Every Little Crook and Nanny

15: Nonaka

Tamaichi Nonaka Japanese.

He stood in the backyard with Benny Napkins on his left and Dominick the Guru on his right, and together they stared up at the sun-blinded windows on the rear of the building.

“It’s hard to say,” Dominick said. “I was in a lot of apartments last night.”

“The only one we’re concerned with is the one where you picked up that watch,” Benny said.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But it’s hard to tell one window from another window, you know what I mean? I mean, all windows look the same to me. You go in them, you come out of them, they all look the same.”

“Try to remember,” Benny said. “Somewhere in that goddamn building is Carmine Ganucci’s kid. If we can bust in and get the kid back we’ll all be heroes. If not...”

“Listen, how did I get involved in this?” Dominick asked. “I was minding my own business, trying to engage in a simple act of commerce with The Silver Fox. Now all at once I’m involved in a kidnapping.”

“Me too,” Nonaka said.

“You are involved because I am involved,” Benny said. “No man is an Iland, intire of itselfe,” he went on. “Every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Dominick said.

“Me too,” Nonaka said.

“And besides, Ganooch will bust our heads if he ever finds out we knew which building his son was in, and couldn’t remember the apartment.”

“Maybe it was on the eighth floor,” Dominick said, and shrugged.

“Maybe is not good enough,” Benny said. “Was it the eighth floor, or was it not? I don’t intend to go breaking down a door and suddenly find out there’s a little old lady inside whose husband is a cop.”

“Hey, there was a lady inside,” Dominick said. “In fact, the kid called her by name.”

“What did he call her?”

“Iris? Irene? Something like that. Something beginning with an I.”

“Ina?” Benny asked.

“No.”

“Ilka?” Nonaka asked.

“No.”

“Ingrid?”

“No.”

“Irma?”

“No.”

“Isabel?”

“No, no.”

“Inez.”

“No.”

“Isadora?”

“No.”

“I can’t think of any other names beginning with an I,” Benny said. “Would you recognize the apartment if you saw it again?”

“Maybe.”

“What I’m trying to say is, if you went up the fire escape there and looked in the windows, would one of the rooms seem familiar to you?”

“Maybe. But I’m not about to go up that fire escape in broad daylight.”

“What time is it now?” Benny asked.

“A little after three.”

“It won’t be dark till maybe eight, eight-thirty,” Benny said.

“So what’s the hurry?” Dominick asked.

“What’s the hurry? Suppose they kill that little kid?”

“Nobody would do a crazy thing like that,” Dominick said.

“I would,” Nonaka said, making conversation.

He was not, of course, referring to Carmine Ganucci’s son, though if Ganooch asked even that little favor of him, Nonaka might have been willing to comply. The thing that motivated Nonaka was that he had been 4-F during World War II (because of a slight hernia) and had never been drafted to fight. Carmine Ganucci, in Nonaka’s mind, was carrying on the noble tradition of battling the Fascist Pigs. Not that Nonaka liked breaking heads so much. What he liked most was breaking doors with his bare hands. That was what really thrilled him. He liked to bring back his arm, bent at the elbow, and then release it like a piston, the hand held stiff and rigid, and he liked to yell, “Hrrrraaaaagh!” and hit the door with the hard edge of his hand, and watch it splinter. Boy, he really liked to do that. He was disappointed that he would have to wait till it got dark to hit a door. But of course, Benny Napkins was right; you couldn’t go smashing down doors unless you knew what was on the other side of them.

Once, when Nonaka had been a much younger man, he had gone out to Hicksville (Long Island) on a job for Ganucci and had broken an aluminum screen door with one swipe of his hand, and then had given a chop at the inside wooden door, almost shattering the jamb in the bargain, and then had run into the living room, heading for the back bedroom of the small development house, where he hoped to break down yet another door. What he found on the floor of the living room was three people with bullet holes in their heads. That was when he heard a police siren coming from the vicinity of Old Country Road, and decided he had better get out of there fast because somebody had beaten him to the punch.

It was later discovered that Ganucci had got his wires crossed somehow, sending Nonaka to Hicksville instead of to Syosset, and sending the other fellows to do the job Nonaka was supposed to do. As a result, a very fancy deadbeat named Oscar the Pimp got away to Jamaica (Long Island) and had to be sought for thirty days and thirty nights before he was found living off the proceeds with a girl named Alice. It was Nonaka who finally located Oscar in the Jamaica rooming house, and therefore had the opportunity to break down first the door to the room, and then the door to the bathroom, where he found Oscar taking a bath in the same tub with Alice. Oscar later drowned.

