gone tell Tito and Yellow about the young pussy and that fat uncle muthafucka. They gone laugh, I just know it. I round the corner near the school when it just gettin to be dusk and I see a coupla headlights comin down the street real slow. I think, who the fuck is this? And then I see it’s a Jeep and a buncha niggers jump out and start runnin at me. I run, man. These is some fast niggers too. I try to climb the fence at the basketball courts. One of them catches my leg and I kick him off and then I get over. I run into the shadows and slip through a hole in the wall and down an alley. Then I kick into this abandon buildin and hide, be real quiet. I don’t hear ‘em. Then I realize somebody in there wif me.

“Who dat?” I say.

“Who dat?” he ax. Then he start laughin. He strike a match and light a candle. It’s that Willy wino muthafucka.

“Put that candle out, nigger,” I say.

“Shit, they gone, boy,” he say. “What they want you fo’?”

“Some rich boy. I kick his ass and now he comin back wif his posse. Muthafucka. I bet not catch his ass alone.”

“You bad, huh?”

I look at his red eyes behind that candle. “Yeah, I’m bad.”

“I used to be bad my ownself,” he say.

“You sho ain’t bad now,” I say. “No, man, you worst.” I laughs at my joke.

“You a funny nigger too, huh?” he say. “How yo mama?”

“Don’t be bringin up my mama,” I tell him.

“She still got that mole just under her tittie?” he say.

I get up and I’m bout to kick his ass.

“Sit down, boy,” he say with this hard voice that don’t sound like it could come out his head.

I sit back down.

“Listen, boy, I’m gone tell you somethin. I done fucked up my life.”

“No shit,” I says.

“Shut up and listen,” he say. “I don’t want you fuckin up the way I did.”

“Who the fuck you be to me,” I say. “I don’t know you from shit.”

“That don’t matter none,” he say. “I don’t want you messin up and hurtin your mama. She been through enuff.”

“What the fuck you talkin bout?” I ax. “I’m gettin the fuck outta here.” I move to the door.

“Yo mama is a good woman,” he say.

“Yeah and you a wino,” I say. “So, what your point?”

“Don’t fuck up,” he say.

“Yeah, well, you too,” I say. “And Merry Christmas and Happy Easter.”

At the pool hall Tito in the back gettin his dick suck by that fat ho who come around sometime. That what Yellow tells me. I halfway wants to go back there and watch, but I don’t. The ho might get after me and I don’t want none of that shit. Tito let anything suck his dick. Yellow be lookin at me.

“What you lookin at?” I say.

“Why you sweatin?” he ax.

I thinks about tellin him about that Jeep muthafucka, but I don’t like the way runnin sound in my head. “I took a coupla shots over at the hoops,” I say.

“You was shootin baskets,” he laugh.

“What so funny?” I ax.

“You out there shootin baskets,” he say. “What really happen?”

“That’s what happen,” I say. “Now, shut the fuck up.”

Tito in back and he hear us. “What’s goin on?” he say.

“Nothin,” I say. “Nigger just gettin on my nerves.”

“Yeah, well I ain’t the only one be gettin on nerves,” Yellow say.

“Watch where you steppin, funky ass muthafucka,” I say and I gives him a hard look.

“Fuck you,” he say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” he say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” he say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you,” he say.

“Why don’t you two niggers just go outside and fuck each other,” Tito say.

That fat ho come from out the back and walk past. She wave her fingers at Tito.

I shakes my head. “How can you let that ugly bitch put her mouth on yo thang?” I ax.

“She better lookin than yo babies’ mama,” he say. “At least she know what she doin.”

“Don’t be talkin bout my babies’ mamas,” I say.

“Like you give a shit, nigger,” he say. He pull out a cigarette and strike a match.

Fatman yell over to him. “No smokin!”

“It too cold to be outside, Fatman. Let a nigger have his fix.”

Fatman must be tired cause he don’t say nothing else.

Yellow chalk up a stick and smile at me. “So, what happen with that jailbait,” he ax.

“I knocked it out big time,” I say.

“What could that little girl do for a man?” Tito say.

I just look at him.

“Fuckin children and havin babies don’t make you no man,” he say.

“What yo’ problem,” I ax. “Why you comin down on me?”

“Let’s play pool,” he say.

Now, I’m really upset. We shoot a game without sayin nothin. Tito be smokin his fourth cigarette and be puttin ‘em out on the floor. Fatman come over and look at Tito.

“See, that another reason I don’t want you niggers smokin in here. Look at this shit.”

“Shut up, Fatman,” Tito say. “You gots to sweeps the fucka anyway.”

“Yeah,” Yellow says.

Fatman grumbles and walk on back to his stool behind the counter.

“You guys ever look at the Willy the Wonker muthafucka?” I ax.

Tito sink the five and look at me. “You mean the wino over near the courts?” he ax.

“Yeah,” I say.

“I seen him,” Tito say. “Why? What he to you?”

“He ain’t nuffin to me.”

“Why you be askin bout him then?” Yellow ax.

“You shut the fuck up,” I say.

“Suck my dick,” he say.

“Whip it out, muthafucka,” I say.

“I would but I don’t wanna make you cry,” he say.

“Listen to you two niggers,” Tito say. “Sound like you be twelf years old. Talkin shit like that.”

“Fuck both you,” I say and I walk out.

Sex

Next mornin I gets up and I wash my pits cause they real funky from workin and gettin on that gash. I puts on some clean drawers too, then I sit on the bed and look at the Mickey Mouse clock I got during the riots. Niggers was laughin at me left and right, pointin at the clock. They had TV’s and stereos, but, shit, I liked the fuckin clock. Made me think of Dissyland. I was there once and all I can remember is that Main Street and me thinkin “this is what it s’posed to be like.” Fuck ‘em for laughin at my clock. The shit work. Time just keep movin, them hands keep sweepin and that make me think about work. I work there two weeks and I’m gone have enough for my gun. And then, watch out. Van Go gone be gone and went.

I go out to the table and Baby Girl already be sitting there workin on a bowl of Life cereal. “You like that shit, don’t you, Baby Girl,” I say.

Mama turn around at the stove and say, “Don’t be swearin’ in fron’ o her like that, boy.”

I don’t pay her no ‘tention. I sit down and eat the eggs she slide in front of me. “Ain’t you got no meat?” I say.

“No, that’s it,” she say.

I think about gettin up and walkin out. No meat? What kind of shit? But I be hongry, so I eat.

“How you like yo job?” Mama ax.

“It a job.”

“Lois say they house is like a mansion,” Mama say.

“It is a mansion, Mama,” I say. “That nigger is loaded.”

“Don’t be callin Mr. Dalton that,” she say.

“You call me that,” I say. “’Cause he gots bucks he ain’t no nigger? ‘Cause I ain’t got nuffin, I am?”

“Shut up, nigger,” she say.

She look at me and I look at her and we bust out laughin. It feel good to laugh with Mama again. We laugh for a few minutes and then I tells her I gots to get to work.

“Okay, nigger,” she say.

We laugh again.

I get on the bus and start my trip over to the hills. I’m still laughin in my head about what Mama say. She give me three dollars ‘fore I left. So, I be sittin on the bus and this white girl get on and sit cross from me. She look like she goin to work.

“Goin to work?” I ax.

She nod and look away.

“Where you work at?” I ax.

“I work at a store,” she say, still not lookin at me.

“What sto?”

She don’t say nuffin.

“What sto?”

Nuffin.

I leans forward and put my elbows on my knees. “You ‘fraid I’m gone walk into the place you work at and say hello?”

She shake her head.

