Flora & Ulysses

To say that the Buckman doorbell “rang” would be inaccurate.

Something had happened to the bell; its inner workings had become twisted, warped, confused, so that instead of emitting a pleasant ding or bong, the doorbell now sent an angry, window-shattering, you-guessed-the-wrong-answer-on-a-game-show kind of buzz through the Buckman house.

To Flora, the doorbell sounded like the electric chair.

Not that she had ever heard an electric chair, but she had read about electric chairs in TERRIBLE THINGS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! That particular installment of the comic had not contained any advice other than that it would be best to avoid getting to a place in your life where you might have to face the electric chair and any noises it was capable of making. Flora had found it to be a vaguely threatening and not at all useful issue of TERRIBLE THINGS!

“That’s your father,” said Flora’s mother. “He rings that doorbell to make me feel guilty.”

The doorbell buzzed and crackled again.

“See?” said her mother.

Flora didn’t see.

How could one person ringing a doorbell make another person feel guilty?

It was ridiculous.

But then, just about everything that Flora’s mother said or wrote sounded faintly ridiculous to Flora. For example: On Feathered Wings of Joy. Since when did joy have feathered wings?

“Don’t just stand there, Flora Belle. Go open the door. Let him in. He’s your father. He’s here to see you. Not me.”

The electric-chair knell of the doorbell sounded through the house again.

“For the love of Pete!” said her mother. “What’s he doing? Leaning on the thing? Go let him in, would you?”

Flora walked slowly through the dining room and into the living room. She shook her head in amazement.

Upstairs, in her room, there was a squirrel who could lift a vacuum cleaner over his head with one paw.

Upstairs, in her room, there was a squirrel who could type.

Holy bagumba, thought Flora. Things are going to change around here. We’re going to be vanquishing villains left and right. She smiled a very large smile.

The doorbell gave another outraged sizzle.

Flora was still smiling when she unlocked the door and opened it wide.