“What do you want to do, Benny?” Dominick asked.

“Let’s go get a drink someplace, and wait till it gets dark.”

“I could use a drink,” Dominick said.

“Me too,” Nonaka said.

Carmine Ganucci had boarded a plane from Naples at 2:40 P.M. local time and had arrived at London’s Heathrow Airport at 5:05 P.M. local time, where he had transferred to another plane that left England at 6:15 P.M. local time. Because of the vagaries of date lines and daylight saving time and such, he had already been over the Atlantic Ocean for several hours by the time Snitch got back to the city. In fact, Ganucci’s plane was scheduled to land at Kennedy at 9:05 P.M., exactly six hours from the moment Snitch parked Arthur Doppio’s car in a space on Second Avenue and walked up the street to the tenement where Arthur lived with two cats and a myna bird. The bird had a vast vocabulary, knew far more Italian than Arthur did, and was often heard to shout, “Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate!” over the roar of the beer drinkers sometimes found in Arthur’s apartment.

Snitch did not know that Carmine Ganucci was airborne, otherwise he might have reconsidered. As it was, he found Arthur teaching the myna bird a new word.

“Why are you teaching him that particular word?” Snitch asked.

“I think it’s a good word for the bird to know,” Arthur said.

“It’s a word I never even heard of.”

“I got it out of the dictionary,” Arthur said.

“I never heard of it.”

“Did you ever hear of vermouth cassis?” Arthur asked.

“Never. Though a lot of information comes my way,” Snitch said.

“It’s a drink. It’s supposed to be delicious. Freddie Corriere was with a young lady last night who drank nothing but vermouth cassis. She said it was delicious. In fact, Freddie told me...”

“I don’t wish to interrupt,” Snitch said, “but how would you like to pick up some change doing nothing at all?”

“What would I have to do?” Arthur asked.

“I just told you. Nothing at all. Does the idea appeal to you?”

“Of course it does.”

“All you have to do is say you kidnaped Carmine Ganucci’s kid,” Snitch said.

“You’re crazy,” Arthur said. “I like you a lot, Snitch, but you’re crazy. Listen, would you like to hear what Freddie and this girl done last night? He met her in this bar, you see...”

“What we’ll do,” Snitch said, “is we’ll tell Nanny you’re the guy who...”

“Who’s Nanny?”

“The Ganucci governess.”

“Oh yeah, the one he brought over from London, England, right?”

“Right.”

“What about her?”

“We’ll tell her you snatched the Ganucci kid...”

“I don’t want...”

“... and that you’ll bring him back as soon as she gives you the ransom money. How does that sound to you?”

“Terrible. I don’t want to be nowhere near nothing that smells of snatching Ganooch’s kid. Snitch, I like you a lot, I really do, but you’re a little crazy, I mean it.”

“You could wear a mask,” Snitch said.

“I don’t have a mask,” Arthur said.

“You could pull a nylon stocking over your head.”

“I don’t have no nylon stockings.”

“I know where we can get one,” Snitch said. “The Jackass has a whole drawer full of nylon stockings.”

“Then get him to help you.”

“He’s too stupid,” Snitch said. “This job requires somebody with brains.”

“Me?” Arthur said.

“Right,” Snitch said.

“How much money is involved here?”

“Fifty thousand.”

“That’s a lot of money.”

“Let’s say we could get ahold of a nylon stocking someplace,” Snitch said. “Then you could sit down and talk to Nanny with the stocking pulled over your head. And tell her to hand over the money. And promise to bring the kid back.”

“How do I do that?” Arthur said.

“Do what?”

“Bring the kid back. Where is the kid?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how can I bring him back?”

“That’s her problem, ain’t it?”

“It’s also my problem if Ganooch finds out I took fifty G’s from the little lady he’s got living there in his house.”

“How could Ganooch find out? And how could anybody know it’s you if you got a stocking pulled over your head?”

Arthur thought this over for a few moments.

“Why not?” he said at last.

“Why not?” Snitch said.

“Intercourse,” the myna bird said.

It was strange how something could be sitting there right under a person’s nose, and a person could never notice it. Take Marie Pupattola.

“Take a letter, Marie,” Azzecca said.

“Yes, Mr. Azzecca,” she answered.

She was sitting in a chair opposite his desk, her long legs crossed, her red hair burnished by the late afternoon sun that streamed through the windows. She was wearing a very short skirt which she occasionally tugged at but which for the most part she seemed content to leave exactly where it was, allowing Azzecca the opportunity to look clear up to her behind. It was strange how he had never noticed before.

“How long have you been working here?” Azzecca said.

“Is this the letter?” Marie asked.

