Flashman And The Dragon

"Jung Lu was a noble, a Manchoo, a Banner Chief who would have married you if he could," he whimpered, pawing her feet. "Oh, please, Orchid, i seek only your good—this thing is a barbarian brute —"

"But if I want him, Little An, mayn't I have him … please? He is just a little pleasure … a watermelon seed. And he may have another use; you should know of it … and of other things, which it will soon be time to tell you." She paused, head lifting. "Yes … why not now? This is a good secret place, away from big ears. Go—see that all is safe."

He hopped up, all alarm, popped his head out, and came back nodding nervously. She sat down, motioning him to kneel close, and stroked his fat cheek playfully. "Don't be frightened, small jelly. Just listen." She began to talk, quite unaware that the big ears of the barbarian melonseed were understanding every word.

"Soon, Little An, two great things will happen: the barbarians will take Pekin, and the Emperor will die. No, listen, you fat fool, and keep your babbling to yourself. First, the Emperor. Only I and one discreet physician know it, but in a few weeks he will be dead, partly of his infirmities, but mostly of over-indulgence in the charms of the Yi Concubine. Well, it's a pleasant death, and I give him every assistance. I believe," says this Manchoo Messalina, with a reflective chuckle, "that I could have carried him off tonight, by combining the Exquisite Torment of the Seven Velvet Mirrors with the Prolonged Ecstasy of the Reluctant Shrimp, which as you know involves partial immersion in ice-cold water. But it will be soon, anyway—and who will rule China then, Little An?" She played with her feathers, smiling at his evident terror. "Will it be that amiable

,weakling, Prince Kung, the Emperor's brother? Or his cousin, the hungry skeleton Prince I? Or that murderous madman, Prince Sang? Or Tungchi, the Emperor's only son—my son? Any one of these, or as many others, might become Emperor, Little An—but who will rule China?"

Well, he could guess, all right, and I could have a suspicion myself; I knew nothing of their palace politics, or the immense power of Imperial concubines, but I know women. This one had the spirit, no error, and probably the brains and determination—above all, she had that matchless beauty which could get her whatever she wanted.

"What … too frightened even to guess, Little An? Never mind; leave the dying Son of Heaven, and consider the barbarians. Sang, the idiot, still hopes to defeat them—which is why he and his fellow-jackals have been urging the Emperor to go north to Jehol, on an ostensible hunting trip for his health!" She laughed without mirth. "In fact, Sang knows such a departure would be seen as a cowardly flight, and the Emperor would be disgraced—and Sang, having beaten the barbarians in his absence, would step into his shoes as the darling of army and people. Poor Sang! If only he knew it, the throne will soon be vacant, and his intrigues all for nothing. In any event, he will not beat the barbarians; they will be here within two weeks."

"But that is impossible!" Little An started up in horror. "And that you should say so! You, Orchid Lady, who have urged the Emperor to fight to the end—who made him send the silk cord to defeated generals—who made him set the price on barbarian heads!"

"To be sure—a thousand taels for the Big Barbarian's head, isn't it?" She sounded amused. "A hundred for every white head, fifty for their black soldiers? Five hundred for Banner Chiefs like that repulsive thing there!" She waved a wing at me, the awful bitch. "Really, I must make him wear a mask in bed. But of course I urge resistance—you think I like these barbarian swine? Yehonala is the resolute champion of China, and the people know it, and will remember the Banner Knight's daughter—especially when the Emperor is dead. Until he is, I make him fight—who do you think has kept him from fleeing to Jehol, stupid? It is quite wonderful how even such a flabby wreck as the Son of Heaven can be roused to martial ardour … in bed."

"But if the barbarians triumph, all is lost —"

"No, little fool, all is gained! The barbarians will come—and go, with their piece of paper. China remains. With a new Emperor—but of course, he must be an Emperor acceptable to the barbarians; they will see to that before they go. And they will countenance no bitter enemies like Sang or Prince I or Sushun —"

"But, forgive me, Orchid Lady—you are their bitterest foe of all!"

"But they don't know that, do they? They think Sang and the ministers control the Emperor—they can't conceive the power that rests in the little lotus hand." She raised one slim silver-taloned pinkie, and laughed. "What, a mere girl, who looks like me? Can you hear the Big Barbarian crying `Enemy!' when I smile and bid my ladies serve him rose-petal tea and honey cakes in the Birthday Garden? Why, I'm just the dead Emperor's whore—and the mother of his heir. No, to ensure a clear field for my Imperial candidate—whoever he may be—it is necessary only to ensure the complete discredit in barbarian eyes of such rivals as Sang and his reptiles. As the known leaders of resistance, they are ill-regarded already, but I shall contrive their utter disgrace—perhaps even get them hanged, who knows?"

D'you know who she reminded me of? Otto Bismarck. Not to look at, you understand, but in the smooth, sure way she summed it up and lined it out, and had you agog for her to drop the next piece into place—and a bare half-hour since she'd been rogering her soul out, whooping drunk on lust and poppy. And, like dear Otto, she was holding my interest despite my other pressing concerns; come on, come on, I was thinking, let's hear how you're going to get Sang to Tyburn, because I want to be there to swing on the bastard's ankles. Little An, too, was clamouring for information, albeit apprehensively. So she told him—and I wished she hadn't.

"It is simple. Before he dies, the Emperor will issue a final vermilion decree, ordering the execution of all barbarian captives now in the Board of Punishments. For this, the Emperor's advisers, Sang and the rest, will be held responsible, and when the bodies are handed back, and it is seen that they have died by the usual procedures—binding, flogging, bursting, maggots

the barbarians will be in a rage for retribution. Sang will have to make apologies and excuses—that it was the work of brutal underlings, most unfortunate, much to be regretted, and so forth. The barbarians, growling, will accept the apology—and a cash compensation—as they have done in the past. They will bear no love for Sang and his friends, but they will let the matter end there. Unless," she laughed, and it would have frozen your marrow, "there is, among the bodies, one that has died by the wire jacket, or something equally elaborate. For that cannot be excused as the casual brutality of some underling; it will be seen as a calculated, insulting atrocity. Barbarians are very sensitive about such things; they will certainly take vengeance—and I wonder if Sang will escape with his life?"

My soul shrank as I listened; only a Chinese female could plot with such cruel, diabolic cunning. Our prisoners were doomed, then, one of them by the most ghastly torture—just so that this wicked, lovely harpy could bring down her rivals and capture Imperial power. And there was nothing to be done—I didn't even know how many of our fellows had been taken, or who. And it would be done without warning, or hope of rescue … that little toad An was at the knots and splices of it already, once he'd babbled out his admiration.

"Oh, Orchid Lady, forgive your kneeling slave!" cries he, and he was weeping buckets, so help me. "Your eyes are on the stars, and mine on the dirt! When shall it be done? And which of them shall it be? For it will be to arrange—the victim must be brought from the Board secretly, lest Sang's people should hear. Afterwards, when the bodies are sent to the barbarian camp, it will be easy to increase their number by that one."

"In a week, perhaps. When the barbarians prepare their final attack on the city. And who will wear the jacket?" She shrugged. "One of their leading people—Pa-hsia-li, perhaps." So they'd got Parkes; I could hear that lazy drawl, see the superior smile, and … the wire jacket. "It does not matter. You will see it done. Now," she stood up, stretching, "you will take me up. Oh, but I'm tired, Little An! And hungry! Why did you let me talk so long, you stupid little man!" And she pretended to box his ears, laughing, while he squeaked and feigned anguish.

That was what made my flesh crawl—the sudden capricious change from hellish scheming to playful mischief, from the cold, unspeakably cruel calculation that meant dreadful death for men she'd never seen, to happy high spirits demanding crackling with cherries, and a tea-leaf pillow because her eyes were tired. It's a rare thing, that gift of human translation, although I'd seen it before—always in people who held immense power. I mentioned Bismarck just now; he had it. So did Lakshmibai of Jhansi—and in a way, James Brooke of Borneo, although with him it had to be a conscious act of will. For the others, it was a necessary part of their nature, to be able to turn, in perfect oblivion, from determining the destiny of a nation, or a matter of life and death, to choosing a new hat or listening to music—and then back again, with the mind wiped clean.

Here, in an hour or so, this bonny girl of twenty-five had been subjected to heaven-knew-what debauches with a dying monarch, drugged herself with opium, run the risk of death for the mere whim of seeing some new thing (a barbarian), ravished a helpless captive for the sheer sport of it, rehearsed her plans for securing supreme political power, again at the risk of death, and was now yawning contentedly at the thought of a snack and a good sleep. God knew what her diary held for tomorrow; my point is, it wasn't quite the home life of our own dear Queen, and it takes a nature beyond our understanding to manage it.

Now, as she yawned and hummed and resumed her cloak and hood, she spared a thought for me again, tickling mischievously and skipping away laughing as Little An scuttled in to fend her off. I was to be taken secretly, she reminded him, to the Wang-shaw-ewen, which sounded like some sort of garden (I wondered what Sang would think when his soldiers reported that the wandering boy had vanished into thin air). The little eunuch made a doubtful lip.

"A pity we must be at the trouble of removing a captive from the Board of Punishments," grumbles he, "when we have one to hand." At which she cuffed him soundly, and serve him right.

"Fat savage, would you harm my barbarian? You'll treat him with care and respect, d'you hear, or I'll have you fed to the tiny devil fish, one greasy inch at a time!" She considered me with her secret smile. "Besides, I told you I may have another use for him. Just suppose … when the other prisoners have been killed, the barbarians discover that one has been saved, and kindly treated, by the Yi Concubine. Won't they be pleased with her—and with her party at court." She patted his head lightly. "Well, it is a possibility."

"Better he should wear the wire jacket!" pipes he viciously. "He deserves it—after tonight he isn't fit to live! How could you?" He shuddered in revulsion. "Ugh! Disgusting!"

"Why, I believe you're jealous, Little An," she mocked him, as he lifted her in his arms. "Oh, stop sulking! Just because you're weaponless, selfish little hound, am I to have no fun? Oh, no, I'm sorry—that was a mean thing to say! Forgive me, Little An …" As he bore her from the room she was apologising to the beastly little bladder, and her last words drifted to my ears, filling me with a new and dreadful fear. "Look, if he does not please me, or I tire of him quickly, perhaps …"

The beautiful voice faded up the stairs, and I was left a prey, as they say, to conflicting emotions.

It's a strange thing, but I remember distinctly I wasn't tired when they whisked me out of that lumber room just as dawn was breaking. Twenty-four hours earlier I'd been waking in my cage at Tang-choa. Since then I'd witnessed the battle of Pah-li-chao, arranged the demise of Trooper Nolan, been ill-used and terrified by Sang's thugs, crawled to the Emperor of China, and conferred, so to speak, with his principal concubine. A busy day, you'll allow, but while I'd a right to be played out, body and soul, I wasn't, because I didn't dare to be; I must keep my wits about me. For one stark thought was hammering in my brain above all others when the shadowy figures flitted into my room, to unchain and carry me swiftly out, wrapped in a carpet like Cleopatra as ever was—whatever happened now, I must not, for my very life's sake, utter so much as a syllable in Chinese.

It was the grace of God that Little An hadn't been present when I babbled before the Emperor; true, he'd later suggested slitting my tongue, but that presumably had just been native caution—he plainly didn't even suspect that I understood the lingo, or he'd never have permitted Yehonala to pour out her girlish dreams in my hearing. To both of them, I was a mere lump of uncomprehending barbarian beef, and if ever they realised that I'd taken in every word … quite. Thank heaven I'd been gagged throughout our meeting, or I might well have spoken at some point … "You permit yourself strange liberties, madam," for example.

Well, they didn't know, and provided I kept my trap shut, they never would. Only the Emperor and his nobles were aware of my linguistic skill, and I wasn't liable to be meeting them again. In the meantime, I faced the prospect of becoming stallion-en-titre to that gorgeous little tyrant, which was capital … and the possibility, if she tired of me, or it suited her murderous plan, that I'd be the one given the wire jacket when they started butchering prisoners. That wouldn't be for a week; I had that much law in which to escape and take word to Grant that he'd better look sharp if he was to rescue them. Then again … escaping would be. damned risky; my safest course might well be to lie snug, bulling Yehonala's pretty little rump off, and pray that she'd exempt me from the slaughter, which she seemed inclined to do. Which meant letting the other prisoners go hang; aye, well, it's a cruel world. It was all very difficult, and I must just wait and see what seemed best—best for Flashy, you understand, and good luck to everyone else.

These were my thoughts as I was borne off, and one thing quickly became plain: in the event that escape did eventually seem advisable (and sorry, Parkes, but on the whole I'd rather not) at least it wouldn't have to be from the Forbidden City, which would have been next to impossible. For after my swathed carcase had been carried some way, it was slung aboard a cart, and driven for about two miles through city streets, to judge from the noises. Then the rumble of other traffic and the din of the waking city ceased, our speed picked up, there were several cock-crows, and I guessed we were in open country. After about half an hour the cart slowed to a walk, my carpet was stripped away, I was hauled into a sitting position, and looked about me.

My escort were four men dressed like Little An, which meant they were eunuchs—nominally, at least, for while three were squeaking butterballs, the fourth was lean and whiskered and spoke in a bass croak. There's one who's all present and correct, thinks I, and he probably was. These eunuchs, you see, are an extraordinary gang; in most eastern countries, they're prisoners or slaves who've been emasculated and given charge of the royal womenfolk. But not in China, where they're absolutely volunteers, I swear it. It's a most prestigious career, you see, offering huge opportunities of power and profit, and there are young chaps positively clamouring to be de-tinkled so that they can qualify for the job. Not a line of work that would appeal to me, but then I'm not Chinese. However, royal concubines being what they are (and you may have gathered that Yehonala, for one, was not averse to male society) it was sometimes arranged that a candidate escaped the scissors and took up his duties in full working order. I suspect that my chap in the cart was one such, and a capital time he must have had of it, since concubines outnumbered the Emperor by about three hundred to one, and his majesty was so besotted with Yehonala that the others had to look elsewhere for diversion. But fully-armed or not, the eunuchs were the most influential clique at court, as spies, agents, and policy-makers; saving the Emperor, the most powerful man in China was undoubtedly Little An, the Chief Eunuch—and he was right under Yehonala's dainty little thumb.

But I'll digress no longer, for now I have to tell you of one of the most wonderful things I've ever seen, a marvel to compare with any on earth—and no one will ever see it again. There are many beautiful things in the world, mostly works of Nature—a Colorado sunset, dawn over the South China Sea, Elspeth, primroses, cold moonlight on the Sahara, an English woodland after rain. Man cannot make anything to equal these, but just once, in this critic's opinion, he came so close that I'd hate to live on the difference. And it was done by shaping Nature, delicately and with infinite patience, as probably only Chinese artists and craftsmen could have done it. This was what I was privileged to see that September morning.

As I remember, we were leaving a little village, on a narrow road between high stone walls, which took us over a stone bridge and a causeway through a lake to a great carved entrance gate. Beyond that was a courtyard, and a massive building, blazing with gold in the rising sun; we drove past it and a scattering of lesser pavilions, and then it burst on the view in all its perfect, silent splendour, and I gasped aloud in wonder, while the eunuchs squeaked and laughed and nudged each other to see the barbarian stricken dumb as he gazed for the first time on the Summer Palace.

As you may have heard, it was not a palace at all, but a garden eight miles long—but it wasn't a garden, either. It was fairyland, and how d'you describe that? I can only tell you that in that vast parkland, stretching away to distant, hazy hills, there was every beauty of nature and human architecture, blended together in a harmony of shape and colour so perfect that it stopped the breath in your throat, and you could only sit and wonder. I can talk of groves of trees, of velvet lawns, of labyrinths of lakes with pavilioned islands, of temples and summer houses and palaces, of gleaming roofs of imperial yellow porcelain seen through leaves of darkest green, of slow streams meandering through woods, of waterfalls cascading silently down mossy rocks, of fields of flowers, of pebbled paths winding past marble basins where fountains played like silver needles in the sunlight, of deer cropping daintily beneath spreading branches, of willow-pattern bridges, of dark grottoes where pale gold statues shone faintly in the shadows, of lotus pools where swans slept—I can write these things down, and say that they were spread out like a great magic carpet in glorious panorama as far as the eye could see, and what does it convey? Very little; it may even sound vulgar and overdone. But you see, I can't describe how one delicate shade of colour blends into another, and both into a third which is not a colour at all, but a radiance; I can't show you how the curve of a temple roof harmonises with the branches that frame it, or with the landscape about it; I can't make you see the grace of a slender path winding serpentine among the islands of a lake that is itself a soft mirror bordered by ever-changing reflections; I can't say why the ripple of water beneath the prow of a slow-gliding pleasure barge seems to have been designed to complement the shape of barge and lake and lily-pad, and to have been rippling since Time began. I can only say that all these things blended into one great unified perfection that was beyond belief, and damned expensive, too.

