Ethan: Lord of Scandals

Two

In the instant between losing her balance and knowing she was going to fall, Alice had time for thoughts.

Please, God, not this, not now, with the arrogant and condescending Mr. Grey on hand to witness it, and only him to help me. Please…

“I’ve got you.” The words were gruff, the grip on her arms ungentle, but the way Ethan Grey held her against his chest was secure and such a relief Alice hung there, catching her balance in something very like an embrace.

“I’ve got you,” Mr. Grey said again, his grip relaxing, though he didn’t step back.

And neither did Alice. The near fall had scared her; the near falls always scared her, had her heart hammering in her chest, her breath coming too quickly, and memories—the worst memories in her possession—obliterating rational processes.

Panic swirled close. Alice forced her breathing to slow rather than allow that panic any closer.

“Here.” Mr. Grey tugged at her, his arm slipping around her waist as he guided her to a fallen tree large enough to sit on. He tossed the folded blanket over the tree and urged her down, sitting beside her with his arm still around her waist.

Ethan Grey was an awful man. He beat his children, and Alice hadn’t once caught him smiling; but he was tall, strong, and solid, and he smelled of cedar and safety. When he urged her against him, she leaned just a little.

“You’re pale as a ghost,” he said, his tone displeased. “If I had smelling salts, I’d be waving them under your nose. Are you going to faint?”

She shook her head, though she had to swallow twice to find her voice.

“I have a bad hip,” she said, eyes on her lap so he couldn’t see her embarrassment. “When it gives out, it can lame me for a considerable time, and the house is not close.”

“As if I’d leave you here for the gamekeeper to discover on his fall rounds some months hence. Does your hip pain you now?”

“You caught me in time.” Though her hip did pain her. It pained her nigh constantly, and this little slip would mean a bad night at least. It could have been so very much worse. “My thanks.”

“Hmm.” He regarded her, no doubt seeing her lips pinched against pain, her complexion pale, and her composure—upon which she prided herself—eluding her. “Has your hip always been unreliable?”

He made it sound as if her hip was a shifty, shady sort of character, not a body part they shouldn’t even be alluding to.

“I wasn’t born this way.” She glanced up at him, some of her irritation coming back, and wasn’t that a relief, probably to them both. “It’s worse if I’m tired, or I try to move too quickly.”

“We’re about halfway between the house and the orchard. What’s your pleasure?” He stood with his hands on his hips, looking put out. That was some comfort.

“Press on,” she said, trying to rise, only to find Mr. Grey’s hand on her arm restraining her.

“Soon.” His eyes—a startlingly handsome blue—lit with what had to be his version of humor. “Rest a minute longer, Miss Portman. You can do it if you put your considerable will to it.”

She shot him a truculent glare, which caused his mouth—also curiously well formed—to quirk up in a smile. The expression was unexpectedly charming on him, taking years off his features and giving an astonishingly winsome aspect to her escort.

Manners compelled her to smile back.

“Is this hip of yours the reason you do not enjoy horses?” he asked, glancing around at the surrounding woods.

“In part,” she replied, thinking again he talked as if her joint were naughty. “I can sit a horse if I have to, but it’s very hard to get on and off, and I pay for the privilege.”

“This is why God invented coaches, perhaps. Though for my part, they are mortally stuffy and cramped.”

“One can see how this might be true for you.”

“I cannot help my height, Miss Portman.”

“I don’t refer to your height, Mr. Grey.” She shifted, testing her hip and wincing at the result. “I refer to what might be a familial tendency to take the reins rather than be a passenger.”

“You still hurt.” He treated her to a frown while some lunatic bird started chirping above them. “And yes, as a family we tend to charge forth rather than sit back. Shall I pass some time reading to you?”

“Fairy tales?” She resisted the temptation to smirk. “That might be entertaining.”

“Not nearly so much as it might be were you to read to me.”

“What?” She frowned right back at him, wondering if he was attempting to flirt with her in some backhanded way. “You could do better than Lord Androcles Wolfgang Poopoo Paws Wolfbottom Wolf the Fourth?”

“Not on my best day, but we might get the story actually read.”