“No, it’s a question.”

“I’ve been working here for seventeen months, Mr. Azzecca. Didn’t you know that?”

“I knew it was more than a year, but I didn’t know it was seventeen months.”

“Yes,” Marie said, and tugged at her skirt.

“You are a very pretty girl, Marie.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Azzecca,” Marie said.

“Why don’t you come sit on my lap?” Azzecca said.

“Why, Mr. Azzecca!” Marie said in surprise.

“It would be more comfortable than your chair,” Azzecca said, “and also I wouldn’t have to shout while dictating.”

“My chair is very comfortable,” Marie said, “and also I can hear you fine, Mr. Azzecca.”

“Don’t you like me?” Azzecca asked.

“You are a wonderful employer, Mr. Azzecca,” Marie said.

“Then why won’t you come sit on my lap?”

“Oh well,” Marie said, and shrugged.

“You are a very pretty girl, Marie, did I tell you that?”

“Yes, Mr. Azzecca. You told me that a few minutes ago.”

“It’s funny that I never noticed it until yesterday afternoon when you were lying about Snitch having seen that cable.”

“I wasn’t lying, Mr. Azzecca.”

“You were lying, Marie, and lying is a serious thing. I know people who have actually been fired for lying about something that was terribly serious and important to their employers.”

“Oh, but I wasn’t lying. Mr. Delatore was sound asleep when I put the cable on your desk. I swear to God.”

“Don’t take the name of the Lord in vain, Marie,” Azzecca said.

“Well, it’s true,” she said, and shrugged again.

“Come sit on my lap, Marie.”

“Well, why don’t you just give me the letter?” Marie suggested.

“Marie, I am going to tell you something. Do you know, Marie, that I have been married for twenty-seven years to the same woman?”

“I didn’t know that, Mr. Azzecca.”

“It’s the truth. Twenty-seven years. I have been married to an Irish girl for twenty-seven years. Sybil. She’s Irish. Sybil Brogan was her maiden name. Do you know what my father, may he rest in peace, said to me when I told him I was going to marry an Irish girl?”

“What did he say, Mr. Azzecca?”

“He said, ‘You’re going to marry a what?’”

“What did you say?”

“I said, ‘An Irish girl.’”

“What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything. He stuck his head in the oven.” Azzecca smiled. “That’s a little joke, Marie. He didn’t really stick his head in the oven. I was making a little joke.”

“Oh,” Marie said.

“What my father really said was, ‘Listen, Mario, it’s your funeral.’”

“What a terrible thing to say!” Marie said.

“Terrible,” Azzecca said. “Do you want to know something?”

“What?”

“He was right.”

“Oh, Mr. Azzecca!” Marie said.

“Marie, he was right. What’s right is right, my father was right. Twenty-seven years to the same woman, and do you know what I’ve got? I’ve got an eight-by-ten study in a twelve-room apartment. Would you believe that, Marie?”

“Oh, that’s terrible, Mr. Azzecca,” Marie said.

“Is it terrible? It is terrible, isn’t it? Do you know what my main pleasure in life is, Marie?”

“What, Mr. Azzecca?”

“Looking at the Delacorte fountain.”

“Oh, please, Mr. Azzecca, you’ll make me cry.”

“I’m just a person, Marie, like anyone else. A human being who craves affection every now and then. Don’t we all, Marie? Tell the truth.”

“Oh yes, Mr. Azzecca.”

“So come here and sit on my lap.”

“I don’t think I could, Mr. Azzecca.”

“You could, you could. Give it a try.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Marie said, and shook her head, and uncrossed her legs, and then crossed them again, and tugged at her skirt. “Why don’t you just give me the letter, Mr. Azzecca? I think that would be best all around.”

“I know what you’re thinking, Marie. You’re thinking it would be wrong, am I right?”

“Right, right.”

“You’re a nice Italian girl, a Catholic, you’re probably still a virgin...”

“Yes, probably.”

“... and you’re thinking why should you start up with a man who’s been married to the same Irish woman for twenty-seven years, that’s what you’re probably thinking. You’re thinking it would be wrong.”

“That’s right, Mr. Azzecca.”

“Why would it be wrong, Marie?”

“It just would,” Marie said, and shrugged.

“Marie, it would be beautiful. Marie, there are arrangements all over this city, all over the world, Marie. Lonely people make arrangements with each other, Marie, because they need each other. Did you ever read a book called The Arrangement, Marie?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“It was a fine book, Marie. It was all about arrangements. I would like to make an arrangement with you, Marie.”

“Gee, Mr. Azzecca, thank you, but I think maybe you’d better give me the letter because it’s getting late, you know, and I have a lot of other things on my desk.”

