Exquisite

Chapter Fifteen

Lena reached over and took the flower. She lifted it to her face and looked at him over the top of the large petals trying to decide if it was time to take the plunge. He walked around the counter and sat down on a stool that must’ve been back there.

“Do you want a chair?”

Shaking her head she turned her back to him trying to decide where to start. She thought back nine years to all the memories she’d squashed down and couldn’t work out where to begin. She heard him shift on the chair behind her. Then silence.

“Around nine years ago my sister Carly died.” she paused, finally letting those words free. There was no sound or movement behind her just a new kind of silence that finally held all the pain she’d kept hidden for so long. A comforting silence. She knew he was there but he didn’t need to make sound, he just was.

“We’d gone to my parents house for dinner. I remember her calling me that night and complaining for at least thirty minutes that she needed to buy herself a car. I’d laughed at her and asked, why when she had me to taxi her around.” she heard him laugh a little at that.

“That sounds like you.”

Lena sighed, “It was like any other Sunday night dinner. Mom made lamb, a God’s honest Irish dish, as my dad calls it and we all sat down and talked about our week. At that stage I was pre med and was obsessed with studying and passing all my tests at the top of my class. Carly on the other hand had just graduated high school and was all about a good time.”

Walking over the one of the displays in the windows Lena reached out and spun the rainbow pinwheel that was stuck in one of the pots of colorful tulips.

“My mother had been driving me crazy all night. She’d gone on and on about how I needed to have more fun, get out from the library and date more, she’d told me.”

Lena turned and locked eyes with Mason’s. He was still sitting behind the counter and had his arms resting on top of it. “Can you imagine that?” she asked with a small smirk.

He grinned at her then shook his head, “Not at all.”

She nodded then lowered her eyes as she twirled the sunflower in her hand. “We finished up dinner around nine thirty. There were hardly any cars around. I guess because it was a Sunday, I’m not sure. But we kissed mom and dad goodbye and buckled up. I remember thinking as we drove home that maybe one day when I was finally a doctor if Carly still didn’t have a car, I’d by her one, because God knew she wasn’t going to save the money to get her own.”

She gave a little laugh then looked at him with tears gathering in her eyes. She gripped the stem of the flower tight and took a deep breath. “We’d stopped at a red light. I remember sitting there listening to Carly as she imitated mom harassing me. She really nailed it too. I remember resting my head back against the headrest and laughing at her as she smiled and stuck her tongue out at me.”

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now as she held his gaze, biting her bottom lip, trying to push through the most difficult part. The part that ripped her heart out and tore it to pieces. He hadn’t moved. He just sat watching her. “She was wearing her favorite red beanie, it was cold you see and she had a braid over her shoulder.” Taking a deep shuddering breath she licked her lips. “She smiled at me and called me a loser and I remember laughing at her then turning to see the light flick to green. I pulled out and then just like that,” she paused her cheeks wet with tears and her eyes filled with pain, “She was gone.”

Mason’s heart broke at the sorrow that was pouring out of her. She was rooted to the spot clutching a happy, bright yellow, flower that right now looked horribly out of place in her hands as tears ran down her face. Slowly he stood and walked very carefully around the counter. She hadn’t moved and her eyes followed him as he made his way over to her. He reached out and took the flower tossing it on the floor. She swallowed then looked up at him her eyes brimming with tears as he watched her finally let go and burst into tears. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her pulling her in tight against him. He felt her chest heave as a shuddering sob left her body. He gripped her tighter and felt her hands grip his chest as she sobbed uncontrollably against him.

“That’s it baby, let it go.” he murmured as he stroked his hand down her hair. “I’ve got you.”

He felt her take a deep breath and struggle to stop the uncontrollable gut wrenching sobs that were pummeling her. He kept her tight against himself and rocked her slowly with him as he felt her taking deep breaths. Her anguish ripped into him and he couldn’t even begin to imagine how long she’d kept all of this to herself. He felt her try to move back but he wasn’t ready to let her go. He took both hands and cupped her wet cheeks as he tilted her face up so her red eyes could lock with his. Bending down he gently kissed her lips. She tried to pull away from him but he held tight and kissed her again, first on her left cheek then her right. Finally when he pulled back he lowered his hands and placed them against hers that still had a death grip on his chest. “Thank you for telling me.”

Lena couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She’d just come completely undone in front of him. Letting go of his shirt she tried to take a step back, needing to put a bit of space between them. She was so raw right now, so open she knew he could see right inside of her. He let her move back but not far. He kept one of her hands in his but dropped the other. She reached up and wiped her tears away.

“Why the sunflower?” he asked softly.

She looked at the crumpled flower on the floor then back at him. “They were her favorite. She always told me they seemed so happy to be alive.”

“So you buy a sunflower every day to remind yourself of her?”

Shaking her head she spoke softly, “I buy them for her. Your mother delivers them to her for me.” Looking up at him she took a deep breath. “I just can’t go there.”

“You’ve never been to her grave?”

“No.”

“Oh Lena. You need to go and visit her.” he paused then stepped toward her. She felt him tip her chin up to him. “Go and talk to her.”

Smiling through wet eyes she laughed a little and he tilted his head. “You sound just like my mom. Actually the flowers you delivered to me that day, they were from my mom and dad telling me to go and see her.”

Mason nodded grinning a little. “Parents. They always think they know best.”

“I can’t go there Mason.”

He reached down and took her hand in his. “Why not?”

“I can’t bare the thought of her alone and cold in the ground.”