“I come in there and say hello and yo’ boss take you aside and say, ‘Who that nigger?’ That what you ‘fraid of?”

She get up and walk on to the back of the bus. An old black woman who been listenin be starin at me.

“What you lookin at?” I ax.

She look away.

I walks another six blocks after I get off the bus. I guess rich folk don’t like buses comin too close to they houses. Maybe it the fumes they don’t like. Maybe it’s guys like me. Shit, I don’t know. I just walks up the hill past the big driveways and I sees the gardeners starin at me. Most of ‘em is oriental and they givin me the evil eye and I thinks about the gun I’m gone buy and how I’m gone rob that K’rean mutha.

I walk up the driveway and Dalton honk his horn at me as he drive out. I wave and I feel stupid doin it. I put my hands in my pockets. When I gets to the door, Lois is standin there and she be lookin at her watch.

“Well, you ain’t too late,” she say.

“I ain’t got no watch,” I say.

“That ain’t my problem,” she say. “You make yo’self some money, maybe you kin buy you a watch.”

“I ain’t got no need fo’ no watch,” I say. “Time is the white man’s. Time ain’t mine.”

“Nigger, you crazy,” she say.

I laugh, cause I ‘member Mama callin me a nigger at the house that mornin. I laugh and Lois laugh too, but she don’t know why I be laughin.

“Come on in and gets to work,” she say. “First thing you gots to do is wash the cars.” She lead the way into the room off the kitchen. “All the keys be in this here cabinet. They is four cars in the big garage. You takes ‘em out one at a time and washes ‘em.”

“How I s’posed to get ‘em out?” I ax.

“I told you, simple, the keys in this here cabinet,” she say.

“You mean, I drives the cars out?” I say.

“I swear, you is as stupid as you look,” she say.

I think about gettin mad cause she call me stupid, but I’m too excited about drivin them cars, even if it is just out the garage. I takes all the keys and go outside. The doors be open and there’s them cars. I wonder why they needs to be washed. They already be so shiny that they ‘bout to blind my ass. They’s this one little red car, real low down to the ground, one of them F’raris. I gets in behind the wheel and it be like a glove and I wish Tito and Yellow could see my ass now, looking all fine up in there with the leather. I turn the muthafuckin key and the sound damn near make me shit my pants. Varoooom! That engine sound like the army coming through, but smooth as sick shit. I thinks that one day I gots to have me one of them. ‘Cept I wants a black one. Black on black with a red stripe run straight down through the middle of the muthafucker. I put it in gear and roll it out into the yard and my heart be beatin like nobody’s goddamn bizness. Kabamada kabamada kabamada, my heart be poundin. I turn off the engine and get out. I close the door and step away and look at it, tryin to wonder what I look like when I was sittin behind that wheel.

“Nigger, you better get to washin that car and stop yo dreamin,” Lois call at me from the glass door.

I gets the hose and the bucket from the shed and I’m rinsin this muthafucker off when this fine ass bitch come out the house with this bikini on and I think I’m gone die for damn sho. The bitch put her towel on one of the lounge chairs and then she dive into the water. It don’t even look like she make a splash. I’m watchin her, but I can’t see for shit from where I am wif the car. I walk over to the hedge so I can look over at her. She sees me lookin at her and I turn away. I be a long way from the car and I feel kinda stupid. I think shit I better git back on over there and wash that damn car. I go back and I start sloppin suds on the muthafucka and I hear somebody callin to me. I turns around and there that bitch in the bikini, standin at the hedge.

“Yeah you,” she say. “Come over here.”

I walk over to her and I’m feelin kinda scared and then I feels kinda mad cause I hates feelin scared.

“What’s your name?” she ax. Her eyes is bright.

“My name be Van Go,” I says. “Van Go Jenkins. But my friends, they calls me Go.”

“Go,” she says. “I like that.”

“I’m Penelope,” she say. “Penelope Dalton. When did Daddy hire you?”

“Other day,” I say. And I find I cain’t look right at her.

“Well, I hope he’s paying you okay,” she say. “Daddy can be pretty tight.”

“He payin okay,” I say.

“How old are you?” she ax.

“Why you wanna know that?” I say.

“Just a question,” she say.

“Twenty,” I tells her.

“I’m twenty-two,” she say. “I just finished school. Stanford. What about you? You go to school?”

“No.”

“Did you finish high school?” she ax.

“Listen, I gotta get back to washin that car,” I says. I feels sick.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” she say. “Maybe we can talk again soon.”

“Sure,” I says.

“Hey, can you drive?” she ax.

“Sho, I can drive,” I say.

“Good,” she say. “I’ll be right back.”

So, I be finishin up wif the car and wonderin what this bitch got in mind fo’ me. I’m gettin all nervous, waitin and wonderin. I gets the car all rinsed off and sits down on the bumper.

Lois yell out at me from the house. “What you doin’? Ain’t nobody payin you to sit round.”

“Mr. Dalton’s daughter told me to wait here,” I say.

Lois come out the house. “Why she tell you that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Boy, you bet be careful now,” she say.

“What you talkin bout, ol’ lady,” I say to her. “I ain’t studyin you.” “You bet be studyin sumpin,” she say.

Penelope Dalton come back out the house then. She wearin this tight, short dress what look mo’ like a slip than anythin else.

“Where you think you goin’,” Lois bark at her.

Penelope laugh it off just as cool as shit. “I’m going to have young Mister—.” She stop and look at me. “What’s your name?”

“Van Go.”

“That’s right,” she say. “I’m going to have Van here drive me down the hill for a little shopping.”

“Lawd, have mercy,” Lois say.

“I’m sure he will,” Penelope say.

Lois give me the evil eye and say, “You mind now.”

And I’m thinkin, shit, I ain’t no dog. I gives her the evil eye back and gets into the car. Penelope surprise me and be gettin in the front seat wif me. Shit if I ain’t sweatin now.

“Drive,” she say.

“Just like that,” I says.

“Just like that,” she say. “Let’s go, Van.”

Ain’t nobody call me Van. Everybody call me Go all the time. But I don’t say nuffin. I kinda like the way it sound when she call me Van. “Where you want me to take you?”

“Take me to Rose’s,” she say. “That’s in Santa Monica. Just drive. I’ll tell you when to turn and which way.” She say that last part real slow and it make me nervous, wondering what she be meanin, cause I know she be signifyin.

We gets to this fancy ass restrant and it just covered wif people. Blond bitches with shades and white dudes with they shirts open showin stomack muscles. But Penelope dont wanna go in, she just wanna pick up this candyass nigger who be waitin outside. She get out the car and hug the guy then they gets in the backseat.

“Okay, Van, let’s go,” she say.

“Where to?” I ax.

“Let’s go to your neighborhood,” she say.

I just look at her in the mirror. Then I looks at the dude in the silk shirt and the shades hangin round his neck.

“We want to see where you live,” she say.

“Yeah, brother,” the guy say.

“Van, this is Roger. Roger, this is Van. He’s working for my father.”

“Cool, brother,” Roger say. “Take us to the hood and we can shoot some hoops and then maybe score some weed and eat some chicken.” They laughs.

“Let’s go, Van,” Penelope say.

“I don’t know. This is your father’s car,” I say.

“This is my car, Van,” she say. “Now, let’s roll.” Penelope lean back into the seat and look at my eyes in the mirror. “You like my daddy?” she ask.

“I guess so,” I say. “He hired me.”

“You know he puts a lot of money into the ‘hood,” she say.

“I don’t get it,” I say.

“He makes loans and gives some cheap legal help,” she say.

Roger laugh out loud, then say, “You mean he’s a loan shark and an ambulance chaser.”