“Marie, I could name people who have arrangements that you would never dream had arrangements.”

“Who?” Marie said, and leaned forward, and did not tug at her skirt.

“Benny Napkins has an arrangement with Jeanette Kay Pezza.”

“Yes, I know that.”

“Paulie Secondo has an arrangement with a German airline stewardess from Düsseldorf.”

“Düsseldorf!” Marie said.

“Snitch Delatore’s former wife has an arrangement with a Pokerino barker from Amarillo, Texas.”

“Amarillo, Texas!” Marie said.

“Even Carmine Ganucci has an arrangement,” Azzecca said, lowering his voice.

“Carmine Ganucci!”

“An arrangement, yes,” Azzecca whispered. “With a very pretty little thing who used to be a high-priced hooker. The things I could tell you about arrangements, Marie.”

“Don’t tell me, Mr. Azzecca. I don’t want to know.”

“Come sit on my lap, Marie.”

“I would, Mr. Azzecca. Believe me, I would. There’s only one trouble.”

“Are you afraid?”

“No.”

“Are you reluctant to start an arrangement with someone who is also your employer?”

“Oh no, it isn’t that. In fact...”

“Yes, Marie?”

“I already have an arrangement, you see. With someone who is also my employer. With Vito, you see. With Mr. Garbugli. With your partner.”

“I see,” Azzecca said.

“Yes,” Marie said.

“Take a letter,” Azzecca said.

“Hello, Nanny?” Snitch said.

“Yes?”

“This is Snitch.”

“Yes, Snitch?”

“I have made contact with the certain party we were discussing earlier today.”

“Yes.”

“He is willing to conclude negotiations with you, provided he may remain incognito.”

“Granted,” Nanny said.

“Also, he would like the money tonight.”

“What time tonight?”

“I thought he could drive to Larchmont as soon as it gets dark. He is wearing a nylon stocking over his head, you see, and he don’t want to attract no attention from passer-bys.”

“I understand. What time will he get here?”

“Eight, eight-thirty. Will you have the money by then?”

“I have the money already,” Nanny said.

“Fine. Then there’s no problem,” Snitch said.

“None whatever. I shall look forward to seeing your friend later tonight.”

“Nanny, he ain’t no friend of mine,” Snitch said. “Please remember that. If this ever should come to Ganooch’s attention, I want it understood that I’m only doing this out of respect for him. I never saw this guy before in my life, and as I told you he’ll be wearing a stocking over his face, so I never will get to know who he is.”

“I understand.”

“There’s nothing in this for me, Nanny. I’m just doing a favor for a man I happen to love and admire, Carmine Ganucci.”

“I’m sure Mr. Ganucci will one day express his appreciation,” Nanny said. “In any event, I’ll be waiting for your friend’s arrival.”

“Eight, eight-thirty,” Snitch said.

“Is the boy safe?” Nanny asked.

“Well, would you like to talk to this certain party himself? He’s right here with me.”

“Yes, I would.”

“He’s wearing his stocking right this minute,” Snitch said, “so he may be a little difficult to understand.”

“Put him on,” Nanny said.

“Hello?” the voice said.

“Is this the certain party to whom we were referring earlier?” Nanny asked.

“Right,” the voice said.

“As I understand it, you’ll be here at eight, eight-thirty.”

“Right.”

“Is the boy safe?”

“Yes.”

“Will he be returned as soon as we complete our negotiations?”

“Yes.”

“Then I take it you will have him with you?”

“Right.”

“Hello, Nanny,” Snitch said. “I couldn’t help overhearing what you just asked. You understand, don’t you, that for this certain party’s protection, he’ll probably leave the kid where he is now, until all the business transaction is taken care of. For his own protection, I mean, though I agree with you he’s the scum of the earth.”

“I understand,” Nanny said.

“Good. Well, hasta la vista,” Snitch said, and hung up.

Nonaka was getting very drunk. No one at the table seemed to notice it because they were all getting very drunk too. The bar was on Ninety-sixth Street and Columbus Avenue, and it was called The Homestead. On the plate-glass window that faced the street, Nonaka read the name of the bar as deatsemoH ehT, which sounded very Japanese to him. Everything sounded very Japanese to him right now. Even Benny Napkins sounded Japanese.

“The dilemma here is a moral dilemma,” Benny said. “That’s the way I see it.”

“How do you see it?” Dominick said. “Let’s have another drink.”

“Okay,” Benny said. “Bartender,” he said, and raised his hand.

“Japanese people can’t say the letter ‘l.’ Did you know that?” Nonaka said.