“You know she isn’t there Lena.” pausing he tugged her close to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Graves are for the living. My mother always told me that a cemetery isn’t for the people who’ve died. It’s a place for the living to go and visit them. She always likened it to a resort.” he laughed a little at that, “Just one they never check out of.”

Lena smiled,that did sound like Catherine.

“I didn’t want to go and visit my dad’s grave when he passed.” Mason said softly. “It took me a couple of months then finally I went and you know what? I have some of the best conversations I’ve ever had with him right there. In fact, he knows all about a certain stubborn doctor that I’m crazy about.”

“You’re crazy period.” she tapped his chest playfully feeling freer than she ever had. “Don’t try to blame me for that.”

“Well you certainly haven’t helped my sanity Dr O’Donnell. Come on. You’re a smart educated woman, why don’t you let me take you to visit your sister?”

Lena felt her heart clench but then relax as she watched a smile spread across his face. “After all you need to introduce me. She’ll be impressed you’re finally dating.”

Mason watched her closely wondering how far she was willing to go today. She nodded and asked softly. “Can I get another flower? That one looks a little bit sad.”

He tugged her over to where the other flowers were. She reached in and grabbed one then turned to face him. “Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me Lena?” he reached out stroking her cheek, “You would’ve gone eventually.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but it’ll be easier with you there.”

“In that case you’re welcome.” he took the apron off then folded it placing it on the bench. He pulled his jacket down off the coat rack shrugged it on and took her hand.

“My car’s out back. Lets go.”

Lena sat silently with Mason in his car. They’d pulled up to the cemetery around twenty minutes ago and she was trying to gather the courage to get out and cross the lawn to where she knew her sister was buried. She knew the address and plot by heart, after all she’d been sending flowers to her for years. She could see a row of bright yellow flowers lining the head and foot of a grave two rows back and three plots in. She almost laughed at that thought, it was like a chess board. Taking a deep breath she opened the door. When she stepped out and closed it behind her she heard a second door shut and knew Mason had also stepped out of the car. She didn’t look over to him, just stood there looking over at the bright yellow flowers that beckoned to her. Finally she felt him stop beside her and lean back against the car.

“It looks amazing Lena. She has the brightest happiest spot in this whole place.”

Lena turned to look at him and he smiled back.

“It positively glows with happiness.”

She blinked then looked back over to the spray of flowers. Silently she held her hand out to him and not a moment later she felt him slide his into hers. Taking a step forward she felt her shoe sink into the moist grass. Keeping her eyes on the yellow flowers she made her way toward them. Mason was right beside her holding her hand tight. Keeping her steady, keeping her strong. She noticed there were four tall glass vases at the foot of the grave and four across the top in front of the headstone. Each one held three bright sunflowers all staring up at her and the sun. Happy to be alive. Catherine must’ve added the vases, and right at this moment she would’ve done anything to wrap her arms around the lady who was such an amazing woman, and who’d touched her life. Not only had she been her one constant over the last nine years but also for raising such an amazing man as the one who’d come to a silent stand still beside her. Looking over at him she did something she never would have expected, she smiled. She watched as his beautiful smile moved onto his own lips and those dimples of his appeared. Then she turned to look down at the grave in front of her and stated plainly.

“Cute isn’t he.”

That had been the last thing Mason had expected to come out of her mouth. He didn’t say anything though as he let her hand go and watched her walk around to the top of the grave. She sat down on the grass and placed her hand where the head would lay and stroked her fingers over it. Reaching out she moved two of the glass vases over to one side of the headstone then she got up and did the same to the other side. Then she went back and sat back down. He could now read the engraving on the headstone.

Carly Brianne O’Donnell

May 12th 1983 – March 22nd 2001

Beloved daughter of

Ewan & Alannah O’Donnell.

Loved and cherished sister of

Magdalena O’Donnell

“She took in all the wonders of life,

wrapped them in a colorful package

and gave it to us. She will be greatly missed.”

“Sorry it took me so long to get here.” he heard Lena say softly. That was his sign to leave.

Lena stroked her hand over the soft grass. “I wasn’t sure how I’d feel coming here. Silly I know. I’m always sure about everything right? Not this time though. There are so many things I want to tell you, but I can’t think of them all right now.” pausing she frowned and tried to think of what she’d tell her if she was standing right in front of her after nine years of being away.

“I’m a doctor now. See? All that studying finally paid off. I’m a pediatrician down at St Luke’s hospital. Remember where we took you that time you broke your arm?” she laughed a little at that.

“The time mom didn’t believe you? Yeah well that’s where I work. I love it, it makes me feel peaceful, which is kind of crazy because most of the time it’s insane there. I wonder what you would’ve ended up doing?”

Looking around at the flowers she felt herself smile. “You’re right you know. These flowers are happy to be alive. Or maybe they’re just happy to be close to you.”

Slowly she laid down resting her head on the grass. She could smell that fresh cut smell that always use to remind her of summer and sighed before whispering.

“I wasn’t ready for you to leave me. I’m so sorry Carly.” she felt a tear fall down her cheek. She smiled as she lay there. “Do you remember me telling you I’d take you to see Dave Matthews Band if you’d stop playing their CD for a whole week, because you played them to death? I couldn’t stand them because of you. Well I have a confession to make. I’m kind of obsessed with them now because I took your CD, but I never did go to their concert. It just wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

Lena found herself humming as she lay there on the ground one of Carly’s favorite songs. She broke off at the end and reached up wiping away a tear. Standing she brushed her hands on her legs.

“Before I go.” she grinned and leaned down to whisper, as though she was telling her a secret. “I think I’m in love.”