They giggles together and Penelope say, “You watch what you say now. Van might run home and tell daddy.”

I be filled up with heat now. They be laughin at me? The muthafuckas laughin at me? Shit, I wanted to stop the car and kick they asses. That Roger muthafucka, think he all cool and shit and that he look good. He ain’t shit. He ain’t nuffin but a sorry-ass muthafucka and I oughta slit his sorry-ass throat.

“You live around here, Van?” Roger asked. “What is this? Compton?”

I don’t say nothin. I just glance at them in the mirror. They starin out the windows like we in Jungleland or some shit. Like we at Dissyland in that fuckin submarine. Niggers on the street be lookin at me drivin this fine car and I feels cool till I remember that I’m in the front by myself and them two bitches be in the back and I be lookin like some flunky-ass chaffeur.

Penelope lean forward and put her hand on my shoulder. “Take us someplace colorful to eat,” she say.

The feelin of her hand on my shoulder makes me less mad. “What you wanna eat?” I ax.

“Something funky,” she say. “Ribs. Something like that.”

“Hey, Van,” Roger say. “You finish high school?”

I don’t say nothin.

“It’s okay if you didn’t. No jobs out there anyway.” Roger look back out the window. “I didn’t expect the houses to have yards here.”

“Whatchew ‘pect?” I ax.

“You know, like slums and stuff.”

“They’re people just like you and me,” Penelope say.

“You ought to think about going back to school,” Penelope say, lookin at my eyes in the mirror. “I bet daddy could help you get a scholarship to college.”

“What kinda schola-ship I’m gone get?” I ax.

“I don’t know. You’re underprivileged, you’ve that going for you.”

Roger laugh. “Can you run fast?” he ax. “If you can run fast then you can run track. Can you play basketball?”

“Yeah, I can play ball,” I say.

“There you are then. A basketball scholarship.” Roger got this smartass look on his face. I stared at him in the mirror, but he don’t look at me.

I starts worryin and hopin that Yellow and Tito don’t see me. I decide to take them to this rib joint a couple blocks away. I know Tito and Yellow won’t be in there, cause Tito got throwed out for feelin the waitress. But once we parked in front, I don’t wanna go in. I don’t want nobody I know seein me out with these fuckas.

Penelope and Roger gets out, but I stay behind the wheel.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Penelope ax.

“Naw, I ain’t hungry,” I say.

“We’re paying,” that Roger muthafucka say.

“Somebody better watch the car,” I says.

“Come on,” Penelope say. “Don’t worry about the car. I’ve got insurance. It’s just a car. Come on.”

I be trapped. I be feelin like a little animal they found on the road some damn place. I’m pissed as hell now, but they gots money and I realize how important that be. Mr. Dalton got all the money in the world. And I ain’t got shit. I don’t wanna go in, but I do. I’m wonderin why they so interested in me and be actin so nice to me like this. The sun be bright and I feels like I be caught up in a web of light. I follow them into the place called Ernie’s Kitchen.

This one dude I know wave at me from cross the room, but he be starin at Penelope and Roger. Then I see Cleona starin at me from the far wall. She still mad, but she interested. She wave.

“You know her?” Penelope say as we sit at a table.

“Of course he knows her,” Roger say. “He probably knows everybody in here. Right, Van?”

I don’t say nothing.

“Invite her over,” Penelope say.

“She all the way over there,” I say.

The waitress bring us some chicken and beer and we start eatin.

“This stuff be jammin,” Roger say. He look at me. “Did I say it right?” he ax.

“Yeah, that’s how they says it,” I say.

They keeps eatin, but I can’t.

“Eat,” Penelope say.

“I ain’t hungry,” I tell her.

“Want some more beer?” Roger ax.

“Yeah,” I say and I watches him fill my glass.

“What’s your father do?” Penelope ax me.

“I ain’t got no father,” I say.

“Did he die?” she ax.

“He was born dead,” I say.

“What about your mother?” Roger ax. “Is she alive?”

“Yeah, she alive,” I tell them. “She a slave.”

Penelope and Roger look at each other and then they laughs loud.

Eveybody in the place looks over at us. “You’re a riot,” Penelope say to me. “A slave,” she repeat. “That’s rich.”

“Tell me, Van,” Roger say, “you got a girlfriend?”

I looks at him and laughs. “Shit, man, I gots me fo’ babies.”

Penelope look at Roger and he look at her and they bust up laughin.

“You’re kidding me,” Penelope say. “Four babies? Are you married?”

“Hell no,” I say.

“You’re not married and some woman has had four babies by you?” Roger ax.

“No,” I says. “Fo’ different womens.”

They look at each other and Roger make like he whistlin but don’t no sound come out. Then they be starin at me.

“What the fuck you lookin at,” I say.

“Oh, nothing,” Penelope say. “Four babies. Do you see them?”

“I sees my babies,” I say and I starts to eat some of that chicken. I be rippin into a thigh like it the last food on earf. Grease be all on my mouth and shit. I drink some beer and I see they ready to go. I wipes my mouth on my sleeve.

“That was good, Van,” Penelope say. “Thanks for bringing us here.”

They sits in the back seat and I be drivin them around like some kinda natral-born fool. I takes them out of my hood anyways and they don’t even notice cause they in the backseat drinkin booze out a flask. Roger offer me some but I say no and he takes a big swig and laugh at me.

I wanna pull over and drag his skinny ass out the car and kick the shit outta him. But I don’t do it and I realize they money scare me and then I feels sick.

They makes me drive them over to downtown and Roger say he know a corner where he can score some weed and Penelope say, “Oh goody.” And I just drives the car. There we is on Union and I’m leanin against the car watchin Richie Rich and Veronica buy they little bag when I see a jeep comin up. Damn, if it ain’t Jeep Man and he got one of his partners with him. He parks behind me and they hops out and I’m thinkin oh shit and here they comes.

“Looky, looky,” Jeep Man say.

“Fuck you,” I say and since I know why he stop, I just drives on his face with my fist. Bam! Blood fly out his eye like a bug and the punch feel real good to me. Real good. So good I don’t hardly feel it when Jeep Man’s partner hit me in the chest. I comes up with my knee in his fuckin balls and he double over. But I don’t want him. I want Jeep Man and so I drives on his face again and I feel it soften under my knuckles, like bread or sumpin. Bam! I gots blood on my fist and he gone. He ain’t gone be trouble to nobody for awhile. I hears a scream and I turn to see Penelope standin there. She turn and Roger catch her in his arms.

“They try to jump me,” I says.

“Let’s go,” Roger say.

We gets into the car and I tear off. My fist is bloody and my heart be beating fast and I feel good. I feel real good. “So, you get some smoke?” I ax.

“Yeah,” Roger say.

“Well, light it up, nigger,” I say. I look at Roger in the mirror and I see in his face that he ain’t never been called nigger before. “I don’t mean nothin by it. I’m a nigger, too.”

He rolls a joint while Penelope kill off the flask. She drunk as shit. We smoke and I drives.

“You ever been in a fight?” I ax Roger.

“Not really,” he say.

“Whatchew mean, not really?” I ax.

“I’ve got a black belt in Kung Fu, but I’ve never actually been in a fight.”

I hold up my fist and show him the dried blood on my knuckles. “That there be my black belt.”

Penelope lets out a high and drunk giggle.

“You get fucked up like this every day?” I ax.

But they don’t answer me. Penelope is almost passed out and Roger is feelin on her titties.

“Hey, Roger,” I say.

“What?”

“I gots to get back. I’m gone let you out here,” I say. I pull over and turn to look him in the eyes. He too fucked up to argue. He look at Penelope. “I’ll take her on home,” I says.

