Fireblood

THIRTEEN

After the joust, I quickly part ways with the noble ladies and their ladies-in-waiting. Strangely, I find myself missing the company of my maid. Madity might have the nerves of a squirrel, but I prefer her conversation over the boring dribble of the noble blood of the court.

Once I relieve Devlan of his duties for the afternoon, I enter my room with a huff and plop down on the bed. He’s been with me every waking moment and, although I’m getting used to his constant lurking, I want him to have time to himself. When he’s not with me, what does he do? Where does he go?

Madity enters with a beaming smile, acknowledging me with a bow of her head before she fluffs one of my pillows. “Here, m’lady. Lie back and rest. You’ve had a busy week thus far.” She sighs and shakes her head. “Honestly, I don’t know what possessed you to want to ride those animals.”

I smile at her. I’ve gotten used to her constant fussing over me. Her presence is comforting, almost like having a parent again. I realize that, regardless of her station, she is fond of me. Knowing at least one person in this bleak, altered reality cares makes it slightly more tolerable.

“Madity.” I recline back on my bed. “Do you have any children?”

Her back straightens as she snaps upright. “Nay, princess. My position here at the castle would make having a family very difficult.” She walks to my armoire, favoring her bad leg, and begins hanging gowns. “Though I consider my charges very close to a family.” She gives me a warm smile.

I match her smile, and allow her words to settle over me in silence. A deep ache pulses in my chest, and I can’t help feeling the burden of yet another person I’ll be disappointing when I leave.

She gathers my mud-soaked dress and tsks. “I’ll have this cleaned, if it’s at all possible. May be one to simply dispose of.” She laughs, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Oh, I do have such work to look forward to with you, m’lady.” Shuffling over to my side, she smoothes my hair away from my forehead with the backs of her fingers. “But you’re worth it, my dear.”

The ache grows at her praise, and I have to look away.

After she resumes her tasks in the bathing room, I settle deeper into my coverlet. I’m nearly nodding off, my eyelids heavy with sleep, when my birthday gift from Devlan buzzes. It’s the first time my communicator has gone off, and I startle awake.

Grabbing it from my nightstand, I flip it over and over, trying to figure out how to use it. I press the button on the side. Nothing happens. Damn.

It crackles. “You have to talk while pressing the button, princess,” Devlan’s annoyed voice sounds over the device.

I hold in the button. “You could’ve told me this when you gave it to me.” I match his tone, but my face lifts with amusement. My cheeks tighten as I smile.

“The Prince requests a private dinner with you tonight.” A long pause follows. “Will you be joining him?”

My head spins. After watching his display on the field, I wanted time alone to piece together my thoughts. Although not having to suffer through dinner with the nobles is tempting. I enjoy mornings more than the evenings in the castle for this very reason.

“Princess?” Devlan’s concerned voice comes over the communicator.

“Yes,” I finally answer. “I’ll meet with him.”

The device crackles again. “I’ll come for you within the hour.”

I toss the communicator onto the coverlet, then slog to my armoire and change into a white gown—Sebastian’s favorite color. I swear, I would’ve slapped myself only a few days ago for doing so. But if I’m going to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life and impact others’ lives, I have to be sure. I have to know that if I never succeed in escaping—if I’m trapped here—I could at least rule alongside a friend. Could I help Sebastian fulfill his claims to want to change the realm?

My eyes close, and I see my father’s pale face. Blood drips from the side of his mouth as I wipe with a damp cloth. Cleansing and nursing him after knights of the Force worked him over for missing a production deadline. Mr. Levine’s cries in the arcade echo through my mind. The sight of his stomach being ripped open by the hook—

I grit my teeth, forcing the images away.

It was not Sebastian who ordered it done. It was his father, and soon he won’t be King when Sebastian takes the throne. The Round Table knights won’t be under King Hart’s command. I have to judge Sebastian on his actions alone.

After I finish applying makeup and fixing my hair in an intricate up-do—with Madity’s help, of course—I step into my matching white-satin slippers and straighten out the hem of my gown. I run my hands along the smooth fabric and spin, watching the clear jewels sparkle as they reflect the candlelight.