“And then it would be bedtime, Mr. Grey. Were you truly never a child? Nicholas would have me believe you were, but he likes to tease.”

He eyed her up and down, his disapproval now encompassing her entire corpus. “I can see Wee Nick taking on the challenge of teasing you with some degree of relish, but yes, I was once upon a time a child, though it was long ago and far away, and a folly briefly concluded. I am debating fetching my horse to ferry you to our destination.”

Alice waved a hand that had lost its glove—drat the luck. “No horses, please. If we take our time and avoid steep cliffs and earthquakes, I can manage.”

“Very well.” He rose, looking none too happy with her decision, which yielded a measure of satisfaction in itself. “If you please?” He extended his bare hand, and when Alice laced her fingers through his, he drew her to her feet, tucked his arm around her waist, and held her to his side.

“We are to promenade?”

“Let’s see how you fare through the woods. If you’re foot-sound, you can charge across the orchard at a dead run.” She stiffened, contemplating a rousing good argument, then realized their verbal altercation would take place with his arm about her waist.

As that would hardly serve—and her hip hurt, and her escort was tall and strong—Alice set off at a sedate pace.

As he guided Miss Portman along through the sunlight and shadows of the old woods, Ethan had an odd sense of pleasurable discovery.

Alice Portman was in disguise. She looked all prim and tidy, not a hair out of place, but she smelled delectable—not just lemons, but something more too—spices both soothing and intriguing. And against a man’s body, she felt quite… feminine. She was apparently wearing only country stays—a married man learned of these things, will he, nil he—and her breasts were pleasingly full. Then too, no corset on earth could disguise the feminine swell of a woman’s hips.

“Are you in pain?” Ethan asked as they strolled along.

“A little,” she admitted, but he wasn’t fooled, so he moved slowly with her, mindful of her steps, and while his grip was snug, it was also careful.

“We’re almost out of the woods,” Ethan said, forcing himself to adopt a more conventional escort’s stance. “You will take my arm, Alice Portman, and you will behave.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Grey.” She rolled her eyes, likely forgetting her straw hat had fallen down her back, revealing her face to Ethan’s view. Nonetheless, she wrapped her hand into the crook of his elbow and honestly let him take some of her weight.

Priscilla spotted them first and came gamboling over to grab her governess’s free hand. “We’ve made you a necklace of clover, and Papa showed me how to skip rocks, because Wee Nick was tossing the boys into the water, and boys don’t skip as well as rocks, at least our boys.”

“Ethan!” Nick’s voice rang with pleasure as they crossed the green to the grassy bank of the stream. “You honor us. Now get out of those boots and help me repel the pirates trying to board my ship. Alice, release the prisoner into my custody. He’ll be a good boy, or we’ll make him walk the plank.”

A chorus of juvenile voices took up the cry, “Walk the plank!” which Nick quelled by slapping water in the direction of the four sopping-wet boys trying to splash him back from the shallows.

For a total of five boys, if one included the earl.

There was no hope for it. Ethan aimed a scowl at the child capering around on Miss Portman’s other side. “Miss Priscilla, you will not yank on Miss Portman’s arm. We are setting a dignified example for my hopeless little brother.”

“Younger brother,” Priscilla corrected him. “I still have your handkerchief, Mr. Grey.”

“Pleased to hear it,” Ethan said, wondering if he could get out of joining Nick and his band of cutthroats in the stream.

“Go on.” Miss Portman dropped his arm. “If you take Nick down, you will be a hero in the eyes of little boys throughout the realm.”

And perhaps in the eyes of one governess. The notion had peculiar appeal.

“Until he takes me down,” Ethan muttered. Nothing would do but that he spread the blanket, sit, and pull off his boots. “And his countess will fuss at him, but she’ll be wroth with me.”

“Whining, Mr. Grey?” Miss Portman offered him another one of the dazzling, heart-stopping smiles.

“Absolutely.” Ethan stood up. “Can you manage?” He glanced down at the blanket meaningfully. When she only frowned, he offered his arm and got her settled on the blanket before pulling his shirt over his head and striding off for the water.