It had taken centuries to make, and if all the great artists of the Classical Age and the Renaissance had seen it, they'd have agreed that the fellows who designed it (for design, of course, was its secret and its glory) knew their business. Being a Philistine, I will add only: never talk to me about Art or Beauty or Good Taste or Style, because I've seen the bloody elephant.

I say it was a vast garden, but in fact it was many. The main one was the Ewen-ming-ewen, the Enclosed and Beautiful Garden, a great walled park with palaces which were museums of all Chinese art and civilisation, accumulated through the ages; then there was the Ching-ming-ewen, the Golden and Brilliant Garden, with its hills crowned by a six-storey jade tower and a magnificently ruined lamasery, and the Fragrant Hills, the Jade Fountain Park, the Imperial Hunting Park, the Garden of Clear Rippling Water, and the one to which I was taken, the Wang-shaw-ewen, or Birthday Garden, which was reckoned the most perfect of all, with its views of the whole shooting-match, and beyond that distant Pekin, and the surrounding hills.³⁸

This miracle was all for the personal delight of the Emperor and his court; no other visitors ever saw it, which was perhaps as well, since I should think it was by far the richest treasure house there has ever been in the world. To give you a notion, Yehonala's favourite pavilion was a modest cabin covering about an acre, roofed with gold leaf and apparently constructed of marble, jade, and ivory throughout; its scores of rooms were stuffed with priceless fabrics, carpets, and furs, statuary of every precious metal and porcelain, clocks, jewellery, paintings—I remember going along a verandah, looking out at the glorious scenery, and suddenly realising that I was no longer out of doors, but was staring at a wall so cunningly decorated that it appeared to be a continuation of the world outside; I had walked a good ten paces before I discovered that I was no longer seeing reality, but artifice, and when I went back and stood at gaze, I could hardly tell where one ended and t'other began. It was almost sickening to think of the genius and labour that had gone to the making of such a vain thing—yet it was lovely, and as to the movable loot … well, an entire wing was devoted to thousands of magnificent silk dresses, scarves, and shawls; you absolutely waded through them; another wing was given over to jewelled ornaments so brilliant and numerous that the eye could not bear to look at them for long; one vast room was filled with the most intricate mechanical toys crusted with gems, jade jack-in-the-boxes, walking dolls, blasted diamond frogs and beetles hopping and scuttling all over the shop, and you'd no sooner escaped them than you were in a room walled in solid silver and carpeted in ermine and sable, with gold racks covered in—ladies' shoes.³⁹

That was Yehonala's house—and there were hundreds like it, palaces, temples, museums, art galleries, libraries, summer houses, and pavilions, all crammed with treasures so opulent that … why, if those Russian Easter eggs that are so admired had found their way into the Summer Palace, I swear they'd have boiled 'em. God knows what it was all worth—or what it was all for. Greed? Vanity? An attempt to create a luxurious paradise on earth, so that the earth could be forgotten? If the last, then it succeeded, for you forgot the world in an instant. It should have seemed just a great, overstuffed bazaar—but it didn't, probably because of this last detail which I shall tell you, and then I'm done with description: every one of the millions of precious things in the Summer Palace, from the forty-foot jade vases in the Hall of Audience, so fragile that you could read print through them, to the tiny gold thimble on a corner shelf in the room of Yehonala's chief seamstress, was labelled with its description, origin, and the exact position which it must occupy in the room. Think of that the next time you drop a book on the table.

Possibly because of recent events, and my new surroundings, my memories of the first two days in that house are all at random. I saw no one but the eunuchs, whose first task was to groom the barbarian and make him fit for human consumption; Little An was early on the scene, scowling sullenly and instructing the lads to see me shaved, scrubbed, and suitably attired—I had to be careful not to understand the shrill directions screamed at me, and to appear to cotton on slowly. I insisted on bathing and shaving myself, and recall sitting in a splendid marble bathing pool, using a jewelled razor on my chest, arms, and legs, and damning (in English) the eyes of the bollockless brigade as they twittered round the brink pouring in the salts and oils to make me smell Chinese. I had a splendid shouting-match with An on the subject of my moustache and whiskers, which he indicated must come off, and which I by Saxon oath and gesture showed I was ready to defend to the last. Finally I removed them—the first time I'd been clean-shaven since I rode as a bronco Apache in Mangus Colorado's spring war party back in '50—but dug in my heels about my top-hair; I'd been bald, when I was Crown Prince of Strackenz, and looked hellish. (Gad, I've suffered in my time.)

Another memory is of sleeping in silk sheets on a bed so soft I had to climb out and camp on the floor. I suppose I ate, and loafed, but it's fairly hazy until the second night, when they took me in a closed sedan chair to the Imperial apartments in the Ewen-ming-ewen.

This was a piece of pure effrontery on Yehonala's part, and showed not only her supreme confidence in her power, but the extent of that power, and the fear she inspired among the minions of the Imperial court. The Emperor was down in the Forbidden City still, with all his retinue of nobles and attendants, while the Concubine Yi lorded it in the Summer Palace alone—but instead of conducting her illicit amours secretly in her own pavilion, damn if she didn't appropriate his majesty's private apartments, serenely sure that not one of the eunuchs or guards or palace servants would dare to betray her. Little An's spy system was so perfect that I doubt if an informer could have got near the Emperor or any of her enemies, but probably her best security was that almost the whole court worshipped the ground she trod on. "I have that power," remember.

I had no inkling of this when they decanted me at the third of the great halls that made up the Emperor's residence, and led me through a circular side-door to a small dressing-room hung with quilted dragon robes in every conceivable colour—it was just like her, you know, to fig me out in her old man's best gear, although I had no suspicion of what was afoot until Little An began puffing musk at me from a giant squirt, and his assistant applied lacquer to my hair to make it lie down. When they tied a flimsy gauze mask over my face, I thought aha!, and then they bundled me into a corridor and along to a great gilt door where a table stood bearing scores of tortoiseshell plaques, each with a different design worked in precious stones. These were the concubines' tablets, with which his majesty indicated his choice for the night; it was then Little An's task to rout out the appropriate houri, wrap her in the silk cloak, carry her to the gilt door, and shoot her in, no doubt with a cry of "Shop!"

He didn't attempt to carry me, just waved me in and closed the door after me. And through the thin mask I saw enough to confirm my growing suspicions.

Directly ahead of me there was a sort of sloping ramp which led up to an alcove entirely filled by a bed large enough to accommodate the King's Own Yorkshire Light Infantry and a couple of signallers; it was sheeted in purple silk with gold lamé pillows in case anyone wanted to sleep. To the left of the ramp were low ebony tables covered with the kind of bric-a-bric that Susie Willinck had insisted on taking to California, only more expensive: silver opium pipes and skewers, delicate golden chains and fetters, cords of silk and velvet and plaited leather, a tiny cat-o'-nine-tails with minute gems glinting in its lashes, and a scattering of exquisitely-tinted pictures which they wouldn't have shown at the Royal Academy in a hurry. Hang it, this ain't the billiard room, thinks I, and glanced to my right—and forgot everything else.

Yehonala was sitting on a low stool, dabbing her lower lip with a little brush before a dressing-table mirror. She was wearing a robe of some gauzy, shimmering material that changed colour with every movement—a wasted effect, since it was entirely transparent. But it wasn't only the sudden vision of that flawless ivory body that set me gulping and gloating as I surveyed the slender foot and ankle, the slim tapering legs, the smooth curve of belly and rump, the tiny waist, and the splendid conical breasts standing clear of the robe—well, you can see it wasn't … it was that perfect face in the mirror, so arrestingly lovely that you couldn't believe it was flesh and blood, and not a picture of some impossible ideal. She glanced at my reflection in the mirror, cool up-and-down.

"You look much better in a mask," says she idly, as she might have addressed her pet Pekingese, pouting her lip to examine it in the glass. "Go to the bed, then, and wait." I didn't move, and remembering that I was an uncomprehending barbarian she pointed with a silver finger-nail, flicking her hand impatiently. "To the bed—there! Go on!"

If there's one thing that can make me randier than a badger it's an imperious little dolly-mop giving me orders with her tits out of her dress. "Don't you believe it, my lass!" growls I in English, and she stopped, brush poised, eyes wide in astonishment—I reckon it was a shock to her to hear the noise the animal made. She gasped as I pulled off my mask, and for an instant there was fear in the dark eyes, so I smiled politely, made her my best bow, and came up behind her stool. Her face set in anger, but before she could speak I had applied the fond caress that I use to coax Elspeth when she's sulking—one hand beneath the chin to pull her head back while you chew her ,mouth open, the other kneading her bouncers with passionate ardour. They can't stir, you see, and after a moment they don't want to. Sure enough, she stiffened and tried to struggle, writhing on the stool with smothered noises … and then she began to tremble, her mouth opened under mine, and as I worked away feverishly at her poonts her hands reached up to clasp behind my head. I disengaged instantly, dropped to one knee by her stool, smiled tenderly into the beautiful bewildered face, squeezed her belly fondly, stole a quick kiss on each tit, and swept her up in my arms as I rose.

"Wait … put me down … no, let me go … wait …" But having no Chinese I strode masterfully up the ramp, whistling "Lilliburlero" to soothe her, dropped her head and shoulders on the edge of the bed while holding the rest of her clear with a hand under either buttock, leaned forward in the approved firing position, and piled in, roaring like a Gorgon. I believe she was quite taken aback, for she gave one uncertain wail, gesturing feebly with those dear little white hands, but I'd arranged her artfully in a helpless position, hanging suspended while wicked Harry bulled away mercilessly with his feet on the ground, and what was the poor child to do? I was fairly certain, from the look of the Emperor's bedside tackle, and what I'd heard her tell Little An about Reluctant Shrimps or Galloping Lobsters or whatever it was, that she had never been romped in normal, true British style in her life, but you could see her taking to it, and by the time my knees began to creak—for I spun the business out to the ecstatic uttermost for her benefit—she was in a condition of swoon, as I once heard a French naval officer put it. I was quite breathless myself, and blissfully content, but I knew that wouldn't be the end of it.

She fulfilled, you see, four of the five conditions necessary for what may be called the Australian Ideal—she was an immensely rich, stunningly beautiful, highly-skilled professional amorist with the sexual appetite of a pagan priestess; she did not own a public house. And having spent ten years entertaining a depraved idiot of unspeakable tastes, she was now deter-mined to make the most of Flashy while he lasted, which was until about noon next day, so far as I could judge, and if Little An had offered to carry me away I'd have held out my arms, whimpering weakly. Mind you, it was partly my own fault for being such a susceptible romantic. For it wasn't only her beauty, or passion, or matchless skill in the noble art that were nearly the death of me; it was her pure irresistible charm. When I was ruined beyond redemption, face down and fagged out, thinking, aye well, it's been not a bad life, and who'd ha' thought it would end on the Emperor of China's mattress, in the Chamber of Divine Repose (ha!) on the morning of September 25, 1860? … then that perfumed musical whisper would be in my ear, and I'd turn feebly to meet that angelic face with its little smile that pierced me through, and such a wave of sentimental affection would come over me, and a great longing to lock her in my heart forever, and … well, somehow, before I knew it, it was boots and saddles again.

In a Gazette article entitled "The Fate of the Peiping Captives in the Late War", you may read how Col. Sir H. Flashman "endured a captivity little better than slavery at the hands of his tormentors", who treated him "in the most degrading and insulting manner", and subjected him "to such usage as can seldom have been met with by a British officer in the hands of a savage foreign Power". It's gospel true, and omits only that if the Army had known the circumstances they'd have been lining up to change places with me.

I was fourteen memorable days (and nights) in the Summer Palace of Pekin, held thrall by the notorious Yi Concubine, and since they followed the pattern of the first, you may think I was on velvet, which I was … and silk, satin, gauze, fur, grass, marble (which is perishing cold), yellow jade (even colder), Oriental carpet, leather upholstery, a Black Watch tartan rug (wherever that came from), and the deck of a pleasure barge on the Jade Fountain Lake, which was her most extraordinary choice of all, I think. We'd been cruising about, watching a battle between little model gunboats blazing away at each other with tiny brass cannon, when my lady becomes bored, and consequently amorous, and decided she didn't care to wait till we reached shore—so she made every other soul on board (half a dozen female attendants, two eunuchs, and the entire crew) jump overboard and flounder ashore in ten feet of water, so that I could rattle her undisturbed. Two of the girls were almost drowned.

From this you might suppose that my sojourn was a continuous orgy; not at all. Most of the time I was confined to Yehonala's pavilion, with a couple of the burliest eunuchs on guard, for she was by no means preoccupied with me in those critical times when she was juggling to catch a crown; sometimes I didn't see her for two days on end—early in my captivity, for instance, she went with the Emperor to Jehol, forty miles away, where she tucked him up to die out of harm's way before returning to Pekin for the showdown with Sang and the barbarians. She was plotting and politicking for dear life then, and I was her Wednesday afternoon football match and brandy-and-cigar in the evening, so to speak—and her week-end picnic. A humiliating position which I was mortal glad of after what I'd been through, and I just prayed she wouldn't lose interest in her new toy before Elgin closed his grip on Pekin. For, incredibly, our army was holding off at the last, fearful that a hostile advance might spell the end of us hostages, yet fearing, too, that delay might be equally fatal.

You may wonder how I knew of this; it arose from Yehonala's remarkable attitude towards me. I said before that she spoke to me as though I were a pet poodle—and that was precisely how she treated me. Not wholly surprising, perhaps; with all the arrogance and ignorance of the well-born Manchoo, she thought of foreigners (and I was the first she'd ever seen, remember) as rather less than human, and exercised no more reticence before me than you do before Poll or your tabby. And since, quite apart from coupling, it was her whim to keep me on hand in her leisure hours, when she walked or sat in the gardens, or boated, or played games with her ladies, I learned a deal by sitting quiet with my ears open. I suspect she paraded me chiefly to tease Little An, who was her constant attendant and couldn't abide the sight of me; they'd talk shop by the lily-pond while Fido sunned himself on the grass, the target of apples playfully tossed by her ladies, and took it all in—how Parkes and Loch had been segregated from the other prisoners, and would make ideal candidates for the wire jacket when the time came; yes, the Emperor's signature was already on the vermilion death warrant, which would be forwarded from Jehol to Pekin whenever she wished; the word from the barbarian camp was that they'd rather negotiate than fight, so she had time in hand if she wished; Prince Kung, the Emperor's brother, could be relied on when the final struggle came for imperial power … this was the kind of thing they discussed, never dreaming it was understood.

One vital titbit of information explained why Yehonala, in-stead of staying with the Emperor at Jehol, had returned to the Summer Palace. I gathered that her four-year-old son, Tungchi, to whom she was devoted, was in Pekin, under the care of the Empress Consort Sakota—being heir to the throne, he was far too important to be entrusted to his own mother, who when all was said was only a concubine. This was something that Yehonala, for all her great hidden power, could do nothing about; she could only keep as close to the child as possible, ready to defy protocol by stepping in if he was in any danger, or if the likes of Sang or Prince I tried to get their hands on him. It might come to bloody palace revolution yet, and possession of the infant would be vital—quite apart from her being his doting mama. In the meantime, she could only wait and trust to Sakota, who was her cousin and bosom pal, they having been apprentice concubines together before Sakota was made Empress. (If it seems odd that Yehonala, the Emperor's favourite, hadn't managed to grab the consortship, the answer was that his mother, the canny old Dowager, had spotted her for a driving woman, and had decided that Sakota, an unambitious and indolent nonentity, would make a more manageable Em-press. The two cousins had no jealousy, by the way; Sakota didn't mind being Number Two in bed, and Yehonala preferred the harlot's power to the Imperial title.)

It wasn't canny, hearing all these state secrets and knowing that the speakers regarded me as no more sensate than the chairs they sat on; I wondered if any spy had ever been so fortunately placed before. The irony was that it was of no practical use; with the eunuchs forever on the prowl, and guards within call, I might as well have been in a dungeon. But at least my own position seemed secure enough, so long as I betrayed no understanding; the really dangerous times were when Yehonala and I were in bed together, and her attention close upon me; her confounded playful poodle-talk unnerved me, for as you'll guess if you've ever listened to a woman scratching a kitten's belly, it consisted mostly of damfool questions which it took presence of mind not to answer.

