Fatal Last Words

Thirteen

‘Am I going to see you again?’ Alex asked. They were lying naked on her uncovered bed, the duvet on the floor beside them. ‘Or is that it? A quick shag for old time’s sake and so long for another few years.’

‘Jesus, kid, I don’t know,’ Andy Martin replied plaintively. ‘I should, though. Right now I should be saying, like you did earlier, if you recall, that we’re out of our minds to have let this happen. I’ve got a lovely wife and daughter, and another on the way. I don’t need to tell you what they mean to me.’ He stopped and his forehead creased into a frown as he raised himself on an elbow and looked at her, a question in his eyes.

She stopped him from putting it into words. ‘Yes, Andy,’ she said, ‘I’m on the pill. I haven’t been sitting here pining for you. . not all the time. There have been a few guys since we split, but. . never anybody who’s given me a sense of permanence, never anybody I’ve even considered giving a key to the front door.’ She looked up at him. ‘You can’t say that, though, can you? It didn’t take you long to wash me out of your hair and settle down with Karen. What’s with her? What does she have that I don’t? Bigger tits, that’s obvious, from what I remember of her, but what else ties you to her?’

He bridled at her sudden aggression. ‘I love her. Will that do?’

‘You’re just after telling me that you still love me. Was that just bullshit?’

‘No, it wasn’t. I love you, in a different way. Karen’s safe; she’s comfortable; she makes me feel peaceful. You’re different, Alex. You’re exciting; you’re dangerous; you unsettle me. You turn me into a guy I barely know.’

‘Do you like him?’

‘What?’

‘Do you like this guy?’

‘That’s the problem, I do.’

‘Are you sure you don’t know him? He sounds to me like the Andy you used to be. All those things you called me; you were the same. Now? If I’m honest, do you know what I thought when we met up at my dad’s place? I thought, “My God, Andy’s really done it. He’s turned into a boring old fart!” Mind you, you always had that tendency.’ She grinned. ‘A tendency to be boring, that is, not flatulence.’

He held his hand, flat, above her left breast, touching the nipple lightly with his palm as he began to move it slowly in a circle. ‘And do you still think so?’ he asked her.

She shivered, and pouted her lips. ‘Oww! I’ll give you a couple of minutes to stop that. Let’s just say you’ve proved that you haven’t become irredeemably tedious. I’ve seen the old Andy again, and yes, I still love him.’ She slapped his hand away, and pulled herself up into a sitting position. ‘Which brings me back to the question you still haven’t answered: what happens now?’

‘What do you want?’ he shot back. ‘You’re in the pound seats now. The minute I walk out of here you could pick up the phone and call Karen, tell her what’s happened.’

She frowned, and poked him in the chest, hard, with her right index finger. ‘The only reason you’re in my bed right now is because you know I’d never do that. Not because I’d be afraid to, mind you. No, because the day I become the sort of woman who’d do that, I’m lost. What do I want? It’s not something I’ve ever thought about until right now, but I know well enough. I want my career to go on as it has; I’m on course to become one of the youngest partners in my firm’s history, and I don’t plan to give that up. I want to stay childless for the foreseeable future. If that means for ever, I can deal with that. And I want you, on any reasonable terms. I’ll never demand that you leave Karen and the kids. I doubt if I could bear you moping around, perpetually guilt-ridden, and anyway, I’m not sure I’d want my weekends taken up with custodial visits. Selfish, eh?’

‘No,’ he replied. ‘You’re being honest, that’s all. But what if I decide that I’ve got to be honest too? What if I decide I have to tell Karen about this? What if she kicks me out? Or what if I decide that I have to leave?’

‘That honour demands it, you mean?’

‘Something like that.’

She drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them to her and gazing straight ahead at her reflection in her wardrobe’s mirrored doors. ‘Then don’t expect to move in here. I’m not sure I could handle that. You asked me what I want, and I told you, but there are other considerations too, Karen first and foremost. I don’t want to be seen to have ripped her life apart. And then there’s my dad. I’m not saying he would disown me. God knows, his own relationship history isn’t unblemished. But at this stage in his life it would be a complication he doesn’t need. Andy, I didn’t plan any of this. What started in the kitchen and ended up in here, as far as I’m concerned it was completely spontaneous. Maybe you came here with visions of getting your end away, but it wasn’t on my agenda, however I might feel about you.’ She caught his eye in the mirror. ‘But you’re not going to leave Karen, are you? Because you love her too, and couldn’t bear to hurt her. That’s how it is, isn’t it?’

He nodded. ‘I’d need to think long and hard about it.’

‘It’s thinking long and hard that’s got us into this mess, buddy,’ she murmured, with a brief, wicked grin. ‘Go back to Perth, Andy,’ she told him. ‘Go to church and tell your priest about this.’

‘I don’t think so. I haven’t been to confession in a while. Alex, I-’

She put a hand on his mouth as if to stop it. ‘Bottom line, do what you can live with. If you want to see me again, I’m here for you. If you want an occasional bit on the side, no strings, fine. That would suit me too. If you want this morning to be a one-off. . I’d hate that, but don’t worry, wee Danielle’s pet rabbit will be safe from me.’ She slid down beside him once more. ‘Now, before you have to go back to check out of your hotel. .’