“Stand down, Wee Nick,” Ethan bellowed. “I’ll not have you terrorizing the peasants.”

“We’re not peasants,” John said. “We’re tars.”

“Them either.” Ethan winked at John, whom he hadn’t said two words to in the previous three weeks. “Prepare to meet your doom, Wicked Nick.”

Nick grinned an evil, piratical grin and dove for his brother. The water was only about two feet deep, perfect for making a huge ruckus without any risk of harm. The little boys squealed and hopped around, calling encouragement to their pirate of choice; the big boys bellowed and splashed and dunked each other repeatedly, until Nick and Ethan were both sitting on a log downed in the shallows, panting and licking knuckles scraped on the bottom of the stream.

“Now look what we’ve done,” Nick said as the smaller boys began to roughhouse in earnest. “The seven seas will never be safe again.”

“True, but at least our breeches stayed on.”

The boys had been wading in their smalls, and when waterlogged and held around slippery little bodies by only a drawstring, Joshua’s and John’s clothing was being dragged into the briny deep.

“What on earth has Joshua done to his backside?”

Ethan slogged across the water toward his son, his brain taking a moment to comprehend what his eyes insisted was fact. He discreetly pulled up Joshua’s sagging drawers and did the same for John before turning a thunderous expression on his brother.

“Nicholas Haddonfield, did you beat my son?” He kept his voice down, while both hands curled into tight fists.

“I did not,” Nick said, keeping his voice as low as Ethan’s. “He came to us like that, Ethan. Alice noticed it when she gave them a bath the first night, and brought it to my attention.”

Nick’s disclosure made Ethan want to hit someone—something—all the more. “That has been healing all this time? He never said a word.”

Nick eyed Ethan’s hand. “I asked him if he fell. He said he was bad and he deserved it.”

“He’s five,” Ethan shot back. “How could he deserve a hiding like that?”

“So you didn’t do it.”

“You thought…” Ethan dropped Nick’s gaze, his eyes going to his youngest son. “It had to hurt like hell, Nick.”

“If you didn’t do it, then who did?”

“I am ashamed to say I do not know.” Ethan watched as Joshua’s backside peeked into view again. “I suspect it was Mr. Harold, their tutor, but until I talk to Joshua, I can’t say. I feel sick.”

“I feel relieved,” Nick said. “A man’s children are his own business, but to think you might have done that to your son did not sit well with me or my countess. They’re good boys, Ethan. If anything, they’re too good.”

Ethan wasn’t listening. A muscle worked in his jaw, and he could feel the vein just beyond his hairline throbbing. His eyes were fixed on his sons, sturdy little men having a grand time on a summer day. To appearances, all was well with them, but Ethan still felt the urge to kill whoever had hurt one of his boys.

“Come on.” Nick prodded him with an elbow. “I brought spare breeches, and you can borrow a pair. Into the bushes with us. Beware the savages, as we’re fair game for attack.”

When they’d changed their clothes, they returned to the blankets to find the boys still cavorting in the water—though their lips were blue and their teeth were chattering.

“Joshua and Jeremiah, out!” Ethan barked. “Now!”

They came right out of the water and presented their shivering little selves to their father, while John and Ford whined and dallied and made excuses to Nick.

Ethan bent down and wrapped each boy in a towel. “You will be dried off and dressed and eating yourselves sick while John and Ford are still dripping on their blankets.” He grabbed for Joshua and rubbed the child briskly all over with the towel, until the shivering had subsided.

And if he stole a surreptitious hug in the process, he was the only one who knew.

Alice glanced up from where she was reading the children a story, to see a groom leading an enormous golden gelding from the direction of the house.

“It’s Argus,” Jeremiah informed her in a whisper. “Papa’s horse. Is Papa going somewhere?”

“I am not.” Mr. Grey spoke from where he stood towering above the children. “Miss Portman requires escort back to the house, and Argus volunteered.”

“Your horse?” Alice tried to scramble to her feet, but found she was lifted there instead by Mr. Grey’s hands under her elbows. “What about the story?”

“Mrs. Belmont?” Mr. Grey’s smile sported an alarming complement of perfect white teeth. “Can you or Priscilla finish the story?”