"So ugly … so ugly," she would whisper, lying on my chest and brushing her unbound hair across my face. "So ugly as to be almost magnificent … aren't you? So misshapen and ungraceful, great lumpy muscles … you're very strong, aren't you? Strong and stupid, with teeth like a horse. Open … let me see them. Open, I say … Gods, do you have to be shown everything? Ugh, I don't want to look at them! Horrible … I wonder what your barbarian women are like? Are they repulsive, too? You'll find them so, after this, won't you … after the incomparable Yi Concubine? I must look like a goddess to you … do I look like a goddess? Is it possible you might prefer female barbarians, I wonder? I mean, great apes like each other … but you may never see your barbarian women-apes again … not if I keep you. I might, when my son rules, and I'm all-powerful. Would you like that? I could send you now to Jehol, before your friends come … or I could give you back to them. No, I don't want to lose you yet … and how unhappy you'd be, without me … wouldn't you? You must think you're in heaven, poor barbarian. If only you could speak … why can't you speak … properly, I mean? Suppose you could, what would you say to me? Would you make love to me with words, like the poets? Do you know what poetry is, even? Could you write a poem in praise of my beauty … in butterfly words fluttering crooked up and down the page of my heart? Jung Lu wrote me a poem once, comparing me to a new moon, which was not very original … What would you compare me to, d'you think? Oh, you're hopeless! You couldn't love with words … you know only one way, don't you? … like a great, greedy beast … like this … no, greedy beast, not like that! Be still … like this … slowly, you see? … this is the Fourteenth Gossamer Caress, did you know? There are more than twenty of them, and the last, the Supreme Delirium, can be experienced only once, for during it the lover dies, they say … let us be content with the Fourteenth … for the moment … then we'll try the Fifteenth, shall we …?"

It's desperate work, listening to that kind of drivel with a straight face, never showing a glimmer of comprehension, in constant fear lest a blink of surprise, to say nothing of an ecstatic shriek in the wrong language, means certain and hideous death. For I had no illusions about this sweet young thing—if she so much as suspected I understood, the wire jacket would be the least of it; the more I knew of her, the more I became aware of what I said some time ago, that she was a compound of five of the Deadly Sins—greed, gluttony, lust, pride, and anger, with ruthlessness, cruelty, and treachery thrown in; it was fatally easy to forget it, gazing on that lovely face, and embracing that wonderful body, or listening to her chaffing Little An, or joking like a mischievous schoolgirl with her ladies—for she had a great sense of fun, and true playfulness, and yet in spite of all that, there's only one word to describe her: she was a monster.

For one thing, she really enjoyed cruelty, and as an authority in the bullying line myself, I don't speak lightly. Ranavalona of Madagascar has always headed my list of atrocious females, but she was raving mad, and did her abominations almost offhand, without emotion. Yehonala was anything but mad, and if her cruelties seem trivial beside those of my Malagassy Moonbeam, she still inflicted them with the relish of a true sadist. She had a servant following her about with a case of canes and switches, and when anyone displeased her, down came the breeches and lay on with a will, farrier-sergeant. When two of her eunuchs caught some crows and released them with firecrackers tied to their legs so that the birds were blown to bits in mid-air, Yehonala had the culprits' backsides cut to bloody pulp with bamboo whips, watching the infliction of the full hundred strokes with smiling enjoyment. You may say they deserved a drubbing, but you didn't see it.

Even crueller, I thought, was her treatment of a maid called Willow, who offended in some trivial way. Yehonala ordered another maid to start slapping Willow's face, and when she didn't do it hard enough, made Willow slap her back. In the end she had the two little chits thrashing each other in tears, while she laughed and clapped her hands. Add that it was she who constantly urged the slaughter of prisoners, and sent the suicide cords to unfortunate commanders, and I'd say the cruelty case is proved; for ruthlessness and treachery I'd refer you only to her first conversation in my presence.

As to the Deadly Sins—I saw her in a towering rage only once, with the bird-blowing eunuchs, but I'm told that her anger was legendary, and could be berserk in its fury. She wasn't a glutton in the ordinary sense, but her pleasure in food was voluptuous, especially in dainties like sugared seeds of various kinds, and every kind of confectionery, which seemed to have no effect on her figure. She enjoyed opium, but thought no one else should have it; she also took snuff, from a hollowed-out pearl with a ruby stopper, and was the prettiest sneezer you ever did see, giving tiny little "cheef!" noises and wrinkling her nose. She was uncommon greedy for precious things, which was astonishing since she had everything a woman could conceivably want; yet she gloated over her jewellery and clothing in a way that was positively indecent, and I doubt (from her conversation) if enough money could have been minted to satisfy her. Hand in hand with her delight in clothing, her transparent robes, her pearl capes, her enormous sleeves, her thousand pairs of shoes, the jewels which she would fondle as though they were alive, went her vanity, which was all-consuming—and she had every reason for it. As to her lust … don't ask me, how would I know?

Perhaps, on consideration, I'm wrong to call her a monster—unless it's monstrous to indulge an unbridled appetite without regard for anyone or anything. Yes, I think that's right; I do, and I'm a monster. With Yehonala, everything was extreme; whatever she did was done with every fibre of her, and enjoyed with sensual intensity—whether it was nibbling a sugared walnut, or half-killing a partner in bed, or flaunting a new dress, or having an offender flogged nearly to death, or watching the sun go down over the Fragrant Hills, or ruling an empire … she would squeeze the last drop of savour out of it, and lick her fingers afterwards. If you could have seen her even walking, with that quick, gliding stride, or pinning one of her five hundred jade butterfly brooches to her dress, or playing "The Eight Fairies Travel Across the Sea" game with her ladies, or spraying glycerine on her face to fix her cosmetics—always the same concentration, the same implacable zeal to do it exactly right, the same ambition for perfection. No wonder she became mistress of all China—or that the Emperor died of her mattress gymnastics. Ten years? It's a marvel he lasted ten days.

I append these details because, since she became one of the great women of history,*(* See Appendix II.) an eye-witness account may be of some interest; perhaps it'll help some clever biographer to plumb the mystery of her character. I can't; I knew her as a lover, you see, and Dick Burton assures me I'm a hopeless nympholeptic, which sounds, good fun. She ravished my senses, right enough, and scared me to death—which, by the way, is true of the only three women (apart from Elspeth) whom I've truly loved: Lola, Lakshmibai, and Yehonala. An empress, a queen, and the greatest courtesan of her time; I dare say I'm just a snob.

However, my little character-sketch will have explained my growing anxiety in case she discovered that she was nourishing a Chinese-speaking British viper in her gorgeous bosom. For every day increased that risk … and still Elgin didn't move.

The British and French army seemed to have put down roots at Tang-chao, a mere ten miles from Pekin; I couldn't fathom Grant's intentions, with winter coming on, his lines of communication gaping for a hundred miles behind him to the coast, his force still outnumbered at least four to one—if I'd had command of the remaining Tartar cavalry I'd have had him and his army and his bull fiddle bottled on the Peiho yet. The reason, according to Little An, was that the Big Barbarian was scared the prisoners would be murdered if he moved; knowing Elgin, I was sure there must be more to it; in fact, he and Grant were just "makking siccar", as my wife would say, counting on the very error which I heard Little An making to Yehonala.

"We shall have warning if they move," says he. "The big guns will sound, the order for the deaths of the barbarian prisoners can be dispatched, and we shall have ample time to retire to Jehol, leaving Sang and Prince I and Sushun and the rest of the reptiles to meet the wrath of the Big Barbarian. Hang-ki has charge of Pa-hsia-li and the other; they can be removed quietly and executed by the jacket whenever you wish. Unless," he glanced moodily at me, "you will be wise and put that thing away." Meeting his eye, I smiled amiably and nodded. "What in the name of Yen-lo are you going to do with him, Orchid Lady?"

"Take him to Jehol," says she. "Why not?"

"Gods! To Jehol—and play the harlot with him while … while the Son of Heaven is dying in the next room?"

"Well, I can hardly play the harlot with the Emperor, in his condition, can I? And you know me, Little An—I have to be playing the harlot with someone, or so you keep telling me."

"Will you jest, at such a time?" he shrilled. "Oh, little em-press, if you have no shame, at least have sense! Prince Kung and the Empress Dowager are lodged only a mile away—in the Ewen-ming-ewen! Suppose word reached them of this beast's presence? Suppose Sang gets to hear of it? At the moment when you have the prize all but in your grasp—oh, why do I waste time, talking to a lovely idol with an ivory head? How will you hide him in Jehol, or on the road? It's a full day's journey!"

"He can travel with the eunuchs. It may be that I'll keep him as one, eventually. Perhaps make him chief—in place of you. At least he won't deafen me with impertinence. By the way, we'll travel to Jehol by night. Have the horse-litters and cavalry escort standing by from tomorrow; the barbarians may come soon now."

By gad, I hadn't liked the sound of that. Of course she was just joking—teasing Little An. Wasn't she? One thing was sure, she wasn't getting me to Jehol—when those guns sounded, I'd make a run for it, somehow. If I could give my watchdogs the slip, after dark—even if I didn't get out of the Summer Palace, there were acres of woodland to lie up in … I might even get clear away, and be in time to reach Grant and have him send a flying column slap into the city to rescue Parkes and the others … Probyn or Fane would be in and out before the Chinks knew they'd been. Aye, but I mustn't run the slightest risk of capture myself—the thought of being dragged back, helpless, to face her fury (they can't stand being jilted, these autocratic bitches) and Little An's malice …

"What's the matter with the filthy brute? He looks as though he'd seen a spirit!" It was Little An's harsh squeal, and I realised with a thrill of fear that he was staring at me. How I didn't start round in guilty panic, God knows; I forced myself to sit still—we were in the long ivory saloon of her pavilion, An standing beside her chair while she ate her supper of peaches sliced in honey and wine; myself on a stool about ten feet away. A few of her ladies were playing Go at the other end, laughing and chattering softly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Yehonala had turned to look at me, laying down her spoon. I took a deep breath, pressed my hands to my stomach, and belched gently. She laughed.

"Fried bread dragons. Or love-pangs for his Orchid—eh, Little An?" She returned to her peaches.

"Perhaps." To my consternation he walked towards me slowly, and I gave him my idiot smile as he paused before me, a thoughtful frown on his pudgy face. "Do you know, Orchid Lady," says he, watching me, "I have sometimes wondered if this … this stallion of yours … is as senseless as he seems. Once or twice … just now, for instance … I've wondered if he doesn't understand every word we say."

It was like a douche of cold water, but I daren't drop my eyes. I could only blink, without interest, and hope the thunder of my heart wasn't audible.

"What?" Her spoon tinkled into the dish. "Oh, what old wool! Barbarians don't speak our language, stupid!"

"Pa-hsia-li does. Like a school-master." His little eyes were bright with suspicion. "So will others. Perhaps this one."

"And never a word out of him in days? Or any sign of sense? Nonsense! What makes you think so—apart from malice?"

He continued to stare at me. "A look … an expression. A sense." He shrugged. "I may be wrong … but if I'm not, the tale of your pleasuring him will be the least he can tell." His eyes narrowed, and I knew what was coming—and began a cavernous yawn to cover the reaction which I knew he was going to startle out of me. Sure enough:

"Look at his thumb!" he squeaked.

Now, I defy anyone in my position not to twitch his thumb, or whatever extremity is mentioned—unless he has set his muscles and begun to yawn, which is a fine suppressor of the guilty start. Hutton, old Pam's Treasury gun-slinger, taught me that one. I saw the disappointment on Little An's face, and looked at him serenely.

"If you are right," says Yehonala, "then he understands us now."

I glanced at her, reasonably enough, since she'd spoken—and felt sick. She was frowning uncertainly, upright in her chair; she beckoned abruptly, so I got up and went over, meeting her stare with polite interest. After a moment:

"Do you understand me?' says she sharply, and I smiled hopefully as her eyes stayed steady on mine. Then she pointed at her feet, so I knelt upright in front of her, my face just below the level of her own, about two feet away. She continued to watch me intently, that lovely oval mask expressionless, and then said quietly:

"I don't know, An … but we must be sure. It's a pity. Take the sabre from the wall yonder … quietly. When I say `Begin' … strike."

If it was a bluff, it was bound to work. Even Hope Grant or Rudi Starnberg wouldn't have been able to repress a flicker when she spoke the fatal word, and my nerves weren't in the same parish as theirs. I didn't hear Little An move behind me, but I knew he'd be there, quietly poising that razor-sharp blade, waiting. I could only kneel patiently, praying the sweat wasn't starting from my brow, meeting her cold gaze with smiling inquiry as I would have done if I'd been innocent, letting my smile fade uncertainly as she didn't respond. I strove not to gulp, to look easy, knowing it was no go—unless I could think of something I was bound to flinch at the word. In desperation, I lowered my eyes, searching for inspiration … finally letting my glance stray to her bust; she was wearing one of those tight silk Manchoo dresses that button at the throat and are open to the breast-bone, leaving a gap through which appetising curves of Eve's puddings are to be seen; I stared with rapt interest, moving my head slightly for a better view, moistened my lips, and blew gently at the opening. She flinched, and I glanced up with an insolent suggestive twitch of the brow to let her see how my thoughts were running; there was a shadow of doubt in the dark eyes, so I returned to my leering contemplation of her bouncers with a contented sigh, leaning a little closer and blowing again, a longer sustained breeze this time …

"Begin," says she softly, and I continued to blow soft and steady, without a tremor, for I knew it was a bluff, and that Little An, far from holding a sabre over my head, was still ten feet away, watching. If you want to play double-dares with Flashy, don't do it when there's a polished walnut cabinet reflecting the room behind him.

"Idiot!" snaps Yehonala, and snatching up her spoon she flung it at An's head. "He doesn't understand a word! You're a snivelling old woman … and a spiteful little worm! Now get out, and leave us alone."

By George, I was glad to see the brute go; he'd had my innards in a rare turmoil for a few minutes, and I knew that now his suspicions were aroused he'd watch me like a lynx. Even in the small hours, when Yehonala had played us both out, I was still too nervous to go to sleep for fear I babbled in Chinese—and next day, to my consternation, I was confined to my room, with the door locked and a Mongol trooper of the Imperial Guards cavalry on sentry, which had never happened before. I glimpsed him when they brought my dinner—a hulking, shaven-headed rascal in a mail coat and yellow sleeves. I demanded in English to be let out, and they slammed the door on me without a word. I ate little dinner, I can tell you, pacing up and down my room with its high, impossibly tiny windows, asking myself if An had been poisoning her mind with suspicions, but as the day wore on my anxieties changed colour—something strange was doing in the Summer Palace. There was distant bustle in Yehonala's pavilion, voices raised and feet hurrying; outside in the garden, towards evening, there were unmistakable noises of horses going past, and a peremptory voice in Chinese: "I know the litters are there, but the third one's empty—no cushions or rugs! Why not?" An apologetic mumble, and then: "Well, get them! And stay with the grooms. If anyone wanders off, he'll walk to Jehol in a cangue!"

So she was going! Was Grant moving at last, then? But there hadn't been a single cannon-shot, ours or the Chinese; he couldn't be advancing on Pekin without some hysterical Tartar touching off a field piece, surely? Tang-chao was less than a dozen miles away—the sound of firing would carry easily … but the afternoon light was fading; it wasn't possible he was coming today, Yehonala's people must have had a false alarm—and then, far-off, there was the brazen whisper of a Manchoo trumpet, and a drum of approaching hoof-beats, a single rider pounding across the sward, voices calling anxiously at the front of the house, and a hoarse cry of alarm:

"The barbarians! Fly for your lives! They are in the city—the streets run with blood! Everyone is dead, the Temple of Heaven is overthrown, the shops are closed!"

I swear it's what he said—and even the last part wasn't true. Not a single allied soldier was in Pekin, nor even a gun threatening its walls, the Manchoo army was watching in vain … but the barbarians were coming, all right. Grant had slipped his hounds without so much as a shout, our cavalry was sweeping in from the north (the last place they might have been expected), with the Frog infantry in support—everyone got lost in the dark and went blundering about famously, but that only added to the Chinese confusion. I knew nothing of that as I listened to the uproar in the pavilion … and now footsteps were padding to my door, it was thrown open, and a eunuch came in, threw me a cloak, and jerked his thumb. I slipped it over the loose tunic and trousers that were my only clothes, and followed him out, my Mongol guard looming behind me as we made our way to the ivory saloon.

The pavilion was in the throes of a flitting. The halls and passage-ways were cluttered with luggage, servants were staggering out under boxes and bundles, eunuchs fussed everywhere, maids were fluttering in silken confusion, and a stalwart young Manchoo Guards officer was barking orders and cuffing heads in an effort to bring them to order (I recognised the peremptory voice from the garden; although I didn't know it yet, this was Jung Lu, Yehonala's old flame and now Imperial Guards commander). Only in the ivory saloon was there comparative peace, with Yehonala looking uncommon fetching in a magnificent snow-leopard robe with a gigantic collar, sitting at ease while Little An fussed about her, and half a dozen of her ladies waited in a respectful semi-circle at the far end, all dressed for the road. She indicated that I should stand by her table, and the Mongol fell in beside me, breathing garlic.

"Why don't they come?" Little An was squeaking; his face was bright with sweat. "If their soldiers are north of the city, we may be cut off here! How could we escape their devil-cavalry, who speed like flying dragons? Should we not send another messenger, Orchid? What can be keeping them?"

Yehonala stifled a yawn. "The Empress Dowager will have mislaid her eyebrow tweezers. Stop fussing, Little An—the barbarians are intent on Pekin; they won't come here. Even if they did, Jung Lu has men on the road to bring word."