“Okay,” Roger say. He gets out and lets Penelope fall over on the seat. He watch as I drives off.

It be almost dark by the time I gets Penelope back to her house. There some lights on but otherwise it be quiet. Penelope is in and out, talkin shit and babblin and shit and I can’t make out what the fuck she be sayin. I gets her out of the car, but she can’t stand up by her own self. I starts to take her to the front door and my heart be beatin a mile a minute. Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam, in my chest like that, like it bout to bust out my body. Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam. Then the bitch start to singin and I tells her ass to shut up. She look at me like who the fuck I be tellin her to shut up.

“Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music,” she sing louder.

I begs her, “Please, Penelope, please don’t make no fuss. You don’t wanna gets into no trouble, do you?”

She looks at me and then she put her finger to her lips and say, “Shhhhh.” She look at the house. “Don’t take me in there,” she say. “Take me around back to the pool house.”

“Okay,” I says. I do like she tells me and I damn near have to carry her round the side of the house and past the pool. The lights from inside the house be shinin off the water in the pool. A pump or some shit somewhere is makin a hummin noise. I open the door of the pool house and put Penelope on one of them lounge chairs. I watches her body sink down into the cushion. I’m lookin at her and my feelings is all tied up in knots. I want to be like her. I hate her. I hate her money. I hate her daddy. I hate the way she look at me me like I don’t know shit bout the world. But, damn she fine. Sumpin bout her almost white though and I hates her. Damn, she be fine as shit. Her shirt be open just a little bit and I can see her tittie almost. She look good, awright. I put my hand down there and touch that tittie. Just like fuckin silk. I squeezes her little nipple and she moan and I don’t think she know it me. Then I hear this tappin sound. I looks up and I see somebody comin.

“Penelope?” the woman call out. “Penelope? Is that you?”

A woman is standin by the pool. Shit, I thinks. I’m in here with this drunk bitch. They gone throw my ass in the jail for damn sho. Penelope make a noise. The woman hear her and come to the door of the pool house.

“Penelope?” she say.

But I put my mouth over Penelope’s so she can’t say nuffin. I’m in the shadow with Penelope and then I see the woman got this white cane. Shit, the bitch be blind. I almost laughs out loud. But my mouth is still on Penelope’s mouth and she be kissin me now. She don’t know who the fuck I is. The blind bitch walk on away and back into the house. And I be into it now. Penelope call me Roger and I think I don’t care who the fuck she think I is, I’m gone knock it out. Damn straight. And that’s what I does. Her bony ass ain’t for shit, but I knocks it out anyway. I spreads her open and stabs her. I stab her again. I wanna wake her up and say the pussy ain’t no good. But she asleep. Sleepin like in that story. But my kiss dint wake her ass up.

Seben

Next mornin, Baby Girl come runnin into my room. She be yellin for me to get up and come to the phone. I tells her I be tryin to sleep, but she keep pullin on me.

“What the fuck is it?” I ax.

“They on the phone,” she say.

“Who on the phone?” I be wakin up and my mind be racin like crazy. The cops? Mr. Dalton? Who be on the phone. I awake now.

“From the telebision,” Baby Girl say.

“What?” I ax.

“Snookie Cane,” she say. “From that Snookie Cane Show.”

“Leave me the hell alone,” I say. “You ain’t funny.”

“I’se for real,” she say.

I gets up and walks out in my underwear to the phone. There’s some bitch on the other end and she wants to know if I’m me. I tell her, “Fuck yeah, I’m me! What you want?”

I hears her laugh away from the phone. Then she says, “We want you to be our guest on Snookie Cane.”

I’m thinkin this a joke. “Yeah, right,” I say. “And why you want me on the show?”

“Well actually we have a guest who wants to surprise you with something. Someone who has a crush on you.” She take a breath, then say, “We’re taping the show today at one. We’re at Optic White Studios in Burbank. Stage F.”

“You fo’ real?” I say.

“Yes, I am,” she say. “Can you make it?”

“Somebody got a crush on me?” I ax.

“Yes, indeed.”

“The Snookie Cane Show?”

“Yes,” she say.

“Snookie Cane gone be there?” I ax.

“Yes.”

“I’m gone be on TV?” I ax.

“Yes.”

“Okay, I be there,” I say.

“Be here by twelve-thirty,” she say.

“Awright,” I say.

She hang up. I hang up. I looks down and sees Baby Girl lookin up at me. I says, “I’m gone be on Snookie Cane.”

Baby Girl start screamin. “Mama! Mama! Go gone be on Snookie Cane!” She go runnin in the kitchen. I follows. She tell Mama again.

Mama look at me. “What you done, boy?”

“I ain’t done nuffin. Somebody gots a crush on me,” I say.

Mama just starin at me.

“That what she say on the phone. Say they doin the show today.”

Baby Girl look like she gone bust wide open. “Mama, we gone go watch Go on telebision?”

Mama look worried. She smile at Baby Girl and say, “I guess so.”

“Boy, that what you wearin to be on nashnal TV?” Mama ax.

“Yeah and don’t fuck wif me,” I say.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she say. “And you cain’t be talkin like that on the telebision.”

“They can’t tell me how to talk,” I say. “Come on, let’s go.”

Our neighbor-lady, Quanita-Mack drive us in her car. I be sittin in the back wif Baby Girl and them big gals be sittin all over the front seat. They talkin and maybe they even talkin bout me or to me, but I don’t be hearin them cause I’m thinkin bout last night and what I done to Penelope.

I feels big. Then I’m thinkin bout who it be that gots a crush on me. I feels real big.

When we gets to the studio there’s this nigger in a uniform tellin us we gots to park all the way the fuck across the street. I lean up and out of Quanita-Mack’s window and yells at the muthafucka. “I’m supposed to be on the telebision, nigger,” I say.

“Listen, I don’t care if you’re s’posed to be on the moon,” he say. “You gotta park over there in lot C.”

“You think you the man cause you wearin that uniform,” I say.

He just looks at me.

“Sit back, now,” Mama say to me.

Quanita-Mack park the car and we walks across the street and into the studio and we find a line at Stage F. I walks up to the front and tells the guy at the door that I’m s’posed to be on the show.

“What’s your name?” he ax.

“Van Go Jenkins,” I say.

“Okay,” he say. “Go on in to door three. They’ll take care of you in there.”

“What about my Mama and sister,” I say.

“And Quanita-Mack,” Mama say.

“Yeah,” I say. “They gotta get in.”

“Okay, okay,” he say. “I’ll see to it that they get in.”

I walk on in and I see the way them people in the line be lookin at me. They know I’m gone be on telebision by now. I find door 3. I knocks on it and it opens. There’s a fine lookin white girl standin there, but she lookin at me hard and mean.

“My name be Van Go Jenkins,” I says.

“Good, get in here,” she say and she grab me by the arm and pull me in. “Gloria!”

A skinny blond-headed girl come runnin up. “Yes, Pam?”

“Take this gentleman over to makeup and get him shined up a little bit,” Pam say. She look at her clipboard. “Then take him to booth one and put the headset on him.”

“Got it,” Gloria say. Then she look at me. “Come on.”

“So, what the show bout today?” I ax.

“Can’t talk about it,” Gloria say.

I follow her down a long hallway. “Somebody gots a crush on me,” I say.

“How about that,” she say.

We gets to this room and there’s this fag nigger standin there in purple pants and a pink shirt tied in a knot above his navel and he say, “Come on in, baby, and have a seat. Queenie gonna do you good.”

“Fuck that,” I says. I turns to Gloria. “That eye ain’t gonna touch my ass.”