“Let me!” Priscilla yelled before her mother could respond. Mr. Grey passed the girl the book.

“We’ve no mounting block,” Alice said. Also no sense, for the last thing, the very last thing she was going to do was climb onto that enormous golden beast. The idea of it made her chest pound and sent Hart Collins’s taunts skittering through her memory.

“No problem.” Nick appeared at her elbow, oozing friendly concern, the wretch. “We’ll get you on board easily enough, provided you’re willing?”

“I can’t ride by myself.” The admission hurt, even all these years later.

“Nor would I expect you to,” Mr. Grey said as he swung up. “Nick?”

And just like that, Alice found herself gently deposited before Mr. Grey in the saddle, the horse ambling off in the direction of the house.

“Put your arm around my waist,” Mr. Grey said as he guided the gelding away from the picnic spot. “You’re sitting gingerly, as if the saddle were too hot, and that will just make the horse nervous and you more prone to tipping off.”

“You frequently ride about with damsels before you?” Alice tentatively slid an arm around Mr. Grey’s lean waist, reasoning he’d done the same with her when they were on foot.

“I never ride about with damsels before me.” He passed the reins to one hand and circled her waist with the other arm. He drew her back against his chest and left his arm where it was. “Relax, and I’ll have you safely home.”

Relax. She was on a horse large enough to rival an elephant, snugged up against an equally large, grouchy man who smelled too good, and he wanted her to relax.

“Is it the horse you’re afraid of,” the man asked when Alice was still barely letting her body touch his, “or is it me?”

“What have I to fear from you?” Alice didn’t dare turn her head. It might upset her balance, the horse, anything.

“Nothing.” He leaned back as Argus negotiated a slight slope, and Alice clutched his waist. “Easy.” Mr. Grey straightened slowly. “It must have been a very bad fall.”

Alice did risk peeking at him and wished she hadn’t, because his mouth was exactly in line with her eyes. God above, it was a lovely sight. Those perfectly sculpted lips were the boon of a god both generous and perverse.

“It was a bad accident,” Alice said. “I was dragged for quite some distance and lucky I didn’t lose my leg.” Or her mind. She shoved the memory of Collins’s cronies jeering at her back into its mental vault. The memory of Avis’s eyes was a more difficult struggle.

“You’re lucky you didn’t lose your life. Being dragged is usually far worse than simply being pitched off. You’ll tell me about it?”

What an odd request—until Alice realized he was trying to distract her from her perch before him. “Sometime. I don’t even like to think of it.”

“I know.” His tone turned bleak. “You want to forget, but you never will, so neglecting the memory is the next best thing.”

He spoke from experience, leaving Alice to wonder what a wealthy, handsome man like Ethan Grey had to forget. He was a bastard, true, but that hardly seemed to bother him. Perhaps the pain in his eyes stemmed from grief over the recent loss of his father. It might explain his distance from his sons, and even an occasional loss of temper with them.

“Nick said you were the one who noticed the marks on Joshua,” he said, as if divining her thoughts.

“They were very angry marks,” Alice replied, though this was hardly a more sanguine topic than her fall. “It must have hurt him to sit, but he wouldn’t talk about it, so I had Nick give the boys their next bath. Joshua didn’t want to talk to him either.”

“I didn’t do it. I didn’t even know about it, and in a way, that’s worse than if I had done it.”

So she could remove from the list of Ethan Grey’s numerous faults that of child beater. It was an odd relief, but she was willing to do it.

“One cannot keep one’s children safe from all harm,” Alice said gently. “Joshua thinks he deserved the punishment. You might consider talking to Jeremiah. He is very protective of Joshua and could not be happy to see his brother treated so poorly.”

“Good suggestion. Is it the case you haven’t yet secured another position, Miss Portman?”

Oh, no. No, no, no. Alice would have pokered right back up, except Mr. Grey’s arm around her middle prevented it.

“I have not.” She went on the offensive, despite her precarious perch and the fact that she was depending on Mr. Grey for her safety. “I am not well versed in the nuances of dealing with little boys, Mr. Grey. I do not know your sons well, and I am not cheap.”