Little An glanced round as though he expected to see Elgin climbing in the window, and stooped to whisper. "And if Sang should come? Have you thought of that? We know who he's after, don't we? Suppose he were to come with riders—what case are we in to resist him, with only a handful of Guards?"

"Sang has enough to do with the barbarians, fool! Besides, he wouldn't dare lay hands on the Empress … or on him." But I saw the silver nails were drumming gently on the arm of her chair.

"You think there's anything that madman would not dare?" An shrilled. "I tell you, Orchid Lady—the barbarians can have Pekin for him, so long as he can get his claws on —"

"That will do, Eunuch An-te-hai." The lovely voice had a dangerous edge. "You're alarming my ladies, which is bad for their digestions. Another word, and you'll stand on that table and repeat a hundred times: `I beg the ladies' pardon for my unmannerly cowardice, and humbly entreat the Empress of the Western Palace to sentence me to a hundred lashes on my fat little bottom'. And she'll do it, too."

That sent her ladies into great giggles, and Little An fell sullenly silent. The noises of exodus were dying away in the pavilion; a door slammed, and then there was silence. I strained my ears—if our fellows were north of the city they couldn't be more than five miles away. Yehonala was right; they wouldn't bother with the Summer Palace until Pekin was secure, but if I could make a break, perhaps when we set off … it would be dark …

Brisk footsteps sounded, and the young Guards Commander strode in, halting smartly and bowing his pagoda helmet to his waist. "The Prince Kung and the Lady Dowager have decided to remain, Concubine Yi, but the others will be here in a few minutes."

"What can have happened to those tweezers?" says Yehonala. "And probably the sleeping pantaloons, too. Ah, well. Are the litters ready, Colonel Jung?"

"Three horse palanquins in the court, Orchid, with the carriage for your ladies." He was breathing hard. "I've sent the servants' carts ahead, so that they won't delay us, and had all the gates locked. It will be necessary to reach the court by the garden passage —" he pointed to the narrow arch at the far end of the room, where the ladies stood "- and from the court the Avenue of Dawn Enchantment is walled as far as the Jehol road, where I have a troop waiting." He paused for breath, and Little An cried:

"Why these precautions? Are the barbarians so close?"

Jung ignored him, speaking direct to Yehonala. He was a good-looking lad, in a dense, resolute sort of way; Guards officers much the same the world over, I suppose.

"Not the barbarians, Orchid … no. My rider at the Anting Gate has not reported. But it would be best to leave quickly, as soon as the Empress arrives. There may be … some danger in delay."

Little An absolutely farted in agitation and was beginning to squeal, but Yehonala cut in. "Be quiet! What is it, Jung?"

"Perhaps nothing." He hesitated. "I stationed my sergeant on the Pekin road, half-way. His horse came in just now—without a rider." There was silence for a moment, then:

"Sang!" shrills Little An. "I knew it! What did I say? Lady, there is no time to lose! We must go at once! We must—"

"Without my son?" She was on her feet. "Jung—go and meet them. Bring them yourself—bring them, Jung, you understand?"

He saluted and strode out, and Yehonala turned to the palpitating An and said quietly: "Every shadow is not Prince Sang, Little An. Even sergeants fall off their horses sometimes. No, be silent. Whatever has happened, your bleatings will do nothing to help." She adjusted her fur collar. "It's cold. Lady Willow, have them put the screen' across the window."

As her woman pattered to obey, she paced the floor slowly, humming to herself. Outside the sound of Jung's hoof-beats had faded, and we waited in the stillness, the air heavy with suspense. She may have found it cold, but I was sweating—whatever the possible danger, I reckoned Jung was a good judge, and he'd been a sight more worried than he let on. Little An was visibly bursting with silent terrors, in which Sang presumably had the lead role. Well, that was one I could do without … if he bowled in, I could see a pretty little scene ensuing when he recognised one of his star prisoners. Suppose I broke for it now … a bolt for the door, downstairs and into the garden … ? My skin roughened at the thought … the Mongol was at my elbow, stinking to high heaven, never taking his eyes off me -

"Ho-hum, cheer up, Little An," says Yehonala, pausing in her walk, and prodding him playfully in the stomach. "You need some exercise, my lad. I know—where's my cup and ball?"

It was lying on the table beside me, a priceless little toy of solid gold stem with a jade cup, and a gold chain attaching to the ball, which was a black pearl. She was expert in its use, but Little An was a hopeless duffer, and it was a standing joke with her to make him sweat away at it, fumbling and squealing, while her ladies went into fits.

I picked it up and handed it to her.

Very well, I was off-guard, preoccupied with the thought of bolting for safety, and my action was purely automatic—so much so, that she had actually taken it, with a little smile at me, and it was only the horrified realisation dawning on my own face that made her stare. Without that, my blunder might have passed unnoticed, or I might have bluffed it out … but now her eyes were blazing, Little An was shrieking—and I lunged headlong for the door, slipped on a rug on the polished floor, and came down with a crash that shook the building. The Mongol was on me before I could roll away, snarling like a bear, his great hands reaching for my throat; I thumped him once, and then like a clever lad he had his knife-point under my chin, climbing off me nimbly and bringing me up like a hooked fish, his free hand locked in my collar. He shot a glance at Yehonala, and asked for instructions.

"Kill him! Kill him!" squealed Little An. "He's a spy—a barbarian spy!" A brilliant thought struck him. "Gods! He was Sang's prisoner! He's a spy of Sang's! He —"

"Put him yonder," says Yehonala, and the Mongol thrust me down in her chair, taking his stand behind it with his knife prodding the angle of my neck and shoulder—it beats handcuffs any day.

"Why?" yelps Little An. "Kill him now! Aiee, Orchid, why do you hesitate? He has heard all—he knows! He must die at once, before the Empress comes! Please, Orchid! Kill him—quickly!"

She came to stand in front of me, moving without haste, and save for the black ice of her eyes there wasn't a trace of expression on the beautiful oval face framed in the fur collar—even in that hellish moment I couldn't help thinking what an absolute peach she was. She flicked the golden toy in her hand, and the black pearl fell into the cup with a sharp click.

"You speak and understand Chinese?" It was a cold whisper, and since there was no point in denial, I nodded. Ignoring An, who was gibbering for my blood, she clicked the ball into its socket again, and said the last thing I'd have expected.

"You must have nerves like steel chains. Last night … you knew what I had told Little An, but you didn't flinch by a hair's breadth."

"I'm a soldier, Empress of the Western Palace." I was trying not to croak with terror, for I knew that if there was any hope at all, it rested on a cool, offhand bearing—try it next time a Mongol's honing his knife on your jugular. "My name's Colonel—Banner Chief—Flashman, and I'm chief of intelligence to Lord Elgin, whom you call the Big Barbarian —"

"He's a spy!" shrieks An. "He admits it! Kill him! Give the order, Orchid Lady!"

"Why did you never speak before?" Her voice could never sound harsh, but it was fit to freeze your ears. "Why did you lie and deceive, by silence? Are you a spy?"

"Of course he is! He said so! He —"

"No, I was a prisoner of Prince Sang's, taken by treachery. When you found me, I was gagged and unable to speak. By the time I was released, I had heard so much that to have admitted my knowledge would have meant certain death." I frowned, gave my lip a gentle chew, and then looked her in the eye, speaking soft like a man striving valiantly to conceal his emotion—you know, a kind of ruptured Galahad. "I had no wish to die … not when I had found a new reason for living."

For a second she didn't take the drift—and then, d'you know, she absolutely blushed, and for the only time in our acquaintance she couldn't meet my eye.

"He lies!" screamed Little An, God bless him. "Orchid, he has the tongue of a snake! The lying barbarian dog! Will you let him insult you, this beast? Kill him! Think what he knows! Think what he's done!" Keep it up, Little An, thinks I, and you'll talk me out of this yet. She met my eye again, cold as a clam.

"You think you will live now?" She flicked her cup and ball again—and missed.

"Why should you kill me … when I can serve you better alive? What I've overheard is in no way dangerous to you … or to your son; on the contrary." I knew I mustn't babble in panic, but maintain a calm, measured delivery, head up, jaw firm, eyes steady, bowels dissolving. "Tomorrow the British army will be in Pekin, seeking a treaty—not with Prince Sang, or Prince I, or Sushun, but as you said yourself, `with an Emperor acceptable to the barbarians'. Since it's likely that the present Emperor will die, I can think of no more acceptable successor than your own son … guided by those who love him and seek the good of China. So I'll tell Lord Elgin—and he'll believe me. He will also see it for himself. And believe me, Empress—if you want a friend, you'll find none better than the Big Barbarian. Except one."

By jove, it was manly stuff—and true, for that matter. How she was taking it, I couldn't tell, for her face was as mask-like as ever. Little An wasn't buying; he'd picked his line, a singularly unattractive one, and was sticking to it. The Mongol I wasn't sure about, but he wasn't a voting shareholder. I sat bursting with concealed funk; should I say more … ? Yehonala flicked her cup again, and this time the ball snapped home with such finality that like a fool I came out with the first thing that entered my head.

"Of course, you'd want to stop the death warrants for Pa-hsia-li and the others. Lord Elgin would never forgive …" I stopped dead, appalled at the thought that I was voicing a threat—and an even more frightful thought occurred: suppose Parkes was dead already? Oh, Jesus what had I said? Yehonala's reply left me in no doubt.

"He would never forgive Prince Sang, you mean."

"Yes, yes!" cries An eagerly. "That is the way! Don't listen to this liar, Orchid! Kill him and have done! He's a spy, who'll take every word to the Big Barbarian, lying and poisoning him against us! What do they care for China? They hate us, mutinous slaves!" He turned on her, hissing. "And he would defame you … oh, he won't tell them just what he's heard! He'll invent foul slanders, abominations, mocking your honour —"

The temptation to bellow him down with indignant denials was strong, but I knew it wouldn't do with this icy beauty's eye on me, and her mouth tightening as she listened. I waited until he ran out of venom, and sighed.

"There speaks the jealous eunuch," says I, and gave her just a hint of my wistful Flashy smile. "What can he know, Orchid Lady?"

Those were my bolts shot, diplomatic and romantic, and if they didn't hold … I could try shooting feet first out of the chair and diving for the door, but I rather fancied the expert at my back would be ready for that. I waited, while she clicked her infernal toy again, and then she turned abruptly away, signing Little An to follow her out of earshot. At the end of the room her ladies stood agog, twittering at this sensation. While she and An conferred, my watchdog and I fell into conversation.

"Lift the point a little, soldier, will you?"

"Shut up, pig."

Whether our friendship would have ripened, or what conclusion Yehonala and An would have reached, I can only guess, for it was at that moment that we were interrupted. One second all was still, and then there was a confused tumult from the garden, a babble of voices with a man shouting and women crying out closer at hand; distant yells and the sound of approaching hoof-beats; feet running in the house itself, and then the door was flung open and a tiny boy rushed into the room. He was the complete little mandarin, button hat and dragon robe and all, and at the sight of Yehonala he screamed with delight and raced towards her, arms out—only to stop abruptly and make a very slow, deep bow which was never completed, for she had swept him up, kissing him, crying out, and hugging him to her cheek. Then there were women in the room, three of them—a tall, bonny Manchoo girl with scared eyes, in a sable hat and cloak, and two other ladies, one of them squealing in alarm. From the fact that everyone in the room except Yehonala and my Mongol (trust him) dropped to their knees and knocked head; I knew this could only be the Empress Sakota, and the little boy, who was demanding shrilly to be let down so that he could show Yehonala his new watch with the little bell (the damnedest things stick in your memory) must be the heir to the throne, Tungchi.

They were all crying out at once, but before any sense could be made of it there was a yell and a clang of steel from the front of the house, a stentorian voice roaring to knock the bastard down but not to kill him, and noises to suggest that this was being done, not without difficulty. Then the Empress Sakota went into hysterics, covering her ears and shrilling wildly, her ladies stood appalled and helpless until Yehonala slapped her soundly, pushing her towards her own ladies who bore her in a screaming scrimmage to the end of the room. One of Sakota's females swooned, the other was sobbing that the Prince General was here … and booted feet were striding up the passage, the half-open door was thrown back to the wall, and General Sang-kol-in-sen stood on the threshold.

It had happened more quickly than it takes to tell. I doubt if a minute had elapsed since the Mongol told me to shut up—and now for a second the room was still as death, except for the subdued sobbing of the Empress, and the little prince's shrill voice:

"See—when I push it, it rings! It rings!" He pulled at Yehonala's sleeve. "See, mama—it rings!"

She had set him down, but now she picked him up again and handed him to Little An, who had turned a pale green, but took the boy and was turning away at Yehonala's quiet word when Sang roared "Wait!" and advanced a couple of paces into the room. He was in full fig of tin belly and mailed legs, with a fur cloak hanging from his shoulders, his dragon helmet under one arm and his shaven skull gleaming like a moon. Two wiry Tartar troopers were at his back, and I think it was the sight of them that made my Mongol withdraw his knife and step clear of my chair, his hand resting on his sabre-hilt. I sat still; I'm nobody's fool.

Yehonala stood perfectly still in the centre of the room, facing Sang who had halted about ten feet away. His basilisk stare moved from Little An to her, and he gave her a curt nod.

"All harmony, Yi Concubine. I have —"

"All harmony, Lord Sang," says she quietly, "but you forget her Imperial Highness is in the room."

He grunted, and ducked his head towards the distant women. "Her Imperial Highness's pardon. My business is with his Highness the Son of the Son of Heaven. His sacred presence is required in Pekin. The Prince I commands it."

"His Highness is going to Jehol," says she. "The Emperor commands it."

Her tone rather than the words made his face crimson, and I saw the cords of his bull neck stiffen in anger, but instead of howling, as usual, he gave a contemptuous snort.

"You have a vermilion decree, swaying the wide world? No? Then we waste time. I'll take his Highness. I have an escort."

"Chief Eunuch," says she, "take his Highness down to the court … at once." She stood as stately calm as ever, but I caught the shake in her voice, and so did Sang, for he laughed again.

"Stand still, bladder! Don't be a fool, Yi Concubine. Your Imperial Guards hero is down there with a broken head, and this fellow'll take my orders!" He jerked a thumb at my Mongol, glanced in our direction, and noticed me for the first time. For a moment he frowned, and then his eyes dilated and his mouth gaped, which didn't improve his appearance one bit. "That!" he bawled. "By death, what is it doing here?"

"He is a Banner Chief of the barbarian army!" she retorted. "A staff officer of the Big Barbarian himself —"

"I know what he is! I asked how he came here!" His glare fell on Little An, half-hidden behind Yehonala and clinging to the small prince as though he were a lifebelt. "You—capon! Is this some of your work? No, you scum, you never do anything but at her bidding!" He thrust out his jaw at Yehonala. "Well? What is an enemy prisoner doing in the Yi Concubine's pavilion?"

"I am not answerable to you!" Her voice trembled with anger. "Now get out of my house! And knock your head as you go, you low-born Mongol!"

He actually fell back a pace, and then he seemed to swell, towering above her with both mailed hands raised, mouthing like a maniac. My guard took a pace forward, but Sang mastered himself, glaring from one to other of us, and his dirty mind must have come to the right conclusion, for suddenly he gave a snarling grin. "Ah! I begin to see! Well … it's no matter. We'll put the foreign filth where he belongs—in the Board of Punishments! And you," he shouted at Yehonala, "can answer to the Supreme Tribunal … and bring your own silk cord with you, traitress!" He gestured to his men. "Take his Imperial Highness—and that fan-qui rubbish!"

One of the Tartars stepped towards Yehonala, none too brisk, and she turned and snatched the boy from Little An, pulling him close to her side. She was quivering like a deer, but her eyes were blazing.

"Dare! Dare to touch him, you stable scum, and you'll die for it! For treason and sacrilege! The Emperor will —"

"On the word of a faithless whore?" jeers Sang, and thrust the Tartar brutally forward. "Fetch him, fool!"

The Tartar took another step, Little An screamed and blundered bravely forward, arms windmilling, to bar his way, and Yehonala swung the prince up in her arms, turned to run in sudden panic, realised it was hopeless, and turned again, help-less. The Tartar flung Little An aside, the ladies behind wailed in terror, and Yehonala flung out a hand to ward off the Tartar, crying out.

"Help me! Stop them! Help me!" And, by God, she was calling to me.

Well, you know what follows when a beautiful young woman, threatened by brutal enemies, turns to me in a frenzy of entreaty, hand outstretched and eyes imploring; if she's lucky I may roar for the bobbies as I slide over the sill. But this was different, for while they'd been trading insults I'd been calculating like sin, and I knew how it must be, even before she hollered for help—if Sang prevailed, I was dead meat; if I turned up trumps, Yehonala would see me right; if Sang thought he could rule out the Mongol, he was wrong, for the brute was not only an Imperial Guardsman worth two Tartars any day, he had a mishandled chief to avenge, and the sight of Yehonala threatened had been causing him to bristle like a chivalrous gorilla. It was his size that determined me, and the fact that there wasn't a sill to slide over, anyway. It was now or never: I leaped from my chair, crimson with fear, and roared:

"Sang-kol-in-sen! That lady and her child are under the protection of Her Majesty's Government! Molest them at your peril! I speak for Lord Elgin and the British Army, so … so back off, d'you see?" And for good measure I added: "You dirty dog, you!"