I stop and feel my naked thigh. If I’m truly to challenge myself, I have to leave the dagger behind. I need to feel its strength once more before I leave, though. After saying goodnight to Madity, I hustle over to the bed and slip my hand between the mattresses.

I touch the black hilt, running the tip of my finger over the smooth curve of the handle and the winged crest. Maybe if my father had explained its importance, I’d understand what he expected of me when he entrusted me with it. But as he didn’t and I’m left here on my own, I must make decisions for myself now. I need to choose for myself what is best.

Taking a deep breath, I brace myself and open the door. Devlan leans leisurely against the stone, his back to me. I clear my throat, and he pushes off the wall and turns about. Our eyes meet, and his usual hard expression wavers as his eyes slowly drift down my body. Heat creeps onto my face, and my cheeks tingle. I can’t read his expression, as it’s one I’ve never seen before.

He straightens to attention. After a long, awkward silence between us, his lips part. “Princess,” he finally says. “The prince will be speechless.”

I smile coyly. “Funny, Devlan,” I say as I walk past him. “I’d say he’s not the only one.” I glance over my shoulder, and his face flushes just the slightest.

He nods once. “You are correct.” He ushers me forward, sweeping his hand through the air. I’m surprised by the first knight’s rare show of emotion, and my insides flutter. “But remember,” he says as I turn and start walking ahead of him. “I’ve also seen you covered in mud.”

I bite down on my tongue, stopping myself from snapping a comeback. He never fails to elicit the worst in me. I swear, I was never combative until I met him.

I continue down the corridor, ignoring the smug look I know he now wears. At least he didn’t mention me straddling his horse.

Devlan directs me toward the atrium. I expect to find Sebastian waiting at our usual table, but when I enter the room is empty. He unlocks the giant glass door. It slides open and he leads me to the outside garden.

My breath catches, and my feet fail to bring me one step farther. Tea lights hang from branches of the fruit trees, tiny flames dancing inside the crystal, lighting up the enclosed area like stars in the night sky. The fountain is lit with a soft white glow, and the water sparkles as it cascades over the stone. In the center of the shrub-enclosed garden, tall and short candles flicker, decorating a table draped in white satin.

Sebastian stands next to it.

“Zara,” he says, my name breathy on his lips. “Wow.” His eyes trail over my frame, taking me in, and I can’t help but do the same to him. He’s dressed in all black, except for a dark blue belt that holds his scabbard and sword, and a matching blue tunic under his vest. He’s striking. The dark clothing against his light-toned features is a beautiful contrast.

He approaches me, his golden eyes flickering. “There are no words for how breathtaking you are.” He takes my hand and bows, placing a soft kiss on the back of it.

I allow him to continue holding my hand as he guides me to a seat. “Sebastian.” I glance around the garden as I sit. “This is truly beautiful. You outdid yourself.”

His smile reaches his eyes, making them bright and lively. “You give me far too much credit.” He waves his hand around. “Can you see me climbing trees?”

I laugh, picturing the prince doing anything himself. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.” His head tilts as he stares at me. “And look.” He points to our goblets. “Grape juice.”

I laugh louder, but uncertainty grips my chest as I remember his callous words in the corridor after the betrothal—his lips hard on mine. I push the thought out of my mind and try to be in the now.

We don’t talk much during supper. But the sounds of the garden, with its crickets and the splash of its fountain, enchant me, and I don’t desire conversation.

After supper, Sebastian asks me to walk with him through the garden before I retire to my chamber, and I agree.

The crisp air is weighted, pressing down on me as I realize I must garner the information I came here to get. I can’t postpone any longer. I open my mouth to forge ahead, but he turns to me with questions of his own.

“I was thinking,” Sebastian says, taking my hand in his as we round a corner near the maze. “I’m going into town soon, to make an announcement in the square about the tournament.” His thumb rubs the top of my hand. “Would you like to come?”

I stop and face him. “You’re actually allowing me outside these walls?” I cock my head, trying to hold back the excitement coursing my veins. My whole body wants to react—scream to be outside of Court.

He sighs. “Zara. It was not my intention to inflict intolerable restraint on you.” His brow furrows. “You have to understand. There’re certain precautions we must take.”

“Against this network of conspirators?” I shake my head. “Why have I never heard of them before? Are they truly bent on attacking you—attacking me?”