Queenie say, “I don’t want to touch yo’ ass. Yet.”

Gloria put her hand on my arm. “You want to be on TV, right?”

“Yeah,” I say.

“You want all those people out there to see you on the stage, right?” she say and she straightens up the front of my shirt.

“Yeah,” I say.

“Then let Queenie shine you up just a little bit,” she say. “I promise it won’t hurt.”

“Now, come on, boy and get in this chair,” the faggot say to me. “Are you afraid of me?”

“Naw, I ain’t scareda you or nobody,” I say.

“Then sit down,” he say.

I sit down and the nigger take to spread vaseline on my face.

“What that shit fo’?” I ax.

“This will make you shine like a proper TV nigger,” he say. Then he laugh real loud and I can see in the back of his mouth. He got gold fillins. He calm down. “So, somebody’s got a crush on you, eh, baby?”

“So I hear,” I say.

“I can see it,” he say. “You think you know who it is?” he ax.

“I don’t know who it be,” I say. “Could be a lotta peoples.”

“Ohhh,” he squeal. “I likes that. Confidence. Could it be a man?”

“Bet’ not be,” I say. “I don’t wanna have to kick nobody’s ass on nashnal telebision.”

“Well, well,” he say. “All done.”

“That it?” I ax.

“That’s it,” he say. Then he call out, “Gloria! Gloria!”

Gloria come in and look at me. “All shined up,” she say.

“You can take little-Mister-afraid-for-his-ass away now,” Queenie say.

“Don’t make me have to jump on yo’ ass,” I say.

“Promises, promises,” he say, laughin. “You couldn’t handle it.”

“Come on,” Gloria say and pull me out the room and back into the hallway. “It’s almost show time. I’ve got to get you into the booth and put the headset on you. What kinda music do you like?”

“I likes rap,” I says.

“Got lots of rap,” she say. “Now you just stand here and put on these headphones. You see that camera?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, when that red light comes on, you’re on televsion,” she say.

“No shit,” I say.

“No shit. But don’t say anything,” she say. “After a while I’ll stop the music and tell you to come on out. You just follow the red line on the floor to the stage. Got it?”

I nods.

“Okay, then,” she say. “I’ll call you in a while.”

“Okay.”

She leave and pretty soon some lame-ass rap wanna-be shit start comin through the headphones. Just like she say, bout ten minutes later the light on top of that camera come on. I smiles at it and kinda dance to the music. It happen a couple mo’ times. Then, just like she say, the music stop and Gloria tell me to walk on out to the stage.

I be struttin cool as shit along that red line, round the corner, through the door and down the stairs to the stage and there they be. My fo’ babies sittin on they fo’ mamas’ laps. Aspireene be sittin on Sharinda’s lap. Tylenola be sittin on Reynisha’s lap. Dexatrina be sittin on Robertarina’s lap. And Rexall sittin there on Cleona’s lap. The empty chair be next to Cleona and that big waterhead retard be grabbin at my shirt when I sits down. The audience be booin me and I look up and I can kinda see they ugly ass faces, but the lights in my eyes and I gives them the finger. Booin me? Shit, I kick all they asses.

Snookie Cane, that fat bitch, be standin in the middle of the audience and she say, “What a tough audience. Welcome to the show, Van Go. Look at the expression on his face,” she say. “We told Van Go that he was coming here to meet someone who had a crush on him. Are you surprised, Van Go.”

I look at the camera. “Yeah, I surprised,” I say.

“Today’s show is called, You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money,” she say. “So, where is the money, Van Go? These four ladies say you have never given them any cash for their children.”

“I takes care of my babies,” I say.

“Well, that’s a different story from the one we’ve been hearing,” she say.

“I don’t know what you been hearin, but I takes care of my babies.”

“Youse a damn liar,” Reynisha shout. “You ain’t gave me a damn penny, you dog.”

The audience laugh.

“Sit down and shut the fuck up,” I say.

“You can’t use that kind of language on the television,” Snookie Cane say. “And I can’t believe you would talk that way in front of your children.”

“But the ho be lying,” I say.

“Who you callin a ho?” Reynisha say.

“You, bitch.”

The audience makes a big noise all together. Snookie Cane steps down closer to the cage. “Check the language, Van Go.”

“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say.

I give her a hard look since she sittin right next to me.

“Have you given Cleona any money, Van Go?” Snookie Cane ax me.

“What?”

The audience laugh.

“Yes or no, have you given Cleona any money for Rexall?” she ax.

“You see, I ain’t had a job,” I say.

“But you have a job now, right?” Snookie Cane say.

“Yeah, but I ain’t got paid yet,” I say.

“So, when you get paid, are you going to give money to each of these ladies?” she ax.

“Hell, no,” Sharinda say. “He don’t care bout nobody but hisself.”

“Yeah, I’m gone give them some money,” I says.

Robertarina laughs loud. “I’ll believe that shit when I see it.”

“Your language, Robertarina,” Snookie Cane say.

“Sorry,” say Robertarina.

“Some surprise, huh,” Snookie Cane say to me. Then to the camera. “When we come back we’ll see if we can get to the bottom of this and we’ll hear what our audience has to say.”

The lights on the cameras goes off and Snookie Cane is surrounded by people makin up her face. She ain’t payin no attention to me. Cleona give me a look.

“What yo’ problem?” I ax.

“Shut up,” she say.

“Who the fuck you tellin to shut up?” I say.

A big muthafucka wearin sumpin’ on his head come trailin a wire over to me. “You’re goin have to watch yo’ language,” he say.

“You bet’ get yo’ big-lipped ass away from me,” I say.

“One more fuck and you’re off the show,” he say. He poke a finger in my chest and look at me hard. “Got it?”

“I got it,” I say.

Reynisha is lookin at me and laughin. “Keep laughin, bitch,” I say.

“And whatchew gone do?” she say. I got sumpin’ fo’ you if you come to my house.” She talkin bout that nine she got. “Come on ova.”

The camera come back on.

“Welcome back,” Snookie Cane say. “Our show today is You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money? And on our stage we have Van Go Jenkins, father of four children by four different women. Van Go, so you admit you haven’t contributed any money to the care of your children.”

“I ain’t admittin nuffin,” I say.

“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say it this time.

“Shut up, bitch,” I say.

The audience makes a noise.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of a fat woman with corn rows on her head. “His problem is he don’t respect himself,” the fat woman say. “So, how he gone respect anybody else.”

“I respect myself,” I say.

“You ain’t showin it, boy,” the fat woman say.

“Who you callin boy?” I say. “Sit yo’ big butt down.”

A tall, skinny dude stand up and say, “I think Mr. Jenkins here gots a problem wif his self-confidence, you know wif his manhood.”

“I’ll show you mine if you keep yo’s to yo’self,” I say.

The audience laugh and that feel kinda good.

“You have an answer for everybody, don’t you,” Snookie Cane say.

“Damn straight,” I say. “Somebuddy wanna answer, I gots one.”

Snookie Cane say, “We hear from Sharinda that you ain’t all that in bed.”

The audience laugh.

“Sharinda be lyin,” I say. “Sharinda be screamin.”

The audience make a noise.

“I be screamin to keep from laughin,” Sharinda say.

The audience laugh.

I feels blood in my face and my leg is shakin and my mouth feel like it movin but ain’t no words comin out.

“She got you, Van Go,” Snookie Cane say.

“You the one ain’t nuffin,” I say.

Sharinda lean back and snap her fingers and say, “All I know is I gots me a real man now and I be screamin fo’ sho.”

“Let’s meet that man,” Snookie Cane say. “Want to, audience?”