It stopped 'em dead in sheer amazement, Dick Dauntless facing the stricken heathen, and I wished Elspeth could have seen me just then—or perhaps, considering what Yehonala looked like, better not. There was a breathless pause, and then Sang went literally mad with rage, howling and lugging out his sword. I yelped and sprang away, turning for the sabre which I knew was on the wall, since Yehonala had indicated it to An last night—and the damned thing wasn't there! Sang's blade whirled in a glittering arc, and I hurled myself aside, bellowing, as it shattered a table in my rear. There was the sabre, three yards along—I leaped and snatched it from the wall, whirling to meet another furious cut, roaring to the Mongol to get on parade, and breaking ground as Sang came after me, frothing like a pi-dog. On clear floor I fell on guard, parrying two cuts to take his measure, and my heart leaped as I realised I'd been right in one vital hope—he couldn't use a sabre to save himself. He was a blind, furious lasher, so I exposed my flank, took the cut on the forte, waited his lurching recovery, and ran him through the left arm. (I ain't Guillaume Danet, you understand, but Sang's swordplay would have broken the troop-sergeant's heart.)

I needn't have fretted about the Mongol. One Tartar was down, with his guts on the rug, and the other was in desperate retreat, with my lad coming in foot and hand. I had a brief glimpse of the room—wailing women stampeding for the arch-way passage leading to the court; Little An carrying the prince and herding them like a fat collie; Yehonala standing half-way, watching us, clutching her fur to her neck—and then Sang was on me again, spraying gore and hewing like a woodman; oh, he was game. Right, you swine, thinks I, this'll read well in the Morning Post, and I went in to kill him. I'd have done it, too, but the cowardly bastard got behind a table, roaring for help; Yehonala suddenly cried out, and I stole a glance behind—there were fur caps and swords in the doorway, with the Mongol charging them. More of Sang's riders, three at the least, but the Mongol was holding them in the narrow entrance; useful chap he was.

"Die hard, Attila!" I roared to encourage him, took a last cut at Sang, and turned to race along the room. Yehonala was at the archway, glancing back anxiously while Little An, who seemed to have got shot of the prince to one of the women, pleaded with her to make haste. I seconded that as I ran, for I wanted no one hindering my line of retreat: "Get out, woman! Run for it! We'll stand 'em off!" By which I meant that the Mongol would, but just as I came level with him, moving smoothly, the mob in the doorway forced him back, and I must turn to cover his flank.

He'd done for the original two, but had taken a couple of cuts in the process, one an ugly gash on the face that was running like a tap. There were four new swords against us, and as the Mongol reeled I could only ply the Maltese Cross for my very life (that's the Afghan's last resort, an up-down-across pattern that no opponent can get by until you fall down exhausted, which happens after about ten seconds, in my condition). Then he recovered, and we retreated shoulder to shoulder for the arch, while Sang came steaming up, with shouts and great action, damning 'em for sluggards but keeping his distance.

That Mongol was a complete hand. I've never seen a faster big man, and with his tremendous reach he could have given my old chum de Gautet a few minutes' trouble. He fought left-handed, with a short sword in his right, and didn't mind at all taking a cut in a good cause; he stopped one with his bare shoulder, grunted, and chopped like lightning—and there was a head trundling away across the polished floor while the Mongol bayed triumphantly, and the three other Tartars checked aghast and reviewed the position, with Sang going demented.

We were under the arch and into the passage, and since there was room for only one I considerately went first, while Genghiz turned and dared the foemen to come on, clashing his hilts against his mailed chest and howling with laughter. He seemed in such spirits that I left him to it, flying along the passage and round the corner, and not so much as a mouse-hole to hide in, so I must career down the stairs and into the starlit dark of the walled court.

Two horse-palkis were clattering out and away along an avenue of high impenetrable hedges; one remained, and Yehonala was drawing aside its curtain, preparing to climb in but looking back anxiously—for me, I like to think, for she gave a little cry as I appeared. Little An was trying to climb aboard the lead horse and making sad work of it, squealing oaths and slipping under its neck; I heaved him up bodily—it was like handling a mattress full of blancmange—and slapped the beast with the flat of my sabre. It started forward, and as the palki came by Yehonala had the curtain raised; she said nothing, but stretched out her hand; I caught it for a second, and she smiled; then the palki was past, and I got a foot on the shaft and swung aboard the rear horse and we were away, the palki swaying like a hammock between the two beasts. As we lumbered down the avenue, I looked back; the court was empty under the stars, which suggested that my Mongol was still at profitable labour—and if you cry out on me for a deserter, so I am, and you can spare your sympathy for his opponents.

The avenue ran straight for half a mile, and we picked up a good pace. With the panic of action over I was suddenly reeling tired, and trembling at the thought of the risks I'd run; the temptation to sink forward on the horse's mane, sobbing with relief, mastered me for a moment, and then I thought, sit up, you fool, you're still in the wood. The avenue was curving now, and the hedge had thinned to a border of bushes; two furlongs ahead there were lanterns burning, and the helmets of horsemen—Jung Lu's troop waiting on the Jehol road. Time to go, so I swung my leg over, gripped my sabre, and hopped down. The palki faded into the night, there were faint shouts from the gate, and the lanterns were moving up the avenue to meet it.⁴⁰

Why did I slip my cable when I'd just won the gratitude of a powerful and beautiful woman who was half-crazy about me to start with? Well, I'll tell you: gratitude's a funny thing; do a favour, and often as not you've made an enemy, or at best a grudging friend. Folk hate to feel obliged. And in Yehonala's case, how long would it have been before she remembered how much dangerous knowledge I had of her and her ambitions, and the debt had dwindled into insignificance, with Little An putting in his twopenn'orth of hate?

Perhaps I misjudge her; perhaps she could feel gratitude with the same intensity she gave to her vice, but I doubt it. Gratitude feeds best on love, and the only love she had for me was an insatiable appetite for jolly roger. I, on the other hand, was perfectly ready for a change from Chink-meat—and yet, even now I can feel a stopping of the heart when I see in memory that lovely pale oval mask suspended in the blackness of the palki, smiling at me, and the slim fingers brushing for a moment across mine. Oh, she had a magic, and it's with me still; when I saw her again, forty years later, I was gulping like a boy. That was during the Boxer nonsense, when she was "Old Buddha", still with China helpless in those tiny silver talons. She'd hardly changed—a little plumper in the face, more heavily-painted, but the eye was as bright as a girl's, and the voice—when I heard those soft, singing tones the years fell away, and I was in the Summer Palace, on a sunlit lawn, watching that perfect profile against the dark leaves, listening to the bells across the lake … She didn't recognise the big, silver-whiskered grog-faced ruffian among the diplomatic riff-raff, and I didn't make myself known. We spoke for only a moment; I remember she talked of Western dancing as two people holding hands and jumping all over the room, and then she gave a little sigh and said: "We should have thought it a very … tame amusement, in my young day …" I wonder if she did recognise me?

Anyway, wild horses wouldn't have got me to Jehol; my one thought was the army and safety, so I put the Pole Star just abaft my left shoulder and set off on my last quiet stroll through the Summer Palace; I was close by the boundary, well clear of Sang and his scoundrels—supposing the Mongol hadn't slaughtered them all, with luck—and knew that an hour's easy march should bring me in reach of the Pekin road; there I'd take stock and cast about for our fellows. Mind you, looking back, I was uncommon reckless, for heaven knew what Imps might be loose about the night; but it seemed so quiet and serene under the starlight, with the breeze soft in the branches and long cypress shadows reaching across the lawns, the distant glimmer of a lake, the twinkle of light from a pavilion half-hidden in the groves … I remember thinking as I walked, you'll never find such peace again; you'll forget the blood and terror in which you came to it and came away, and remember only the starlit garden … her place … and call it heaven. As I moved silently up the last slope, I looked back, and there it lay, fairyland on earth, the last Elysium, stretching away in the dawn dark, seen through the misty vision of her face.

It struck me that there might be some good portable loot in the Ewen-ming-ewen, and never a better chance, with the Empress's suite cleared out in haste, and everyone else either fled or occupied with events around Pekin; it wasn't much out of my way, so I slipped swiftly through the trees until I saw the great gold Hall of Audience ahead, and scouted through the bushes for a look-see. And d'you know what—the plundering Froggy bastards had got there first! I heard their racket ahead and couldn't make out who it might be, for our folk couldn't be so close, surely … then I tripped over a dead eunuch, and saw there were about a dozen of 'em, still figures sprawled on the sward towards the great gate; one poor fat sod was clutching a huge ornamental snickersnee of carved ivory, and another had a little lady's bow and golden arrows. And they'd tried to defend their treasure house against European infantry …[4l]

The hall entrance was lit by flickering lanterns, and people were hurrying in and out; there were marching feet down by the gate, and then I heard: "Halle! Sac a terre!" and I whooped for joy and ran across the lawn shouting.

There was a young lieutenant posting pickets around the building, and when I'd made myself known he was in a rare frenzy, and I must see his captain, for I was the first prisoner they'd seen, death of his life, and where were the others, l'Abbé and M. Gommelle, and see, mon capitaine, un colonel Anglais, quel phénomène, avec un glaive et les pantalons Chines. I answered his questions as best I could, and learned that they were the advance guard of a French regiment sent to secure the northern. approach to the city—and what was this place? Le Palais Estival, le residence impérial, ma foi! Ici, Corporal From-age, and listen to this! Pardon? Oh, yes, there were British cavalry about somewhere, but in the dark, who knew? Now, if I would excuse him …

I sat on a rocket-box, dog tired, eating bread and issue wine, watching an endless stream of chattering, yelling Frog infantry swarming out of the Hall of Audience, weighed down with bolts of silk, bundles of shimmering dragon robes, jade vases, clocks, jewelled watches, pictures, everything they could lay hands on. Some were wearing women's dresses and hats; I remember one roaring bearded sergeant, with a magnificent cloth of gold gown kilted up above his red breeches, dancing a can-can as his mates yelled and clapped; another was skimming plumed picture hats up in the air like a juggler's plates; my little lieutenant had a cashmere shawl embroidered with tiny gems about his shoulders, and the major was casting a connoisseur's eye over a fine gilt-framed painting and exclaiming that it was a Petitot, as ever was. There were enormous piles of loot growing in the court-yard—silks here, clocks there, paintings over yonder, vases farther on … very orderly in their plundering were our Gallic allies, but what would you? When grandpapa has followed Napoleon, you know how such things should be done, so the French army loot by numbers, with a shrewd eye to quality, while the indiscriminate British will lift (or smash) anything that comes in their way, just for the fun of it.

It was sunrise, and the Frogs were exclaiming over the sight of the Hall of Audience gleaming in the first rays, shading their eyes and running off for a better look, when I managed to collar a mule and set off at a nice amble down the Pekin road. The French were camped everywhere, but only a mile along I struck a troop of Dragoons boiling their dixies by the roadside. No, we weren't in Pekin yet, and Grant intended to force a capitulation by wheeling up his guns to the Anting Gate and putting his finger on the trigger, so to speak; so the campaign was over. I commandeered a horse, and a few minutes later was trotting in to the grounds of a fine temple where advance head-quarters had been set up, and the first thing I saw was Elgin still in his night-shirt, the rising sun gilding his pate, munching a bun and waving a bottle of beer at a big map on an easel, with Hope Grant and the staff ringed round him.

There was a tremendous yell when I hove in view, and a tumult of questions as I slid from the saddle, and fellows slapping me on the back and shouting: "The prisoners are safe!" and hurrahing, and Elgin came bustling to shake my hand, crying:

"Flashman, my dear chap! We'd given you up for dead! Thank God you're safe! My dear fellow, wherever have you been? This is capital! My boy, are you hurt? Have those villains ill-used you?"

I couldn't answer, because all of a sudden I felt very weak and wanted to blub. I think it was the kind words—the first I'd heard in ever so long, although it was barely three weeks—and the English voices and everyone looking so cheery and glad to see me, and the anxious glower on Elgin's bulldog face at the thought that I'd been mistreated, and just the knowledge that I was home. Then someone whistled, exclaiming, and they were all staring at the sabre which I'd hung from my saddle, dried blood all over the blade—Sang's blood, and that struck me as ever so funny, for some reason, and I'd have laughed if I'd had the energy. But I just stood mum and choking while they cried out and shouted questions and rejoiced, until Hope Grant shouldered them all aside, pretty rough, even Elgin, and pushed me down on to a stool, and put a cup of tea in my hand, and stood with his hand round my shoulders, not saying a word. Then I blubbed.

Survival apart, the great thing in intelligence work is knowing how to report. Well, you saw that at the start of this memoir, when I danced truth's gossamer tightrope before Parkes at Canton. The principal aim, remember, is to win the greatest possible credit to yourself, which calls not only for the exclusion of anything that might damage you, but also for the judicious understatement of those things which tell in your favour, if any; brush 'em aside, never boast, let appearances speak for themselves. This was revealed to me at the age of nineteen, when I woke in Jalallabad hospital to find myself a hero—provided I lay still and made the right responses. Then, you must convince your chiefs that what you're telling 'em is important, which ain't difficult, since they want to believe you, having chiefs of their own to satisfy; make as much mystery of your methods as you can; hint what a thoroughgoing ruffian you can be in a good cause, but never forget that innocence shines brighter than any virtue ("Flashman? Extraordinary fellow—kicks 'em in the crotch with the heart of a child"); remember that silence frequently passes for shrewdness, and that while suppressio veri is a damned good servant, suggestio falsi is a perilous master. Selah.

I stuck to these principles in making my verbal report to Elgin that afternoon—and for once they were almost completely wasted. This was because the first words I'd uttered, after gulping Grant's tea, were to tell him that there was a vermilion death sentence on Parkes and the other prisoners; this caused such a sensation that, once I'd told all I knew about it (which wasn't much; I didn't know even where they were confined) I was forgotten in the uproar of activity, with diplomatic threats being sent into Pekin, and Probyn ordered to stand by with a flying squadron. And when I sat down with Elgin later, and gave him my word-of-mouth, it was plain that the fate of our people was the only thing on his mind, reasonably enough; my account of the secret intrigues of the Imperial court (which I thought a pretty fair coup) interested him hardly at all.

It cramped my style, which, as I've indicated, tends to be bluff and laconic, making little of such hardships as binding, caging, and starvation. "Oh, they knocked me about a bit, you know," is my line, but he wasn't having it. He wanted every detail of my treatment, and damn the politics; so he got it, including a fictitious account of how they'd hammered me senseless before dragging me, gasping defiance, to audience with the Emperor, so that I didn't remember much about it (that seemed the best way out of that embarrassing episode). I needn't have fretted; Elgin was still grinding his teeth over Sang's threatening me with death by the thousand cuts, and clenching his fist at the butchery of Nolan.

My account of captivity in the Summer Palace, which I'd planned as my pièce de résistance, fell flat as your hat. I gave him the plain, unvarnished truth, too—omitting only the trifling detail that the Emperor's favourite concubine had been grinding me breathless every night. I believe in discretion and delicacy, you see—for one thing, you never know who'll run tattling to Elspeth. Anyway, I'd have thought my story sufficiently sensational as it was.

He received it almost impatiently, prime political stuff and all. I now realise that, even if he hadn't had the prisoners obsessing him, he still wouldn't have been much interested in all the tattle I'd eavesdropped between Yehonala and Little An—he was there to ratify a treaty and show the Chinese that we meant business; the last thing he wanted was entanglement in Manchoo politics, with himself acting as king-maker, or anything of that sort. He brightened briefly at my description of the set-to with Sang and his braves (which I kept modestly brief, knowing that my blood-stained sabre had already spoken more eloquently than I could), but when I'd done his first question was:

"Excepting Prince Sang's murderous attack, was no violence offered to you at the Summer Palace? None at all? No rigorous confinement or ill-usage?"

"Hardly, my lord," says I, and just for devilment I added: "The Yi Concubine's ladies did throw apples at me, on one occasion."

"Good God!" cries he. "Apples?" He stared at me. "In play, you mean?"

"I believe it was in a spirit of mischief, my lord. They were quite small apples."

"Small apples? I'll be damned," he muttered, and thought hard for a moment, frowning at the scenery and then at me.

"Did you obtain any inkling of the … purpose for which you were … kept at the house of this … Yi Concubine, did you say?"

"I gathered she had never seen a barbarian before," says I gravely. "She seemed to regard me as a curiosity."

"Damned impertinence!" says he, but I noticed his pate had gone slightly pink. "What sort of a woman is she? In her person, I mean."