“Neither am I,” he replied, amusement in his voice. “I will pay you exactly what I paid their previous tutors, if you’ll take them on even a temporary basis.”

She might have hopped off the horse and stomped away rather than conclude the discussion, but money was always a consideration, and with a bad hip, one didn’t hop off eighteen-hand behemoths or stomp very far.

“How much?”

He named an astonishing figure, one that would allow Alice to add considerably to her savings. But no… These were boys, and two of them, and that was bad enough, but then there was Mr. Grey…

“I can’t. They are active little fellows, Mr. Grey, and I cannot be responsible for getting them into the fresh air and sunshine each day as I should.”

“I’ll manage that part, if you’ll handle the schoolroom and the rest of it.”

“What is the rest of it?” She should hop off, bad hip or not.

“They’ll have a nursemaid, of course, for tending them at the start and end of each day. The grooms will supervise them in the stables, and I’ve enough footmen to toss cricket balls at them, and so forth.”

Here was purchase in a negotiation she intended to win. “Not footmen. You.”

“I beg your pardon?” He frowned again, but then made a little fuss over steering the horse, who no doubt could have found the barn blindfolded in a high wind.

Was he trying to scare her?

“You did not have your sons’ trust, Mr. Grey,” Alice said. “You can’t simply command them to trust you. They have to see and experience you as trustworthy. You can’t do that if you’re shut away with your ledgers and they’re off with a groom on their ponies.”

This would nicely scotch his schemes, and without them having to argue about it. Alice congratulated herself on her brilliance as she relaxed against his chest. She was out from under his offer, and nobody need be offended. For the first time in years, she almost enjoyed being on a horse.

“Three days a week,” he said, “I will spend at least an hour in recreation with both boys.”

Drat. Her brothers had taught her some rudimentary gambling as she’d recovered from her injuries; being a governess had taught her strategy. She raised the stakes. “And you’ll take a walk with each child once a week, weather permitting, or play cards, or somehow spend an hour with each child individually.”

“I can do that.”

“And you will join them for breakfast,” Alice plunged on, concluding Mr. Grey must not be thinking sensibly. “And one evening meal a week.”

Behind her, Alice felt Mr. Grey draw in a breath and go silent.

“Fridays would suit,” he said at length, “and you must agree to join me at that meal too.”

“Of… of course.” Alice felt her world slipping, and she inadvertently held more tightly to Mr. Grey, whose arm tucked around her closely in response.

“You’ll have pin money and a clothing allowance besides,” he went on, while Alice grappled with the import of their discussion. “And a half day every Saturday. Nobody is expected to work on Sunday at Tydings, including the kitchen. You will have two weeks paid in the summer to see friends, such as Miss Priscilla, and the use of a horse or pony trap, should you need it. We are agreed?”

Alice was quiet, stunned at how her world could change in the space of a half mile. She had not lined up another position because she preferred to deal with agencies to screen potential employers. Any place in London itself would not do, there being a surfeit of titles around the place, and Collins—may he rot slowly in a malodorous corner of hell—was liable to visit other titles from time to time.

Any household that had too many grown sons or uncles or male cousins was out of the question as well. Any place that expected her to ride with the children or march them about the estate every day of the week, any place that would not pay a decent wage or give her even a half day a week to catch her breath…

Mr. Grey was offering her more than she usually demanded, in every regard. He had no title; his children were dear and very much in need of someone who would care for them.

“This is temporary,” Alice said as the horse shuffled into the stable yard. “You said this was temporary.”

He nudged the beast to a halt. “I said I’d hire you even if you were only willing to take us on temporarily. I suggest we give the matter a three-month trial. If you are not content, we can agree to part at that point, but you must allow me at least that long again to search for a successor.”

The condition was practical and would ensure the children did not suffer a lapse in studies. It also ensured that for six months Mr. Grey would not be left with the dilemma of finding another tutor.

“So it’s a six-month position, at least.”

“At least,” he agreed, then swung off the horse, leaving Alice perched on the pommel, mind reeling. “Miss Portman?”