The audience say yeah.

Snookie Cane say, “Come on out, Mad Dog!”

The audience laugh at his name and I laughs too and this itty bitty lil’ nigger come struttin out. I bust up laughin. That be Mad Dog? I’m sho ‘nuff beside myself now.

“A real man,” I say to the audience.

Mad Dog just look at me like he don’t care what I say. For a second I feels kinda like a fool. But I cuts a look at him. I oughta fuck him up.

“Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say, “what do you know about all this.”

Mad Dog lean back like Sharinda and say, “I don’t know much, but I know this nigger ain’t shit.”

The audience scream.

“You have to watch your language, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say.

“I’m sorry,” Mad Dog say.

“Damn right, you sorry,” I say.

Mad Dog laugh. “Listen, boy, I takes care of yo’ baby everyday like she my own. Where yo’ money?”

The audience howl.

“Same place yo’ business be,” Mad Dog say. “Nowhere.”

I jumps up, but that little muthfucka don’t move, just look at me like I ain’t bout shit. That big dude with the headset on come and sit me back down.

“Bet sit yo’ butt down,” Mad Dog say, cool as shit.

Mad Dog talk to Snookie Cane and the audience. “I tell you what his problem is. He wanna knock boots wit Sharinda, but he ain’t even got shoes.”

The audience howl again.

“Aspireene is a sweet lil’ girl,” Mad Dog say. “I love Aspireene like my own.”

The audience say, “Awwwww.”

“That’s beautiful, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane said.

Mad Dog smile at Sharinda and touch Aspireene’s face.

I look at the first row and I see Mama’s face and she look like she bout to cry. I hates Mama. I loves Mama. I hates Mama. I loves Mama.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of this white dude and he put his hand on his hip and say, “I think loverboy up there needth to get on away away from the girlth.”

“Shut up, faggot,” I say.

“Come thhut me up,” the faggot say. “But you probably ain’t got nothin that can thhut me up.”

The audience laugh.

The faggot say, “The female in the red top.”

“Cleona,” Snookie Cane say.

“Cleona,” the faggot say. “Cleona, you need to jutht cut him loothe and find you a man.”

“What you know bout men?” I say and try to laugh.

“Honey, I know all about men,” he say.

The audience laugh.

“Shit,” I say under my breath. I looks back at Mama and she sho ‘nough cryin now.

Snookie Cane see my mama cryin and walk down to her, put the mike in her face. “Who are you, ma’am?” she ax.

“I’m his mother,” Mama say.

“Why are you cryin Mrs. Jenkins?” Snookie Cane ax.

“I didn’t raise him up to be like this,” Mama say.

“You made your mother cry,” Snookie Cane say.

“She always be cryin,” I says. “Ain’t nuffin new.”

The audience yell at me.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of a fat white dude. “He can’t respect these here women cause he don’t even respect his own mother.”

“Good point,” Snookie Cane say.

“But wait,” Snookie Cane say to the audience, then to me, “Van Go Jenkins, we have another surprise for you.”

“Yeah, what that be?”

“Where do you work now?” Snookie Cane ax.

“I’m in between jobs,” I say.

“Don’t you work for a family named Dalton?” she ax.

I don’t say nuffin.

“Do you know the Daltons?” she ax.

“Yeah, I know ‘em,” I says.

“What about Penelope Dalton?” Snookie Cane ax.

I looks at the door on the stage and then behind me. What Penelope gone be on this show for? “Is she here?” I ax.

“No, Van Go, she’s not here, but these gentlemen are,” Snookie Cane say.

And two policemans come through the door to my right.

“It seems you stepped over the line last night, Van Go,” Snookie Cane say, steppin down to beside my mama. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jenkins,” she say.

The cops is walkin at me.

Snookie Cane say, “It seems our guest raped a woman last night. At least that’s the allegation.”

I jump up out the chair and run for the other door. There be two cops there too. Fuck! I run for the back of the stage and I see Mad Dog’s face and he just as cool as shit. He don’t even get up. He say, “They ain’t after me.”

I run through the audience. That faggot try to stop me, but I runs right through him, kick him with my knee and he go down. People be tryin to grab me and I get thrown back to the front. I’m next to Mama. Mama be cryin. I’m right next to Snookie Cane. She don’t look real. The policemans are about to grab me. I drop down on my knees and start crawlin through legs. I’m trippin people and knockin ‘em over. I gets to the door in back and punch a security guard. I run. I gets out that building and I run out the studio and past the parkin lot and down a steep bank and across the highway and some railroad tracks. My heart is beatin, beatin, beatin.

Ate

So I gets away from the police and hangs around some alleys for a while. I gots a coupla dollars my mama give me before the telebision show, but I dont wanna spend it yet. But I be hongry as shit. I think it aint a good idea to go back to my hood, but that where I gotta be. I knows the streets and places to hide. I go to the grade school and kicks up in the shadows by the door and looks at the basketball courts. I hears some footprints comin my way, but there aint noplace for me to run, so I stay sunk down in the dark.

“Go, nigger, you here?” the voice call out. I recognizes it as Reynisha.

“That you, Reynisha?” I ax.

“Yeah, it me,” she say. “Come on out from dem shadows.”

“You by yo’self?” I ax.

“Yeah,” she say. “I dint think you was gonna get away from there. Them police still lookin through the studio.”

“Take mo’ than twenty police to catch me,” I say. “You come lookin fo’ me?”

“Yeah,” she say. “Come on down.”

I step out the shadows and down the steps and stand in front of her. “What you want?” I look at the street and down the block. “You got any money or food?”

“No, nigger, but I gots this fo’ yo’ ass,” she say and she pull out that nine and point it at me.

“Shit, Reynisha,” I say. “Is that muthafucka loaded?”

“Dame straight it loaded, you sorry son of a bitch,” she say. “I’m gone shoot yo’ ass dead and get you out my baby’s life fo’ good.”

“Chill out, baby doll,” I say.

She laugh. “Baby Doll?” she say and shake her head. “You got some fuckin nerve.”

“What you talkin bout, baby?” I say. “You know you aint wanna shoot me now, do you?”

“Oh, I wanna shoot you. There aint no question bout that,” she say. “I wanna shoot you and let somebody else clean up the blood.”

“Give me the gun, Reynisha,” I says and I take a step her way.

“One mo’ step and it will be yo’ last,” she say.

“What you want?” I ax.

“I wanna shoot you, stupid,” she say.

“You want money?” I ax.

“You know you aint got no money,” she say.

“Who that?” I say, lookin at the street. When she look, I takes the pistol from her. “Woooo. I’m glad I a smart muthafucka. So, you was gonna shoot my ass?”

“Damn straight,” she say, mad even though I got the gun.

“You lucky you my baby’s mama,” I say. “If you wasn’t I be puttin a bullet right tween yo’ eyes.” I put the barrel of the pistol on her forehead.

“You aint got the balls,” she say.

I dont pay her no attention. I pull the gun back and look at it. “I been wantin and needin me one of these.”

“Gimme my gun back,” she say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“You a big man, right?” she say.

I feels the weight of the pistol in my hand. “I is now,” I say. “I is now.”

“I’m gone tell ‘em you got a gun,” she say.

“Tell ‘em,” I say. I be lookin at the gun, the way it look in my hand, feelin the weight of it. “You go ‘head and tell ‘em.”

“What you gone do?” she ax.

“What that mean to you?” I say. “I got what I want from you and you kick them Hush Puppies on down the road.”

“I hope they kill yo’ ass,” she say.

“Yeah,” I say. “Me, too. They kills everybody else. So, why not me?”