I reflected judiciously. "Ravishing is the word that best de-scribes her, my lord. Quite ravishing … in the oriental style."

"Oh! I see." He digested this. "And her character? Strong? Retiring? Amiable, perhaps? I take it she's an educated woman?"

"Not amiable, precisely." I shook my head. "Strong-willed, certainly. Exacting, purposeful … immensely energetic. I should say she was extremely well-educated, my lord."

At this point he noticed that his young secretary, who'd been recording my report, was agog with hopeful interest, so he concluded rather abruptly by saying I'd done extremely well, congratulated me on my safe return, told the secretary to make a fair copy for me to sign, and dismissed me, shooting me a last perplexed look; that business about being pelted with apples by harem beauties had unsettled him, I could see. He wasn't alone, either; outside I found the young pen-pusher blinking at me enviously, obviously wishing that he, too, could be regarded as a curiosity by ravishing orientals.

"I say!" says he. "The Summer Palace must be a jolly place!"

"Damned jolly," says I. "Did you get it all down?"

"I say! Oh, yes, every word! It was frightfully interesting, you know—not at all like most reports." He peered at his notes through steamy spectacles. "Ah, yes … what's a concubine?"

"Harlequin's lady-love in the pantomime … no, don't put that down, you young juggins! A concubine is a Chinese noble-man's personal whore."

"I say! How d'you spell it?"

I told him—and what he told others in his turn I don't care to think, but just to show you how rumours run and reputations are made, Desborough of the Artillery swore to me later that he'd heard one of his gunners telling his chum that there was no daht abaht it, Flash 'Arry 'ad got isself took prisoner a-purpose, see, 'cos 'e was beloved by this yeller bint, the Empress o' China, an' 'im an' Sam Collinson, wot was jealous, 'ad fought a bloody duel over 'er, an' Flash 'Arry touched the barstid in five places, strite up, an' then cut 'is bleedin' 'ead orf, see?

Strange how close fiction can come to truth, ain't it? The oddest thing of all was that the part of the yarn which did gain some acceptance, among quite sensible people, too, was that I'd deliberately allowed myself to be captured, as a clever way of getting into the enemy's head-quarters. Folk'll believe anything, especially if they've invented it themselves. Anyway, you can see why I don't count my report to Elgin entirely wasted.

Later that day he and Grant and our senior commanders went to the Ewen-ming-ewen, officially to view the splendours, but in fact to make sure that the Frogs didn't pick it clean before our army got its share. I was on hand, and absolutely heard Montauban protesting volubly that no looting whatever had taken place—this with his rascals still streaming out of the Hall of Audience with everything but the floor-tiles, and the piles of spoil filling the great courtyard. Some of our early-comers, I noticed, were already among the plunderers; a party of Sikh cavalry were offering magnificent bolts of coloured silk to the later arrivals at two dollars a time, and the Frogs, who'd had the best of it, were doing a fine trade in jade tablets, watches, jewelled masks, furs, ornamental weapons, enamels, toys, and robes, and finding no lack of takers. The yard was like a tremendous gaudy market, for loot from the other buildings near at hand was being brought in as well, and fellows were bargaining away what they couldn't carry.

Elgin watched in bleak disgust, with Montauban hopping at his elbow crying, ah, but this is merely to make the inventory, is it not, so that all can be divided fairly among the allies; milor' might rest assured that every item would be accounted for, so that all should benefit.

"What a splendid place it has been," says Elgin sadly, standing in the entrance to the great golden hall. "And now, desolation." The floor was covered with broken shards of glass and jade and porcelain, broken cabinetwork and torn hangings, and gangs of Frogs and Chink villagers and our own early birds were swarming everywhere after the last pickings, the vast hollow chamber echoing to their yells of triumph and disappointment, the smashing of furniture and pottery that was too big to carry, the oaths and laughter and quarrelling. "No credit to our vaunted civilisation, gentlemen," says Elgin, and everyone looked sober, except Montauban, who sulked.

"Can't stop it," says Hope Grant, casting a bright professional eye and tugging his whisker. "Soldier's privilege. Time immemorial." He glanced at me. "Remember Lucknow?"

"It is the waste that offends!" cries Elgin. "I daresay this place contained a million yesterday; how much would it fetch now? Fifty thousand? Bah! Plunder is one thing, but sheer wanton destruction …" He shook his head angrily.

Wolseley, consulting a notebook, said that of course this was only a fraction of the Summer Palace, which was of vast extent, no doubt packed with stuff … Flashman probably knew it best of anybody, at which they all fell silent and looked to me; you never in your life saw so many beady eyes. Just for a second I had a vision of that pretty pavilion by the lake, and Yehonala's white hand placing a delicate ivory fairy-piece on the game board just so, the silver nails reflected in the polished jade, her ladies' silken sleeves rustling—and felt a sudden anger and revulsion—but what was the odds, when they'd find it anyway? And why not, after all? We'd won. The irony was that if the Manchoos had kept their word on the treaty to begin with, or even compromised a fortnight ago, we'd never have been near the place.

I said there were hundreds of buildings, palaces and temples and so forth, spread over many miles of parkland; that the Ewen, where we stood, was probably the biggest, since it contained the Imperial apartments, but that the rest was pretty fine, too.

"Good spot o' boodle, though, what?" says someone; I said I supposed there'd be enough to go round.

At this there was great debate about the need for prize agents who would select prime pieces for each army, the rest going for individual spoil. Grant said he would have all the British share sold and paid out to the troops as prize money on the spot, rather than wait for government adjudication which (although he didn't say so) would have meant cut shares at the end of the day. Some ass said that was unauthorised; Grant said he didn't give a dam, he was doing it anyway.

"Who took Pekin?" says he. "Commons committee? No such thing. Our fellows. Very good. Wrath o' the gods? I'll stand bail." He did it, too.

Wolseley, who was a dab artist, was in a fidget to be exercising his pencil, so after the seniors had departed I strolled with him among the buildings, and we watched the looters gutting the place—as Elgin had observed, and I knew from India, they destroyed fifty times what they took away. "See how they enjoy destruction!" says Joe, sketching for dear life while I smoked and studied. "It's a marvellous thing, the effect of plunder on soldiers. I suppose they feel real power for once in their wretched lives—not the power to kill, they know all about that, it's just brute force against a body—but the greater power to destroy a creation of the mind, something they know they could never make. Look at that! Just look at 'em, will you?"

He was pointing up at a gallery where a mob of Whitechapel scruff had found huge boxes of the most delicate yellow eggshell porcelain, priceless pieces varying in size from vases four feet high to the tiniest tea-cups, each wrapped carefully in fine tissue. They were throwing 'em down from the balcony in a golden shower, to smash on the floor in explosions of a million glittering fragments so light that they drifted like a snow-mist through the hall. Those below ran laughing among them, scattering them and making them swirl like golden smoke, yelling to the chaps above to throw down more, which they did until the whole place seemed to be filled with it.

"Can't draw that," grumbles Joe. "Hang it all, Turner himself couldn't catch that colour! Odd, ain't it—that's quite lovely, too."

We watched another gang, British, French, and Sikhs, man-handling an enormous vase, twenty feet if it was an inch, all inlaid with dazzling mosaic work, to the top of a flight of steps, poising it with a "One-two-three-and-AWAY!" and hurrahing like mad as it smashed with an explosion like artillery, scattering gleaming shards everywhere. And at the same time there were quiet coves going about methodically examining a jade bowl here and an enamel tablet there, consulting and appraising and dropping 'em in their knapsacks—you know that porcelain statuette on the mantel, or the pretty screen with dragons on it that Aunt Sophie's so proud of? That's what they were picking up, while alongside 'em Patsy Hooligan was kicking a door in because he couldn't be bothered to try the handle, and Pierre Maquereau was grimacing at himself in a Sèvres mirror and taking the butt to his own reflection, and Yussef Beg was carving up an oil painting with his bayonet, and Joe Tomkins was painting a moustache on an ivory Venus, haw-hawing while Jock MacHaggis used it as an Aunt Sally, and the little Chinaman from down the road—oh, don't forget him—was squealing with glee as he ripped up cloth-of-gold cushions and capered among the feathers.

And through it all went the quiet strollers, like Joe and me, and the tall fair fellow in the Sapper coat whom we found in a room that had once contained hundreds of jewelled timepieces and mechanical toys, and was now ankle-deep in glittering rubble. He had found an item undamaged, and was grinning delightedly over it.

"I really must have this!" cries he. "She will be delighted with it, don't you think? Such exquisite craftsmanship!" He sighed fondly. "What pleasure to look at a gift for a dear one at home, and think of the joy with which it will be received."

It was one of the little chiming watches, enamelled and inlaid with diamonds; he held it up for Joe and me to look at, exclaiming at the clear tone of the bell.

"See, mama—it rings!" thinks Ito myself—dear God, had that been only yesterday? She would be safe in Jehol now, with her dying Emperor and the little son through whom she hoped to rule China. What would she think, when she came back to her beloved Summer Palace?

We complimented the fair chap on his good taste. I'd never seen him before, but I knew him well later on. He was Chinese Gordon.

The three of us took a turn in the gardens, and watched a group of enthusiasts digging up shrubs and flowers and sticking them in jade vases filched from the rooms. "I can see these taking splendidly in Suffolk!" cries one. "I say, Jim, if only we can keep 'em alive, what a capital rockery we shall have!" Give him the transport, he'd have had the blasted trees up.

Suddenly I stopped short at the sight of a round doorway in the third palace; it was the one, scarred now with shot-holes. We went in, and the ante-room that had been hung with the Son of Heaven's quilted dragon robes was bare as a cupboard, and not a trace of the musk with which Little An had sprayed me; no wonder, since the soldiery had been pissing on the floor. But here was the little corridor to the Chamber of Divine Repose; the great golden door hung half off its hinges, its precious mouldings stripped away and the handle hacked off. The tortoiseshell plaques of the concubines were scattered about, some of them broken; Gordon turned one over. "What can these be—tokens in some sort of game, d'you suppose?" I said I was fairly sure he was right.

My heart was beating faster as I followed the others into the room; I didn't really want to see it, but I looked about anyway. The filthy pictures and implements of perversion had gone (trust the French), the mattress of the great bed had been dragged from the alcove and hacked to shreds, its purple silks torn, the gold pillows ripped open. But it was the shattered hole in the dressing-table mirror that made me wince; that was where her lovely reflection had looked out at me, while she painted care-fully at her lower lip; that broken stool had supported the wonderful body, with one perfect leg thrust out to the side, the silver toes brushing the carpet. Yet even amid that wreckage, while the others gaped and speculated foolishly about whose room it had been, there was a fierce secret joy about remembering. How the others would have stared if they'd known; Gordon would probably have burst into tears.

I didn't know which was her tortoiseshell plaque, but I took one anyway, slipping it into my pocket with the jewellery and gold I'd picked up on our walk—though none of it compared with the black jade chessmen I collared in the Birthday Garden a couple of days later; no one else would even look at 'em, which showed judgment, since the experts will tell you that black jade doesn't exist. I don't mind; all I know is that while Lucknow paid for Gandamack Lodge, those chessmen bought me the place on Berkeley Square. But I still have the tortoiseshell plaque; Elspeth stands her bedside teapot on it.⁴²

"The prisoners are safe!" someone had hollered when I first rode into Elgin's headquarters, supposing that my appearance heralded the return of the others. They weren't, and it didn't, although hopes ran high when Loch and Parkes turned up a day later; they'd been released fifteen minutes before their vermilion death warrant arrived at the Board of Punishments. Whether Yehonala or the mandarin who had special charge of them, Hang-ki, had held it back, or whether they were just plain lucky, we never discovered. They'd had a bad time: Parkes had escaped with binding and hammering, but Loch had been dungeoned and shackled and put to the iron collar, and from what he'd seen he suspected that some of the others had been tortured to death. Whether Elgin had any earlier suspicion of this I can't say; I think he may have, from the way he questioned me about my treatment. In any event, his one thought now was to get them out.

Grant had already positioned his guns against the Anting Gate, and the word went to Prince Kung, the Emperor's brother and regent, that unless Pekin surrendered and the prisoners were released, the bombardment would begin. And still the Chinese put off the inevitable, with futile messages and maddening delays, while Elgin aged ten years under the mortal fear that if he did start shooting, the prisoners would be goners for certain … so he must wait, and hope, and question Parkes and Loch and me again and again about our treatment, and what we thought might be happening to the others.

I'd escaped on the Sunday; Parkes and Loch arrived on the Monday; it was Friday before eight Sikhs and three Frenchmen were set free, and when Elgin had talked to them he came out grey-faced and told Grant that he was to open fire the following noon. At the eleventh hour Kung surrendered—and the following night the first bodies came out.

They came on carts after dark, four of them, two British, two Sikh, and had to be examined by torchlight; when the lids came off the coffins there were cries of horror and disbelief, and one or two of the younger fellows turned away, physically sick; after that no one said a word, except to whisper: "Christ … that's Anderson!" or "That's Mahomed Bux—my daffadar!" or "That's De Normann … is it?" Elgin stopped at each coffin in turn, with a face like stone; then he said harshly to replace the lids, and stood turning his hat in his hands, staring before him, and I saw him biting his lips and the tears shining in the torch-light. Then he walked quickly away, without a word.

The other bodies came two days later; they had been used in the same fashion, fourteen of them, and if Elgin had given the word, our army would have slaughtered every man in Pekin.

Now, I've never aimed to horrify you for horrifying's sake, or revelled in gory detail with the excuse that I'm just being a faithful historian. But I'm bound to tell you what the Chinese had done, if you are to understand the sequel—and judge it, if you've a mind to.

The bodies were in quicklime, but it was still easy to see what had happened. I told you the Chinese tie their captives as tightly as possible, so that eventually the hands and feet burst and mortify; some of our people had been bound for weeks, a few au crapaudine (hands and feet in the small of the back), some hung up, some with heavy chains; many had had their bonds soaked to make them tighter, others had been flogged. I'll add only that if, in a Chinese prison, you get the least cut or scratch … good-night; there's a special kind of maggot, by the million, and they eat you alive, agonisingly, sometimes for weeks. So you see, as I said earlier, there's nothing ingenious about Chinese torture; there don't need to be. They just rot you slowly to death, and the lucky ones are Brabazon and the little French padré, who were beheaded at Pah-li-chao, like Nolan.

"It is the uselessness of it that defeats me. If they had wanted to wring information from us, at least torture would be understandable. But this had no purpose. It was the wanton cruelty of men who enjoyed inflicting pain for its own sake, knowing that if retribution followed, it would not fall on them personally. I mean the Emperor, and Sang, and Prince I, and the like. For the Emperor certainly knew; De Normann's torture began in the royal apartments. Indeed they knew."

This was Harry Parkes, lean and pale but as stubbornly urbane as ever, although his drawl shook a bit when he told me how Loch, when he was sure he was going to die, had sung "Rule, Britannia" to let the others hear; and of Trooper Phipps, who'd kept everyone's spirits up with jokes when he was dying in agony; and Anderson, telling his sowars not to cry out, for the honour of the regiment; and old Daffadar Mahomed Bux, with no hands left, damning his torturers for giving him pork to eat. Even so, Parkes and Loch had more Christian forgiveness towards their captors than I care for; given my way, I'd have collared Sang and Prince I and the whole foul gang, and turned 'em over to the wives and daughters of our Afghan troopers, if I'd had to drag 'ern the whole way to Peshawar to do it.⁴³

What riled everyone was that the Chinks had been careful to surrender on terms before we'd seen the bodies, so there was no hope of the mandarins being punished as they deserved. How to make 'em pay—that was the question that ran through the army camped before Pekin, and Elgin sent word to Kung that there'd be no talk of treaty-signing, or indeed any talk at all, until he'd decided how to avenge our people. Diplomatic clap-trap, thinks I; we'll let the swine get away with it, as usual. I didn't know the Big Barbarian.

He took a day to think about it, brooding alone under the trees in the temple garden, wearing a face that kept us all at a distance, except Grant. He and Elgin talked for about an hour—at least Elgin did, while Grant listened and nodded and presently retired to his tent to put his bull fiddle through its paces something cruel. "That's his way of beating his wife," says Wolseley. "Summat's in the wind that he don't like—who's going to inquire, eh?" No one else volunteered, so during a pause in the cacophony I loafed in and found him staring at the manuscript on his music stand, with his pencil behind his ear. I asked what was up.

"Finished," says he. "Not right. Can't help it."

"What's finished and not right?"

"Quartet. Piano, violins, and 'cello." He grunted impatiently. "Journeyman work. Just to have to perform it. See what's amiss then."

"Oh, absolutely," says I. "It'll come right, I daresay, if you keep whistling it to yourself. But, general sahib … what's Elgin going to do?"

He turned those bright eyes and tufted brows on me, for about three minutes, and picked up his bull fiddle. "Man's in torment," says he. "Difficult." He began to saw away again, so I gave up and went back to the mess to report failure.