His mouth lifts in an amused smile. “It’s not what you think, my love. I don’t fear them attacking you. They’re bent on destroying the realm and…ah, it’s complicated.” He takes my other hand in his and brings them between us. “Though Karm is the safest place in all the world, royalty cannot go wandering the streets. You’d be surprised how commoners will latch onto you, and it can become quite frightening when they start fawning.”

“I was a commoner, and I never fawned over anyone.”

He laughs. “You, my love, were never common.” He kisses one of my hands. “But trust me. You don’t want to be stopped every second in the street or market, being asked to change this or that. Invited to suppers and weddings. Made to appear at baby christenings.”

“Is that what I’ll have to do?” I look away from him and glance around the garden. The tea lights glimmer in the tree branches. The chilled air is scented with roses and lavender. I consider where I am…and what I could do if I must remain here. “I hoped to put my position to use—help others, remove station barriers, make the orphanage better. But those will be my duties?”

His smile falters, his face pulls into a scowl. “You’re to be Queen, Zara. Not a saint. The people don’t—” He bites off his words and inhales deeply. “Yes. Those will be your duties. Among others.” His eyes become intense. “Your first, and the only one I require of you, is being with me.” He cups the back of my neck and tilts my head up. His thumb gently rests against my cheek.

I step back abruptly, putting space between us. “Sebastian.” I say his name barely above a whisper.

He releases an audible breath and drops his hands, then stares at the ground. He’s quiet a moment, only the sound of our mingled breaths between us. “Too soon,” he says softly, looks up and backs away farther. “We still have plenty of time before the wedding. We’ll go as slowly as you’d like.”

A shuddering breath leaves my lips with obvious relief, but just as quickly a twinge of panic worms its way into my chest. I feared telling him outright at the meadow that I have no intentions of being with him romantically. And after seeing his temper today on the field with just a sport at risk, I have no idea what the prince may do if I continue to reject him.

However, I can’t allow him the slightest hope that I will ever willingly marry him.

I suck in a breath and latch onto that small fire burning in the pit of my stomach. It’s there, but faint. “Thank you.” I draw myself up straighter. “But I have something to confess.”

His brows hike up his forehead. “Am I going to like this confession?”

Biting my lip, I look up at him. “Probably not, my lord, but I’ve thought long on what you told me at the meadow. I want to be by your side, help you in your endeavors.” I nod, hoping he follows along as I don’t want to say anything incriminating on Court grounds. “Only, I can’t truly be with you. As your wife.” My chest prickles as I allow this to sink in a moment, and then add, “I’ll understand if you should choose another now that you know my position.”

“Let me escort you to your chamber.” He takes my arm and guides us toward the trellis opening. “It’s getting late, and I believe you’re to continue riding lessons on the morrow?”

I stop and turn on him. “Sebastian, did you hear—”

“As I said before.” His eyes snap to my face, his features wooden. “There is plenty of time before the wedding.” He smiles, but it’s forced, muted against the hard lines of his face. “I will win your affections by then.”

Drawing in the cool night air, I allow the chill to coat my stinging lungs. I hesitantly walk beside him toward the opening of the garden, pondering what else might convince him that I’ll never be with him in the way he desires. It took all my strength to admit those words. I hoped he’d somehow be relieved, use my reluctance as an excuse to choose Cecily.

However, I don’t want to press him further tonight. I trust that he—as Madity claimed—has a good heart, and maybe after thinking on what I said, will see that a marriage between us is impossible.

I change the subject. “I’ve asked Devlan to fill in teaching my riding lessons for the rest of this week while you’re preparing for the tournament.”

He nods once. His eyebrows knit together. “That’s excellent. Devlan is a fine rider.”

We near the lattice opening of the garden and Devlan is there, waiting with his hand cupped over the hilt of his arming sword, standing at perfect attention. His face is stoic as he stares past us.

As we pass through the arch, I glance at Devlan and our eyes meet. For a brief moment, his features harden. His face rigid and dark, his blue eyes cold. A shiver works its way down my spine. I can almost register what he may be feeling, but then his impenetrable mask slips back into place, shutting me out.

Before I force my gaze away, Devlan smiles. But it doesn’t match his cool, hard eyes.