I’m walkin downtown now. Just in case Reynisha go runnin to the cops and tellin ‘em she seen me in the hood. I be feelin the nine in my pocket and my head feel light. Then I see this cop cruiser comin toward me on the street. I ducks into a store. The store be full of stereos and telebisions and I think it would be cool as hell to actually have me one of them fine stereos. I wanna use my gun and take one. But the stereo be heavy and the cops be outside. I aint stupid. And there on the screen, on screen after screen down the row, is me, me on the Snookie Cane Show. Me in front of everybody. Me on telebision. I be lookin good and then the police come in. Then they rolls the tape back and show it again. Over and over. On screen beside screen beside screen. And there be this fat bitch standin down in front of a big screen and she look at me and I looks away. I walks on out back to the street where that cruiser been. But the cops aint there when I gets out. I heads down this alley and that, this street and that until I be back at the hood.

I sits under a tree in the park across from the licker sto’ and looks at my pistol. It be so black and shiny. It like a black diamond. It like money that aint money yet.

I walks on down out the park and down the street. I’m goin to the K’rean muthafucka’s sto’. He owe me. He owe me all he got for tellin me to get outta his fuckin’ sto’ and then callin the police. Just cause I wasn’t buyin nuffin. K’rean muthafucka. I just know that register of his be fulla money.

I stand cross the street and I watch people goin in and comin out the lil’ grocery sto’. Finally aint nobody in there but that K’rean. I crosses the street, give another look up and down the street and I go in.

That K’rean recognize me when I walk in. I can tell by the way he look at me. But he dont say nuffin. I look at the chips on the rack and he step real slow round the counter. He be runnin his hand through his hair like he nervous, shootin glances at me wif them little squinty eyes. Then he behind the counter, facin me and I see he’s reachin down for sumpin.

I pulls my piece and point at his yellow face. “Put yo’ hands on the counter,” I say.

He put ‘em flat on the counter. He lookin at my eyes. “What you wan?” he ax. “Take what you wan and go way.”

“Gimme the money in the register,” I say. I watch him while he do it. It look to be bout round a hundred. “Okay, where the safe.”

“No got safe,” he say.

“Fuck you, man,” I say. “Where the safe.” I push the gun closer to his face.

“Safe in back,” he say. “Don’t shoot.”

“Come round from there real slow,” I tells him.

But he don’t come round real slow. He duck down behind the counter and try to come back up with a shotgun. I pop him. The pistol jump in my hand and I almost drop it. I hit him in the head, in the side of the head. The hole look neat and there aint much blood at first. I shoots him three mo’ times until he in a lake of blood. Muthafucka. Shit, fuckin K’rean made me kill his ass. I dint tell him to grab no gun. I grab the money up off the counter and run out.

My head be throbbin. I dont know what to think or where to go. I run and run and run but I aint gettin nowhere. I be hongry as hell and I go into a Popeye chicken place. I eat some chicken and drink me a Sprite while sittin in the back booth near the bafrooms. I just be hopin I dont see nobody I knows. But the food be good.

I walk past the high school and down a wide alley and somebody call out to me. I pull the gun real fast and turn round and there is Willy the wino.

“Whoa,” he say. “Dont shoot me, pardner.” He drunk as shit and swayin in the light from a window above him. “That you, Van Go.”

“Yeah, it me, you drunk muthafucka,” I say.

“Where you runnin to and why you got that gun?” he ax.

“Just leave me alone,” I say.

“How yo’ mama?” he ax.

“What?”

“I say, how yo’ mama?” he say. “Think bout it, Van Go. Look at my face. Look at my coal black skin and then look at yown. Look at my black eyes and then look at yown. Look at my big black lips and look at yown. I be your daddy whether you likes it or not.”

“Shut up,” I say.

“It true,” he say.

“Then where you been?” I ax.

“I been doin what I do, survivin,” he say. “You aint worth a piss. Yo’ mama aint worth a piss. So, here I is.”

I can feel the rage swell up inside me. I hates this man. I hates my mama. I hates myself. I’m seein my face in his. I see the ape that stupid girls say they be fraid of. I see my long arms hangin down. I see eyes that dont care what happen tomorrow. I see myself rockin on my heels, waitin, waitin, waitin for sumpin I won’t recognize when it come. My only cure gone be death. I heard it all my life. I be hearin it now. I see Mama bleedin in my dream. I see my babies. I see Rexall, wifout a brain, growin up and axing “Why not me?” I see my daddy. I see myself. I shoot the muthafucka. Pop! In the gut.

Willy double over and he look at me like to say, “Why?” I yell at him. I be standin over him yellin at the back of his head. “Cause you aint shit!” I say. “Cause you made me, muthafucka! Cause I aint shit!” I be cryin now and I think I hear sumpin out at the street. I run again.

I falls asleep in the basement of an empty buildin.

I has a dream. In the dream this big white man tryin me out for a basketball team. He makin me run laps round the court. Lap after lap after lap. And everytime I comes by him he laughin harder. So, finally I stops and looks at him and I ax, “What you laughin at?”

“You runnin the wrong way, nigger,” he say.

“Why dint you say sumpin,” I say. Then I turn around and start runnin the opposite direction. And everytime I pass by him he laughin harder again. So, I stops and stares at him. “What the fuck so funny now?” I ax.

“You’re running with your left foot first,” he say.

“What you talkin bout?” I ax. I dont understand. “I s’posed to start on my right foot?”

“No, but it’s supposed to fall first every time,” he say. “It don’t matter which one you start with.”

“I don’t get it,” I say.

“Okay, forget that,” he say. “Try running backwards.”

I run twenty laps backward and my legs be achin and I realize that I aint got on no shoes and my feet be bleedin. And then Willy is runnin backwards beside me, keepin up with me. The coach nods at me everytime I come by. I look over at Willy and he’s smilin.

“See, it aint so bad,” he say.

“What you doin here?” I say.

“I come to tell you that you was wrong,” he say.

“Bout what?” I ax.

“You say you aint shit,” he say. “You say I aint shit. Well, I is shit and so is you.” He laughs loud and stops runnin. I pass by the coach and he be laughin too.

Nine

I wakes up the next mornin sweatin like a fuckin pig and I be stank. I crawls outta that hole and the light hurts my eyes. I duck through the alleys until I come up to the back of the pool hall. I climb up the fire escape and gets in through the bafroom window. I splash water on my face and then I just sits there for a while, restin, wonderin where I’m gone go. I falls asleep again in one of the stalls.

When I wakes up I hear balls breakin on a table outside. I opens the door and takes a peek and I see Yellow and Tito playin a game. I walk out there but I stay in the shadows. Yellow see me.

“Nigger, what you doin here?” he say, tryin to keep his voice down.

Tito come over. “Man, you hotta than a Swisher Sweet.”

“You been on the TV non-stop,” Yellow say. “They gone gas yo’ ass.”

“Shit,” I say. “They don’t gas you for rape and runnin.”

“They does fo’ murder,” Yellow say. “They caught yo’ butt on the security cam shootin that K’rean.”

“Oh shit,” I say.

“Oh shit is right,” Tito say.

“Who dat back there?” the fat man call to Tito and Yellow.

“Aint nobody but us, Pops,” Tito say.

I ducks down in the hallway.

“What you gone do?” Yellow ax.

“I guess I’ll go down to Mexico,” I say.

“Nigger, you dont eben speak Spanish,” Yellow say.

“So what,” I say. “Them muthafuckas come up here and they dont speak no American.”

“Police been here lookin for you,” Tito say. “Fat Man look at yo’ picture and took they card. There’s a reward. He’ll drop a dime on yo’ ass in second.”