Alice glanced down to see Mr. Grey regarding her patiently from the ground. She put her hands on his shoulders and felt herself lifted easily from the saddle. Though Mr. Grey was careful to settle her onto her feet slowly, her left leg buckled when she tried to put weight on it.

“Steady.” He held her still, letting her lean against him once more. “Give it a minute.”

She bit her lip and blinked. “It’s shot,” she muttered miserably as the horse was led away. “The only thing that helps now is bed rest.”

“Can you lean on me?” Mr. Grey asked, wrapping an arm around her waist. But he was too tall to be properly leaned on, and Alice hadn’t the strength or the balance to hop up three flights of stairs on one foot.

She shook her head, feeling tears threaten, not exclusively as a result of the ache in her hip.

He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “bugger this,” and Alice felt herself being swept up against his chest.

“We’ll have you surrounded by hot-water bottles in no time.” He headed across the gardens to one of the house’s back entrances.

“The servants’ stairs are closer,” Alice said, looping her arms around his neck. She hadn’t been carried like this since she’d fallen off that horse, and though she was full grown and well fed, Mr. Grey carried her as if she weighed no more than little Priscilla. It was disconcerting, sweet, comforting, and awful, all at once.

He bent his knees a little at her door, so Alice could lift the latch, then he kicked the door shut behind them. Alice found herself gently deposited on the edge of the bed, facing a stern-faced Mr. Grey, who was glaring down at her, his hands on his hips. Without warning, he dropped to hunker before her and took one of her boots in his hands.

She stared down at him. “What are you doing?”

“Removing your shoes,” he replied, unlacing her half boot as he spoke. “Bending at the waist is likely uncomfortable for you.”

Protests dammed up behind the truth—bending at the waist hurt abysmally, though Alice nearly died of mortification and shock when she felt Mr. Grey’s hands slip under her skirts and tug down her stockings.

“Mr. Grey!” She tried to scoot back on the bed, but that hurt like blue blazes, so she had to settle for glaring at him as he rolled her stockings like a practiced lady’s maid.

“Oh, simmer down.” His tone disgruntled, he looked around and put the stockings on her vanity. “I was married for several years, you know, and it isn’t as if I’ll be ravishing you over the sight of your dainty feet.”

Alice went still on the bed, all other indignities and imprecations forgotten. “What do you mean, you were married?”

“My sons are legitimate.” He frowned at her, his hands back on his hips. “I would not wish bastardy on any child, much less my own.”

“But you said you were married,” Alice pressed. “You aren’t married now?”

“I am not,” he replied, cocking his head. “And were I not in polite company, and did it not sound insufferably callous, I would add, ‘thank God.’ My wife expired of typhoid fever a little more than three years into our union. I would not have wished her dead, but she is, and I quite honestly do not miss her.”

“Mr. Grey! Surely you haven’t voiced those sentiments before your children?”

“And if I have?”

“You would have much to apologize for,” Alice shot back. “Much to be forgiven for. She might have been the worst mother in the world, but those little boys need to believe she was in some way lovable, much as they would need to believe the same about you, lest they see themselves as unlovable.”

His gaze narrowed. “You presume to know a great deal about my sons.”

“I knew well before you did that one of them had been birched too severely,” Alice retorted. “And I know they need to regard their parents in some reasonably positive fashion.”

“Well, then, fine.” He ran a hand through his hair in a gesture Alice had seen his younger brother make often. “Your expertise confirms my choice of you as the boys’ next governess.”

Alice opened her mouth to say something, then shut it abruptly.

“I will take my leave of you.” He stepped back from the bed. “A maid will be along posthaste. Will you want some laudanum?”

“No. Thank you, that is. No, thank you.”

“Good day, then. I’ll have our terms drawn up into a contract and provide a copy for your review.”

She nodded, not even watching as he took his leave. Her hip hurt, and it was going to hurt worse in the next few hours, and she’d just made a devil’s bargain with a man who smelled divine and handled her like she was a sack of feathers. Alice was tucked up in her night rail, a glass of cold lemonade by the bed, before she realized she was just as disgruntled with Mr. Grey for being widowed as she was for his handling her like she was a sack of feathers—and not even a female sack of feathers at that.