“What do you mean?”

“Like dilemma,” Nonaka said. “Japanese people can’t say the word dilemma because there’s an ‘l’ in it.”

“I didn’t know that,” Benny said.

“Name your poison,” the bartender said.

“Another round,” Benny said.

“You guys are getting plastered,” the bartender said.

“There’s another one,” Nonaka said. “Plastered. Impossible for a Japanese to say plastered. Or even polluted.”

“You guys are getting both plastered and polluted,” the bartender said, and walked away.

“The reason it’s a dilemma is that it has twin forks. It’s a twin-forked dilemma,” Benny said.

“What are the two forks?” Dominick asked.

“Twin forks,” Benny said, “twin forks. Fifty thousand dollars a fork. Twins.”

“Dollars, there’s another one,” Nonaka said.

“Do you know how much money I have in my possession?” Benny asked.

“How much?” Dominick said.

“A hundred thousand dollars,” Benny said.

“Dollars,” Nonaka said, shaking his head. “Impossible to say.

“That’s a lot of money,” Dominick said. “Do you know the most money I ever seen in my life?”

“What?” Benny said.

“In a single bill, I mean?”

“Bill, there’s another one.”

“How much?”

“A thousand dollars,” Dominick said. “Do you know who’s on the thousand-dollar bill?”

“Who?” Benny said.

“Grover Cleveland.”

“Cleveland, impossible,” Nonaka said. “The whole language is full of l’s.”

“You know who used to be on the thousand-dollar bill?”

“Who?”

“Alexander Hamilton.”

“Do you know how a Japanese would say Alexander Hamilton?” Nonaka asked.

“How?”

“Arexander Hamirton.” He blinked his eyes.

“Why would he say that?” Dominick asked.

“I don’t know,” Nonaka said, and shrugged.

“Well, we all have our little problems,” Dominick said.

“Look at all the goddamn l’s,” Nonaka said.

Benny looked, but he didn’t see anything. Besides, he had his own little problem. His problem was a simple one: if they didn’t find the kid someplace in that building, what should he do? Should he give Nanny one of the fifty-thousand-dollar bundles and take the other one to Naples as instructed? Or should he keep one of the fifty-thousand-dollar bundles for himself and the hell with Ganucci, the hell with everybody, just grab Jeanette Kay Pezza and take her to Honolulu and lay on the sand with his head on her nice big tits? The problem with life was that it was full of problems, especially if a hundred thousand dollars was burning a hole in your pocket.

“Boy,” he said.

“You said it,” Dominick said.

“Me too,” Nonaka said.

The bartender brought another round. The men sat drinking silently. Through the plate-glass window, Benny could see men in business suits coming out of the subway kiosk to wend their way homeward in the early evening hours, home to wife and loved ones, home to cooking smells, home to a weekend of fun and frivolity after five long days of hard work in offices hither and yon throughout Manhattan. For an insane but fleeting instant, Benny almost wished he was an honest citizen.

At seven o’clock that evening, Luther Patterson dialed Many Maples and asked to talk to Carmine Ganucci.

“Mr. Ganucci is not at home,” Nanny said. “He is in Italy.”

“Oh, the old Italy gag again, huh?” Luther said.

“Who is this?” Nanny asked.

“The kidnaper,” Luther said.

“This is not the kidnaper,” Nanny said.

“Are you trying to tell me what I am?” Luther said. “Madam...”

“I spoke to the kidnaper not two hours ago,” Nanny said.

“How could you have spoken to me two hours ago, when two hours ago I was sitting here...?”

“I was put in touch with the kidnaper two hours ago. A trusted friend put me in touch with the kidnaper. I have already arranged a meeting with him. I don’t know who this is...”

“This is the goddamn kidnaper!” Luther shouted frantically.

“No,” Nanny said.

“Madam, that other man is a fraud! Whoever’s representing himself to you as the kidnaper...”

“Good day, sir,” Nanny said, and hung up.

Luther looked at the mouthpiece. Angrily, he dialed the Larchmont number again, and waited until the phone rang on the other end.

“Many Maples,” Nanny said.

“Madam, I warn you...”

“If you don’t stop bothering me,” Nanny said, “I will notify the police.”

“Madam, you are playing a very dangerous game here. The life of an innocent child...”

There was a click on the line.

Luther replaced the receiver on its cradle. He rose from his desk and began pacing the room. He went back to the phone, lifted the receiver, put it back on its cradle again, lifted it yet another time, and then slammed it down viciously.

“What the hell is going on?” he shouted.

“Did you say something?” Ida called from the kitchen.

“Get that boy in here!” Luther shouted.