We weren't kept long in suspense. The last bodies came in next day, and after he'd seen them Elgin called an immediate meeting of all the leading men from both armies, with Baron Gros, the French envoy, sharing the table-top with him, and Parkes, Loch, and myself sitting by. He was wearing his frock-coat, which was a portent, since he was used to roll about in flannels and open neck, with a cricket belt and a handkerchief round his head. But he seemed easy enough, pouring a lemonade for Gros, asking if Montauban's cold were any better, making his opening statement in a quiet, measured way—just from his style, I was positive he'd memorised it carefully beforehand.

"It is necessary," says he without preamble, "to mark in a manner that cannot soon be forgotten, the punishment we are bound to award for the treachery and brutality which have characterised the Chinese Emperor's policy, and which have resulted in the cruel murder of so many officers and men. Of the Emperor's personal implication, and that of his leading mandarins, there can be no doubt. So, while the punishment must be apparent to the whole Chinese Empire, I am most anxious that it should fall, and be seen to fall, only on the Emperor and his chief nobles, who were fully aware of, and responsible for, these atrocious crimes."

He paused, looking round the table, and I wondered for a moment if he was going to propose hanging the pack of 'em, Emperor and all; the same thought may have been exercising Gros (a genial snail-eater who'd endeared himself to our troops by calling out: " 'Allo, camarades, cheer-o!" whenever they saluted him). He was wearing a worried frown, but Elgin's next words should have put his mind at rest.

"It is manifestly impossible to proceed directly against the persons of the culprits, even if we wished to, since they are beyond our reach. Considering the temper of the army—which, I confess, expresses my own feeling—that is perhaps as well. It remains to punish them by other means. Them and them alone."

He glanced at Gros, who came in nineteen to the dozen to say that milor' was bowling a perfect length, it leaped to the eye, the offenders must be made to account for their conduct unpardonable, and no nonsense. It remained only to determine a suitable method of expressing the just indignation of the Powers, and to -

"Precisely, monsieur le baron," says Elgin. "And I have so determined. After careful deliberation, I can see only one way to mark to the Chinese Empire, and to the whole world, our abhorrence of these wanton and cruel acts of treachery and bloodshed. I am therefore requesting the Commander-in-Chief —" he nodded towards Grant—"to take the requisite steps for the complete destruction of the Summer Palace."

My first thought was that I hadn't heard right; my second, what a perfectly nonsensical idea: someone murders twenty people, so you plough up his garden. Others seemed to share my thoughts: Gros and Montauban were staring blank bewilderment, Parkes was looking thoughtfully at the sky, Hope Grant was pursing his lips, which in him was the equivalent of leaping up and beating his forehead; Loch's mouth was open. Gros was just drawing breath when Elgin went on:

"Before you respond, gentlemen, permit me to observe that this is no hasty decision. It is based on what seem to me to be compelling reasons." The bulldog face was expressionless, but he tapped a finger to emphasise each point. "Bear in mind that we have no quarrel with the people of China, who are in no way to blame; they do not suffer by this penalty. The Emperor and nobles suffer by the loss of their most precious possession; they suffer also in their pride because their punishment, and their sole guilt, are made plain for the world to see, and the Chinese people are made aware of their Emperor's shame. Nothing could show more clearly that he is not omnipotent, as he pretends; nothing could demonstrate so clearly our detestation of his perfidy and cruelty."

He sat with his hands flat on the table, waiting for the storm of protest which he guessed was coming from Gros, and perhaps as much from pique at not being consulted beforehand, as from genuine disapproval, the normally amiable little Frenchman weighed in like a good 'un.

"Milor'! I am astonished! It grieves me extremely to have to disagree with your lordship before these gentlemen assembled, but I cannot accept this … this extraordinary proposal! It … it … appears to me to have no relevance, this! It is … unthinkable." He took a deep breath. "I must beg your lordship to reconsider!"

"I have, monsieur le baron," says Elgin quietly. "With great care, I assure you."

"But … forgive me, milor', you appear to contradict your-self! You say we must punish the Emperor—with which I and all agree—but not the people of China! Yet you propose the destruction, the desecration of a … a national shrine of China, the repository of its ancient civilisation, its art, its culture, its genius, its learning!" He was in full Gallic spate by now, all waving hands and eyebrows, bouncing in his chair. "What is this but an insult, of the most gross, to the very soul of China?"

"If it were that, I should not have proposed it," says Elgin. "The Summer Palace is not a shrine of any kind, unless to Imperial luxury and vanity. It is the Emperor's private pleasure park, and not one of the millions of ordinary Chinese has ever been inside it, or cares a straw for it and its treasures. If they think of it at all, it must be as a monument to human greed, built on extortion and suffering. China has bled to make that place, and China will not weep for its loss, believe me, monsieur le baron."

The fact that he said this as though he'd been reading the minutes of the last meeting, did nothing to cool Gros's indignation. He gasped for breath, and found it.

"And the treasures, then? Are they nothing? The irreplaceable works of art, the sublime craftsmanship, the priceless carvings and paintings and jewellery? Are they to be vandalised, to signal our abhorrence of the crime of a few guilty noblemen? Are we to punish their barbarism by an act infinitely more barbaric? By destroying a thing of infinite beauty, of incalculable value? It is … it is out of all proportion, milor'!"

"Out of proportion?" For the first time there was a touch of colour on Elgin's cheek, but his voice was even quieter than before. "That is a matter of opinion. A few moments ago you and I, monsieur le baron, looked on something which had been infinitely more beautiful, and of incalculably greater value than anything ever created by a Chinese architect: the body of a soldier of the Queen. His name was Ayub Khan. You saw what Chinese civilisation had done to him —"

"Milor', that is not just!" Gros was on his feet, white-faced. "You know very well I am as enraged as yourself at the atrocities committed upon our people! But I ask you, what can it profit your good soldier, or any other of those martyred, to take revenge in this fashion, by destroying … something with which they, and their deaths, had nothing to do?"

"Please, sir, take your seat again," says Elgin rising, "and with it my assurance that I intended no reflection on your humanity or your concern for our dead comrades." Didn't you, though, thinks I. He waited until Gros had sat down again. "There is no way to profit, or adequately to avenge them. My purpose is to punish their murderers in a way that will best bring down their pride and publish their infamy. That is why I shall burn the Summer Palace, unless your excellency can suggest a suitable alternative."

Poor Gros stared at him helplessly, and waved his hands. "If it seems good to destroy some building—why, then, let it be the Board of Punishments, where the crimes were committed! What could be more fitting?"

"I've heard that suggestion," says Elgin dryly. "It emanated, I believe, from the Russian Mission at Pekin—to burn the Board and erect a suitable memorial on the site to Chinese perfidy. I can think of nothing better calculated to inflame hatred of our two countries among ordinary Chinese. I hesitate, of course, to conclude that that is why the Russians suggested it. You would say, monsieur le baron?"

"Only … only …" Gros shrugged in real distress. "Ah, milor', you think only of the effect on the Emperor and the others! But consider another effect—on the honour of our countries and ourselves! Think how such an act will be regarded in the world! It is not the Emperor of China who will be disgraced by what all civilised peoples must see as a … as a barbarism, grassier, incivilisé! Are we to bear the brand of Attila and Alaric, merely to punish the Emperor's vanity?" And possibly encouraged by the approving cries of his own folk, and the doubtful looks of some of ours, the silly ass put his great Frog foot right in it. "Ah, surely, milor', you of all men must be aware of what … of what public opinion …" Realising his gaffe, he broke off, shaking his head. "Ah, Dieu! The destruction of precious works of art is not well regarded!" he finished snappishly.

Even the other Frogs were trying to look elsewhere; Parkes, beside me, sighed and murmured something about "Gros by name and nature, what?" Well, everyone knew how Elgin's guvnor had stripped half Greece of statuary; even then Elgin Marbles was a slogan of outrage among Hellenic enthusiasts. The only person present who didn't seem to mind was Elgin himself. For the first time in days, he absolutely grinned.

"I had no notion," says he affably, "from the conduct of your troops at the Ewen-ming-ewen, that such a sentiment prevailed in France —"

"Milor'!" Montauban was wattling furiously, but Elgin didn't mind him.

"If stigma there be," he went on, talking straight to Gros, "I shall be content to bear it alone, if I must. It will be a small thing compared to the wound dealt to the pride and false glory of the creature who calls himself Emperor of China."

"And if it wounds him, as you hope," cries Gros. "If you so disgrace him in the eyes of his subjects, have you considered it may mean the downfall of the Manchoo dynasty?" He was on his feet again, all frosty dignity. Elgin rose with him, all John Bull.

"If I thought that, monsieur le baron," says he, "I should be in the Summer Palace this minute, with a torch and a bundle of straw. Alas, I fear it will have no such consequence."

Gros bowed stiffly. "Milor' Elgin, I must officially inform you that my government cannot associate itself with a policy which we must consider ill-advised, disproportionate, and—I have to say it, deeply as I deplore the necessity … uncivilised." He looked Elgin in the eye. "Monsieur, it is cruel."

"Yes, sir," says Elgin quietly. "It's meant to be."

When the French had stalked off, Elgin sat down and passed a hand across his forehead; suddenly he looked very tired. "Aye, weel," says he heavily, "a stoot he'rt tae a stae brae—eh, Loch? Now, Grant, which troops shall do the work?"

They settled on Michel's division, the destruction to begin two days hence. Loch was instructed to write the letter of information to Prince Kung, and the proclamation for general distribution; I was interested that neither referred to the deaths of our people, but only to the Emperor's treachery and bad faith—that, officially, was why the Summer Palace was to be destroyed, to show "that no individual, however exalted, could escape the responsibility and punishment which must always follow acts of falsehood and deceit."

"Here endeth the lesson," says Parkes to me. "He means to rub it into the Emperor, rather."

"The Emperor don't know a dam' thing about it," says I. "The fellow's an idiot—probably a dead idiot, by now."

"You don't really care for this, do you?" says he, eyeing me.

"Me?" I shook my head. "Tain't my house and flower-beds."

He laughed. "I don't like it, much, myself. My suggestion was for a thumping fine, and the surrender to our justice of the actual murderers—the jailers and tormentors who did the work, and in particular one gross brute who took the keenest satisfaction in pulling my hair out by the roots. H.E. pointed out, correctly, that a fine would inevitably fall on the populace, and that the jailers were merely doing what they were bidden by fiends like Sang. Also, that they probably wouldn't be handed over—they'd send us a batch of condemned convicts, and who would know the difference?" He looked to where Elgin was sitting, hands in pockets, talking to Grant. "In fact, he's dead right. This will accomplish what he wants to do."

"Teach the Emperor a lesson, you mean?" says I, not greatly interested.

"Oh, no. He's teaching China. The word will go to the ends of the Empire—how the barbarians came, and smashed the chalice, and went away. And for the first time all China will realise that they're not the world's core, that their Emperor is not God, and that the dream they've lived in for thousands of years, is just … a dream. Gros was right—it'll bring down the Manchoos, no error; not today, perhaps not for years, but at last. The mystery that binds China will go up in smoke with the Summer Palace, you see. And just by the way—China will break no more treaties; not in our time."

I thought about Yehonala, and wondered if he was right. As it turned out, he was, almost; China was quiet for forty years, until she roused the Boxers against us. And now the Manchoos are gone, and who'll deny that it was the fire that Elgin kindled that made China's millions think thoughts they'd never thought before?

He called me over presently, and asked—not ordered, mark you, but asked, which wasn't his usual style—if I'd mind going with Michel as guide, so that no buildings were missed. "You know the Summer Palace better, I daresay, than any European living," says he. "Had that occurred to you?" It hadn't, as it happened. "But the duty's not distasteful to you, Flashman?" I said I didn't mind.

Grant had gone off, and we were alone by the table in the temple garden. He gave me a keen look, and then fell to examining the peeled skin on the back of his hand, smiling a little.

"I seem to sense some disapproval in my staff," says he, "but since I dislike embarrassment almost as much as I dislike contradiction, I have borne it in silence. A chief of intelligence, however, has an obligation to be forthright. Do you agree with Gros?"

Once on a day I'd have cried no, my lord, you're entirely right, my lord, burn the bugger hull and sticks, my lord, like a good little toady. But it's better fun to tell the truth, when it can't hurt, and is bound to cause devilment. So I said:

"No, my lord. I'm sure your decision is correct." I waited until he was looking at me to see that I meant it, and then added: "But in your position, I'd not burn the Summer Palace."

He stared at me, frowning. "I don't understand, Flashman. You think it right … but you wouldn't do it? What can you mean?"

"I mean I wouldn't dare, my lord." I do love to stir 'em up; oh, I'll fry in hell for it. "You see, Gros is right in one thing: it'll get a dam' bad press. And I'd not care to have Punch labelling me Harry the Hun."

His jaw jerked at that, and for a moment I thought he was going to explode. Then he gave a jarring laugh. "By God," says he, "you're an uncomfortable man! Well, you're honest, at least. Which is more than can be said for the French, who have already looted the place, but take care to escape the odium for its destruction. Ha! And while crying `Philistine!' they and the other Powers will be happy enough to enjoy the trade benefits and safe commerce which our salutary action will have ensured." He folded his arms, leaning back, and gave me a bleak look. "Harry the Hun, indeed. They'll have no need to coin a nick-name for me; the Chinese have done it for them, have they not?"

The Big Barbarian, he was thinking; he knew what to expect, but it had rattled him to have me state it so bluntly—which is why I'd done it, of course. Yet he wasn't altogether displeased; I wondered if he wasn't glad, in a way, to be bearing the blame alone. He was odd fish, was Elgin. He was no vandal, certainly; indeed, bar Wolseley, he was probably the most sincere lover of the arts in the army—not that I'm an authority, you under-stand; give me Rubens and you can keep the rest. So how could he bring himself to destroy so much that was rare and beautiful and valuable? I'll tell you. He was avenging our dead with cold-blooded fury, striking at their murderers (the Emperor, Sang, Prince I, and—although he didn't know it—Yehonala, who probably shaped Imperial policy more than all the rest) in the way he knew would hurt them most. For he was right there; he knew the Chinese mind; he was hitting 'em where they lived—and putting the fear of God into China, too.

But I suspect he had another reason, which he may not have admitted to himself: I believe that the Summer Palace offended Elgin; that the thought of so much luxury and extravagance for the pleasure of a privileged, selfish few, while the coolie millions paid for it and lived in squalor, was too much for his Scotch stomach. Odd notions for a belted earl, you think? Well, perhaps I'm wrong.⁴⁴

Tragedy usually has a fair element of farce about it, and this was seen next day when the mass funeral of our dead took place at the Russian Cemetery, outside Pekin. As Elgin observed, the French had a wonderful time, making speeches in bad taste and following their usual practice of firing the final volleys into the grave and not over it. Chinese observers were heard to remark that this was to make sure the corpses were dead. There were Protestant, Roman, and Greek priests officiating together, which looked odd enough, but the sight I wouldn't have missed was Hope Grant taking part in Papist rituals, sprinkling holy water at Montauban's request, and plainly enjoying it as much as John Knox in a music hall.

We began to burn the Summer Palace the day after. Michel's division marched up to the Ewen-ming-ewen gate, where they were split into parties, furnished with crowbars, sledges, axes, and combustibles, and despatched under their officers to chosen spots in the four great gardens—the Enclosed and Beautiful, the Golden and Brilliant, the Birthday, and the Fragrant Hills. I rode round to the Birthday Garden entrance, because I had no great desire to view the whole splendid panorama again from the Ewen slope before the fires were lighted. It was a glorious day; there wasn't a soul to be seen, and the park seemed to glow in the sunlight, the great beds of flowers and avenues of shrubs had never been so brilliant, or the lawns so green; a little breeze was ruffling the waters of the lake and stirring the leaves in the woods; her pavilion gleamed white among its trees, the birds were singing and the deer posing in the sunshine, and there was such a perfume on the warm air as you might breathe in paradise. From a long way off I caught the first drift of wood-smoke.

Then there were distant voices, and the soft tramp of feet, and someone calling the step, sounding closer, and the stamp as they halted, and the clatter of crowbars and hammers being grounded. And a voice sings out: "Which 'un fust, sir?" and "Over there, sarn't!" and "Right you are, lads! This way!" and the first smash of timber.

I'm a bad man. I've done most wickedness, and I'd do it again, for the pleasure it gave me. I've hurt, and done spite, and amused myself most viciously, often at the expense of others, and I don't feel regret enough to keep me awake of nights. I guess, if drink and the devil were in me, I could ruin a Summer Palace in my own way, rampaging and whooping and hollering and breaking windows and heaving vases downstairs for the joy of hearing 'em smash, and stuffing my pockets with whatever I could lay hands on, like the fellows Wolseley and I watched at the Ewen. I'd certainly have to be drunk—but, yes, I know my nature; I'd do it, and revel in the doing, until I got fed up, or my eye lit on a woman.