“Buncha niggers would,” I say. “I need a car.”

“We aint got a car,” Tito say.

“Get me one,” I say.

“And why should we get yo’ stupid ass a car?” Yellow ax.

“Cause I’m a brother,” I says.

“Fuck that shit,” Tito say. “You just lucky we aint turnin yo’ ass in.”

“That how you treat a brother?” I say.

“Who dat?” that fat bastard say again.

“Nobody, Pops,” Tito say.

“Is it that Snookie Cane Show nigger?” Fat Man say. “Where my phone.”

I jumps up and run to the desk. I be pointin my pistol at him, but he keep dialin. “Hang up, Fatso!” I yell. But he keep pushin in the number. I rip the phone out the wall. I stick the gun in his face. “You still drive that piece-a-shit Ford?” I ax.

“It aint no piece-a-shit,” he say.

“Give me the keys,” I say.

“You bet give him the keys, Pops,” Tito say.

The fat man reach into his pocket and give me the keys.

“Awright,” I say. “Awright. Now, dont go runnin to the cops. You hear me?”

“I hear you,” the fat man say.

Then I point the gun at Yellow and Tito. “You, too!”

“Okay,” Tito say.

Tin

I be in that fuckin Ford Torino belong to Fat Man. It from the sebenties and it be dirty as shit. Beer cans and burger wrappers be all on the floor. The thing put smoke out the back and the engine be soundin like a jar full of pins. I can see a piece of the vinyl roof flappin in the wind on the passenger side. I member how smooth that Dalton car drove. It was like a cloud and I was floatin somewhere above all this shit. Everybody else floatin, so why not me?

Then I hears the choppin of blades and I sees people on the street lookin up and I just knows there be a helicopter spotted me. I look in the mirror and I see a cruiser way off. But he comin. They always be comin. I turns onto the 101 and the traffic be thick but I speeds on through them cars, blowin my horn and usin the shoulder. People be gettin out the way. There is a couple of cruisers behind me now. They lights be on, but they hangin back. I see a sign for Union Station and I think SHIT, cause I’m goin the wrong muthafuckin direction. I swings off and head down some side streets. Maybe the chopper cain’t see me for the trees, I thinks. The cruisers still back there and now I be passin some at the intersections. I gets back on the 101. I know it go south. They be behind me and above me and be drivin a hole in the highway.

Somehow I end up goin the wrong way again. I be on that 60 headin to Riverside. I know cause I gots a cousin who live there. He used to live out there. Nigger got shot for pokin round a speed lab. Niggers always wanna be gettin sumpin fo’ free.

I turns on the radio and hear they be talkin bout me. I can see a news helicopter off to the side, but it be from the telebision. I can see the cameraman hangin out and pointin it at me. Hey, I be on the telebision three times in two days. My heart feel all big. I press harder on the gas. There aint much gas in this fucker and there bout six cruisers behind me now. Sheriff cars be back there now.

I drives past Ontario and Chino and I miss the 15 headin souf to Mexico. I drives through Riverside and I’m sho’nuff bout to run outta gas and I turns onto the 215 headin souf, but I know I gotta get off the freeways. I gets off and I’m drivin through someplace call Moreno Valley and the car startin to knock and shake and them cruisers still back there and them helicopters still choppin up the air. I wave to the camera.

I pull into the post office, jumps out the car and runs in. I shoot my gun into the ceilin and people start screamin. I yells for them to shut up. “Shut up!” I says. “Everybody get down on the flo’!” I screams. They gets down but one old lady is goin slow. “I say DOWN!” I yells at her and she start cryin.

The police be outside. Must be twenty cars. I can see them through the big window.

A black cop call to me on one them horns. “Van Go Jenkins!” he say. “It’s all over, son! Time to call it quits!”

“I aint quittin nuffin!” I yell back through the glass. But he aint hear me. I points to a skinny blond girl. “Come here!” She crawl to me. “Get up!” She stand up and I grab her round her neck and put the gun to her head. I walk to the door and lean out with her in fronta me. “I’ll shoot her!” I shout. The girl be cryin. “I swear to God I’ll shoot her.”

“Let’s talk, Van Go,” the nigger with the bullhorn say.

“Fuck talk!” I say.

“What do you want?” he ax.

I see a telebision news crew settin up. The camera be pointin at me. “I want some money and another car,” I says.

“We can’t do that,” he say.

“You bet do it,” I say. I go back in and throw the girl on the flo’. This old black woman be starin at me. “What you lookin at, old bitch.”

She shake her head. “What happen to you in yo’ life?” she say.

“I aint had no life is what happen to me,” I say. “Now shut the fuck up.”

“Just give up, boy,” the old lady say.

“You aint my mama,” I say.

“Thank the Lord for that,” she say.

“You think you funny,” I say.

She dont say nuffin.

I counts the people in the room. Then I realize that them workers been behind the counter. I run over there and they all gone. I got seben hostages. All I want is a car. I yell at the window, “Just get me a fuckin car!”

The cameras are starin at me. Three of ‘em now. I see someone I recognize from the news. I waves at her. The phone ring. I go and answer it. It be somebody wantin to know bout a package.

“I aint got yo’ fuckin package!” I say and hang up.

The phone ring again. This time it the police. “You’re going to have to give it up, Van Go,” he say. It the same nigger that was on that horn.

“I aint givin up shit, man. Now you get me that car!” I say.

“The car is coming. Why don’t you give us a couple of those people in there?” he say.

“Old lady,” I say and point at her. “Go on out there. If you say a muthafuckin word I shoot you.”

She get up and walk to the door real slow. Then she out and she run cross that parkin lot like nobody bizness.

“Okay,” I say into the phone. “You got one.”

“The car is comin, Van Go.”

I hang up and I be sweatin like a pig. I shoulda killed that rich bitch. It be all her fault. Callin the cops and makin me run. And it be Reynisha fault too for comin after me wif that gun and lettin me take it from her. It be my mama fault for sho’, gettin pregnant wif me and havin me. It be that basketball coach fault. It be that white teacher fault. It be everybody fault.

After bout ten fifteen minutes, the phone ring again. It that cop. “Your car is here,” he say.

“Bout time,” I say. I watch as it pull up in the lot. It be a little red sport car. It look fine as shit. Awright, I says to myself.

“Okay?” the cop say on the phone.

“Okay,” I say. “I’m comin out wif this girl in here. I takin her wif me.”

“Okay,” he say. “Be cool and don’t hurt anybody.”

“I cool, fool,” I say. “You the one be cool.” I hang up. “You!” I points at the white girl again. “How old you?”

“Sixteen,” she say.

“Just be cool,” I say.

The light outside is brighter than I member. The cameras is pointin at me. All them cops be pointin they guns at me. I tell the girl not to move again. We walk to the car. I yell out at the cops, “Try sumpin! Try sumpin and this girl get it in the head.”

That car be little as shit and it hard for the girl crawl over the brake to the passenger side. I tells the girl to be cool again. I smile at the cameras. I turn the key and BAM! I dont know what happen. I think maybe I been shot. I cain’t see nuffin for a second and then I be covered with this powder shit. Then I be yanked by my hair out the car to the ground. I don’t know what goin on. Somebody kick me in my side. Somebody grab my arm and I think it be broken.

“What happen?” I say.

The cops be laughin. “Air bag, you dumb fuck,” one says to me.

I looks up and see the cameras. I get kicked again while I’m bein pulled to my feet. But I dont care. The cameras is pointin at me. I be on the TV. The cameras be full of me. I on TV. I say, “Hey, Mama.” I say, “Hey, Baby Girl. Look at me. I on TV.”