But I couldn't do it as it was done that day—methodically, carefully, almost by numbers, with a gang to each house, all ticked on the list, and smash goes the door under the axes, and in tramp the carriers to remove the best pieces, and the hammermen to smash the rest with sledges, and the sappers to knock out a few beams and windows for draught, and set the oily rags and straw just so, and "Give us one o' your fusees, corporal … right … fall in outside!" And then on to the next house, while behind the flames lick up, blistering the enamels, cracking the porcelain, charring the polished wood, blackening the bright paint, smouldering the silks and rugs, crackling under the eaves. Next to the wreck of a human body, nothing looks so foul as a pretty house in its setting, when the smoke eddies from the roof, and the glare shines in the windows, and the air shakes with the heat.

That was how it was done, by word of command, one place after another, tramp-tramp-tramp, smash-smash-smash, burn-burn-burn, by men who didn't talk much, or swear, or laugh—that was the uncanny thing. British soldiers can make a jest of anything, including their own deaths; but no one joked in the Summer Palace. They went about it sour-tempered, grudging; I'd say they were heartsick, or just plain dull and morose. I remember one North Country voice saying it seemed a reet shame to spoil that many pretty things, but the only other note of protest came in a great set-to when some woods caught fire, and a red-faced fellow comes roaring:

"What the hell are you about, sir? Your orders are to burn buildings! That's good timber—fine trees, damnation take you! Are you a madman, or what?" And the reply: "No, sir, I'm not! But in case it's escaped your notice, bloody trees are made of bloody wood, you know, which commonly burns when exposed to bloody fire, and d'you expect me to race about catching all the bloody sparks?"

Now the curious thing about this was that one of the speakers was Major-General Sir John Michel, and the other a private soldier, gentleman-ranker, and they cussed each other blind, with no thought of discipline—and no reprisals, either. It was a strange day, that.

Later I remember the rending sound of roofs caving in, and the great rush of flames, the red glare of fire on bare chests and sweat-grimed faces, the harsh crackling and the foul stench as choking smoke drifted across the lawns, blotting out the lakes and flowers, the weary shouts and hoarse commands as the gangs moved on to the next little white jewel among the trees.

I've said I couldn't have done it—which is to say I wouldn't, for choice, but could if I had to, just as I've packed Dahomey slaves when needful. The Summer Palace was just about as sickly as that, but I watched, for curiosity, and because there was nothing else to do—Michel's men seemed to find the houses without my assistance. And it was curiosity that took me up the Ewen slope, towards evening, to look back on the great pall of smoke, many miles in extent, covering the country to the distant hills, with ugly patches of flame behind it, and here and there a break where you could see a blazing building, or a smouldering ruin, or a patch of burning forest, or virgin parkland, or a pool of dull grey water that had been a shining lake, or even a white palace, untouched amid the green. It looked pretty much like hell.

I'm not saying Elgin was wrong; it achieved what he wanted, without his having to break down a door or smash a window or set a match. That's the great thing about policy, and why the world is such an infernal place: the man who makes the policy don't have to carry it out, and the man who carries it out ain't responsible for the policy. Which is how our folk were tortured to death and the Summer Palace was burned. Mind you, if that wasn't the case, precious little would ever get done.

But didn't a tear mist my eye, or a lump rise in my throat; didn't I turn away at last with a manly sob? Well, no. Yes, as the chap remarked, it was a shame so many pretty things were spoiled—but I'm no great admirer of objets d'art, myself; they just bring out the worst in connoisseurs and female students. But even you, Flashman, surely to God, must have been moved at the destruction of so much beauty, in a spot where you had spent so many idyllic hours? Well, again, no. You see, I don't live there; I'm here, in Berkeley Square, and when I want to visit the Summer Palace, I can close my eyes, and there it is, and so is she.

It burned for almost a week, with a vast pillar of smoke a mile high in the windless air, like some great brooding genie from a bottle, spreading his pall across the countryside; Pekin was a city in twilight, its people awestricken to silence. To them it was incredible, yet there it was, and they saw it, and believed at last. If we hadn't burned it, but had merely occupied Pekin for a season and gone away again, I don't doubt that in no time the Manchoo propagandists would have convinced the population that we'd never been there at all. But with the Summer Palace in flames they couldn't doubt the truth—the barbarians had won, the Son of Heaven had been humbled to the dust, and there was the funeral pyre to prove it.

As some callous scoundrel remarked—and it may have been me, by the sound of it—at least The Times couldn't complain that Elgin hadn't avenged their correspondent properly; poor young Bowlby having been one of the Emperor's victims, you see. That smoke spread, metaphorically, all over the world, and some called Elgin a Visigoth, and others said he'd done the right thing, but one of the warmest debates was over exactly what he had done. Most folk still believe that one great palace building was burned; in fact, there were more than two hundred destroyed, to my knowledge, with most of their contents and great areas of woodland and garden. Some, like Loch, have softened it as best they can by claiming that many buildings and much treasure escaped, that some palaces were only half-burned(!), that few manuscripts were lost, and that the damage was less than it looked. The plain truth is that the great Summer Palace, eight miles by ten, was a charred ruin, and if Lloyds had been faced with the bill they'd have shut up shop and fled the country.

The lesson was driven home with the usual Horse Guards pomp when the convention was signed a few days later, Kung having had to agree to everything we demanded, including £100,000 for the families of our dead. Elgin, looking like Pick-wick strayed into an Aladdin pantomime, was toted through the streets of Pekin in an enormous palanquin by liveried Chinese, with our troops lining the route for three miles to the Hall of Ceremonies, the band playing the National Anthem, an escort of infantry and cavalry hundreds strong, and the senior men mounted in full fig, wearing that curious ceremonial expression of solemn intensity, as though they were trying not to fart. I can't be doing with Hyde Park soldiering; it looks so dam' ridiculous, when anyone can see with half an eye that it costs more time and trouble and expense than fighting a war, and the jacks-in-office and hangers-on who take part plainly think it's a whole heap more important. I'd abolish the Tin Bellies and Trooping the Colour, if I had my way. But that's by the by; the public love it, and there's no question it awed the Chinese; they gazed at Elgin in stricken silence, and knocked head as he went by.

The treaty was signed with tremendous ceremony, before a great concourse of mandarins in dragon robes, and ourselves in dress uniforms, Elgin looking damned disinheriting and poor little Prince Kung plainly scared out of his wits by Beato's camera, which he seemed to think was some kind of gun. (The picture never came out, either.) It was infernally dull and went on for hours, both sides loathing each other with icy politeness, and the only possibility of fun was when Parkes, that imperturbable diplomat, spotted the chap who'd pulled his hair, standing among the Chinese dignitaries, and I believe would have gone for him then and there, if Loch, the spoilsport, hadn't restrained him.⁴⁵ (Parkes got his revenge, though; he had Prince I turned out of his splendid palace, and bagged it for the new British Embassy.)

And then, quite suddenly, it was all over. Elgin had his piece of paper, with red seals and yellow ribbon; China and Britain were sworn to eternal friendship; our traders were free to deluge the market with pulse, grain, sulphur, saltpetre, cash, opium (ha-ha!), brimstone, and even spelter; there were a few hundred new graves along the Peiho (Moyes at Tang-ku and Nolan at Pah-li-chao among them); the Summer Palace was a smoking ruin; in Jehol a dainty silver finger-nail was poised to pin the Chinese Empire; and I was going down-river on Coromandel, with Elgin's kindly note of appreciation in my pocket, a black jade chess set in my valise, and a few memories in mind.

So often it's like that, when the most vivid chapters end; the storm of war and action hurtles you along in blood and thunder, seeking vainly for a hold to cling to, and then the wind drops, and in a moment you're at peace and dog-tired, with your back to a gun-wheel at Gwalior, or closing your eyes in a corner seat of the Deadwood Stage, or drinking tea contentedly with an old Kirghiz bandit in a serai on the Golden Road, or sitting alone with the President of the United States at the end of a great war, listening to him softly whistling "Dixie".

So it was now—for that's my China story done, save for one curious little postscript—and I could loaf at the rail, looking forward to a tranquil voyage home to Elspeth and a gentleman's life, far away from mist and mud and rice-paddy and dry-dung smells and Tiger soldiers and silk banners and nightmare Banner-men and belching ornamental cannon and crazy Taipings and even crazier Yankees and fire-crackers and yellow faces … no, I wouldn't even miss the gigantic bandit women and jolly Hong Kong boaters and beauteous dragon queens … not too much, anyway.

Possibly those three were in my mind, though, a few weeks later, as I sat in Dutranquoy's bar in Singapore, where the mail had dropped me, idly wondering how I'd kill the fortnight before the P. & O. Cape ship sailed for Home—for I was shot if I was going by that infernal Suez route. At any rate, something awoke a memory of the voluptuous Madam Sabba, with whom I'd wrestled so enjoyably on my last visit there, until she'd spoiled sport by whistling up the hatchet-men—heavens, that had been more than fifteen years ago. Still, I doubted if Singapore had gone Baptist in the meantime, so I took a palki across the river and up through Chinatown to the pleasant residential area which I remembered, where the big houses stood back in their gardens, with paper lanterns glimmering on the dark drives and burly Sikh porters bowing at the front door. Very genteel resorts they were; no trollops on view or anything of that sort; you had a capital dinner and caught the waiter's eye, and he drummed up the flashtail discreetly.

I demanded to be taken to the best place, and it looked Al, with a big dimly-lit club dining-room where silent bearers waited on the tables, and two smart hostesses went the rounds to see that all was in order. One of them was a stately ivory who might have been Sabba's daughter; I considered her carefully as I ate my duck curry with a bottle of bubbly, but then I noticed the other one, at the far end of the room, and changed my mind. She was white and fair and excellently set up, and I felt an almighty urge to try some civilised goods for a change; I heard her soft laughter as she paused by a table where half-a-dozen planters were eating; then she passed on to a solitary diner, a blond-bearded young stalwart in good linen with a clipper-captain look to him, and I wondered if he was on the same lay as myself, for she stood in talk for quite five minutes, while I consumed a jealous soufflé. But then she turned away and swayed to my corner, smiling graciously and asking if everything was to my satisfaction.

"It will be directly," says I, rising gallantly, "if you'll condescend to join me in a bottle of fizz." I was setting a chair when I heard her gasp; she was staring as though I were Marley's ghost. Hold on, thinks I, my new whiskers are grown enough to be presentable, surely—and then I almost dropped the chair, for it was Phoebe Carpenter, pillar of the Church and wholesaler of firearms to the Taiping rebels.

"Colonel Flashman!" cries she. "Oh, dear!"

"Mrs Carpenter!" cries I. "Good God!"

She swayed, eyes closed, and sat down abruptly, gulping and staring at me wide-eyed as I resumed my seat. "Oh, what a start you gave me!"

"That's what I said, up the Pearl River," says I. "Well, well, I never! Here, take a glass … and do tell me how the Reverend Josiah is keeping. Missionary society doing well, is it?"

"Oh, dear!" she whispers, trembling violently, which improved an already delightful appearance. I hadn't known her because the Phoebe I remembered had borne her beauty in matronly modesty, innocent of rouge and fairly swathed in muslin; this was a most artistic translation, red-lipped and polished, with her gold ringlets piled behind her head and her udders threatening to leap with agitation from a low-cut gown of black satin which I doubted had come from the last sale of work. She drank, her teeth chattering.

"What must you think?" says she, speaking low, and taking a quick slant to see that no one was listening.

"Well," says I cheerily, "I think you're wanted in Hong Kong, for gun-running, which should get you about five years if anyone were inconsiderate enough to mention it to the Singapore traps. I also think that would be' a crying shame —"

"You wouldn't betray me?" she whimpers faintly.

"You betrayed me, dear Phoebe," says I gently, and laid my hand on hers. "But of course I wouldn't —"

"You might!" says she, starting to weep.

"Nonsense, child! Why ever on earth should I?"

"For … for … re-revenge!" She stared piteously, like a blue-eyed fawn, her bosom heaving. "I … we … deceived you most shamefully! Oh, dear, what am Ito do?"

"Have some bubbly," says I soothingly, "and rest assured I have no thoughts of revenge. Compensation, perhaps …"

"Comp-compensation?" She blinked miserably. "But I have no substance … I couldn't afford …"

"My dear Mrs Carpenter," says I, squeezing her hand, "you have absolutely capital substance, and you know perfectly well I don't mean money. Now … I'm sure Josiah has told you all about Susannah and the Elders. Well, I'm not feeling exactly elderly, but … oh, Susannah!" I beamed at her, and she blinked again, dabbed her nose and looked at me thoughtfully, still heaving a bit but settling down and accepting another ration of fizz.

"I'm by no means sure that they would send me to prison!" says she, unexpectedly, pouting. "After all, it was a very good cause!"

"It was a dam' bad cause," says I, "and if you think they won't shove you in clink, just ask dear Josiah."

"I can't! He has abandoned me!"

"You don't mean it!" I was astonished. "He must be mad. You mean he just up and left you? Here?"

"Can you suppose I would accept employment in a restaurant if I were still a clergyman's wife? Well, I am still his wife," she admitted, taking another sip, "but he has deserted me and gone to Sumatra."

"Has he, though? Missionary work or piracy? Well, that's bad luck to be sure. But you'll soon get another chap, you know, with your looks," I reassured her. "Well, take tonight, for example. Why, before I even recognised you, I was most entirely fetched —"

"Oh, say you will not inform on me!" She leaned forward, all entreaty. "You see, I have a most fortunate situation here, and am in hope to save sufficient to go back to … to England … to Middle Wallop and my dear parents … at the rectory …"

"I knew it must be a rectory. Middle Wallop, eh?"

"When I think of it," says she, biting her lip, "compared to …" She gestured at the room pathetically.

"… compared to beating copra in the women's compound with all those smelly Chinese sluts? Absolutely. Well, now, Phoebe, tempus is fugiting—when does your shop shut, and where shall we … ah …?"

"We close in an hour. I live in the house," says she, looking at the table, and shot me a reproachful pout—my, she was a little stunner. "You do very wrong to compel me. If you were a gentleman …"

"I'd shop you like a worthy citizen. If you were a lady, you wouldn't hocus fellows into running guns. So we're well suited—and I ain't compelling you one bit; you're all for it." I gave her a wink and a squeeze. "Now, then, where can I spend the next hour? Got a billiard table, have you? Capital. Just pass me the word when you've got the dishes washed—oh, and see we have a couple of bottles, iced, upstairs, will you? Come on, goose—we'll have the jolliest time, you know!"

She gave her head a little toss, going pink, and glanced at me slantendicular. "And you promise faithfully not to tell … anything? Oh, if only I could be sure!"

"Well, you can't. Oh, come … why should I peach on a little darling like you, eh?" As we stood up, close together, I squeezed the satin unseen, and her mouth opened on a little gasp. "See? Two hours from now, you won't care."

I ambled down to the empty billiard room, in prime fettle, calling "Kya-hai!" and ordering up another bottle of bubbly. I tickled the pills until it arrived, and then wandered, glass in hand, to the verandah to look out into the tropic dark; it had started to rain with great force, as it does in Singapore, straight down in stair-rods, battering the leaves and gurgling in the monsoon ditch, bringing that heavy, earthy smell that is the East. I stood reflecting in great content: homeward bound, champagne, good Burma cheroot, and lissom little Phoebe under starter's orders. What more could a happy warrior ask? After the second glass I tried a few combination shots, but my eye wasn't in any longer, and after a while I left off, yawning and wishing impatiently that Phoebe would hurry the mateys along, beginning to feel sleepy as well as monstrous randy.

The door opened abruptly and a chap stuck his head in, rain glistening on his hat and cape. He gave me a cheery nod.

"Evenin', sport. Seen Joss about, have you?"

"Joss?"

"The guv'nor. You know, Carpenter. Or maybe you don't know. Ne'er mind, I daresay he's upstairs." He was withdrawing.

"Hold on! D'you mean … the Rev. Josiah Carpenter?"

"The one and only," says he, grinning. "Our esteemed proprietor."

I gaped at him. "Proprietor? You mean he owns this place? He's not … in Sumatra?"

"Well, he wasn't this afternoon. I say, are you all right?" "But Mrs Carpenter distinctly … told me …"

"Oh, she's about, is she? Good, I'll see her. Chin-chin."

The door slammed, leaving me standing bewildered—and angry. What was the little bitch playing at? She'd said … hold on … she had said … I turned sharply at a step on the verandah, lurching heavily against the table and catching hold to steady myself.

The big blond-bearded chap who'd been in the restaurant was standing in the open screen; he was wearing a pilot-cap now, and there seemed to be another fellow in a sou'wester, just behind him in the shadows … why was I so dizzy all of a sudden?

"Hollo," says the blond chap, and his glance went to the bottle and glass on the side-table. He grinned at me. "Enjoying your drink?"

[With words apparently failing their author for once, the eighth packet of the Flashman Papers ends here.]